Posted by Captain Kelly Bordeaux (Commanding Officer) in Mandatory Annual Counseling- Kelly with Rinker…When the past doesn’t match the future or the present
Snip

“We getting drunk after this,” Kelly said to Ian entering the counseling suites. While she was just as irritated as her husband, at this minute, she was a wife and not a commanding officer.

“Plastered,” Ian winked at her before heading over to Cara’s door.

Kelly waited until Ian entered the office before palming the door chime to Rinker’s office. She had zero desire to be in his office when it wasn’t a social call. Socially, the man was great to catch a drink within the lounge. He was quick with his wit and his humor fell right in Kelly’s sweet spot of funny but with a sprinkle of sarcasm. Waiting she took a sip of her coffee knowing Rinker tended to not see the point of playing food and beverage host during his one-hour session. She didn’t doubt he could give her a cup of coffee but Kelly had known the man long enough to know he knew her trick of using coffee to avoid and evade less than comfortable situations.

Kelly Bordeaux CO

“Enter,” Rinker called abruptly. Much like a captain order to go to warp a counselor’s call to enter his office was an iconic part of his personality.

“Ah, Captain, commander, the Bordauxs - Bordeauxes…” He tilted his head. Even though the spelling had changed the pronunciation didn’t really match the sounding.

“So are we doing couple counseling, or am I going to have to do this one at a time.”

Rinker

“Today one at a time,” Kelly said before turning to Ian and whispering something under her breath to him. While Rinker would not hear the words, he would see the expression on Ian’s face. It was an expression of irritation and annoyance but changed as fast as a breeze to the more casual smile he typically wore. Kelly watched Ian walk out and kept her back to Rinker long enough to replace whatever expression she was wearing to a more neutral one when she turned to face the chief psychiatrist.

“We are your 1300 and 1400-hour appointments,” she confirmed what Rinker already knew. “Ian has to go for his annual psyche eval suddenly even though it is four months off just like I suddenly was required to get mine done.” The disdain in her voice was evident. “It was suggested that we not see the same person so he is with Cara for the next hour. After that he is coming back over here to discuss some…things.” Kelly had an easy relationship with most of her crew. She didn’t mince words but she also wasn’t as reserved as she seemed to be now. Taking a seat across from Rinker, Kelly looked around the room. She was far more formal than normal and clearly tense. Whether it was because she was being forced here, like Ian next door with Cara, to satisfy the powers that be back in Starfleet HQ or due to the obvious recent events in her life remained to be seen.

“Who would suggest that?” Rinker countered. He had several theories that would suggest separate counselors would be a good idea. He disagreed. The fact is an individual therapist probably shouldn’t be the couple’s therapist, but a therapist could do individual therapy for two people. In fact, often it was helpful as it was getting both sides of an argument without letting them argue.

“Some bozo at Starfleet command,” Kelly rolled her eyes. “My gut says Admiral Perkins but it is only a guess. Originally, they ordered Ian and I to see two strangers on Idax V which is where we were ordered to head to and await further orders.” Idax V was a backwater moon orbiting a gas giant with a small Federation outpost. The Federation had an outpost there whose main duty was resupplying ships. The reason for the Atlantis heading there could be to reduce secondary casualties or to keep the situation on the ship out of the public eye. “Then Admiral McLaren stepped in and the consensus was our ship with two independent counselors. With all the things going on behind the scenes right now, I think it was the best option. We might be a dysfunctional family right now but we are a family.”

“You are fortunate the ship has two counselors.” Rinker served on many ships and stations with only one counselor for 1000 crew. Now annuals would represent 25 weeks of work for a thousand people which would only leave maybe 15 hours a week to address individual long term issues, which usually was enough if the counselor was willing to work without breaks. There would be a couple of long term cases, and perhaps twice as many crises, but again one counselor per ship was enough. Although he was certainly grateful for the help.

Focusing her gaze on Rinker, Kelly decided to be direct. “So are you and I going to do a dog and pony show for an hour before you stamp me sane and fit for command or are we going to make this easy and you sign off now so we can have a drink before Ian gets here?”

Kelly Bordeaux CO

“You are bossy even in settings where you aren’t the boss.” Rinker looked under his desk for a moment and pulled out a bottle and two glasses.

“No, I am just succinct and I am the boss everywhere. This ship should be called the USS Bordeaux.” Her smirk was definitely cocky but there was a tension to it. Normally Kelly was laid back and confident almost to a fault. Today she was faking her calm, her confidence, or both.

“Are you trying to get me to disagree?” He was about to counter, the ship might be USS Bordeaux, but this office was all Rinker, but she was inviting the power struggle.

