Posted by Lieutenant Solal Segal (Oncology and Immunology) in Side-sim: Musically bereft

Posted by Lieutenant Achilleas Petrakos (Scientist) in Side-sim: Musically bereft

Posted by Lieutenant Solal Segal (Oncology and Immunology) in Side-sim: Musically bereft
Posted by… suppressed (19) by the Post Ghost! 👻
Inside the holodeck was an auditorium lit by a single spot light. The rest of the room was shrouded in deep black. In the center of the lit stage sat a man with a cello gripped tightly with one hand while in the other was a bow. The bow moved towards the cello string but did not slide along them. Instead the hand gripping it would tremble for a few seconds before moving away. This cycle continued for a several minutes before the man exhaled in exasperation.

“Just play the damn thing!” Achilleas shouted at himself. His hesitancy transformed into anger which then morphed into rage. He roughly put bow to cello and played a cello and piano sonata, with a hologram playing the piano part off in the shadow. The sonata was by Schnittke(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7mB-DcIgoiQ).

Sci Petrakos

Solal had been on medical leave for a week. He looked pale and unwell, thinner than he used to, with dark bags under his eyes. Besides the feeling terrible all the time, there was just nothing to do. And while he was exhausted, he could only sleep so much. Today was one of those increasingly rare days where he had the energy to do something besides mope about in his quarters.

He had forgotten to check the holodeck schedule, but he knew around this time the deck was usually unused. He had his instrument with him. Rather than slung across his back like normal, he carried the case in his hand.

It was quite the surprise when the holodeck doors opened and not only was the deck in use, but by whom it was used. The surprise and shock on his face was apparent as he paused in the doorway, his normal vulcan cover nowhere to be seen. “Achilleas?”

~ Lt Solal

Achilleas stopped playing abruptly as his name was called out, though the holographic pianist continued on for a beat before likewise stopping. He looked towards the doorway and was shocked to see someone. Had he not scheduled his visit? Of course he didn’t lock the door but he wasn’t expecting someone either. He squinted as he tried to see who it was in the shadows as being in the light made it fairly difficult. They did seem to know him though but he was familiar with a fair amount of the crew.

“Computer, bring up the lights.” He called out. The shadows melted away as the lights came on and Achilleas recognized his friend. His very brief moment of joy was washed away in a deluge of dread. Why did they have to meet now?! He wasn’t ready for this! Meeting the Captain earlier was hard enough and they weren’t even close friends. But this…

Achilleas dropped his cello and bow as he moved his hands to cover his face. He was beginning to hyperventilate and his skin became pale.

Sci Petrakos

Solal moved further into the room. Dropping the cello was a crime against the instrument, though that at this moment was unimportant. There was something wrong with his old friend. He knelt by the chair Achilleas sat in. “Are you okay? Should I call medical for you?” Normally, Solal would be medical, but his thoughts weren’t clear. His mind felt foggy. He was in no shape to practice medicine. The tone in his voice conveyed far more emotion than was typical for him.

~ Solal

Achilleas jerked his head in a quick shake to indicate not to contact medical. Whether that was conveyed correctly was another matter altogether. “Just…” He gasped out between his quickened breaths. “Just, a moment.” He remembered the techniques Dr Fukazawa taught him whenever a panic attack struck. Regulate the breathing, slow down but deeper inhalations, exhale while imagining the negative emotions are leaving your body with the CO2, and repeat to yourself that you are in control with each breath taken. It took three minutes or so but finally the panic attack eased enough that his breathing was under control and his complexion wasn’t as pale.

He spread his hand just enough to peek between his fingers and softly said, “Hi.”

Sci Petrakos

Solal waited patiently next to him while he breathed through his panic attack. It took Solal several moments to realize that was what was happening, and that was what he was doing. “Hello.” He turned his head away to cough and then looked back to Achilleas. He looked… concerned. “You transferred back.” The statement was more like Solal’s usual self. Matter-of-fact, with little emotion to it.

~ Solal

“I did, yes.” Achilleas answered back with a voice still soft. This was okay. This wasn’t overwhelming. Just keep it simple and in the moment. He blinked as the dissonance of Solal’s actions finally hit his conscious mind. His eyes narrowed as he pulled his hands from his face and really looked at Solal.

“What’s wrong?” He asked in a way that brooked no argument, a glimmer of his former self.

Sci Petrakos

“I was going to ask the same question.” Solal coughed and then sighed and shrugged. “I am unwell.” That was an understatement. Rather than kneeling he finally gave in and sat on the floor. “Did something happen?” He asked. Achilleas was not exactly the person he remembered. His foggy, tired mind was searching for a reason why that would be.

~ Solal

Achilleas was startled by the shift in topics. He wanted to desperately stay focused on Solal and not redirect back to his own… unwellness, but in the end he looked away with a sigh. “Shortly after the shared hallucination by everyone who was affected by that fungal infection, when we were dealing with the film crew and that annoying man, well I relapsed. Despite the previous treatment it wasn’t fully removed from my system. The stress and anxiety of dealing with someone like that brought back a similar state, but one that amplified all of the negative things I was feeling.”

