Posted by Lieutenant Christopher Robins (Stellar Cartographer) in First Date..Or Not —8 Years Ago —

Posted by Lieutenant Alexandra Garfield (Xenobiologist) in First Date..Or Not —8 Years Ago —

*** Ffteen Minutes Later - Robins Apartment ***

“Chris,” Lexi yelled out his name as she entered his quarters. Her volume was loud but her tone cracked as she called out for Robins producing an almost staccato version of his name. It was hard to think right now let alone try to voice what was churning about in her mind. The strained use of his name was the physical manifestation of the turmoil she felt. The past thirty minutes had been an odd mix of regret, happiness, and anger. Three hours ago she, Ian, and Chris had been sitting at a cocktail party thrown by a graduating colleague. Chris had said he would make things right. He said he would get Noah there. He had kissed the side of her head and then left. Lexi then walked into what could easily have been a dinner someone put in enough effort for to propose marriage. Chris however wasn’t there. Noah left her sitting alone and no one was answering a comm call. The only thing she could do was physically search for Chris. Arriving at his quarters, Lexi was dealt a blow she did not need a road map to arrive at. Standing in the middle of his quarters, wearing the dark red dress Chris had picked out last year, her high heels slung over two fingers, Lexi was surrounded by boxes. The site stopped her dead in her tracks as she looked around.

“Chris,” she called out his name again. The boxes and bags stacked neatly against the wall meant only one thing: Chris Robins was shipping out. Walking up to the boxes she ran her fingertips slowly over the top feeling dizzy and sick at the same moment. She knew this moment was coming but Chris told her they had three months. The boxes told a different story. This was going to go down in history as the story of how in one night Alexandra Garfield lost the only two men in the world that made her feel special and loved. Her chest ached as if she had been physically punched hearing no reply or seeing Chris pop out from the bedroom. The physical manifestations of her emotions was getting hard to suppress. Breathing caused her lungs to burn as Lexi fought back the emotions welling up in her. For all his good intentions, Chris had caused her more pain than Lexi ever thought she could feel. Lexi could get over things ending with Noah. What she couldn’t get over was being left like any one of the multitudes of women who entered his life then unceremoniously dropped as if they meant nothing. How could he just run out on her like this? Chris had given her no inclination of what he had thought the night would be and yet now seemed to be ghosting her. Anger was fighting with sadness as she thought about the evening. Why was he not here to talk to explain? When she needed him most, Chris was doing what he always did the second someone admitted they needed him. Chris was cutting and running without a hi, bye, or kiss my arse. The thought that he could run out on her after tonight changed her emotions from sad to furious.

“Christopher David Robins,” Lexi snapped channeling every emotion she felt into a single one as she walked to the only place he could be hiding. Pure anger fueled her as Lexi palmed the door open.

Cadet Lexi Garfield

From the bathroom a small shuffle could be heard as muffled voices seemed to emanate from there. Lexi may have noticed the door shut and the lights on as footsteps seemed to approach as the door swung open. The odds were good she was going to find Chris or Ian step out, but much to her surprise a bath robe laden Kylie exited the room.

“Chri,” Lexi stopped in mid word seeing her friend exit the bathroom. “Kylie,” Lexi looked at her confused.

“Lexi…” Kylie said, it wasn’t uncommon to have her in this apartment as it often was a stomping ground for the five of them, six if Chris had found a flavor of the week. “Chris isn’t here hon…” she said feeling a bit awkward in that moment. Kylie herself was a very close to looks compared to Lexi, dark hair with a smart wit. She was a bit more curvaceous, almost enough to be seen as one of the ‘busty’ bimbos that Lexi often called the women Chris dated yet Kylie was never one to prey on Ian or Chris. She was here to just have fun.

“And you are here why,” Lexi snapped seeing her friend sit down on the couch like she owned the place. To be fair Lexi had occupied the same spot Kylie was in wearing the same thing a hundred different times over the years. Tonight, however, was not a normal night. “You know what never mind. Where is Chris,” she immediately asked her friend.

Moving to the couch Kylie moved her bra and panties that seemed to be litering the living space and quietly put them away. It wasn’t that she was so embarrassed, her and Ian had been much like Lexi and Noah in their on again off again dating. With the couch cleaned, or at least able to be sat on, Kylie sat down with her legs tucked under her feet as to not give too much of a show to Lexi.

“I asked you a question,” Lexi stared at Kylie with a look in her eyes that said depending on the answer she would rip her friend apart or grab a box of kleenex and sob her heart out. Watching her so casually move about her intimates with a relaxed, calm, confidence sent Lexi over the edge. “Don’t just sit there. Answer me!” Lexi’s hurt and anger was clearly evident in her voice. Her breath was labored making her chest heave as she stood in the middle of the room. Chris might have jettisoned Lexi from his life but that didn’t mean Ian and Kylie had to toss her out without a word otherwise.