“No,” Kelly conceded. Her capitulation came far faster than even she expected until she took a moment to gather her thoughts. This was not Rinker’s first rodeo. He instantly read through her bs and called her out as succinctly as she proclaimed the fact she was the Captain. Consciously or subconsciously Kelly created a power struggle between them which he deftly identified and embraced. As Captain, power struggles were a daily occurrence and never created a favorable atmosphere for discussion. Neither of them wanted to be here so making the session more confrontational was going to accomplish nothing. “I think this is a waste of our time in the sense we both know that no one at Starfleet command is worried about me being in command of this ship. If they had been they would have swapped me out faster than I can finish this sentence. Me being ordered to come to your office was just for show hence my comment about it being a dog and pony show.”

“That is the case for most captain’s. Even those who qualify as to needed help, it isn’t the fix him or he is going o blow up a planet. There aren’t that many Garth of Izar’s out there even fewer that rise to the level of Captain of a Starship. In fact there are things in place to prevent that, mainly the first officer as opposed to a therapy session.”

“What these sessions are more about, was to keep all the side stuff from piling up and having good captains burn out and resign, or requested reassignment. Admiral April, Captain Pike… there is a long list of our best and brightest that had to leave their ships for months or years at a time. A waste of talent.”

“How bout, just the dog show and a little less pony.”

“Thank you,” Kelly gave him a small smile. Heathcliff Rinker assumed command roles so effortlessly. He was one hundred percent in the driver’s seat in this room and anyone walking through the door knew it; however, you also knew that he gave you the map and let you pick the destination and how long you were willing to take to get there.

“I’ll concede the fact that you are sane, and meet you halfway. Drinks and you can tell me what has been your biggest personal problem this year.” He poured the two glasses way too full for 1pm in the afternoon. “Just so you know, I’m going to drink on duty for your husband as well.”

Rinker
:
“This is a beautiful thing,” Kelly said taking a sip of the overly full drink. It relaxed her far more than anything else Rinker could have done. It spoke to his ability to manage the Bordeauxes as he joked. He had known Kelly a long time and used his knowledge to nudge her where she often needed to go.

“No one offers me a drink on duty but even if they did I could not accept. Always having to be in control is a… yatza I think Jessa would say but I am not entirely sure if that word describes a difficult woman or the destination opposite heaven” A small chuckle left her lips before Kelly took a second sip. “As to my biggest personal problems,” she added an S to the word, “that would take much longer than an hour so how about we talk about either how half the crew wants to mutiny or how I break it to Ian he is losing his man cave to the newest unofficial member of the Atlantis.” Kelly took a third sip and waited for Rinker to reply.

Kelly Bordeaux CO

“Well lets consider this office an inter-spacial rift where rules don’t apply and you actually answer the questions asked as opposed to just being evasive like I don’t notice what you’re doing.” This is what he does for a living, last time he was willing to jut let it go to build rapport, but that wasn’t necessary now.

And now we are flooring the gas pedal, Kelly thought. Rinker was going to use every minute of this hour productively. The last time she had talked with him, it was a discussion about Jessa’s mental health. She did not doubt his skill but his timeline. Sitting across from him, Kelly was actually witnessing how the easygoing officer could be as badass as any Marine. Kelly also felt the struggle of trying to actually open up with issues that were bothering her. Maybe it was the pressure of always having to feel like she had everything under control and mentally accepting both she and Rinker knew that the most accurate image of Kelly right now was someone treading water with anchors tied to her ankles.

“Oh role play. Counselors have the best games,” Kelly let out a small laugh taking a large swig of her drink. If it had been normal size, she would have put down the shot but this was closer to two and a half measures. “Remember my check-in?” Looking over her shoulder at the closet she got a sly grin. “You still have those golf clubs and webbing? I seem to remember we used these glasses to see who was the best putter with eggs Benedict on the line. FYI that was the best triffing eggs Benedict I ever had in my life.” It was not that Kelly was avoiding the topic, just delaying it as the booze relaxed her.

He couldn’t help but chuckle. “Oh that session where you flirted to get out of your evaluation? Yes I remember everything.” Rinker could say almost anything with that sarcastic tone that was a step away from offensive. He picked up his drink and finished far more that Kelly did. Rinker was a decent drinker but wasn’t one of those professionals that seemed to have a hollow leg. If he kept up this pace he’d feel it later.

Taking a larger sip, Kelly tried to hide her amusement with his comment. The flush in her cheeks was knowing she was not as slick as she thought she was back then and even still today. Rinker had just mentioned her being evasive and like an obstinate teenager bucking the system, Kelly still hadn’t fully accepted she could control everything in this room. “I see why Jessa has stated visiting you daily makes her feel like she is triffing losing her mind about what is right and wrong.”

“I’d like to think you have a little more maturity than the 9 year old, brainwashed, assassin, probably.”

“I don’t follow Jessa profanities as close as to determine what they actually mean. I follow the tones and know when she’s cursing at me.”

