Posted by Captain Zachariah Cobb (Commanding Officer) in Sausage and Scuttlebutt
<snip>

Posted by Lieutenant Casela Synthi-er (Counsellor / RTF) in Sausage and Scuttlebutt

Posted by Captain Zachariah Cobb (Commanding Officer) in Sausage and Scuttlebutt

“Aye, we do know that isn’t true,” Cobb fired back. “And so does everyone else on this ship. Or if they don’t then you can send them to me.”
Taut shoulders began to raise defensively, open palms placed against the edge of the desk for support as Zachariah got to his feet and leaned in to lock eyes with Casela. “There is a vast chasm of intent between camaraderie and contempt and while I was not the last to tease Raauhl on his popularity with the crew, not for one moment have I ever doubted his strength, his courage and his qualifications for the position!”

She wasn’t afraid to lock eyes with Cobb, but she was brought back to herself by the fire in his reply. It was a slight thing, small twitch in the corner of her left eye only, as if something flew at her and she blinked. Only the most observant would see it.

“I get it, Cas. I do. Apathy is a warm blanket only ever big enough for one. And we both know the chasm that exists between the trials we would take upon ourselves and those we would lay onto others. But the Commander is not as fragile as you might think. Even by your inimitable standards.”

“Isn’t it you who said, ‘The void is a lonely place to walk all alone, and while I would never drag another down here to accompany me, since you fell by your own doing, then I am glad you at least landed by my side.’ I would not drag him here to this void by any means. It’s not a joke, it’s not cute, it’s not arrogance on my part. I would not drag someone I love to this hellish void.”

“Neither would I,” he whispered, collapsing back into the chair as if his body had been transformed into a vacuum, devoid of every atom of breath. “Neither would I.”

So familiar, this maelstrom in which she now churned. On the sea bed, his own former struggles lay sunken by history, by loneliness and solitude and the active choice not to join with another. That singular pain, of a heart truly shattered, he had seen in the eyes of his wife, the morning she had fled from the beast that was her husband. It was a pain that he knew he would never himself feel. A pain that he could never bear to witness in another, ever again.

He winked and reached for his coffee. “Give the lad a chance, eh? We can always lock him in containment if you find you’ve made a mistake.”

• Captain Zachariah Cobb

A chance? Isn’t that what the problem was. She was ever so glad, insert extreme sarcasm here, that Cobb thought it was funny. If it all went south she’d be the one in the brig or containment.

She drew herself up, it all locked behind a mask, again. “Those are my updates for now, Cpt. Lazol is a loose canon and Anders might be a spy. I’m sure the rest of the crew can determine how to deal with them. If I’m dismissed I have other appointments due to arrive soon.”
Lt. Synthi-er, CNS

“Cut the crap, Counselor!” Zachariah roared. It was his blows that had driven her to this retreat, his refusal to to meet her on the same open ground, to reveal the shared pain they both knew boiled within. Was the damage already too great to draw her back out?

She flinched, it was a quick blink and quicker visual appraisal of the captain. She knew, there was a dangerous formidable man in there, but never had she expected to see it turned on her. She wasn’t so unobservant to not know that she’d caused, that she’d goaded him. But if he’d goaded her and she was never one to back from a fight. He could see it, the anger, turned inward and vibrating through her. The sneer across her face, looking so much like she had the first time he’d laid eyes on her in the CIC. She wouldn’t release it though. But her voice was harsh, raised in wrath, at the circumstances. “You do realize that we’re arguing the same point! We’re on the same side of the coin here! You argue just because you can!”

“Aye, I do!” Zachariah yelled back, the strength of his tone diminished not one atom by the admission. “Because anger is the only emotion that has not yet deserted me!”

Casela yelled back, “Good! We’re on the same page then!” Outside the office Dean looked at Watkins, wide eyed. “Umm.....” Watkins shook her head. “Let ‘em go. They need to get it out. If things start getting thrown we’ll call the XO down here.” Dean nodded, but he didn’t look convinced. Watkins just laughed.

“I know,” he attempted an offering of truth, “something of what you’re going through. There is a reason I remain single, after my mistake with Prim. And, all physical evidence possibly to the contrary, it has not been for the absence of offers. It takes a certain kind of person to inflict such pain upon another, even within the framework of battle. But to wreak such misery on a fellow soul, simply for daring to love you? To sever a hand for the crime of daring to touch you? Tear out a tongue for uttering your praise? People like that, people like me, were we to crumble to dust tomorrow then I doubt even hell would shed a tear.”

Oh she knew, she knew what she risked, and it wasn’t herself. She hadn’t told anyone what Sandman had shown her, or what Hampton had made her live though. The risk was all to real. It wasn’t figurative, it was real and it had been threatened and risked and had been prevented but only barely. What would happen next time?

Attempting to break through her barrier, Cobb reached out and placed a hand on her own.
“When you look in the mirror, Casela, do not let it be my face that you see. But if, truly, a monster stares back, then I will never question you for doing what you must to protect those around you. To protect them from yourself.”

• Captain Zachariah Cobb

“No Hell won’t shed a tear it will scream in terror when the likes of us approach the gates for entrance. But somewhere, some where here in this life someone will, otherwise why do we do what we do?” She wouldn’t answer the rest. She saw a monster every time she looked in the mirror, like Frankenstein’s monster. pieced together by mutilated bits. But that create wasn’t really a monster was it? Oh she was being too philosophical. “I’ll find my way, Zachariah, and if I don’t,” she shrugs, “I won’t drag those I love with me.”
Lt. Synthi-er, CNS

He nodded, no more words of fledgling wisdom bobbing to the surface, no more strands of advice brushing against his fingers. “I know,” was all he could offer instead.

But the silence brought a defeat he was not yet willing to accept. As he remained unable to accept that she, this wonderful, caring, courageous, vibrant woman before him could truly be as wretched as he.
“If you ever start to plummet,” he concluded with a shrug, “I believe, with everything that I am, that Ryder possesses strength sufficient to pull free. But while you remain in relatively calm seas, truly what can be the harm in allowing him a small dip at your side, eh?”

• Captain Zachariah Cobb

Casela didn’t answer. She’d already made her choice, she loved Ryder and T’Jal would have her hide for being a coward. It wasn’t a conversation she should be having with Cobb anyway. This was between her and Ryder and that is who she should be talking to. “So he told you. He has a deep respect, I guess, for the chain of command. It won’t interfere with our duties. It hasn’t for the last 6 months I don’t see it starting to now. I’ve always gone after what I want, and I’m not going to stop now.” It was the only answer she’d give him. She wasn’t in the habit of discussing her personal relationships like they were idle gossip. She nodded to Cobb, offered him a refill. “I do have appointments to get to.”
Lt. Synthi-er, CNS