“Lex, I think,” Kylie started to speak before Lexi shut her down.

“Don’t think. Just answer me. I need to talk to him. He isn’t answering his comm. Where is he? Who is he out with? Ian? Sierra? I don’t care I just need to talk to him,” Lexi could feel her voice getting louder as she went from speaking to almost yelling at her long-time friend.

“Calm down doll.” came the next voice as the other voice from the bathroom emerged, Ian took held a matching bathrobe as he looked over at Lexi. His dark brown hair wet with his unkempt bearded look as he took a deep breath as he looked his friend up and down. He knew this dress, it was a special one, Chris picked it out. He had to wonder if she wore this how on Earth it seemed to end so badly.

Lexi’s head snapped around seeing Ian. Her heart sank realizing that her secret hope was that Ian and Chris were holed up in some dive bar. At least in that scenario someone was with Chris that she trusted.

“Would you like something to drink? Scotch? Rum? Vodka… we still have some right?” he said looking over at Kylie as she shook her head.

“You did shots off of my… uhmmm you did shots” Kylie said with a small blush as she adverted her gaze from them. but the rum and scotch is still here, and some beer… always have beer.” Kylie said as she pointed to the liquor cabinet and fridge area, which seemed an oddity in this day and age but the boys seemed to love throw back technology.

“Stop it. It’s not funny,” Lexi yelled ending the playful banter between Kylie and Ian. “This isn’t joke time. Where is Chris? I can’t find him and he won’t respond to me.” Through all the anger and sadness, anxiety was beginning to creep in also after seeing the boxes. No one had to tell her but Lexi was starting to feel the weight of time bearing down on her. Seeing Ian’s pants on the floor, Lexi picked them up searching the pockets. It only took her a second to find what she was looking for. “Call him,” Lexi walked over to Ian holding out his personal communicator. “Call him on your personal communicator because he is not answering me. Just get him on the line or tell me where he is because I need to talk to him.” Lexi’s tone was firm and on the verge of snapping into hysterics. She needed Ian to do this for her to hold it together. “If you don’t I will spend all night looking for him. You can make it a hell of a lot easier on me so call him,” Lexi shook the phone for emphasis. “Please.”

“Come on get a drink and just give us two minutes to get dressed okay? You know this is still your place always.” Ian said as he offered a hand for Kylie to help her off the couch as he walked her back to his room, grabbing clothes and undergarments along the way.

“I don’t know if I can,” Lexi admitted putting on her shoes. “I need to find him. If you aren’t going to help me fine but I am not going to just sit out here Ian.” Lexi fumbled with the straps until she spied Kylie’s boots on the floor. Dropping her heels, she bent over and began to pull them on. Walking in heels was not something one did for long distances. Kylie was only going home or staying here all night. Lexi would return the boots in the morning.

Moments passed as Kylie exited fully clothed as she stood at the door. Seeing Lexi she smiled that akward smile you did when you knew all things were falling apart for someone. “It’ll be okay, just… I don’t really have an answer.” she confessed as she heard steps behind her as Ian began to walk out. Pants on he still had no shirt, his always seem to have that perfect abs and pecs as he was in mid shirt pull over his head as he flattened the t shirt down.

“I’ll call you later.” he said as he came over to Kylie as he kissed her cheek before she left from the room, leaving just the two musketeers.

“So… Chris isn’t here, I am sure you pieced all that together by now.” Ian began as he walked over to the liquor grabbing the bottle of rum and two glasses. “One of your favorites if I am not mistaken?” he said as he looked back at her as he came around the table. He couldn’t help but wonder to himself just how he got in this situation, stuck between two of his best friends being some mediator of love. If he knew Aedan Teller he would pitch that as a show idea to OMAP, but right now perhaps it didn’t come off as such an appealing concept to him.

Ian Bordeaux

“Where is he,” Lexi’s voice carried the thick weight of desperation. “I have wasted enough time dorking around with you Bordeaux. I don’t want a drink. I don’t want to calm down. I want Chris,” she said feeling all the tension of the night break her. “I just want Chris.” Lexi’s voice broke as she felt the first tears start to fill her eyes. Tonight had been a disaster from the moment it started and she had nowhere to go to find shelter.

Cadet Lexi Garfield

“I said sit down Garfield.” Ian said, his tone had suddenly come a bit cold. It was the tone of a parent ready to discipline their kids. Right now two of his closest friends had placed him a place he never felt he would need to be in. He already saw Chris walk out, with what seemed might be for the rest of their lives. He didn’t need to see another friend running around chasing ghosts of what might have been.

