Posted by Commander Dira Myqian (Executive Officer) in Family Woes

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Alexis Bonner (Assistant Chief Medical Officer) in Family Woes

Posted by Commander Dira Myqian (Executive Officer) in Family Woes
Posted by… suppressed (2) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

Dira couldn’t help but chuckle softly. “Oh, Alexis, I might not know a lot when it comes to you, but I do know you’re not a fairy tale fantasy type of woman. And something that makes another happy at our own expense isn’t always the best idea. But consider if there might be room for compromise?”

She searched Bonner’s face. “I want to ask you something though and you don’t have to answer now, but give it serious consideration. If you have exactly what you need right now, that is fantastic. Go with it. But, you said yes when he asked you to marry you. Maybe a wedding isn’t what you need, but maybe it’s what a part of you wants?”

Commander Myqian, XO

Alexis tipped her head and considered. Did she want a wedding? In any form? She had told Hannah only a few days ago she had no idea what she wanted, she had never thought about it. How could she want something she had never thought about? She sighed, “My father would like you. He would say this was something that I have to understand with my heart and not my head.”

“Love isn’t rational. We can talk about biochemistry and how it creates attraction and attachment, but love isn’t quantifiable. We live in a time and place where we don’t need to pair up in order to continue the species or solidify power and wealth. We can choose a life partner because it’s what we want and how we feel,” Dira said. “Because it makes us happy.”

Alexis rolled her shoulders, she hated this introspective…stuff. “I suppose that it’s inherently understood that if one says yes to a proposal they are agreeing to a wedding.” Alexis’ fingers were tracing out patterns against her thigh. They were actually DNA replication sequences and formulations. “I cannot compromise with her. I don’t even want her there. I didn’t even tell them we were engaged and had no intention of doing so. My mother saw the ring.” Alexis shrugged. “She doesn’t love me. She never has, she…loves what she thought I would be.” This was not a wailed or pitiful or hurt child statement but one that carries the weight of truth and experience. “She doesn’t think I can love anyone, I don’t want her there. I can’t compromise with her, not for myself.”

Bonner

Dira smiled softly as she nodded. “Setting boundaries with loved ones can be one of the hardest things we do. Because we don’t want to hurt them, but we need to protect ourselves from behaviour that could very well be toxic. If you don’t want her there, then that is a perfectly valid decision. Just know that it won’t just be about the wedding. Going forward your relationship will change. It’ll be up to both of you what that looks like, but just understand that it might not make it better.”

Commander Myqian, XO

“Cmdr I left home at 17 to serve on a star ship. I’m 27 now. I haven’t visited my parents in all that time. The first time I see her in 10 years and all she sees is that I’m still inadequate. Telling her not to be at my wedding will only solidify for her what she’s always known - I’m a disappointment. The only thing that will make any of this better for my mother is if someone can magically snap their fingers and turn me into whatever idealized version of a daughter she thinks was stolen from her. Allowing her carte blanche control of my nuptials won’t do that. Because in the end, no matter the setting or the costume, I’m still me and that’s not what she wants.”

Bonner

Dira could feel all that underlying hurt of a person who just wanted to be loved as they were; no more, no less. “And you are worthy of love and belonging simply because you exist. No qualifiers,” Dira said softly. “I think you have all the information you need to make the right choice for yourself, so give it some serious thought and move forward.”

Alexis nodded quietly, everything she did she gave serious thought to, even if those thoughts moved at warp speed. There were several factors to consider and not just how it affected herself.

She sat back upright and smiled. “I’ll let you be,” she said as she rose to her feet.

Alexis watched her get up curiously. She would not have thought she could be so exposed with the Cmdr. Certainly she has not been completely, but she has been honest and forth coming. At least she felt like she had.

Dira moved off but turned back after a few strides. “Alexis? Whether you decide to do the wedding or not, just remember that life can be incredibly short. Sometimes we just need to mark moments like this so we can see how we’ve grown and changed. Because you have. I’ve witnessed it. And take it from someone who lost the person they thought they’d spend their life with, it’s worth making a tiny fuss over. Maybe it’s just dress uniforms in front of the Captain, a few meaningful vows and an image you can have in your quarters. Maybe even a nice meal just the two of you. Whatever it ends up needing to be for you both, just allow it to be something.”

Commander Myqian XO

Alexis turned toward her, “Cmdr? Thank you.” Those words encompassed a lot, the insight, the reflection, the listening, mostly the compassion. Alexis didn’t say anything else. She had learned simple statements were best or she ended rambling on, following tangents for forever. She would give Myqian’s words serious consideration though.

Bonner