Posted by Commander Dr. Royal Sinclair (Executive Officer) in Deck 9 - Shadows Are Not Immune To Light

Posted by Captain Dira Myqian (Commanding Officer) in Deck 9 - Shadows Are Not Immune To Light

Posted by Commander Dr. Royal Sinclair (Executive Officer) in Deck 9 - Shadows Are Not Immune To Light
Posted by… suppressed (4) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

Sinclair looked back at her unflinchingingly. “That’s a load of shite and you know it, but I’ll let it slide this time. And he didn’t do more, Dira. ‘What if’ yourself much more and you’ll talk yourself out of the command chair.” He looked ahead and paused, then got to his feet. He offered her a hand and said “So what’s it to be? ‘What if he had’ until you fall so far into the rabbit hole we cannae pull ya out? Or do we stop with ‘what if’ and start in on ‘now what’?”

Sinclair, XO

Wasn’t she already in a deep hole? And now he was asking her to climb out of it. She didn’t know if she could. Certainly her command was quite the carrot he thought it might or should be. She had already been full of doubt from the first moment and through different conversations she could check her negative beliefs. But that hadn’t fully gone away. Maybe it never would but right now sitting in this hellish space wasn’t making her feel any better. She reached up and set her hand in his.

Letting him help, she pushed herself to her feet and held his hand tight. Very tight. “I’m so afraid of everything. And I hate it. I’ve tried just focusing on the ship and the good things around me but it’s not enough to quell the fear. It’s maddening some days.”

Captain Myqian, CO

He didn’t release her hand, but set his other on her shoulder. “It’s okay to be afraid. If you weren’t, we’d be havin’ a whole different conversation. But what you have to try and remember… to internalize… is that you aren’t alone anymore. You don’t have to face this by yourself. You have literally hundreds of us with you. And where you go… we go.”

Sinclair, XO

The person she felt most comfortable unburdening herself to was Zoi. Who was amazing. But she hadn’t told Zoi about William’s ultimate plan. She hadn’t told anyone, and she still didn’t know why. Her shoulders dropped but not in some sort of defeat, but a release of tension. Finally, she nodded very slowly. “Intellectually, i know that. But it’s a bit like I told you before. It felt hard socially as the XO. It’s even worse as the Captain, especially since there are a lot of people gossiping about it. I can just ignore it, but then it’s pushing people away. I’m too new to the captaincy. I don’t know what that balance is supposed to look and feel like for me yet.”

Captain Myqian, CO

“Well… you certainly aren’t going to find that balance dwelling on the past.” Sinclair said. “Analysis of past events is one thing, Captain. But neither you nor I have the luxury of dwelling on those circumstances. So… we move forward. We try whatever we can to reach that balance.”

Sinclair, XO

She squeezed his hand and the other the rested on her shoulder still seemed to ground her. She closed her eyes for a moment and imagined her torso filling with air into all four corners. They she blew it out in a slow and measured stream of air from her lips. When she opened her dark eyes, she fixed them on Royal and nodded, letting herself borrow some of the certainty he was projecting. “I was working through a lot of issues with Surra before this all happened and we were making good progress. I think her leaving has thrown me more than I expected. I trust Mariah to step into the new role, but we haven’t had a chance to build that therapeutic relationship. But, like you said, I don’t have the luxury of waiting, so it’s probably time to go do so.”

Captain Myqian, CO

He squeezed her shoulder and said “Probably so, yes. And if you ever need someone to just talk to… no judgement or advice or whatever… you can talk to me. I may not be good for much, but I am a pretty good listener.” and he smiled slightly and then let go of her shoulder and hand. “So are we ready to climb out of here? Do you think you can stop avoiding the area now? Or do we to make this a thing for a while?” His question held no condemnation or criticism. It was an earnest and sincere offer from one person to another.

Sinclair, XO

“I don’t know,” Dira said, a statement that held many layers. “You know as well as I do that we can’t just expect physiological reactions to just stop happening. I don’t choose to have panic and anxiety attacks when I’m on this deck. But doing the work will make it easier. I will see what Mariah says and maybe she will recommend we visit this space again- many many times. But I am definitely ready to get the hell out of here and go see about this.”

She looked away for a moment, her eyes drifting over the space that still had a energy to it that made her uncomfortable. She wondered for a moment if wearing her headband here might help. It was worth considering. When she looked back at Royal, there was determination in her eyes, but also gratitude. “Thank you,” she said softly. “I’ve been doing my best to keep it all together, but there are so many moving pieces and…” She breath out a breath. “I’m glad I have you at my side, looking out for the ship, and me.”

Captain Myqian, CO