Pouring the drinks he slide one over to her chair as he pointed for her to sit, it was clear Ian was not going to take no for an answer. He had to admit he wasn’t feeling a lot of brotherly love towards his friend Chris for forcing this upon him. He should have been here, he owed her that much. She may have picked Noah over him, but she didn’t deserve this right now.

Lexi always trusted Ian. She listened to him usually without question only tonight every instinct told her to walk out the door and ignore him. Glancing at the door, she weighed the pro’s and con’s of obeying Ian’s order. The pro’s flashed like a spinning wheel in her mind: she could find out where Chris was, Ian was going to explain what his best friend had been thinking, and Lexi would have an unbiased sounding board for the first time tonight. The cons were more like a billboard advertisement with a single message that read you have no idea where to go so you will have no direction to head for answers. Reluctantly, Lexi moved across the room and pulled back a chair to the small dining table. Even this very act was breaking her in ways she never imagined. So many nights had been spent over this table playing cards or struggling with math concepts. The once happy and vibrant apartment now felt like a mausoleum of old memories that would never live again. “Okay, I am sitting. Where is he, Ian,” she blinked back tears that were burning her eyes. She worked hard not to let them fall. Crying never solved anything. Crying was only what one did when there was no hope. As long as Ian was here there was hope so she hyperfocused on the dark-haired man across from her.

“You look beautiful, he loved that dress…” was all Ian said at first as he took a slow swig of the rum before breathing in deeply.

“Apparently not enough to see it,” she cleared her throat after speaking. Talking was hard almost too hard. Until this moment Alexandra Garfield hadn’t had a moment where she could not confide in Ian. Looking at the slow way he was nursing his drink told Lexi, Ian might not have all the answers she would need. The Ian sitting with her was not the gregarious friend who had an answer for anything. In a way, Bordeaux was a reflection of herself. Ian was angry. Ian was frustrated. Ian seemed lost.

“You know he isn’t here… and you’re not gonna catch him anytime soon I feel. So… how about we start from the beginning… you tell me your story. There is always two halves to each tale, and somewhere in the middle the truth… I am here to help you find that truth doll.” he said reaching over as he placed his hand on top of hers as he gave her a small squeeze to try and calm and reassure her.

Ian Bordeaux

His touch caused all her barriers to collapse. The tears she had been holding back spilled over her lashes running down her cheeks. It was not a hysterical sobbing that would have matched her demeanor a few minutes before. This was the slow cry of a person who had given up and was processing the consequences of the actions that led them to this moment. Reaching up to her nose, Lexi rubbed it with the back of her hand catching a tear and preventing her nose from running. “Why did he do this to me,” she managed to eventually say followed up with a deep ah sound to fill the silence after her question as she wiped the next series of tears from her eyes. “He took me to dinner a million times but not like tonight,” she looked up still blinking rapidly. Sniffing back her nose she cleared her throat again. “Tonight he went all out. The food, the music, hell the name of the god darned name of the restaurant was the Northstar Cafe,” she used the base of her palms to push the tears both back into her eyes and off her face. Lexi was not going to get answers from Chris. That was obvious. Ian was the only hope she had. Lexi had to keep things together until she had her answers.

“I have spent the past two hours going over every....single....detail,” Lexi confessed. “I have replayed every word we spoke between deciding to go out for dinner and me leaving the party, Ian. Yes, hindsight is twenty-twenty but Chris threw me a pop fly into deep centerfield and I had no idea I was in the game.” Taking a moment, Lexi rested her elbows on the table and her face on her hands. Her palms were instantly slick with tears as Lexi worked to regain control of her emotions. She could not lose control of them now. If she opened the emotional floodgates, Lexi would shut down. Nothing Ian would say would get past the soul-crushing sadness that wracked her body so Lexi swiped her eyes with her fingertips hard as she lifted her face. Her nose was running like she had a cold. Reaching out to her right, Lexi pulled the coat that was draped on the chair next to her and wiped her nose with the sleeve.

“Hey! Kylie bought that for me, get your own you have a shirt.” Ian retorted as he pulled the coat away from her and threw it behind them on the couch.

