Posted by Captain Dira Myqian (Commanding Officer) in Meeting with the CO

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Drake Marshall (Surgical Chief/ Emergency Medicine) in Meeting with the CO

Posted by Captain Dira Myqian (Commanding Officer) in Meeting with the CO
Posted by… suppressed (3) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

“Any crew can almost always use a tune-up on chain of command and teamwork in a crisis. There’s a quality or ability which I can’t really name- but in the case of this ship being under attack, looking at your friends and deciding whether or not you can save them.”

-Lt Cmdr Drake Marshall, M.D.

For a moment, everything in Dira’s chest tightened and she forced herself to breathe. She would love to get through at least one day where that didn’t happen, but apparently that was not today. “It can be difficult for certain,” she said with a nod. “And with the changes in staffing, it would definitely be a different challenge than it might have before. Okay, leave it with me. Once I have a better idea of the main parameters, I’ll gather all the necessary people to make a proper plan. Anything else, you want to add or have me consider?”

Captain Myqian, CO

Drake’s eyebrow quirked up. “Your breathing… it’s very measured since I mentioned-“ he came to a full stop. “I’m sorry Captain. Whatever you’re currently carefully managing your way through. If I brought it on, I’m sorry.” His face had the expression of someone who knew certain kinds of pain outside the physical all too well. He had a long psychiatric file that testified to that.

-Lt Cmdr Drake Marshall, M.D.

For a moment her mind froze and she forced herself to relax. “It’s not your fault,” Dira said softly. “If people apologize every time I get uncomfortable, we’ll be doing this everyday.” She wasn’t required to disclose anything to him, or anyone, at least not the way it might seem on the surface. She did have an obligation, a duty of care, to make sure she was capable to leading this crew. So far, that didn’t seem to be an issue, so she was working through all the fallout very quietly on her own.

Except she wasn’t. Events with Maria, and now Drake, showed her otherwise. People were noticing and it irritated her. Forcing herself to gaze him, she saw that yes, he knew something of it too. But she was the captain now and people were relying on her to be in control and know what the hell she was doing. How could she admit that she felt like she was flailing her way through each day?

And yet, his expression dug at her and she felt compelled once again. Intellectually, she knew that being vulnerable was a good thing, but it certainly didn’t feel all right lately. She still found herself speaking though. “When I was early in my psychiatry career, I had bad outcomes with several patients in a row and I almost gave up and walked away from being a therapist. I had never felt so helpless and I haven’t felt that way until I was stuck in a tiny space with a psychotic man and there was an explosion. An explosion I knew that could have, and turned out to have, injured members of my crew. People that as XO I was responsible for. We’re talking about conducting drills, but I’ve already been in a pretty worst case scenario. It should make me feel better that no one died, but it doesn’t, and I don’t know that it ever will, because it was simply luck. Nothing more.”

Captain Myqian, CO

“When you run out of skill and talent, luck is good friend to have.” Drake had a sick smile on his face that vanished as quickly as it came. “As far as I have learned, no- it doesn’t go away. It gets easier to carry. Eventually… you learn to live. I almost quit. The first, third, seventh, and ninth times people died on the table. I’m a trauma surgeon and I’d just graduated school- wasn’t ready yet. Those people needed the best surgeon in the fleet and that wasn’t me. Yet.” His smile returned, much kinder and softer than before. “You know- even better than I do- what a therapist would say in this situation. All I can say is, I know what you mean.”

-Lt Cmdr Drake Marshall, M.D.

Dira nodded slowly and for a moment it was nice to know it wasn’t just her, but there was that deeper unsettled feeling that she hadn’t been able to tackle yet. Nor could she fully explain. “I hear people talking about it… the incident with Franks, I mean. Never directly when I’m around, of course, but sometimes the speculation is worse than the event. I could just explain it all to everyone, but I guess I’m trying to figure out what sort of captain I want to be and I’ve always been a more private person, even though I’m very social. The suddenness of my promotion after all the events probably hasn’t helped either.”

Captain Myqian, CO

“When you went to the Academy, and like 98% of all Cadets dreamed of being a Captain, what kind of Captain did you imagine yourself being?” Drake asked. “You get to define what kind of CO you are, and how the crew perceives you. Of course they gossip. In any assembly of more than two people there will be gossip. No matter what it’s good you’re CO. People know you.”

-Drake Marshall