Posted by Warrant Officer Jacen “Flex” Flexwood (Security Officer/Special Forces Division) in Alt Timeline - Checking In (Cara Esme O’Farrell)

Posted by Lieutenant Cara Esmé O’Farrell (Counselor / Education Specialist) in Alt Timeline - Checking In (Cara Esme O’Farrell)

Posted by Warrant Officer Jacen “Flex” Flexwood (Security Officer/Special Forces Division) in Alt Timeline - Checking In (Cara Esme O’Farrell)
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Cara watched him sit on the extremely over large couch. The average person looked like a child sitting on it. It was exceptionally comfortable though. Cara glanced around the office and a smile played on her lips, “Well I’d like ta take credit for the decor, but my predecessor left most o’ this behind. I do like it.” She sipped from her mug. “So what brings ya ta this starbase with warp drive?”

O’Farrell

He pondered what’d she’d said about her predecessor, and found it curious that she had not made the space her own. He wondered if she’d had a connection to the previous counselor or if she were perhaps a bit of a drifter who tried not to get too connected to one place. Perhaps he’d look into that mystery one day.

He smiled at the way she phrased her question, and his response was self-deprecating. “Honestly I got old, and it beat getting put down or put out to pasture.” His tone was light, though there was a certain resignation in his tone that kept it from providing the levity he intended.

Flex

Cara’s brows went up, “Yer mid 30s? That is hardly old for Fleet service. And Atlantis is far from bein’ docile.” If he was looking for an idle and easy assignment, this wasn’t it. Of course Atlantis wasn’t a battle ship either.

Cara had scanned his basic profile before he had arrived, and knew he had made a career change. “Is tha’ old fer the Marines? Is that why the service change?” There were times to beat around the bush, but an onboarding eval wasn’t one of them.

O’Farrell

He smiled at her immediate reaction before responding sincerely. “I’m a thirty five year old Non-Commissioned Officer with a special forces background, who suffered a significant injury. Honestly I’d gone as far as I could go in the Marines without a commission… after my injury and rehab, it seemed unlikely that I could meet the physical requirements to qualify for a special forces commission… but I was still more than capable of qualifying for Fleet based services.

Flex

“Ya would have received a medical discharge and received all yer benefits. Not ready ta retire?”

O’Farrell

“And do what?” He asked bluntly. “It’s the only place I’ve ever known with structure and community… No… I don’t think retirement suits me.”

Flex

Interesting. He’d never encountered a sense of community elsewhere or he never found a community where he felt he fit? “Service does provide a very clear structure. What do you think of the Fleet community, Chief. It’s different from the marines, a different mind set.” Cara had learned that very quickly serving on Atlantis. She’d always known that, but she’d never worked closely with marines until she came here. She couldn’t exactly say the working relationship was close either. They had their ‘country’ and very rarely did the two countries meet.

O’Farrell

“Honestly…” he began before pausing to think of how he wanted to phrase his response. “It’s a little overwhelming. The job piece is fine and while the approach is different, it isn’t so radically different that it required a significant adjustment. There seems to be much more of the mundane to deal with in day to day operations, but that’s a given considering previously I was being sent into various hot spots. It’s the masses of humanity contained in a confined space. The constant buzz of energy and activity, whether it’s the machinery, artificial lighting, or people… and there’s little to no escaping it.” He stopped again and took a sip of his drink.

“I don’t mean to sound anti-social, but when serving planetside there were places for one to slip off and enjoy some solitude. Sure, I can go to the holodeck or a holosuite and simulate it… but actual fresh air… well I’ll just say it has been an adjustment.”

Flex

Cara could understand that. Her previous posti gs had been pla et side or a starbase. Much more room to get away than a ship. “It donna sound anti-social. We all need space ta ourselves. I would recommend the arboretum if yer lookin’ for fresh air. That’s the nice thing about these Mythology class ships. We have three of ‘em. Arboretum 1 is on deck 14, takes up half the deck. It’s huge. Ya can’t miss it, shares the deck with the upper half of the security suite and science labs.”