He took a shuddering breath before he looked back at Solal. “I apparently got violent under the effect of the relapse. I was medicated then quietly sent to Star Fleet Medical to recover. I don’t think news of my departure was publicized in consideration of whatever may be left for my career.”

Sci Petrakos

Solal, meanwhile, was very glad he had managed to shift the topic away from himself, though if Achilleas was anything like his old self, he suspected it would not stay that way. “I remember…” he had to think a long moment, like he couldn’t quite remember what he was going to say. “You… Hmm. You did leave quite suddenly. Without saying goodbye.” Solal had secretly been hurt by that. “I am sorry the reason was so awful.” He looked up at Achilleas, “You are an excellent scientist. You will rebuild your career.”

~ Solal

“It’s not my skills in science that make me worried.” Achilleas said after a moments hesitation. He looked towards the ceiling and wiped a hand across his face. This may or may not have been an attempt to conceal eyes that were preparing to release tears. “So much has changed. I’m a broken, emotional wreck compared to before. I have anxiety at the simplest things and a panic attack at meeting my best friend again after more than a year away. I’ve met the Captain and had my boarding physical, but I’ve been putting off meeting my department head. I’m…” His voice drops in volume. “I’m dreading that encounter and yet I have to go through with it if I want to remain.”

Sci Petrakos

Trying to maintain an increasingly difficult to hold emotional barrier, Solal was secretly touched he was apparently Achilleas ‘best friend’. There was a slight smile he was unable to hide. “I am sure these issues will subside with time.” It was a phrase Solal had used with patients before. His best attempt at being supportive. He hadn’t had many dealings with the CSO, but that man had a reputation. “His name is Kane. He has quite the reputation among the crew.” Solal, as bad with emotions as he was, did not realize that would not be helpful.

“Kane…” Achilleas mumbled a bit distractedly. “I want to say I met him at some point but it’s hard to say what was real or a hallucination with my memories. I don’t remember anything about a reputation to him though. The way you say it leads me to believe the connotations are quite negative though. That, uh, doesn’t exactly reassure me though.”

“If I were to say any differently, it would be untruthful,” replied Solal with a little shrug. “I hear he is… unpleasant to say the least. However, I cannot imagine he would be unsympathetic to your situation.”

Achilleas grimaced slightly at the remark. It sounded unpleasant all the way around but alas he still need to go through with. “Hopefully this knowledge will prepare me for that. Thanks for letting me know.”

“I’d offer to help you, but…” There was a brief pause in his words, unintentional on his part. “I am off duty until further notice. If… there’s anything I can do, ask. I don’t have anything pressing on my schedule anytime soon.” The truth was, Solal wouldn’t be too much help. Anymore, he spent the majority of his time sleeping, resting, or in sickbay as a patient.

~ Solal

“I’d take you up on your offer for help, but this is something I need to do. My current struggle to overcome. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from being a psych patient for over a year, it’s that every crisis in our experience doesn’t have to be fraught with a fight or flight response. Instead it’s an opportunity to improve ourselves and strengthen our ability to cope with strange or new things.” Achilleas smiled towards Solal for the good intentions conveyed. Though the end of his words seemed to be an often rehearsed bit of speech.

Sci Petrakos

Solal raised a brow. He knew a rehearsed speech when he heard one. Perhaps something his psychologist had said many times. Solal had seen his fair share of psychologists, when he was younger. Though that was quite different from being a psychiatric patient. “I have no doubts… you’ll get it done.” He took another stab at being reassuring. There was another short pause where he looked puzzled with himself, and then continued, like he could find the words he was looking for.

~ Solal

Achilleas sighed deeply before he laughed sardonically. “Ugh, I know I shouldn’t let all of this get me down.” He says as he stands to stretch but then notices his cello on the floor for the first time.

“You could always give meditation a go. On a basic level, it’s simply the letting go of emotions without allowing a reaction to them.” It might not be a helpful suggestion, but Solal was honestly unsure what else to say.

Achilleas made a non-committal noise. The idea of regulating his mood and anxiety with medication didn’t sit well with him. He felt that just grunting like a neanderthal wasn’t fair to Solal though so spoke his thoughts. “Back at Medical they had me on a bevy of different medications. Anti-psychotics, anxiety, mood, epilepsy… downers, uppers, stabilizers. I’ve gotten tired of feeling like a zombie and my doctor agreed to wean me off of everything once my baseline was decent. I do have a couple of prescriptions for really bad days but I can’t give in on my first day back.”

Solal glanced up, “Meditation, not medication,” He said, calmly enunciation more carefully. “Medication for my emotions didn’t work very well either.” Though for Solal, that was a long time ago. “What I meant was, I would teach you the meditation I was taught. You wouldn’t have to do the whole… Vulcan logic thing, just use the basics to keep yourself more level.” He continued enunciating the t in meditation more carefully.

