Posted by Lieutenant Commander Katie Nunn (Counselor) in Counselor’s Office – Molly Holloway

Posted by Captain Molly Holloway (Chief Intelligence Officer) in Counselor’s Office – Molly Holloway

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Her training program had always been one of her most prized possessions. Not being an Engineer, and definitely not being the best programmer, had always meant that Molly didn’t have the skills it took to create a different program every time she visited the holodeck. And honestly, she didn’t care. However, she kept that one program close to her heart. It was the place she went to when she needed to keep up with her training and it was the place she visited when she wanted to rest and spend some time away from starship life. It was her secret little nook on board every starship she had been assigned to, and it never changed. And Molly didn’t particularly like change. There was a handful of settings she could modify and that was it. She never talked about it, and there were only three people that knew of its existence, but for the first time Holloway saw herself forced to explain vaguely what it was about.

“I feel like I should fill you in on some details so that you can understand what I mean…” Molly fell silent for a moment. It was clear that there was an internal struggle going on. “When I was an Ensign, my roommate on board the Earhart helped me create a training program. She had came up with this idea for this fictional alien race that she used in her own personal training, all I needed was to choose the setting, and she would make one for me. The creatures…” She wondered if that was the appropriate name. “… are quite… vicious… but there’s several settings one can choose in order to tailor the program to one’s daily needs.” For a moment she was scared Nunn would want to know more about the program. “Among them, there’s a difficulty scale that goes from one to ten… I generally use it between one to four if I want a good run, around five and six if I want a combat oriented workout.” Molly shook her head. “That day… I turned it all the way up to ten. I didn’t know what was going to happen. But I guess…” Holloway’s shoulders slumped forward as she pondered what to say. Taking a deep breath and straightening back on her seat, Molly continued with new resolve. “Look, Commander… I can sit here all day long telling you it was an accident. But.. if I am going to be truly honest with you… I didn’t know that turning it up that high would disable the holodeck’s safeties… but deep down I was hoping it would.”

Capt. Holloway, CIO

Katie remained silent for another moment as she digested what Holloday had to say. She had expected that the answer would be very close to the reality and, really, she just wanted to hear Holloway admit the situation outlaid. It was good for both her and for Nunn to hear that acknowledgement of the situation.

“Well, one condition that I will place on your continued service is that a limitation be placed on the program that you cannot bypass to that level,” she finally replied, a firmness to her voice. “If needed, I’ll place my authorization code on it.” She pondered for a moment and then idly added, “of course, I’d love to see it myself if you have time at some point…” Her voice trailed off as she realized that statement wasn’t solely to provoke a reaction from Holloway. Adding a little more training into her daily routine was certainly an actionable goal she could achieve toward her recovery. Inside her head, she rolled her eyes… if that didn’t sound like it came out of a self-help book, she didn’t know what did.

Lt Cmdr Nunn, CNS

“I understand.” Were the only words out of the Intel officer’s lips at the prospect of having the higher settings of her training program barred. Her expression was neutral. She wasn’t exactly happy with the idea, but she understood it was for her own good. Not to mention, hiding her emotions was Molly’s specialty.

And then, Nunn expressed the wish of visiting her program herself. Fear filled Holloway’s eyes for a split second as her gaze met the counselor’s. Molly shifted slightly in her seat. The only counselor to ever visit it had been Ashton… and Molly had taken him there out of her own free will. At the time she hadn’t fathomed the events that would unfold that evening, eventually culminating in their informal engagement.

“Of course.” Molly stated almost automatically. She wasn’t sure if Nunn’s statement had been out of sheer curiosity or, if as a counselor, she was interested in observing her training routine. If it was the former, she didn’t want to seem impolite. If it was the latter, Molly didn’t want a shrink psychoanalysing aspects of her life she had kept to herself all these years. Regardless of the case, she needed to steer Nunn’s curiosity away from her holodeck training. “Although… I’m not sure it would be of any use to you, Commander…” She said with a polite smile. “But I can certainly take you there one of these days.” Maybe if she seemed available, Nunn would think there was nothing there for Molly to hide.

Capt. Holloway, CIO

Katie watched the iron doors to Holloway slam shut despite the progress they had made previously and sighed to herself. She knew that it was always one step forward and two steps back, but that didn’t make it any less discouraging when you hit the two steps back part of the program. Returning the polite smile, although there was a twinge of something more behind it, she observed, “you would be surprised, Captain.” Deciding that they had made enough progress for one session, she continued on before Holloway could ask any questions regarding her interest in the program. “Is there anything else that you would like to discuss today or should we plan to meet in a few days on the holodeck?” she asked, her tone softening slightly.

Lt Cmdr Nunn, CNS

For a moment, panic returned to Molly’s gaze. She didn’t know what to say. No, they couldn’t. They couldn’t meet in a few days on the holodeck. Glancing at the door, she thought maybe if she made a run for it, she didn’t have to reply to Nunn.

“I don’t–” The words left Holloway’s mouth abruptly. There was a visible fight inside of her. “I can’t—“ She shook her head and sighed. She really didn’t want the Counselor to visit her program. Slumping her shoulders forward, Molly finally said. “I’ve been having nightmares, Commander. I can’t sleep… I can’t…” She sighed again. “I went to the holodeck that morning because I needed to make sure that I was still alive… that I was awake… that…” She paused, trembling, as tears slowly rimmed her eyes. “… I almost lost him, but in my sleep I see him die over and over again. And I can’t! I can’t take it anymore!” With a swift move, Molly wiped her eyes embarrassedly. Sniffing but trying to hide the emotions now threatening to come to the surface she didn’t make eye contact when she asked in an almost pleading tone. “Can you make them stop?”

Capt. Holloway, CIO