“Triff is the f bomb. Then we have varp which Ian and I think roughly translates to hell. Yahtza is witch and Drakk is ass or at least as close as we can determine.” Polishing off her drink she set it on the edge of his desk. Her check in was very memorable and a pleasant one. Maybe revisiting the past wasn’t always a bad thing. “So same rules apply,” she nodded to the glass. “At the end, we putt out for eggs?”

“At the end,” he countered. “We aren’t starting with the putting and you exploring my office. And like I said, I don’t pay that much attention to people cursing. Someone in therapy would say just about anything to anyone to avoid introspection. Much like some captains I know.”

“You’re right,” she acquiesced. “You threw me a bone,” Kelly hinted back to the dog show comment from earlier, “so how about if we,”

“No thanks,” Rinker tilted his head at her, “we negotiated the terms, you accepted the drink, now as one would say on a date, ‘put out,’” Kelly had worked hard to make this as superficial an assessment as possible, but he wasn’t going to take the first thing she proffered. Kelly even when ‘playing along’ wouldn’t give him what she was trying to hide without him using more than a few of his tricks, and probably a bit of alcohol. You didn’t get to be a captain without learning how to drink, but he was doing it to test that theory.

Rinker

“How am I supposed to talk about my biggest personal problem and not sound like a cold-hearted evil step monster,” Kelly reclined back but gestured at the empty glass. “I think we are gonna have to re-fuel the tank for this conversation.” The struggle in this conversation was not talking about it with Rinker. She had nothing but the utmost respect for the man.

“Well I’m supposed to keep that to myself, but if we drink enough I won’t remember.” Rinker was certainly going to remember whatever she said, but if to give proof to his statement he refilled the only half drunk glasses. “Twice the security.”

“Top it off,” she made a rolling motion with her hand. The struggle right now was not with Rinker. It was internal. Heathcliff was the safest person in the world to talk to about her struggles. Over the years, she had come to him with moral and ethical dilemmas which without his insight, Kelly might have made the wrong call when it was time to make a decision. She had come to him with issues she had with crew members. Kelly needed to crap and get off the pot because prolonging this was not healthy. Kelly did need help and asking for it was harder than facing down a Dominion warship.

Rinker filled the glass to the rim. It was a sub-conscious pressure to get the liquid from the top of the glass and to finish off the last drops. Keeping the alcohol from the mid point of the glass would encourage faster consumption.

Taking a sip of the newly refilled drink, Kelly waited until the pause was long enough to make her edgy. She had come here under the pretense of an annual eval and Rinker threw her a bone clearing her for duty but there would be a cost. She could not blame him though. They had been friends for almost half a decade. The man across from her was the chief psychiatrist and while Kelly was fit to command, even she had to admit if the situation was reversed she would be worried about the person under the captain’s pips.

As the warm liquid traveled down her throat, Kelly let out a sigh rolling the glass on the edge of the chair staring at it. “You know it is not you. I am fine talking to you,” Kelly stated not looking directly at Rinker. “It’s more not wanting to put my thoughts out to the universe. Sometimes it feels like if you say it, then it happens. Maybe if I say it and it happens I am not going to be ready for it.”

Kelly Bordeaux CO

“It’s an illusion, and a way to cause yourself emotional agony… to believe your secrets are any worse than the next person. It prevents you the escape, the support of others. It is weakness to continue to torture itself in the closet where we keep our secrets.”

Rinker

“The support of others?” A sarcastic huff of air escaped her nose as she rolled her eyes. “Have you been camping out in your closet this past week?” Anger and frustration were starting to bubble over in her words and gestures. Kelly took a long, almost gulping sip as if trying to drain the glass. The three swallows were all she could manage at one time. Setting the glass on his desk a bit harder than she intended, the click echoed in the room. “Half my crew are carrying banners with my name on them and the other half are burning the banners.”

“Captain isn’t a popularity contest.” He said bluntly. “Your job is to be fair and make the best decisions you can.”

Kelly had broken the damn and not it was impossible to hold back all the water. “The command staff all want me to show them grace and empathy when they come to me with whatever issue they are facing but obviously that is only one-sided. I guess I made the mistake of thinking I was more to some than just a commanding officer. Tough pill to swallow but,” she picked up the glass and symbolically took a sip before setting it on the arm of her chair, “it’s down and so is my expectations of how I thought it might go down.”

Kelly Bordeaux CO

“That is unfortunately true as well. Nobody gives a damn how this is affecting you. Your the captain, you are just another part of the ship, like the engines, or the holodeck and for most of them if you can’t give them what they want when they want it you are doing a bad job. ”

“I’ve seen friendly captains, hostile captains, everything is a group decision, or tyrants. You know some of these are more popular than others. But what is most true, is the most successful Captains are the one’s that are true to themselves… with a little bit of tweaking.”

“It is common for individuals to only see their point of view. That’s the same for captains… that is the little tweak we all need. Everyone in this universe has the same amounts of stress, and thoughts you do. Its hard to remember it.”

Rinker