“Shut up you can wash it,” she let out a warbly laugh grateful for the split second of levity Ian’s jacket provided to the situation. Using the sleeve, Alexandra blotted the sides of her nose. Giving Ian a watery smile Lexi sighed as she leaned back in the chair. This was not the first time Lexi had to wear a smile when she felt broken. Taking a sip of her drink, Lexi continued telling Ian about the events of the evening. “Chris told me we were going out to dinner. He also said that Noah was going to come to his senses, that Noah would realize how amazing I am and take me back. Turns out Chris took care of all the details alright.” Throwing back the drink Ian gave her, Lexi winced and shook her head forcng the swallow down. “Chris let Noah use a restaurant full of everything that I loved about Chris and me to visually point out why he could never be with me.” Lexi snatched Ian’s drink and polished it off in one large gulp before she started speaking again. She needed more to drink to quell the emotions returning along with a lump in her throat as she began to speak. Spying the bottle she forwent the glass and pressed it to her lips. Gulping down a huge swallow, Lexi focused on the burning of her mouth and throat so that she could continue to explain the night.

“Chris let Noah? Hon… I mean… what? Chris was asking you out. I told him to ask you out for Christ sake. You two deserve the happiness I see you give each other.” Ian said, confused as to what on Earth she could mean about making the restaurant for Noah to use.

“Ian, I know what was supposed to happen at that restaurant but god as my witness I never saw it coming. He said it was going to be our first official date but what guy doesn’t pick you up for your first date. Chris sent me directions and expected me to show up by myself, ” she could feel anger starting to surface again. Someone had to take the blame. If Chris was going to hide from her then Lexi would assign part of the blame for the failed evening on him. “That is fine a month in but hell he picked up every Bambi, Candy, and Wendy on this campus for four years when he took them on a date. He only ever told me where to meet him for pizza or pasta or lunch. The only time we went together to a resturant was if we were together at the time. Chris was always a gentleman to every faceless stranger. Even when he picked them up at last call from a bar he made sure they got where they needed after but he couldn’t pick me up?” Lexi’s look demanded an answer from Ian if she could not get one from Chris. “If tonight was so special why didn’t he pick me up or even wait outside.” Fresh tears exploded from her eyes. Lexi no longer cared if Ian saw phyically how she felt inside.

“Hon, did you never hear of theatrics doll? That name… Northstar… it alone should have rung some bell for you. Besides he was there, he picked out every detail of that place it was not cheap.” Ian said as he poured himself a drink as he let it slide down as it burned ever so slightly.

Tilting the bottle she gulped several large sips of the rum. The only thing that was going to fix tonight was one heck of a hangover tomorrow morning. It would help explain why she looked the way she did come dawn so Lexi gulped the drink like it was water desperate to find the amount of booze that would numb the sensations she felt.

“There was no one there Ian. I was standing on some street corner outside the place for about three minutes before Noah showed.” Pulling the jacket to her face, Lexi rubbed her eyes hard trying to stop the onslaught of tears that were now streaming down her face. “Noah showed and that was always Chris’ job,” she half yelled stabbing the table with a finger. “What was I supposed to think? I had no idea until I walked in and even then Chris never showed so was this some sick joke? Why would he go to so much effort and not pick me up or speak to me about the night? Why would be let me stand outside and let another man walk me into the dinner that he planned every detail for? You know the worst part,” she let the question hang in the air.

“See this is what I don’t get… why did Noah show up? Chris just wanted to make your first date magical beyond belief and you came with Noah?” this was a part Ian didn’t understand, she seemed just as in love with Chris as he was with her. Yet despite him saying it was a date, come alone, Northstar Cafe’, she still asked Noah to come.

“Well, I,” Lexi stuttered trying to find the words to give Ian his answer. She swallowed hard attempting to remove the lump forming in her throat. “I didn’t come with Noah,” Lexi emphasized the word that mattered the most in the sentence. “He… met....me there,” she looked away from Ian as she spoke raking her bottom lip with her top teeth. Staring at a spot on the wall, Lexi zoned out. Once action had resulted in a chain of events that set the night down the path it took. Starfleet taught its officers to look for the point of failure in any situation. This was so that they knew where to backtrack to set things on the right course. Tonight’s point of failure was Lexi making the call to Noah. She could run a thousand what-if scenarios but if she hadn’t made that call none of this would have happened.

“Because I didn’t want to look like an idiot. I didn’t want to show up in his favorite dress after being left by my boyfriend of four years and watch him dote on the girl of the hour to cheer me up. Yes he said it was a date but he also said he would get Noah there. I didn’t want to be in the position,” she stopped speaking immediately. The rest of the sentence was too damning.

“That you put him in,” Ian asked.

Lexi nodded and shrugged at the same time not wanting to fully commit to an answer. It had never been her intention to make Chris feel less as she did but it was also paramount that she didn’t get hurt again. Alexandra Garfield might not have been in love with Noah Stein but that didn’t mean she didn’t love him. Losing him was hard. She couldn’t take the chance of losing Chris also if things did not work out in the dating zone as it had in the friend zone. The silence filled the room creating an uneasy vibe between her and Bordeaux. Lexi could not take the silence any longer. Clearing her throat she started again.

