Posted by Lieutenant Commander Ever Zeanar (Chief of Psychiatry) in SB 157 Bonner’s Quarters- In or Out

This is how it happens. Faint light breaks through overtaking the dark edges, shedding the last of sleep. For a split moment disorganised without memory, almost a type of amnesia, lost between dream and reality. Then sounds of silent screams breaks the barrier, jarring back to this time and place. Fighting, clashing, attempting to return to the mask of an alternate reality to no avail. Only a brief lull until the echo subsides and with eyes wide open, steady breathing, he fades back into the shadows awaiting the next rem cycle for her to join him again until eternity reigns in the afterlife to be one again. Ever pulled the sheet taut under her chin, rolled and faced the door. Mixture of honeysuckle and linseed oil filled her lungs like breath from a grave  permanently open, waiting for it’s occupant to come home. Her hand felt the emptiness behind her as the last of the undercurrent of Kemis’s presence evaporated. 

An hour later, dressed, coffee drank, sleep and dreams long out of her mind, Ever stood outside Bonner’s quarters. Completely focussed on the task at hand, she was like a targ with a bone. AS she pressed the chime, her thoughts drifted off to cylinder hidden in her quarters. Whatever secrets it held would have to wait for a few more weeks. 

Zeanar, CoP

Alexis had been up ALL night. Ever, she could have told her. She lied. Well she omitted the truth and that was a LIE. She probably even knew he was here. She’d gone over the research she could get a hold of, over and over again. What she knew from what Ever had told her, the idea had merit. They just weren’t able to see what they were missing. Alexis was sure she could figure it out, but was she willing. Before Soulis had found her on the walkway above the promenade she’d been so willing. Now…she’d cried till she was sick. She indulged in ice cream, chocolate, icecream floats, all types of sweet comfort food. All half touched and forgotten. Her mind raging from the research and it’s problems to her own personal torment. She had no idea of Soulis was part of this project Ever wanted her help on. But the risk…it was too great. Alexis knew that now. The sound of his voice, his nearness, had hurt far more than she wanted it to.

Ever had said she thought Soulis loved her, wanted to marry her. Tried to lull her into what might have been, falsly heal her heart and ravaged soul. And then, as if his name summoned him like a magic talisman he’d been there. He’d been....she sobs quietly…watching her, keeping an eye on her. Alexis had spent that last few hours, in her sleep deprived, emotionally ravaged state, writing her resignation. Requesting a transfer somewhere else, somewhere away from Ever, somewhere she could hide from Soulis. Alexis hated herself for that, but she had a right to self-preservation, didn’t she? One of them she could handle, but both? And what if Soulis was assigned to the Ogawa, what if he was going with them. And like those years ago when she’d run from them, she was going to run now. It would wreck her career to give up this spot that she had worked SO hard for. Her career, all that was left for her, but she would. She’d go home, practice medicine there, away from all this.

And it was in that ravaged state that Alexis, in a fresh uniform, her hair rather than neatly in a bun half falling out, and the fading signs of her night of soul rending tears she opened the door to find Ever waiting for her. “Get. Away. From. Me.”
Lt. Bonner, AMO

Whatever madness that had passed through life, Kemis had been the only love that had taken root. No amount of trying would place pieces back together or heal wounds that knew no depth. Separation, brokenness and sweet grieving obscured Soulis who attempted such a foolish endeavour. Was she heartless? Or just empty with hallow aching of paying a price for love. Stories of heartache wove through time and space, bound and broke ties, yet each to the other tethered eternally, connecting souls in that one commonality. Soulis’s betrayal cut deeper in ways Kemis’s had not. He had never left. Not intentionally. He had never killed Ever’s heart the way Soulis had Alexis demoralized option and he his only priority. Still Kemis had no right to leave. Damn him. Damn Soulis. Stormy tears stayed back held in place by silent appeals to goddesses who had no need for lips or ears. 

Ever pushed her way passed Alexis and entered her quarters without consent. 

Alexis didn’t bother telling Ever to get out. She wouldn’t. Ever was a bully, and Alexis had dealt with bullies all her life. Ever was just the current one. What stung was that Alexis had believed her, believed that she actually wanted to make a fresh start, at least professionally. But no, she just wanted a way to easily bully Alexis.

“For goddess sake, Alexis. Have some pride. Why are you allowing some silly man to get to you? Granted, he is an extremely handsome man. And talented,” Ever said as the corners of her lips curled looking at the disgusting mess. “And you need a shower.” 

Lt Commander Ever Zeanar, CoP

Some silly man? So talented, yes Ever would know…She knew! Or at least that’s the assumption Alexis made. “You KNEW he was here! Coming into MY sickbay trying to butter me up with all this ‘he loves you’ lies and ‘he would have married you’ bull! Was it a good joke, did you both get a good laugh out of it? The first time wasn’t enough? Don’t you have better things to do?” Alexis couldn’t seem to stop what was coming out of her mouth. Maybe it was self preservation, maybe fear, maybe her own self loathing turning on Ever because she was convenient. Or maybe because it was Ever. “Maybe I should report you to Walker. You aren’t fit to counsel anyone! You’re a bully. Do you get off on their pain Ever? Do you tell their horror stories to Soulis while you’re in bed with him? Do you both laugh at them while you find some grotesque pleasure in each other? God you disgust me!” She looks over at the food and some perverse version of herself, that she didn’t even know she had, rears its head. “Awww too bad you can’t eat all that gorgeous sweets. I can, I’m young, I have youth. I can eat what I want, but not you, can you, Ever?”

Whether intended to or not, if Ever cared to listen to Alexis inner most thoughts and feelings, Ever would realize Alexis had hit her breaking point. In Alexis’s mind whatever cruel game Ever and Soulis were planning was more than her shattered soul could take. Alexis had loved him, not just a passing love glazed over by intense attraction and lust, but had truly loved him. Ever would know that at the moment Alexis had opened the door she was on her way to see Cmdr Walker to tender her resignation to get away from the games of Ever and Soulis. She had it all thought out, she was going home to Earth to be a doctor, the only thing Alexis cared about. Medicine and healing people. Something she couldn’t focus on here on this ship, with these people.
Lt Bonner, AMO