Posted by Captain Dira Myqian (Commanding Officer) in Deck 8A, R&D Office- For The Record…

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Dr. Solomon Kane (Research & Development) in Deck 8A, R&D Office- For The Record…

Posted by Captain Dira Myqian (Commanding Officer) in Deck 8A, R&D Office- For The Record…
Posted by… suppressed (4) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

Dira was quiet for several moments as she pieced together what exactly she wanted to say, but it wasn’t as clear as she hoped it would be. The part of her that had studied people’s behaviour for years understood what was going on for her here but it was also hard to separate herself out of the equation. Was there a lingering sense of guilt about what all went down in the shuttlebay? Yes. She even knew it wasn’t logical or reasonable, but this was an emotional reaction, not a intellectual one. “I know you did what you had to do,” she said softly. “But just know that I like having you around Solomon Kane. I might be one the minority, but for what it’s worth, if something had happened to you in there, I’m not sure I would have forgiven myself for it.” Her ship, her crew. It was no less true when she had been XO as it was now as CO.

Captain Myqian, CO

The corner of Kane’s mouth twitched slightly. “Of course you do. I’m freakin’ amazing.” he said. “Besides… you know I’m right, too. Nobody else on this ship could have done that. At least… not as well. And if something had happened? How the hell would that have been your fault? You didn’t build the bomb. You didn’t put it in there. No, you don’t get to use ‘what if’ with me, Skipper. And you damn sure don’t get to play that game using me as an excuse. You are the boss now. Take your wins and move on. You’ll have enough actual losses you don’t need the imaginary ones filling up your head.”

Kane, R&D

Dira sighed. He wasn’t wrong. And yet it felt about far more than those moments here on this ship. Maybe that was the part she was having a hard time reconciling. This was about events before the Ogawa- things she had thought she had put behind her but clearly hadn’t been done yet with her. “True,” she said at last. “And I guess I’m just glad it was a situation we could shift in our favour at all.”

She leaned back, considering him. “Well, since that is apparently all a non-issue, I was going to ask you about the headband. I should have brought it with me, but I forgot. I can go grab it if you want me to, but you’re probably aware I’m not using it very much. That’s an issue about me, but I was wondering if it was possible, at least for a little while to have a half-setting or something. Something that lets in a little bit of noise so I don’t feel so hypervigilant. I don’t like being unaware and I don’t think that reaction is going to pass. Though I suppose there is something to be said for just trying to get used to it.” Dira threw her hands to the sides and sighed. “I both love it for what it can offer me, and hate that it actually works. Trust me, I know it’s not necessarily rational.”

Captain Myqian, CO

Kane shrugged. “Rationality has nothing to do with it. It’s about learning a new way to live… accepting that sometimes things have to change significantly in order for you to keep moving forward.” He chuckled. “Trust me, I know all about that.” He thought for a minute and said “Yeah, I can adjust it so you only get a trickle of input. But you know as well as I do that that isn’t how prosthetics work. You have to get used to them in their entirety. If you try to half-ass it, you end up damaging something else trying to compensate. But I’ll leave it up to you. You tell me how you wanna do it, and I’ll make it like that. As long as you know that you are cheating and doing something you wouldn’t let any doctor on this ship allow a patient to do.”

Kane, R&D

Gaze dropped, Dira turned her hands in each other, pulling her fingers and thumb through lightly gripped fingers before repeating on the other hand. Back and forth it allowed her to ponder his words. He was right and that was annoying, but it also didn’t quite address the issue at hand, the reasonwhy is was hard to wear the headband. To be honest she wasn’t sure anyone could help her with that, and that was frustrating, but also reality. With a sigh, Dira dropped her hands into her lap and looked back up at him. “I guess I’ll just have to figure out a way to get used to it.”

Captain Myqian, CO

Kane shook his head. “You know how. Use it. Get used to it. Stop setting it aside because its not your norm. That’s how you do it.” He pulled his feet off the desk and leaned forward. “Or… get used to living how you have been. It’s a simple choice, Skipper. But just because it’s simple doesn’t mean it’s easy.”

Kane, R&D

A painful sensation twisted in her gut and Dira calmly breathed it into submission. He didn’t get it, but that was okay. She wasn’t expecting anyone to, certainly not at this point, and certainly not that she was the captain. Dira understood what was expected of her and she was loathe to let anyone down. There were always solutions to issues, she just hadn’t found hers yet and no amount of pushing from Solomon was going to convince her mind to let it all go. It didn’t work like that.

She reached for the PADD containing the report that would be added to the rest and she would submit as official statement from the ship’s crew. Her own would go in there too, but she still had to write the stuff that went beyond the official report. “I know from your perspective it is about a choice. But it’s much more than that for me. Like I said, I will figure it out, because the alternative is not an option for me.”

Kane looked at her for a long moment, his green eyes alight with a flame that rarely left them. “Everything is about choices, Dira. Everything. But sometimes we are forced to choose without knowing it.”

Myqian rose, her internal world stilled. “I’ll be sending everything on to the JAG later today. If there is anything else you think we need to add, let me know.”

Captain Myqian, CO

Kane watched her stand, but didn’t stand himself. He nodded after she spoke; a gesture seeming to grant some kind of wordless approval or permission.

As she moved to leave, he said “And for what it’s worth… thanks for being mad at me for the bomb-thing. It’s good to know there are two people who would’a missed me if I screwed it up.”

Kane, R&D