Posted by Captain Willow Taylor (Commanding Officer) in Ready Room- Work & Life

Posted by Commander Dira Myqian (Executive Officer) in Ready Room- Work & Life

(snip)

That all made sense, of course. Dira looked away, eyes searching something, anything that would ground her, but her own memories were too strong right now. That was the thing about being triggered: emotions and memories didn’t just magically vacate the premises once you acknowledged them. She had been doing the work, she listened to her instincts and found herself at Iven’s office, but she knew all too well that this was a process. “It goes without saying that what I’m about to tell you doesn’t leave this office.”

“Of course,” Willow said

“The simple version is that we were at a diplomatic event and Paige was doing guard duty. The energy of the room changed and suddenly, Paige was leaping to tackle a diplomat who was in the direct line of fire. It hit her exactly as she had planned. She died a hero’s death, the way most security officers hope to go out: doing something they believed in. But as this all happened, one of the Intelligence officers nearest to me working these negotiations had a really loud thought I picked up that suggested that they knew in advance that violence was possible. But they never told any of us. In the after math, I tried to get answers and was told that the matter was classified and that if I pursued it further or said anything to anyone my career would be over. I still believe that to be true, though it’s been ten years and I’ve been an exemplary officer. The threat means nothing to me now. But I was furious, Willow. So much so that my crewmates had to restrain me from attacking that imperious ass leading the team.” She was calmer telling the story than she had been before, but that was the beauty of time. It gave distance and clarity. But it never promised less pain.

Commander Myqian, XO

The redhead listened, her expression calm to give Dira the chance to explain. Internally she was horrified, as the story unfolded she wasn’t sure what to say. “I…well…” she finally managed then stopped.

Rising from her seat she crossed to the fish tank built into the office bulkhead and reaching behind some books she withdrew a large black wooden box which she returned to the sofa with. Opening it as she sat the captain pulled out two glass tumblers and a dusty bottle of amber liquid with a broken wax seal.

She uncorked the bottle and filled two measures into the glasses, offering one to Dira then.

Willow Taylor
CO

Willow wasn’t a natural rule breaker, this Dira knew, so between the proffered glass and the shifting emotions in the other woman Dira understood that her story had packed a punch. “Shh! Don’t tell the crew,” she said, her brows shifting against her forehead ridges and bulges, the corners of her mouth tugging upwards.

As her fingers slid around the smooth glass, gripping with intent, Dira knew that she was at a tipping point in her career, a place where she would have to make decisions so she could move forward. But that was why she was here, talking to Willow. The liquor slipped down her throat with nary a burn, smooth as hell. “Good whiskey,” she said, the glass hitting the desk with a small thud. “Reminds me of the stuff my maternal grandfather used to drink. Something about a Human diplomat he worked with introducing him to scotch.”

Inhaling deeply to steady herself, Dira fixed her ebony eyes on Willow. “When Bonner’s situation began to unravel and the security breach became something we needed to deal with, I froze, Willow. And when it became clear that Intelligence was involved, suddenly it was like I couldn’t breath, couldn’t feel. I couldn’t tell what was the past and what was now. I didn’t even know until I tried to talk to Bonner one-on-one just how triggered I was. She was right, I was reading her, but not the way she thought. All I was thinking was that I couldn’t let another innocent person get caught up in the schemes of others, but when they presented their solution I was torn between my oaths to Starfleet and my oath as a doctor that I still believe in. And now that my head is clearer I can breath again, but I’m still torn. And Paige hovers in my mind in ways I know aren’t helpful. Séan and I are dealing with it, but… this is my first command position. It was supposed to be the first true test of this new path and I can’t help but feel I’m failing. I tried to explain this to Kane but I didn’t have the words. I’m okay with being seen as fallible, it isn’t that. This isn’t about ego, but I’m worried about freezing again when I need to be calm and clear-headed.”

Commander Myqian, XO