Posted by Lieutenant Séan Iven (Chief of Psychiatry) in Counselling Suite- Doctors Make the Worst Patients

Posted by Commander Dira Myqian (Executive Officer) in Counselling Suite- Doctors Make the Worst Patients

(snip)

Dira shook her head. The two people weren’t directly connected but she was having a hard time sorting out her thinking as the same time. “I knew, at the time that people we were working with were withholding information, but I didn’t say anything. I trusted those in charge. Paige leapt into the line of fire to save somehow else. Instinct. But I picked up a thought and correctly traced it to one of these people. When I confronted people about it later, I was shit down, ordered into silence. I lost it. I don’t think I’ve forgiven them and I don’t think I can. But more than that I didn’t trust my own instincts and push earlier. The thought of making that same mistake has kept me from pursuing relationships. Until Zoi. I can’t explain what it is about her, but she’s different. I’m different too. And yet, I can’t help but wonder if letting myself be in a relationship here will cloud my judgement, cause me to not listen to my instincts. All I do know for certain is that I could never forgive myself if I let something happen to her. I can handle the risk inherent in our jobs. But if it’s my mistake I think it would be one I couldn’t recover from.” And yet she desperately wanted to be with Zoi. Every part of her said so.

Commander Myqian, XO

Bump for when you’re better. :)

Séan nodded while making a vocalization of acknowledgement. “It’s a very difficult thing to try and live a life while acknowledging a mistake you’ve made, or at least one that you are sure was your mistake, but not letting that mistake control you. It’s easy to say that you shouldn’t let fear guide your decisions. I’m not sure of the person who was your last love, but Zoi is the Chief of Security. While there is inherent risk with that position, I’d trust in the training she’s had to deal with threats and keeping herself safe. She’s got to have some agency in her own safety. You can’t reasonably put her in a padded room… though, I guess I have a few that might work for that.” He tried to inject a little bit of levity to soften his words.

CoP Iven

Dira chuckled softly, her shoulders lowering. “You’re right, of course. There is only so much I can control, and in many areas of my life I’m good at just going with whatever the situation is. It’s how I became a command officer in the first place. I just didn’t expect to be blindsided so hard by this grief. I still miss Paige but I was still surprised by how intense the grief was after all this time. I know better than anyone that you can’t control how grief shows up, but I am left trying to figure out what to do the next time it shows up. Taking myself off duty felt like the right call in the moment, but there is a small part of me that is insecure about being XO here. I’m still learning my way through this new role and there is this small voice in my head that says that the crew will take me less serious for having to take myself out of the equation. Silly, right?”

Commander Myqian, XO