Posted by Captain Kelly Bordeaux (Commanding Officer) in Counseling - Cara’s office

Posted by Lieutenant Cara Esmé O’Farrell (Counselor / Education Specialist) in Counseling - Cara’s office

Posted by Captain Kelly Bordeaux (Commanding Officer) in Counseling - Cara’s office
Posted by… suppressed (15) by the Post Ghost! 👻
Ensign Christine Brown stood at the counselor’s door waiting to be granted entry. Her problem was very personal and there were few people she could talk to about it on the ship. The people and her family that she spoke to about her struggle had vastly different points of view. Since the accident, her life had changed dramatically. Part of her was angry about it. The medical staff could fix everything and anything with a wave of a tricorder except the blank spots in her memory. The spots were small enough not to affect her job performance but large enough that it caused vast canyons in her personal relationships.

Ensign Brown

A woman, wearing a blue medical uniform, with curly bright red hair, green eyes, and classic pale skin marked her as having strong Irish Terran heritage stood in the open doorway. A very strong Irish accent flowed from her, “Hello En Brown. Please come in. I’m Lt O’Farrell. Ya can call me Cara if ya like.” She stepped back from the door. She offered her hand for a firm shake that seemed to put people at ease and make them feel welcome.

Immediately to the left of the door was a desk sitting catty-corner. A variety of places to sit, including a large reinforced couch, and low tables dotted the rest of the open area. The right wall was taken up with a wall to wall, floor to ceiling storage until. Books, various pieces of art, and nick knacks covered the shelves. The office was filled with shades of green and blue, brown and orange. “Help yerself te the replicator and have a seat.” O’Farrell grabbed a glass of tea off her desk and took a seat for herself.

O’Farrell

“I’m fine,” she politely refused the offer of a refreshment. Christine sat down in a chair feeling rather uncomfortable. It was not the counselor. It was the situation. Christine did not feel the need to come here but everyone in her life was clamoring that this was the only place to find a way to live right now. Her medical and prior counseling file would show that two months ago Ensign Brown had a head injury. Medically Brown had recovered fully from the injury and was back to unrestricted work and activities. The only complication was some partial memory loss which seemed to center around her and her finance, John, and her memories for the past 2 years.

“So John wanted me to come talk to you,” she admitted in a neutral tone. “He has been great, really but there are these big chunks I still don’t have remembering things that everyone in the universe keeps saying happened. I don’t doubt them. I see the pictures and videos and know they happened but I don’t remember them. The wedding is coming up in three months and I don’t know where I am at so John suggested I come talk to you.”

Ensign Christine Brown

Memory loss was a hard thing to cope with. For the person and those around them. It made it especially hard for the person when those around them became impatient or hurt over it. It changed the level of intimacy and comfort between people. “What does that mean, ‘ya don’a know where yer at?’” Can ya give me an example?” That would help give Cara a point of reference. Did she mean the ship, the relationship with John, her work, friends, her feelings, or any other number of scenarios.

O’Farrell

“I don’t know what I want but I don’t want to lose what I have,” she spoke in a riddle but it was not on purpose. It was how she felt. “What do you do when you have someone that honors ever vow one would speak in a marriage and you know it to the depth of your soul but can’t remember how you got there?”

Christine Brown

What Christine was saying actually made perfect sense, though it was clear she was frustrated and lost. “What do ya remember of your time with John? Tell me some of your memories ya do remember. Be as descriptive as yer comfortable bein’.” Sometimes repressed memories could be recalled by recalling associated memories in deep sensory detail. It would also give Cara an idea of how much time and experience Christine had lost.

O’Farrell

“That is the problem,” Christine’s frustration was very evident. “I am not sure. When you look at a picture you are in you see the emotions, the scenery, the people in it. You think, yeah I remember that beach and being happy but do you really or are you just accepting what you see. Its like when you look at pictures of yourself before you actually have a memory it it. Say when you are 2 years old or such. You know it happened and you accept you crawled into the bathtub with your clothes on because you see the baby you but you really don’t remember it. You take that image though and joke later that “I crawled into the bathtub with my clothes on but I never would have known that if I didn’t see the picture of it. That is my life. Some things I do remember clearly. Like John and I’s first date from five years ago but don’t ask me about Christmas last year because all I can say is I got a robe and that is because there is a picture of it.”

Christine Brown

“Okay, tell me about yer first date.” It didn’t matter when it happened, it mattered if it was something she was sure she remembered.

O’Farrell

“That is simple. I was on duty and he popped over like a teen in a science class. We got to talking and decided we wanted to continue the conversation so we met for coffee, which turned into dinner, which turned into pancakes. I hesitate to call it a date because most first dates don’t last 18 hours and yet it felt like only an hour or two.”

Christine Brown science.

Cara smiled, “A date is a date. The only restrictions are the ones ya put on it yerself.” She sipped her tea slowly and then set the cup down. “What did ya learn about him during those 18 hours? Why did ya decide ta go out with him again?”

