Posted by Lieutenant Zoi Haven (Chief of Security) in SB 157: The Boiler Room Cafe: Meeting with XO

Posted by Commander Dira Myqian (Executive Officer) in SB 157: The Boiler Room Cafe: Meeting with XO

Posted by Lieutenant Zoi Haven (Chief of Security) in SB 157: The Boiler Room Cafe: Meeting with XO
Posted by… suppressed (1) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

Okay, so there were a couple ways to go about this and Dira knew that with others she might need to dance around a tiny bit, but with Zoi it was pointless. They both valued openness and honesty. “Okay, I’m going to be very honest and you can do with it what you will.”

Dira felt her chest expand fully as she forced herself to breath deeply, and gave herself a moment to gather her thoughts. “You say I’m not here as Commander Myqian anymore. And you’re correct, I’m not. But the thing is that it’s been an exceptionally long time since I’ve been truly able to do that. And that’s because I am so comfortable with you that I can drop my guard. I am attracted to you, but that alone would never make me be so… bold? I guess.” Dira sighed. “Zoi, you need to understand that I just came from a difficult situation where the roles were reversed. I had someone with feelings for me that were inappropriate for the situation and they were not good at boundaries. I was uncomfortable enough that I had to stop being their therapist. I never want to make anyone uncomfortable like that… ever. It’s the antithesis of everything I am. I’m not sorry because it’s inaccurate or unwilling to admit, but because I should have checked myself earlier when I was even mentally crossing a line.” The question still remained for her whether that line was even valid, but she didn’t get to unilaterally decide that here.

Commander Myqian, XO

Zoi stayed seated forward, not willing to show even accidentally that she was not interested or put off by Dira’s words. Her eyes watched Dira in earnest, taking in her expressions, her physical movements, even the feel of her on a not quite telepathic level. She smiled as Dira admitted to her own attraction and described herself as bold. The butterflies that had stilled from shock upon Dira’s comment of her company, were now in flying in full force. Yet she immediately sobered as she listened to the explanation given about why she was so reluctant and worried.

Where would that line be? If they were on duty, or in a professional environment and acting in a professional manner for Star Fleet, Zoi would have known where that line lay and she doubted very much that she or Dira would have crossed it. Yet everything was blurred here as they became social. She accepted why Dira might have trouble in this arena though and reached her right hand slowly to touch Dira’s. It was a subtle touch, tentative, asking permission. “Honesty deserves honesty.”

It was the barest of skims, and it produced something of a jolt in Dira. Between it and the focus she could sense from Zoi, as well as the tension that seemed to be mutual, it only served to increase her sense that there was indeed something happening here and it wasn’t all in her own head. And still Dira was frozen in place, stuck in this place between wants and fears.

She looked down at their hands, hers barely touching Dira’s. She almost couldn’t breathe for the feeling of vulnerability, hope, newfound attraction, and excitement filled her. She swallowed hard. “I was not and am not uncomfortable. I feel that we should determine where the line is together.” Zoi finally looked back up at Dira. “I will respect your boundaries and if you choose not to explore the attraction we have for each other, I don’t even need a reason.... you only have to say so. I will not be offended. I cant pretend I wouldn’t be a smidge disappointed, but I am a grown woman. I can handle rejection just fine.”

Haven, CoS

And there it was. Permission, yes, but reciprocity. The creeping dread that had been building suddenly melted away. It was

Millimetre by millimetre, Dira slid her hand underneath Zoi’s fingertips, allowing her knuckles to rest gently cupped under Zoi’s. Every part of her rational brain was confused. What was she doing? But this wasn’t supposed to be rational, clearly. It had only been 90 minutes- 2 hours at best. Intellectually she could list all the physiological parts of attraction and how it could form so quickly and strongly, but none of it mattered. For Dira hasn’t felt like this, in this way, for a long time. Ten years to be exact. And that reality was the one she was struggling with.

As Diras fingers slid underneath her own, Zoi felt elation and her butterflies increased. Yet even as she felt the intense flutter of nerves and burgeoning attraction, she felt calm and right to hold this woman’s hand. Her touch was warm and felt soothing so Zoi’s tentative touch became fully holding Dira’s hand with the gentle and silent strength that was very Zoi.

Finally, when she was sure she had the words she needed in order to convey this properly, Dira spoke again. “It wouldn’t be rejection, no,” she said shaking her head. “Without dropping a ton of baggage on you in this moment, I’m going to admit that it’s been ten years since I’ve connected so easily with someone. I’ve dated since then. I’ve had unexpected flings. But they never carried this instantly emotional connection that I can feel between us. And that is terrifying for me. Because there is a real part of me that wants to say ‘screw it’ and just jump in. But the more rational part of me needs a moment to… check in with myself and check that those old feelings and the grief that is attached to them isn’t a factor. Because that wouldn’t be fair to you.”

Commander Myqian, XO

There was much that was left unsaid in regards to whatever Dira had been through and even though Zoi had only promised no explanations needed if rejected, she wasnt going to push Dira now. They barely knew each other. In fact, it would be way out of bounds to push like that in Zoi’s opinion. They had time. Both of them are Star Fleet officers assigned to the Ogawa. Neither were going anywhere.

“We dont have to talk about anything you aren’t ready for. We all have baggage and ex’s. It’s been about 20 years since my last one so to say that I am rusty in all this.... it would be quite the understatement. Besides, I think it will be nice to get to know you in time. I like unwrapping packages.” She grinned, letting the possible double entendre sit between them.

Haven, CoS

A grin lit up Dira’s face and for a moment there was a wash of regret. But she knew the right thing to do was back away before they went down a path they weren’t ready for. Well, maybe there were, but Dira had been honest with Zoi and herself about needing a minute to check in with herself. “Things are always more interesting in layers,” she remarked before moving her hand finally and downing the rest of her spiked tea.

With an audible exhale, Myqian pushed her chair back and gave Zoi a long look. “I’m going to do us both a favour and say goodnight. Because if i don’t…” She shook her head and laughed.

Commander Myqian, XO