Posted by Lieutenant Surra Almikaz (Chief of Psychiatry) in Counselling Suite- Myqian, Day 2

Posted by Commander Dira Myqian (Executive Officer) in Counselling Suite- Myqian, Day 2

Posted by Lieutenant Surra Almikaz (Chief of Psychiatry) in Counselling Suite- Myqian, Day 2
Posted by… suppressed (1) by the Post Ghost! 👻
The next day, after adjusting her schedule to account for the fact that she was on light duty and not able to be on the bridge for now, Dira made her way to her appointment. Her conversation with Willow had relieved at least a little bit of her internal worries about how the crew would see her, and also reinforced their developing friendship. Some days she felt so adrift on this shift, just focused on work, but then she kept having moments where she could be reminded that she indeed had a place here. Zoi helped a great deal with that too. Just the thought of the woman made her smile.

PaDD in hand, Myqian stepped into the suite and checked in with reception, not bothering to sit, though she also avoided pacing. Her mind was working through some things that she had realized last night while journalling and she was curious to see if Surra saw the same connection she did.

Commander Myqian, XO

HARLEEN had been instructed to let Surra know as soon as the Commander arrived. After she got the notification Surra promptly ended her other tasks and then went out to the reception area to greet her.
“Welcome back Commander. Please come on back.” Surra noticed the PaDD in her hand, she wasn’t sure if Dira had been working or if she had brought it to share some excerpt from her journal. “I am looking forward to knowing how your first day and night went without telepathy. Can I get you anything before we get started?”

Almikaz, CoP

Dira followed her into the office. “No, I’m fine, thank you, she said as she took a seat. “As for missing a sense… it’s admittedly weird. The times before when I’ve take a suppressant it was one dose and it wore off after a few hours. This is admittedly different and while I feel okay and I can function, it does feel like something with me is off and then I remember that it’s because there is this whole tangible part of living things that I am aware of that is just missing. I’m not tapped into their energy. It’s as fascinating as it is strange.”

“Hmmm....” Said Surra as they walked to her office. “Is this something you can adjust to? You previously being a psychiatrist yourself, how do you think this will affect you in the long term…if you decided to continue with the treatment permanently or even periodically?”

“Oh gosh no,” Dira said openly. “Temporarily for a reason? Sure. But I don’t think I could do this too long. The four days we’ve agreed to is enough for us to know what’s what. I think if we went much longer I’d… I don’t lose a part of myself that is integrated in how I exist in the universe. I think a longer term situation would create a problem for me we don’t need to have.”

She tapped the PaDD on her palm. “But I was doing some thinking last night and I think I’ve figured out a pattern for me that’s bene happening and I’m really curious how you see it. I admittedly need the prespetcive right now.” Dira was anticipating Surra giving her another dose and she was fine with that, but this revelation felt almost more pressing at the moment.

Commander Myqian, XO

Surra nodded then said, “Well I am curious about this pattern you have discovered and I’d be happy to offer my perspective.” She pulled up a chair and sat right across from her. Anxious to hear what Dira had to share with her, that she nearly forgot about the next dose, “Oh, did you want your next dose now or shall we wait until then end?”

Almikaz, CoP

“Why don’t you get it ready and give it to me while I’m talking this out, since it might take a bit,” Myqian said with a smile, ever practical.

Dira gathered her throughs before she delved in. “So, in my file it notes I had an issue with a patient while I was on my last assignment on the Calypso. They developed inappropriate feelings for me, which I became aware of and was careful not to encourage, but one day they kissed me in the middle of a session. I ended the session and following protocol their case was transferred to my assistant, who took over their therapy. The thing that few people know is that that patient was also our first officer, William Franks, whom I directly reported to.”

She sighed and shook her head. “William… I didn’t regularly serve on the bridge, so it was easier to avoid him for a bit to let the dust settle. I didn’t expect him to be happy about the change in therapists but it was the best thing for everyone. Fast forward two weeks and very long story short, he was leading an away team I was a part of and he was taking stupid risks. Showing off. It was the first time we had been in close proximity to each other and he definitely took advantage of it in small ways. I was focused on the mission though, because we were using my telepathy to find some trapped miners on an asteroid like a homing beacon. Another officer on the team called him out on his risky behaviour that had already damaged our shuttle and when William took exception and his bad behaviour escalated, I… removed him from duty right there and then. And with my being the next ranking officer, I took over the away team. We did rescue the miners and with help were able to get back to the ship, but the damage had been done.

Franks accused me of mutiny which lead to an investigation and, even though it was a short period of time, my being confined to quarters.” Dira’s dark eyes flashed with anger as she tapped the PaDD on her hand. Even now, several years later it made her furious. “I was cleared of any wrong doing and actually told I made the right call. And the whole episode is what prompted me to pursue command training. But William was embarrassed and hurt and he took it out on myself and the other officer. With me it meant that he would use my telepathy against me. He knew my shields were less, so he’d think really loud thoughts in my proximity, doing his best to make me uncomfortable. It was this strange place where he was happy for me to know he still had romantic feelings for me but was also angry. I knew what he was doing and while I could have said something, it…” She shook her head. “Right or wrong I decided that to openly acknowledge that he was affecting me would be to give him more power over me and the situation. So I kept quiet. And eventually I got the job here on the Ogawa and happily left the Calypso and William Franks behind.”

Dira leaned in, her face shifting to distress as she waved the PaDD. “I’ve re-read my stream of consciousness writing from last night several times and I realize that I don’t think I really did leave it behind. I think he’s gotten into my head Surra, made me doubt myself. Because the only times I have ever needed a neurosupressant in my career has been since leaving the Calypso. He used my telepathy against me and now I don’t trust it.” Inside she could feel the hurt that caused. Something so key to the core of her being was something she didn’t trust and actively suppressed when everything else got too much. All because someone confused care and compassion for love. For a person as open as her, it was a terrible position to be in.

Commander Myqian, XO