“I have no idea if I should be mad or apologizing to him. I have no proof besides all the stuff Noah filled my head with about tonight. I could have asked Chris all these things but he took off. What if I am reading into all this? Is he going to strut into the room with some girl on his arm and I look like a jackarse sitting at his table,” her voice was full of venom as she gestured to the door, “crying over him? If I am so important why won’t he pick up the comm?” As the next round of tears sprung from her eyes, Lexi’s tone became pleading. “Why won’t he pick up the comm Ian?” Whether Ian had an answer or not didn’t make a lick of difference. Chris wasn’t here and wasn’t going to be. Putting her head down on her arms, Alexandra Garfield began to sob not caring who was there.

Cadet Lexi Garfeild

“Proof… sweet summer child how dumb are you. Ever since you got trapped in that mountain… he told me you know… I think that was the first time he could ever put to words what he felt for you.” Ian said as he thought about this all. For four years everyone could see the pair fawn over each other. It maybe have been two years ago Chris finally figured out what his heart was telling him for Lexi but it wasn’t like the pair hadn’t tiptoed around the pool for their entire collegiate career.

“But why is it all on me now,” she blurted out to Ian. Her eyes were red-rimmed and starting to take on that swollen aspect. Only an hour in and not even in that good cry stage meant Lexi was going to look like someone had died in three hours as the sun came up.

Looking at her he couldn’t help but shake his head, he knew she wasn’t dumb but he couldn’t fathom how these pieces didn’t click. Yes he may not have done it all right and proper but they were all there to put together. “That man has loved you since the day he meet you, and that almost kiss in that cave… with you two freezing your asses off thinking life was gonna end till they barged in to rescue you, that started his self-awareness. Trust me though he was in love far before that cave, he too was dumb but he caught on quicker.”

Ian’s words offered Lexi no comfort. She also learned another important lesson tonight. Three was a perfect number when things were going well but the minute things went south three changed from a musketeer to a wheel. Right now Ian was definitely siding with his best friend.

“Look, he loves you more than anything. He thought you came to a date with Noah and left, broken-hearted cause you couldn’t read the signs. He couldn’t stay here, not any longer. Three months of what he thought was going to be you and Noah back together after he put himself out there. This is the very thing he feared so much in admitting he loved you was losing you as a friend and now… well looks like that happened.” Ian wasn’t going easy on her right now, and frankly, she needed to hear the harsh truths. He couldn’t fathom how someone could be as smart as she was and miss every single sign.

“And my life is not in shambles,” Lexi spat out the words as if they were a bad taste in her mouth. “He’s broken-hearted? I lost Noah because of him. Noah would have given me the world. I could have settled into a happy life but now I don’t even have that. I don’t care if he was scared. Do you know how hard it was for me to sit back and watch the parade of women waltz in and out of his life not giving two shots about what he needed? Chris is as hot as hell. He is charming and witty and makes everyone feel good when they are around him. How easy do you think it was to sit there Ian and let him talk up his flavor of the week when I knew those women were not in it for even a chance at the long haul. Do you have any idea how many times I was willing to toss Noah aside just for one night with Chris.” Lexi knew how her words sounded and how it made her look but she was at rock bottom and didn’t care. “That night in the cave I gave him every signal I was willing except ripping my clothes off in front of him. Maybe if the people were five minutes later finding us you and I would not be having this conversation right now but they did.” Lexi let her regret consume her. Her body shook as wave after wave of tears streamed down her cheeks. There was so much history between Lexi and Chris for a couple that had never dated.

“I gave him everything for four years. Maybe not the bumping uglies kinda everything but he had my heart, soul, and attention yet it wasn’t enough. Chris may have wanted the carnal basics from them but they also just wanted him to fill a need? Some wanted to say they were his girlfriend. Other were looking for no more than a roll in the sheets but not one of those women cared to ask what he needed. I did. I asked every day and got the same response. It didn’t matter because he was not looking for anything long term. Chris is a big boy. He had a million chances to act on what he was feeling. I hate that he is putting this all on me. I don’t care that he was scared. I care that he just walked out,” Lexi wiped the tears from her eyes.

“He never left just you doll, we were going to go to the same posting keep the bromance going. I have had a few friends back at the ranch like Chris but we clicked in an odd way. I can’t really explain it, but I can tell you I understand that hurt. He didn’t just leave you. I can’t predict what Chris is going to do… lord I knew what was in his mind.” Ian said as he paused a second, he remembered when Chris and him first meet. It wasn’t perfect sailing right off the bat. Chris had a cavalier nature, as did Ian but Chris didn’t seem to care when to display it. His filter seemed to be broken, insulting professors and Klingons and whoever he felt need to be taking down a peg.