O’Farrell

“He was funny. He made me laugh the entire time. He was also kind. We hung out a lot and things just happened,” Christine shrugged. “I can tell you about half a dozen more memories but I don’t know if it is true or if I am just accepting it and filling in the blanks. There is a picture of us skiing on Andoria. We were so happy that day or were we. I can see the picture so I know I was there. I can open my closet and find the clothes I was wearing in the picture hanging there. I can tell you we probably had a full day of skiing down the slopes but that is because that is what you do skiing. I can’t tell you what we ate at dinner that night or when se left the slopes but honestly who remembers a pleasant day with details like that. I can tell you the explosion happened at 1420 hours because I just got back from my break. I can tell you I remember smelling the smoke and ashe when I woke up but it was because it was traumatic but I can’t tell you the details about any other time after my breaks.”

Christine Brown

Cara nodded, “That’s how the brain works. The stronger the emotions the more vividnthe memory. It’s confusing not knowing what is memory and what is suggested by your surroundings. So let’s focus on those memories you have that don’t have photos and clothes and everyone reminding you about them.”

“Think about those. The memories you know for sure are yours. Based on those memories is John still someone you would want to know and spend time with?”

O’Farrell

“Absolutely,” Christine stated. “The problem is not with him. He is patient and said he would make me fall in love with him all over again if I wanted to call off the wedding. The problem is all the holes in my memory. I am focusing on him but it’s my entire life that is sketchy over the past five years. Before five years I remember everything. Since the accident, I remember everything. It is that middle. Medical said it is not coming back and I am lucky to be alive but its disconcerting to say the least. It is like I am watching a movie of my life all the time.”

Christine Brown

bump

“Christine, would it be alright if I looked at your medical scans from the accident and after? I would like to see what kind of damage and injury you sustained.”

Lt. O’Farrell, counselor

“Absolutely,” she said in a rather enthusiastic tone. Right now she would take help from anyone in dealing with this condition. The records would show she did have a TBI that affected areas of her long term past memories and had a mild impact on her short term memory.

Christine Brown

Cara had only basic medic training, but she was familiar with conditions that affected emotion and cognition. She was confused though. “We have had the ability ta heal brain damage since the mid 2260s. I’m no seein’ a reason listed for why those treatments didn’a work.” She would have to consult with the doctors to find out why.

“They can’t cure Irumodic Syndrome,” Christine felt a lash of anger. It was not the therapist’s fault but sometimes when injuries were not visible it was hard for others to understand. It was easy to see a missing limb or a scar but internal scars needed to be often explained. Before coming back with a comment born out of Christine’s own frustration, she took a deep breath and remembered where she was and who she was speaking to.

Christine had come here on her own. Cara had not requested Christine show up so there was no reason to be irrationally angry with her. She was not ordered to so this session was by her choice. If she walked out of the office, Cara wouldn’t have to call security to bring her back. Christine was here by her choice and she needed to remember that all her anger and frustration could be shared but not directed at that counselor. A counselor’s job was to ask the tough questions so that people could get to the root of what was hurting them. If the counselor avoided tough questions, injuries would never heal. Letting out a deep, calming breath, Christine decided to share more and not just assume there was a magic fix like so many of her friends and family assumed there was.

“My injury was to the temporal lobe of my brain. They were able to fix that but it extended into the hippocampus and more directly into the amygdala. One of the docs said that my polysynaptic pathway for memories was intact which is why I can maintain facts and concepts because my semantic memory is intact. It is the direct pathway that was impaired causing problems with my episodic memory or the recollection of events. There is also something about the CA1 pyramidal neurons but that starts to get over my head,” Christine laughed uncomfortably. “Our magic wands can’t fix everything,” she then lowered her voice, “but I wish they could,” she added in a softer tone.

Cara didn’t mind the outburst, even if it was temporarily aimed at her. Anger was an understandable emotion in this situation. Her office was a safe place for Christine to let vent her emotions.

“In the mean time, have you done any associational therapy? There is also neural pulse therapy that aims ta stimulate the neural pathways inta healin’ and naturally restorin’ the memory engrams.”
Lt. O’Farrell, counselor

“We have tried all that and more,” the sadness in Christine’s voice was evident. “The issue is not fixing the damage to some cells but retrieving the information from the cells. One doctor,” Christine looked up wistfully at a corner of the room, “explained it to me as trying to wiping a computer database. You never fully eliminate everything but when things are gone they are gone. They can repair the damaged organs but not get back the information.”

Trying to remember why she was here and not just throwing up obstacles, Christine tossled her hair a bit before saying, “can you tell me what associative therapy is? Maybe we can try that?”

Christine Brown

“Associational therapy is a type of medical treatment sometimes used when someone has experienced memory loss. The process involves exposing the patient to familiar surroundings in the hope that this will spur the brain’s neural synapses into regenerating. This is not done directly. So we would not attempt to recreate a specific day or event in your history, but something more generic. Like your quarters from five years ago. We could recreate what it would look like on any given day. We would spend time in that recreation. We would do the same for your time at the Academy, your childhood home, a favorite recreational space, your workstation. Experience things that are adjacently associated to the memories you’ve lost.”

“Right now though, what you need to focus on is not what you’ve lost, but what you do remember, and making new memories. I’d like you to keep a journal of things you remember. Even if you aren’t sure if you remember or someone told you once. Don’t let anyone clarify for you, just allow your brain to do it on your own. Make note of what it was. An object, a sound, a smell, whatever triggered you to remember and what you remember. This will help us determine what part of your memory and recall is affected.”

Lt. O’Farrell, counselor