Posted by Ensign Iyun Riani (Scientist) in Side Sim: An Arboretum Picnic

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Achilleas Petrakos (Chief Science Officer) in Side Sim: An Arboretum Picnic

Posted by Ensign Iyun Riani (Scientist) in Side Sim: An Arboretum Picnic
Posted by… suppressed (5) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

Achilleas smiled at Ria warmly. He didn’t mind talking work at all while being close with her. Science was their mutual passion after all. “I hadn’t given either considerations much thought. Not in the long term anyway. Short term will just be making sure the labs and sensors are in tip-top shape. I’m sure the new ship has been through a shakedown cruise before being handed over to us, but I never trust the readings or calibrations of someone not in my department. As for a personal project, well I haven’t had the time to really think about that with all of the department managing that’s been required as of late. What about you? How has your PhD project been going?”

CSO Petrakos

For a few moments Ria remained silent while helping herself to more food and thus giving herself time to think. She didn’t want to disappoint Achilleas. Yet she also didn’t want to lie. So with her eyes not quite meeting his she said, “To be honest, I haven’t been working on it at all since I arrived at the Starbase. There was just so much else going on and I feel like I shouldn’t be working on it while on duty. And then when I’m off duty, I’m usually to tired to get any work on it done. Or, like today, I’d rather spend my time differently. I’m sorry. I hope you aren’t too disappointed with me.” Bowing her head, she looked at her plate for a moment. Hiding her face as she tried to work through all the emotions inside her that were dragging her down.

~Ensign Iyun, Scientist

Achilleas looked at Ria in surprise. “Why would I be disappointed with you? I know exactly how busy you’ve been with work and I certainly echo the feeling of being exhausted when off duty. I’m certainly not going to have expectations that you work on your project when not having the time or energy. I’m not a school marm who will scold you for not doing your coursework.” He reached out to cup her chin and gently lifted her head so that he could see her eyes. “I’m proud of you for doing a PhD project. I’ll be even more proud when I have to call you Ensign Doctor Iyun… or would it be Doctor Ensign? But you take the time you need to finish, don’t rush it because of anyone else’s expectations, and don’t work yourself to death when you’re exhausted.”

CSO Petrakos

As he lifted her chin, a single tear suddenly rolled down her cheek and Ria tried to quickly look away. Why in the name of the prophets was she crying? Achilleas’ words were kind and supportive and showed how much he cared. And those three small words even more proud … she knew how he meant them. And at the same time she couldn’t help feeling like they put additional pressure on her. Not knowing what to say, but wanting to say something, she said the first thing that came into her mind: “I think you use either the title or the rank, but not both together.”

~Ensign Iyun, Scientist

Achilleas carefully wiped away Ria’s tear with his finger. He didn’t really understand why she cried but he didn’t need to know, not right in this moment. Instead he had both of his arms wrapped around her and held her close. “Which would you prefer?” He asked quietly.

CSO Petrakos

Resting her head once more against his chest and wrapping her arms around him, Ria whispered back, “I’m not sure.” A sigh escaped her lips as she pondered Achilleas’ question some more in silence. Eventually she continued, “I think Doctor would feel more like I deserve when I finally finish my PhD. But I also don’t want others to think I feel like I’m better than them. So I’ll probably prefer my rank.” With her voice barely audible, she added, “Even though I still feel like I don’t deserve that rank.”

~Ensign Iyun, Scientist

Achilleas wasn’t sure how to respond to Ria’s lack of confidence. They’d been over whether she was good enough to be in Starfleet. The multitude of instructors and counsellors would have steered her to a different path in life if she wasn’t meant to be here. While he firmly believed that she deserved her position and rank as well as her soon to be finished PhD, he didn’t want to keep saying the words and have them sounding hollow. After a bit more musing he said, “I’m very fortunate that you’re an Ensign and posted on the Ogawa. Maybe I’m a little biased but I’m glad that you’re here with me instead of at the Daystrom Institute or somewhere else. I think that you are where you belong and you deserve everything that comes with it. The happiness, the interesting science work, the rank, your eventual PhD, my love, all of it is yours and you deserve to have it.”

CSO Petrakos

In a way it was sweet that Achilleas basically contradicted her and tried to make see that she did deserve being here. At the same time it also made her feel like her feelings were being invalidated. Not that she actually wanted him to say that she was right, that she didn’t belong here, but to truly acknowledge that she was feeling that way and that while it might not be objectively true, it felt like the truth to her. For reasons she had yet to figure out. She wanted to believe that her low self-esteem was just how she was born and that it was no one’s fault. But from what she knew and understood about such things, that wasn’t how that worked. There was always a reason. Some sort of event. But she didn’t want to argue with Achilleas or make him feel bad over his sweet attempt to be supportive. So she kept all those thoughts to herself and whispered a soft Thank you instead as she kissed him lightly on the cheek.

~Ensign Iyun, Scientist

In a way Achilleas could tell that he was unsuccessful in consoling Ria but he didn’t know where he had gone wrong. It was more like she was consoling him with a kiss on the cheek and thanking him. But thanking him for what? He wasn’t sure. He didn’t want to go down a spiral of self-blame for either of them though, so he smiled as best he could and whispered back, “You’re welcome.” He was sitting there and holding a beautiful woman as he second guessed his words and actions, all thought of the food in front of them gone from his mind.

CSO Petrakos