Lexi worked to control her emotions. She was not the only one suffering here. Ian was just doing a far better job at concealing it than her. Her actions and Chris’ actions seemed to implode everything that the four years had built between the three friends. The least Lexi could do was try to keep it together for Bordeaux. “I’m sorry this happened to you,” she said softly looking at Ian. “If I could take back the night I would but I can’t,” she gave him a weakened shrug that showed a single night had defeated her.

In many ways this made for a perfect mixture between the two, Ian was a diplomat with command track training. He knew how to talk anyone into anything. Chris had a knack for this as well, but most often it lead to women sleeping with him or drunken escapades with an Orion and Tellarite on Risa. Still Ian learned to loosen up over the years, Chris had a way of making things not seem so serious.

“He did want me to tell you something, he was sorry for the misunderstanding. I am not sure where he is getting deployed at, the USS Odin is picking him up but… he did leave you something.” Ian said as he got up and moved into his bedroom where he has stored the item. As he came back there was a large rectangular item in brown paper wrapped up with an aquamarine bow on top.

Lexi tentatively reached out to take what could only be a picture or painting from Ian. Before her was a Pandora’s Box wrapped in brown paper with a bow that was their signature color: Once she opened could never be closed again much like the Greek myth. Part of her didn’t want to open it. Opening it meant that the last piece of Chris was gone from her forever. Running her fingers along the edges she toyed with a corner. Not able to peel back the paper, she put her hands in her lap and stared at the large aquamarine bow. “I just need a minute,” she said in a cracked voice. Reaching across the table, Lexi took a large swig from the bottle gulping down two sips.

“I will be in my bedroom doll, let you mull over whatever he left you. If you want to talk about whatever is when it’s over, just come in.” he said as he pulled his arms around her from the back of her chair as he gave her a tight embrace before kissing her cheek.

As Ian relaxed the embrace, Lexi reached up placing her hands over his. Pulling him close to her, Lexi laid her head in the crook of his arm where their bodies met. Tightening her grip on Ian’s bicep she sobbed like her heart was broken. It helped to be held as she cried. Chris had held her so many times when she cried. Chris had rested his head over hers as they watched Old Yeller patting her leg as they recanted how twisted their parents were for making them watch this as children. He held her tightly to his body with her face in the nape of his neck as she cried learning her grandfather had died. Chris played with her hair as Lexi laid her head on his lap, soaking his pant leg, when she and Noah had had a lover’s spat. Chris had rested his forehead against hers in the ice cave, brushing the wet, tear-soaked strands of hair off her face promising her that she would see her family again. His arms had held her tightly from behind as Ian’s were now the day they found out several classmates had died during a training exercise. As her legs gave out, Chris never let go whispering over and over in her ear that she would be okay. So many times he had been there when she was at her lowest. Lexi would have traded all of them however to have Chris here holding her instead of Ian. “What I am going to do without him,” Lexi confessed once she had let the lastest round of crying subside.

“You follow your North Star where ever it leads,” he said kissing the back of her head and speaking into her hair. As he made his way to his room he left the door open and the light on bright so she could see it from the corner of her eye. In many ways it was a beacon for her, if she needed him after whatever Chris left her he would most certainly be by her side.

Stalling for time, Lexi reached for the bottle of booze as Ian left the room. Rum dribbled down her chin leaving three droplets on the bodice of her dress. She had had so much to drink and the effects were starting to show. Sticking out her tongue she guided the bottle into her mouth never bothering to wipe her chin. After choking down the swallows, Lexi set the bottle on the edge of the table and pulled the present squarely in front of her.

As Lexi would open the package that lay before her, she would find it was an oak framed painting of blue hues across a star-filled night sky over a lake. The brightest star seemed to shimmer above the lake which held two people in a boat as the paddled across. At the bottom a small placard would be find that read ‘Northstar Nights - Christopher Robins’. Lexi would recall the extra curriculum classes Chris and Ian had taking one semester for painting last year. It was a silly course they had done to fill their quota for that semester. Chris had always been very secretive of his final project, not once letting Lexi see it.

She ran her fingertips over the surface feeling every bump and ridge from the layered paint. She wasn’t sure the image should have this must texture but the rough surface was symbolic of their life together. Lexi would hang this picture in a place where she could see it every day. Picking it up she noticed something attached to the back.

When Lexi turned the picture on it’s back she would find a small note written and pinned behind, it’s hand written unmistakably Chris’s as it simply said Lexi on the envelope. As she would tear open the letter the ink would shine back dark and blue to her, he knew she hated black ink. Chris also told Lexi if you need to tell someone something, always write it out, it’ll mean more.