“That’s a very good idea. I’ll keep that in mind” He said sincerely.

“How is yer recovery goin’? Any lingerin’ concerns ya need ta discuss?”

O’Farrell

“It’s going.” He said flatly. “It’s not as pretty or athletic as it used to be. But healthy enough to get the job done well.”

He intentionally left his response at the physical.

Flex

“Well, that’s good. Make sure ta take that up with Dr. Talissa. She’s the medical dr after all.” Cara smiled gently and leaned forward slightly. “Chief, this only works if ya are open. Ya tell me ya had an op go bad, and ya were injured ta the point ya needed a career change. One ya were no planin’ on. And since yer psych files haven’t caught up with ya, we’re goin’ ta have an ‘onest conversation. So tell me how yer doin’ mentally and emotionally.”

O’Farrell

Flex let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding and visibly sank into the couch he was sitting on. “I know… I know..” he said more to himself as a way of giving himself some time. He took a long drink of his tea before setting the beverage aside and sitting forward on the couch so that his elbows rested on his knees. Pressing his feet firmly into the floor below them allowed him to physically ground himself.

“I’m not intentionally being elusive… it’s like the old holos about athletes who are afraid to visit their buddies in medbay because they don’t want to deal with their own mortality.” He trailed off knowing that his justifications wouldn’t get the conversation where she wanted… no it needed to go.

Cara gave a slight nod, acknowledging the sentiment he was conveying. She remained silent otherwise, giving him space and time to begin.

He wasn’t sure what all details he could go into given the sensitive nature of his previous line of work, but he could tell the story without them. “While serving in the Marines, I was a special forces operator. My teams last mission was to some no name moon of Marva IV in the Cardassian DMZ. The daughter of a Federation senator had been kidnapped during a humanitarian mission. Parameters were pretty straight forward, we had the girl’s location… small rebel base… knew the resistance we could potentially encounter… 10-15 moderately trained guerilla fighters… ops like that are never clean, but we knew what to expect and were damn good at our jobs.” Flex paused a moment as he shifted in his seat.

“The problem is, the intel was wrong. We got to where the girl is supposed to be and she’s not there. Turns out, she didn’t get kidnapped… she got into a fight with her senator daddy and ran off with a lover. Of course the senator had to save face… hence the kidnapping story.” Jace flexed his neck side to side with and audible crack.

“That would’ve been fine, but as we go to exfiltrate the base got raided by Cardassians. Of a six man fire-team we lost three, one is still in coma, one left the service, and then there’s me.”

“So I’m not great mentally and emotionally at the moment. I’m trying to adjust to life in the Fleet, which I’m finding more difficult than expected because some of my security colleagues look down on me because of my background as a Marine instead of a freshly minted Academy graduate. I have started to make a few friends though and am able to divert myself with regular sessions in the holosuite.” He paused a moment when he felt he was rambling.

Jacen picked up the tea again and took a long drink, his eyes resting on the floor just at the counselor’s feet. He wondered how her assessment of him would look at this moment.

Flex

“Even knowin’ it wasna goin’ ta be clean, that is a devastating outcome. I would be worried if ya said yer fine.” Cara settled back in her seat. “I’m sure it’s no easy making the transition. Star Fleet Security and Federation Marines have always had friction between them. Atlantis hosts a contingent of marines. Some times that makes things easier and sometimes not. All good officers on both sides though. Give yerself and them some time. Especially yerself, Chief. Even though you spent the time in transition at the Academy, movin’ back into full service is a significant change.”

“What do ya do when the holosuite doesna work?”

O’Farrell

He cracked a smile as she mentioned that tensions between security and the Marines, as it made him remember his first interaction with his department head. “Oh nothing productive.” he said, full of humor but not joking. “Physical outlets are the first go to. Then any vices that are legal but mind numbing. I’ve found a pretty good balance between the holosuite and physical pursuits. I’m only turned to the vices once or twice in the last couple months and then I am always reminded the next day that I’m too old for that stuff.

