Posted by Lieutenant Séan Iven (Chief of Psychiatry) in Counselling Suite- Doctors Make the Worst Patients

Posted by Commander Dira Myqian (Executive Officer) in Counselling Suite- Doctors Make the Worst Patients

Posted by Lieutenant Séan Iven (Chief of Psychiatry) in Counselling Suite- Doctors Make the Worst Patients
Posted by… suppressed (1) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

Dira followed as if there was a tether between them, moving without entirely being aware of it.

The door slipped behind her and she stopped immediately, standing there. Dira inhaled slowly, fully, closing her eyes. Being here was admitting that there was a problem. That was okay. It wouldn’t be the first time. But it felt different now. Was it because of the pips she wore so proudly. That third solid one had been a part of a change she had welcomed dearly. She still did.

Eyes closed, it unfortunately let too many vivid image appear. She squeezed them tighter, feeling her chest tighten as her breath caught. Sharp. Painful. She slid downwards into a crouch, bracing her arms on her knees, hands covering her face, fingers in her mass of tight curls.

Commander Myqian, XO

Séan had only made a few steps into his office when he heard Dira slide down against his door. He turned around and was surprised to see her balled up, not because he hadn’t seen something like this before, but because of the suddenness of everything. He quickly took the few steps back to being in front of her but didn’t make any move to reach out to her or speak to her. Instead he crouched down in front of her while trying to maintain a calm and stable telepathic touch stone for her to latch on to if she needed.

CoP Iven

Air moved in. Air moved out. A simple rhythm that she could repeat and focus on. Safe inside his office, away from the prying and curious eyes of the crew, Dira could just feel. It was the same in her quarters, but Kane had been right that she couldn’t wallow and hide away. And Zoi was providing a grounding presence in her life. But even that was complicated.

Séan’s presence before her made her drop her fingers out of her hair, reach down and allow herself to come to a seated position. She was searching for words but she had this need to find the right one. It was unhelpful. Tipping her head up to meet Iven’s gaze, Myqian shook her head. “I took a couple days off. There’s a situation on the ship that triggered me rather badly and instead of just trying to push through and fight it, I told Captain Taylor that I needed a couple days and that I couldn’t be involved in the situation. That was a good call, but as soon as I was alone in my quarters, I… fell apart. It was like all the grief and anger I had didn’t know I had been carrying, just swept over me,” she said, breaking into a soft sob as tears carved paths over her brown cheeks. “And having support should help. I’m involved with our Zoi, our Chief of Security, but I feel I’m doing a disservice to her by suddenly feeling Paige’s loss so intensely. It was over ten years ago!” But even she knew (yay for having her training) that grief wasn’t a linear thing and she had pieces of it that were unresolved. “I just can’t seem to hold it all together, but I can’t stay off duty. Being back to my routines helps. But I’m feeling numb now. Like I missed the chance to deal with it properly or something. I don’t know.”

It was a flurry of words but they were honest ones, and an honest reflection of where Dira was at at this moment in time and space.

Commander Myqian, XO

Séan nodded his head slowly. “I would like to comfort you but only with something you’d be comfortable with. I could hold your hand, place my hand on your shoulder, or give you a hug if you’d like.” His hope was that physical contact in a comforting manner would bridge their unfamiliarity to a certain extent as well as give some support. “I can’t speak to how Zoi may feel as I’m not familiar with the senior staff, which is something I should remedy, but I would like to think that someone who loves you and has earned your trust would understand that we all have issues in our lives. It’s something that is part of a relationship in that we extend grace to our partners. It’s not a disservice to anyone to be burdened with grief, but eventually you’ll need to make them part of your healing process.”

CoP Iven

That was just it, wasn’t it. She’d never had someone in her life to be a part of that process. Her parents, while always amazing, were lightyears away and weren’t immersed in her day to day life. That was the way it was supposed to be. But Zoi, while unexpected, was there for her and she knew she could lean on her. But it was harder than she expected.

While she didn’t invite Sán to touch her, she patted the carpet, inviting him to sit with her. Could they move to other seats? Sure, but this was where she was right now. “Intellectually I know that to be true, but it’s harder in practice, as these things often are.” Dira let out a sigh. “I am in a new place in my life, literally and figuratively. I have a new job on a new career path that I never expected to take. I’m in the first truly serious relationship since I lost Paige. And I’m still trying to find my way on this ship. Figure out who Commander Myqian is. I’ve had to say goodbye to Dr. Myqian, even though her expertise is valuable to me daily. It’s just been, a lot.”