Dear Lexi,

As you read this you may feel confused or angry even. I am sorry first and foremost for leaving like this, I wasn’t sure how else to do this. I am happy beyond words you and Noah could make things work out, and I hope my mistake didn’t cause any further harm between you two. I don’t know why I didn’t say these words to you sooner, maybe it is cowardice, or fear of rejection. Either way it is clear to me that you don’t feel the same way I do. I haven’t known I loved you forever, but I do indeed love you. I wish I could have said that directly to you, and you back to me but it is clear that sense of romantic love is one sided. I left tonight early for my deployment cause I simply couldn’t watch the one person I can see myself living forever with planning her life with someone else. Just remember, I will always love you and while I take this time to heal I will always be your Northstar. Sadly for myself, I am not it seems guiding you two me as I hoped, but as long as you are happy in your life I can be happy and satisfied that I lead you to your happiness. Be safe, and be loved my beautiful Lexi, and know that I will never forget the times we shared or the memories we made.

~Christopher David Robins

Lexi was out of tears. Her hands trembled holding the note. Her head spun and her lungs felt like she could not take a breath. Chris was gone. The note said he was getting on with his life yet the only thing she could think of was how she could not with hers. Snagging the bottle at the edge of the table, Lexi stood up and looked around the room. Nothing was left that ever signified he was here save the boxes stacked against the wall. Moving in a slow uncoordinated rhythm, Lexi crossed the room and ripped open the first box. Shuffling through the contents, she pushed it over the box not finding what she wanted. The second box was jammed packed. So much so that Lexi began tossing items to the floor one handed as she polished off the bottle held in the other. Finally seeing what she was searching for Lexi released glass container pulling the sweatshirt to her face.

The glass bottle shattered into a thousand pieces on the floor spraying needle like shards and droplets of rum. Lexi acted as if she never noticed. Raising the sweatshirt to her face she inhaled deeply. The garment still retained the scent of his cologne. She was going to take this. Chris owed her. If he wasn’t going to be here physically, Lexi would close her eyes and imagine him standing before her.

Ian quietly got from his desk as he crept to his doorway, he made it so he could lean against the archway and see Lexi but tried to keep his pretense to a minimum. He wasn’t about to let his eyes off her, not with her having as much as she had to drink. He couldn’t deny he was feeling a bit tipsy himself.

Ian Bordeaux

It was time to go home. There was nothing left for her here. Her shoes where on the couch so that is where she was headed. Not caring about the state of the floor, Lexi wobbled to the spot Kylie was sitting in hours before. Flopping down she grabbed her heels and struggled to put the on her feet. The latch however seemed far to complicated to work in her state. As her frustraton mounted she threw it hard at the door to Chris’ bedroom. The room was spinning from all the physcal activity. The alcohol was throwing off her equilibrium. Grabbing her purse, Lexi dumped it out on the cushion next to her. Scattering half a dozen things she finally found her personal communicator. Punching in the code for Chris, Lexi waited as the call was placed.
“This is Chris,” his voice answering a second later.

“Chris,” Lexi snapped before melting into a pool of emotions. “Chris,” she said in a softer tone.

“I can’t pick up now so leave a message” the voice continued however Lexi was just focusing on the sound of his voice and not his words.

“Why did you do this to me? I love you. I have always loved you. I made a mistake tonight but so did you. You left me alone and no way to reach you. You took my Northstar and crushed it like your pulsar thing or or or a rogue ion storm or whatever destroys stars. Whatever that is…a star destroyer…that is you.” Lexi’s words were slurred and her message jumped around a bit making it a message one might have to listen to a few times in order to understand it. While the first part of the message was ripe with anger and love, the second part of the letter was desperation and love. “God I just need you to call back. Please call me. Pick up the call. You have always been my Polaritis. That was until tonight. How am I supposed to find my way or my way back to you when I don’t know where to go? I love you, Chris. Please come back home. I will not leave the couch. I will be waiting for you,” she rambled on further not noticing the call had been terminated. Lying back on the couch, Lexi held the sweatshirt close and closed her eyes. She would not stay all night. This was the tenth message she had sent Chris. If he wanted her, he could look for her. Alexandra Garfield would just rest her eyes for a second and them go home.

Cadet Lexi Garfield

*** One Week Later ***

Sitting at the bar at Memory Alpha, Chris sat looking at his personal PaDD. Staring at him was the list of all his messages, messages that sat unread and unheard ever since his departure from Earth after finding the one true love of his life choose another man over him. These messages seemed to taunt him, part of him wanted to listen but another part told him it would do no good.