Flex

“Productive is a matter of perspective. Do they help ya deal with the memories?” Cara asked.

“I don’t know that it would qualify as dealing with them. But it takes them off my mind for a bit which is the goal.”

Vices could take on many forms, and usually were chosen directly for how they represented what made the person want to indulge them. It was a self learned response. “What specifically drives you to those vices?”

O’Farrell

“They either feel or taste good, or some combination of the two.” He said earnestly.

Flex

Cara nodded. Find pleasure and happiness through physical means was not an unusual reaction to such trauma. “How often are you using the holodeck and physical persuits to distract yourself? How often are you turning to these vices?”

“I exercise four or five times a week depending on the duty schedule, its where I can let my mind shut off… I never could get the hang of meditation… not enough action.” He said light heartedly. “I’ll usually go to the holodeck once a week or so… other physical pursuits I’ll engage in as often as I can find a consenting partner. Since joining the Atlantis I’ve only drank myself into a stupor twice… Once because I had to show some NEs what I was made of, the other was the anniversary.”

Cara was concerned that three years later, Flex was still seeking out these distractions on a regular basis. “What type of mental health treatment did you recieve after the incident?”

O’Farrell

“I received the standard bereavement leave, batteries of physical and mental assessments, and mandated counseling.”

Flex

Exercise was its own form of meditation. Klingon Mok’bara was proof of that. For his position regular exercise was good and necessary. “How did the mandatory counseling go? We’re ya given any techniques ta work through the memories rather than just suppressin’ them? There are times when we must put our emotional traumas and memories ta the side, but it is no a solution. Things tend to get worse if that is her long term plan.”

O’Farrell

“To be blunt, I didn’t get much out of it at the time. The counseling division where they sent me was overworked so I didn’t get to see the same person regularly and obviously that makes it impossible to build rapport. I’m not trying to say anything negative about any of the counselors I worked with, they were very nice and I’m sure they were doing their best with what I gave them to work with… it’s just…” He trailed off for a moment before deciding to just say it. “Honestly it felt like they were just trying to check some bureaucratic boxes to make sure I didn’t step out an airlock too soon where the Federation could be blamed for it.”

Flex

Cara nodded, “I am familiar with the experience ye discribe. I am also very sorry that was yer experience. It should not have been, no matter how over worked or under staffed.” She paused for a moment. “This what I would like ta do. I would like ta see you in 2 weeks and then again at one month, just ta talk about how yer transition to the Fleet and the Atlantis is goin’. Also, the next time ya feel the need ta distract yerself, especially when yer leanin’toward those vices, ta call me. I’ll help ya work through it, and over time see if we can’t help ya heal a bit better. How do ya feel about that arrangement? We can certainly do weekly appointments if ya prefer, but ya seem ta have a lot on yer plate at the moment.”

O’Farrell

Jacen sat in silence for a long moment. He loathed the idea of needing regular sessions… it felt like a crutch. The longer he sat with the thought though he got the overwhelming feeling that his pride was talking. He’d carried the baggage so long that he wasn’t sure quite how to put it down, but damn it was starting to get heavy. As he mulled it over, he decided that since he was going to be on this ship in the far reaches of space for quite some time that it might be the right time to give treatment a shot, if for no other reason than it gave him someone else on the ship to talk to… and it would be in a relatively controlled setting which felt appealing given the sheer amount of energy on this ship. “I think I can give it a shot at the very least.” He said, uncertainty… but a sense of resignation in his voice.

Flex

Cara was quiet and still while he thought it over. Most people didn’t like the suggestion and bucked at it. She knew however it was past time for the Chief to develop better coping skills. There was some traumas that people never got over, but there were ways to learn to handle it. When he spoke she heard the resignation. “We’ll give it a try and then we can always reevaluate. Is there anythin’ else ya want ta discuss, Chief?”

O’Farrell