Posted by Lieutenant Dr. Mariah Lee Grayson (Chief of Psychiatry) in Counselling Suite - Shadows Are Not Immune To Light

Posted by Captain Dira Myqian (Commanding Officer) in Counselling Suite - Shadows Are Not Immune To Light

Posted by Captain Dira Myqian (Commanding Officer) in Counselling Suite - Shadows Are Not Immune To Light
Posted by… suppressed (6) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

She had been correct that Zoi’s presence would help with this process she was starting. Dira gave Zoi a soft, if weary, smile. “So… um.” She blew out a breath. “It’s a little rough right now. My first officer forced an issue that he had every right to, but there are… consequences. And I need to go see Dr. Grayson, since she’s my new psychiatrist after Dr. Almikaz left.” Her eyes glistened. “I’m not okay, Zoi,” she said with a shaky breath. “And I won’t be until I work through some stuff. So I’m going to see Grayson right now, but I really think I need you with me. Not just for support, but because… there’s a bit more to events with Franks than I wrote in my report. And I really want you to know about it too.”

Captain Myqian, CO

Immediately, Zoi was moving to stand before Dira. She placed her hands on both arms, gently comforting in both touch and demeanor. She wanted to know what happened between the captain and the XO, but now was not the time to push for that story above everything else. The look of concern in her eyes gave way to gentle encouragement. “Of course Dearest. Whatever you need, I will do.”

Was she worried that Zoi would say no? Not really. But there was still relief that flowed through her as Zoi touched her arms. “Thank you,” she whispered.

=/\= Lt. Ruby, I have something I need to take care of. You are in charge. =/\=

=/\= Aye Chief. =/\= came the quick and professional reply. Satisfied, Zoi kissed her love on the forehead and turned them both toward the door. “Let’s go.”

Haven, COS

Dira walked out of Zoi’s office and waited till they were in the corridor before she took her head. She wanted and needed the connection and reassurance and though they had previously shown affection in public, this was not something they normally did. Dira wasn’t even sure precisely why she felt it okay now, but she held Zoi’s hand as if her life depended on it all the way up to Deck 7. Stepping into the crew counselling suite, she had a weird sense of deja vu, of being pulled into this space out of distress. She could only hope that this time she didn’t make hasty decisions with her health. Hindsight was 20/20 and all that, but the conflict over her telepathy still hung heavy over her.

Still holding Zoi’s hand, Dira lifted her chin slightly as she approached reception. “Dr. Grayson is expecting me. Can you let her know I’m here.”

Captain Myqian, CO

Mariah wasn’t sure what to think when she received the request for a meeting from the Captain. Since they last spoke - when Mariah was informed of her promotion in fact - Grayson had broached the subject of offering personal support to Dira. Even though it was offered in the general spirit of wanting to fulfil her new duties, Mariah couldn’t escape the feeling she had somehow overstepped the mark. Was this true? Grayson knew she was about to find out, as reception promptly notified her she was about to be relieved of her suspense. “Please send the Captain in.”

~Dr. Mariah Grayson, CoP

The receptionist gave Myqian a nod. “Dr. Grayson is ready for you.”

“Thank you,” Dira said before looking to Zoi and giving her hand a squeeze. “Here goes nothing.”

Stepping into the office with Zoi, Dira was more tentative than people usually experienced and the weight of everything pulled at her shoulders. “Thank you for seeing me, Doctor Grayson,” she said as they moved to take a seat. “I hope you don’t mind that Zoi is with me. I had something happen today that forced me to confront some recent trauma and… I omitted a detail from my report that impacts me and I shared it for the first time a little while ago. I didn’t tell Zoi yet so I want her to hear it as well,” she said, shifting her gaze to Haven and giving her hand another squeeze. It felt even more important in this moment for her to be open about her relationship with the beautiful COS. It was not something she had done on a whim, nor did she take it lightly. They had chosen to proceed with their relationship knowing the complications, yes, but also the wonderful opportunity for joy and love.