“You look more sad every day I see you here handsome.” can the sultry voice from behind the bar as the bartender came and stood in front of Chris as she began to pour him another drink. “You ever going to play them?” she asked as she put a lock of her dark hair behind her ear. Ash had been seeing this new officer for over a week now, he was cute but he never talked much. When he did it always seemed to be about this woman he left back on Earth. She gathered enough to know it didn’t end well.

“You know… I just don’t see the point is all.” he said as he looked up at Ash. She had her own appeal, tan skin with smoky eyes and curves for days as he looked her over. Part of him pondered for awhile asking the woman out to try and snap himself out of his funk but always found himself short of doing so.

“Hey… my shift is almost over, how about we snag this bottle of vodka finish it off of each other at my place and see if we can’t just get you to forget this girl… she can’t have been that good to leave someone like you.” Ash said as she tilted her head, wondering if he would bite. He seemed like he could be fun if he just took a chance.

“You know… I don’t think so.” Chris said, a statement he never once uttered to any of the girls that clamored for his attention, grabbing his PaDD he tipped the waitress as he left.

Ensign Christopher Robins

*** Two Month Later ***

“I don’t know do you think it is too much,” Lexi sat on the edge of the counter in the science lab letting her feet dangle. They were moving in slow circles as if this movement could channel all her excited pent up energy out of their body. With the weight of her palm pressed to the table beside her, Lexi could lean forward, back, and to the side as she talked with her colleague.

“I dunno, Alex” George Munroe said absently. He was only half-listening to her at this point. Alexandra Garfield was any man’s dream. She was smart, beautiful, bubbly and most importantly single. At least that was what the roster stated when she joined the USS Discovery. The fact everyone soon learned was Alex was hung up on some schumuck halfway across the galaxy. Whoever this guy was he had to be as dumb as a box of rocks or a practicing celibate not to get the drift she was crazy about him. John, Sam, Paul, and Fred had taken their chances and come back from their date empty-handed and needing a very cold shower. Even Raoul, the ultra savvy shuttle pilot from Brazil who seemed to be able to make women’s clothes fall off faster than tequila, came back muttering things in Portuguese even the universal translator could not convert to English. Why George thought he stood a chance against the Discovery’s closer no one ever knew, still the man had donned his best and met Alexandra Garfield for lunch. Everything was going perfect until he mentioned Ensign Kane and her debacle in attempting to recreate an outback biome to study the effect of how many poisonous creatures could live in one tank and survive. The end of that story was only two creatures survived: the funnel-web spider and this Ensign Robins who dominated the conversation afterward.

As George went about monitoring his experiments and Alex prattled on and on about her newest scheme where she wanted to be subtle but not too subtle in sending a message to this Ensign Robins, the man could only think about how Alex and Spidey were similar. Both seemed to be able to trap anything that stumbled into their territory and both had a powerful venom that stopped you in your tracks instantly. Spideys was a powerful neurotoxin and Alex’s was a blow to your libido you could not recover from.

“So is a dozen too much or too little. I can’t figure out if I should be subtle and go with a rainbow assortment or stick to our tried and true aquamarine,” Alex leaned over grabbing a PaDD as she spoke. Banging out a search query for the items she needed, Alex let her mind drift to the last time she spoke to Chris. Her days were so lonely not having anyone to share her life with. Her parents and sisters did not get the Starfleet life nor her geeky side with science. The people she had met since graduating were nice but no one could even half slide into the mold Chris had emerged from. The few guys she met were nice enough but didn’t have the flair Chris did. They also seemed to assume every ‘hey want to meet up in the mess hall’ meant ‘let’s go out on a date and see what happens’.

Lexi was not against dating someone but it had only been two months since she broke up with Noah. She also could not fathom ever having someone in her life that wasn’t Chris so until she got her private life in order with him, there was no way she would get a public life with others going.

“A dozen is not going to be subtle,” George cocked an eyebrow at her. Listening to her scheme George set down the Padd, crossed his arms, and leaned against the other counter. There was no point in fighting a losing battle or attacking straight on. Maybe the way to Alex Garfield was to encourage these stupid ideas so that this Ensign Robins put out a do not contact order against her. It was a cheap and sleazy move but might work and then maybe she would be open to entertaining someone other than him as a topic twenty-four seven. “You know what go for it. I’d say do four dozen. You knew him for four years right. Make it a dozen a year.”

“Really,” she said as her face lit up showing she was in love with this new twist.

“Heck yes. I mean I would be speechless if you did that for me; until I called you to say thank you,” George winked at her. The smile Alex gave him put a smirk on his face. *Take that Raoul. Accents aren’t everything. By tomorrow she will be mine as I console her over the event.” George probably should have felt bad but he didn’t. Alex was the top target on the ship and he had a lock and load on her once she enacted this crazy idea.

Ensign Lexi Garfeild