With an awkward chuckle Achilleas wiped a hand over his face in embarrassment. “I uh, clearly misheard you. I’m willing to give meditation a shot, though I was exposed to it a bit with all of… that. It wasn’t very effective for me then but maybe things have changed.

“Ah crap!” He exclaimed while he hurriedly picked it off the floor and looked it over. “Hrmm… doesn’t seem banged up or scratched. Geez, my cello teacher would have skinned my hide.”

Sci Petrakos

“Any musician would want to,” Solal commented. “It looks fine to me, though.” He set his violin down, still in the case. “If you want to keep playing, go ahead. I was coming to practice but…” He shook his head. “Now I’m not sure I have the energy for it.”

~ Solal

“I don’t know that I’m really in any mood to continue. Not that my mood was great to begin with…” Achilleas said but then trailed off as he looked at Solal again. There’s the bit that bothered him before but he got sidetracked. After setting his cello down safely into its case, he moved closer to Solal and scrutinized him. He didn’t give a thought to whether invading his personal space or blatantly staring would be uncomfortable. But he was deflected once and was not about to be again.

Solal looked up at Achilleas again as he trailed off. “What?” He waited a moment. Achilleas was giving him that… scientist look. Up in his space, almost studying, scrutinizing. “What?” He asked again. If it was uncomfortable to him, he showed almost no sign of it. More curiosity than anything.

“What… have the doctors said?” He said quietly but with steel in his tone.

Sci Petrakos

Until Achilleas asked the question. Then Solal glanced away and shrugged awkwardly. Apparently Achilleas’ tone successfully conveyed that this time, he was taking no nonsense because Solal replied honestly, “I’m… being treated by Doctor Bonner. It might be genetic.” Anyone who knew Solal more than a few months knew how uncomfortable he was with things involving his biological family. “We don’t know what exactly it is or how to treat it yet, so I’m on a course of immune suppressants because it’s the only thing that seems to slow it down, and it’s attacking as far as we know my kidneys and brain. I require regular dialysis treatments, I have no energy most days, I have headaches, cognition and memory issues, I’ve been catching illnesses far more easily, especially respiratory infections, and with the suppressants that can be quite dangerous.” Solal was an immunologist, after all. He knew the risks all too well. “And I am on medical leave until further notice.”

~ Solal

Achilleas’ steely look crumbled the further Solal explained his diagnosis. His first impulse was to pull him into a tight hug and say that things would be okay. He wasn’t a doctor but as a scientist he’d dabbled in the medical field when medical needed another perspective. But his rationality kicked in and he knew he couldn’t do any better than the doctors aboard could. That would be unproductive and a waste of both of their time. Perhaps he could check in with Dr Bonner and offer his assistance, but the patient confidentiality thing would likely get in the way of that. It was then that he realized he hadn’t said anything while his mind raced through the implications and various options.

“I’m sorry Solal.” He said while trying to keep himself from crying. It wasn’t obvious if he was apologizing for the awkward pause or the diagnosis. “Is there anything I can do for you?”

Sci Petrakos

Solal looked like he could use the hug, not that he wouldn’t sit awkwardly like a lump through it. Compared to his usual control, his Vulcan levelness, he looked awfully… self pitying and sorry for himself. “No, but thank you.” The next thing he said, made it… weirder, for him. He still hadn’t decided how to feel about it, and that made him feel worse, now that V’alura was aboard the Ogawa. “Neither of us were aware we had any siblings at all, but… I have a biological half sister. And she is ill as well. I think Doctor Bonner thinks our illnesses are linked, if not the same. It’s why she’s looking genetic.”

~ Solal

Achilleas had all that he could tolerate emotionally before his self control left him. He stepped towards Solal and wrapped him a great big hug. He refrained from saying anything for a few heartbeats. “You won’t be alone in this. Obviously your half-sister V’alura will be with you and Dr. Bonner, but I’m not going anywhere. That wouldn’t be very best friend of me if I did that again.” It was interesting that Solal hadn’t reciprocated the best friend title but Achilleas just claimed it as a matter of course. Partially because he couldn’t comprehend that Solal wouldn’t feel that way but also because he knew Solal wasn’t great at expressing himself that way.

Sci Petrakos

Solal looked, as expected, like an awkward lump in Achilleas’ arms. Then, slowly, he hugged Achilleas back. He was terrible at expressing himself in such ways. “You didn’t mean to do it the first time. You had a medical episode. Not your fault.” It was his way of forgiving Achilleas for disappearing. “Wouldn’t be very ‘best friend’ of me to hold that against you.”

~ Solal

Achilleas was grateful for Solal’s forgiveness and absolutely ecstatic at the affirmation of their best friend status. So happy in fact that he laughed and slapped Solal’s back lightly in good humor. He didn’t release Solal from the hug as he moved on to the next topic.

“So tell me of your half-sister. You mentioned she’s on the Ogawa and is sick as well?”

Sci Petrakos