Captain Myqian, CO

To put it mildly, Mariah was not expecting this particular deluge of words before any of them had sat down. This wasn’t a criticism of the Captain or her behavior, but a testament to how sudden the mental shift occurred for Mariah. One moment she was thinking she had pressed too hard for the Captain to open up, and the next, Dira was in her office with Zoi, an apparent romantic partner, sharing she not only had some unresolved trauma to work through, but had apparently kept some detail from official records. It was an extraordinary turn of events. Mariah had done nothing to instigate it, but she knew how she proceeded would set the tone for all the future of her relationship with Dira. Grayson understood the other woman was taking a big risk by being this vulnerable and Mariah was not about to do anything that would make her regret it, at least anything that was in her control.

Zoi’s presence was an added surprise, but for now, her focus was on Dira’s needs.

Mariah gestured toward her seating area comprised of various seating options. “I appreciate your willingness to confide in me. It sounds like there’s a lot to unpack, so please, feel free to make yourselves comfortable.”

~Dr. Mariah Grayson, CoP

Dira dropped her hand so she and Zoi could sit, but also because she had made it here and that was the first part she had needed Zoi’s help with. She took a seat with an audible exhale.

“It’s hard to know where to start, but I guess we start with today,” Dira said. “A little while ago, Commander Sinclair called me down to Shuttlebay 1 on Deck 9B and proceeded to call me out on how I avoid Deck 9. He’s not wrong,” she said with a waver in her voice, “because I do avoid it when I can. Hell, even when he and the Admiral showed up and I was promoted, I couldn’t wait to get out of that shuttlebay. But he mistook the shuttlebay for the issue, and it’s not. It’s the whole damn deck, but especially 9A. I get anxiety and panic attacks if I have to be near where Franks held me, and where it went down. So my insightful XO proceeded to make me walk him through what all happened.” One hand tightened, her fingernails digging into her palm. “I guess the hope was that if I could tell him, anyone, the whole story, the deck would somehow have less power of me”-she shook her head-“but it’s how it’s working out. And if I don’t figure this all out I could lose my command and everything I’ve worked so hard for. And it would make everything William Franks put me through, both here and on the Calypso for naught.”

Captain Myqian, COP

Bump

Mariah listened carefully as the Captain unburdened herself, revealing details about her traumatic ordeal and its impact on her psyche that Grayson had wondered about since she’d read about the incident. The psychiatrist had every intention of approaching Dira about it, but as a relatively new appointee to the senior staff, she also was sensitive to picking her moment. No matter Mariah’s title, nothing but trust and time would make someone feel comfortable revealing their most traumatic and personal experiences.

In that regard, Mariah could be grateful to Sinclair, but in another major regard, Grayson knew no matter how well-intentioned, the problem couldn’t have been handled more ineptly. Discussing the details of a traumatic event was only therapeutic to the degree someone had mastered the coping skills to manage all of the feelings and thoughts recounting the experience would elicit. Forcing her to confront the experience in vivo as it were was the equivalent of asking her to walk on a tight rope for the first time ever without a net. Not only was the fall inevitable, but so was the additional shame and now strengthened avoidance reaction.

Of course, she was not about to denigrate Sinclair, as that wasn’t what was important now.

Instead, she offered, “I’m really glad you’re here talking to me about this. Your reactions are completely normal, including your reactions to being forced to confront your fears without learning how to cope with all that comes with it first. Contrary to perhaps popular belief, overcoming trauma isn’t about gathering courage to look at it in the eye, it’s about gathering skills to confront what the trauma means to you now and all the ways it has affected the way you see yourself. It takes time to unpack all that, but it also requires feeling safe first. How you’re feeling now is not a reflection of your strength, intelligence, or value.”

~Dr. Mariah Grayson, CoP

Zoi, for all her support and strength given to Dira. Stayed silent, holding on to Dira’s hand and gently rubbing her arm to give her a grounding presence. Did dishes suspect the same as the XO in regards to Dira avoiding the Deck where she had been held captive by a psychopath? Yes. Had she suspected it was this bad? No.

She was glad that Dira was opening up about it now though. This kind of thing could make or break a Captain. If Dira couldn’t come to terms with this, she would at best be reassigned to another ship or station with a very different layout. At worst, she would be seen as someone who could not cope with trauma and would be let out of Star Fleet.

Haven, CoS