Posted by Gamemaster Deus Ex Machina (GM) in Rinker’s Office - Jessa’s counseling session 2 - Lets talk about the Order - When the past doesn’t match the present…or the future

Posted by Civilian Jessa Novar (Child) in Rinker’s Office - Jessa’s counseling session 2 - Lets talk about the Order - When the past doesn’t match the present…or the future

Posted by Gamemaster Deus Ex Machina (GM) in Rinker’s Office - Jessa’s counseling session 2 - Lets talk about the Order - When the past doesn’t match the present…or the future
Posted by… suppressed (1) by the Post Ghost! 👻
OCC: Love that you altered the ball game. I am retracting my parts about playing and rewriting it. I sincerely love it when I have to rethink things :) You rock Luke! ~ Kate
OOC: It wasn’t to throw you off… it was for her. - Luke
Ian sat at Lauren’s desk waiting for Jessa to return from her excursion to the gym. He wasn’t sure how thrilled he was at Jessa leaving sickbay but saying this only would make him look like a dork. The gesture was friendly enough and the kid did need exercise. It also gave him the time to catch Rinker up on yesterday. Reclining in the seat, Ian brought up the internal messaging system of the Atlantis.

To: RInker, Heathcliff Commander
From: Bordeaux, Ian Lt. Commander
Subject: Events of last night

Hey Heathcliff,

I am not sure how much you have access to but I am uploading the medical report I got from Evrilla. I’ll sign any release forms you need but for now, I give you permission to speak with

Ian stopped there staring at the screen. Any other time he wouldn’t have batted an eye sending this message but Ian didn’t need the lawyers to tell him things could get ugly fast here. Back up the cursor, Ian decided to hedge his bets and play on the side of caution. He had no doubts of Rinker’s goal to help Jessa but at times people weren’t always on the same page. In fact, maybe no written records of this would be the best. Deleting the message, he went another route. Tapping his comm badge, Ian opened up a line to the counselor.

=/\=Hey Heathcliff, we are heading down to your office at ten but I was going to give you a rundown of the past 24 hours. Apparently, when Jessa left your office yesterday, she got Mardusk to take her to the brig. It was about as productive as trying to make a Klingon a vegan. Mardusk charged Jessa with a laundry list of crimes. JAG is handling that but of course, Jessa has interpreted the unlawful use of Starfleet resources in a blindingly stupid fashion so now we are not only licking her food but bartering for it. He tossed her in a cell I assume to make a point but something else happened down there also we are still trying to figure out. If that wasn’t bad enough he took her on a tour of the ship which went well until they stopped being friends and went back to that oh so special relationship they have fostered. All hell broke loose on the observation deck. Mardusk locked it down so Jessa opted for the chewing her arm out of the bear trap route to get free. Specifically she gave herself a compound fracture as a way to escape and to get medical to intervene. Evrilla worked her magic and fixed the physical aspect but the mental baggage is all yours buddy. =/\= The stress of the situation was easily shown by Ian’s sarcasm. Sarcasm was just a gentler, more polite was to insult someone or a way to tone down criticism with indirectness and humor. It was clear Ian felt some sort of guilt or responsibility that this happened to Jessa so using sarcasm prevented someone from stating this back to him.

=/\=Logic would dictate she wanted to get out of the situation so bad she resorted to desperate measures but I feel like it could be something more. She mentioned something called the Ritual of Cleansing. Probably some delightful activity those nut jobs invented but you seem to be the only one who gets anything but religious rhetoric out of her.=/\= Ian shifted in his seat realizing he needed to have a normal conversation and a beer with Rinker soon. Every time he talked to the man, Ian now felt he was confessing something in a counseling session.

=/\=I felt bad about what happened so I tried to build a little trust after the brig incident. I brought Chris from stellar cartography up to see what we can do about finding where they are from and to get her home. Chris said when he mentioned me wanting to get her back to her mom, Jessa became extremely cooperative. Eventually, we discovered she is claiming to come from the Callieum supercluster. Specifically, a galaxy called Vela Astria. The problem is the nearest part of the supercluster is 1.4 billion light-years away from Earth, while the far end of it is 2.31 billion light-years. The boys down in stellar cartography are acting like it’s Christmas morning and they got the best present ever. Chris isn’t saying it is impossible that they came from there but no one has a clue how someone crosses a distance that is 1.4 billion light-years. It would explain why she is acting like she has never seen a replicator before or a transporter=/\= Ian leaned back in his seat hearing Jessa coming back with Rand.

=/\=Hey I gotta go. Rand took her down to the gym to burn off some energy. I’ll fill you in about that after I talk to him. See you in ten.=/\= Ian clicked off the comm call and walked into the main part of sick bay. He hoped he filled in any blanks that Rinker did not know about.

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Ten minutes later outside Rinker’s office
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“I have no idea why we are back here. I have nothing to say to that man,” Jessa balked outside Rinker’s office. “Heathcliff was nice. The pizza was good but the man doesn’t talk about himself…at all.” It was clear Jessa was looking forward to her second session like most people were looking forward to returning to the dentist for a root canal. She didn’t have the defensive, cross-armed pose but instead opted for the I give up gestures with sagging shoulders and the occasional hand wave at the door to indicate she was talking about Rinker.

Ian debated about telling Jessa therapy was more of an ego-centric conversation instead of a mutual one but decided against it. Instead, he planted the seed to hopefully get Jessa to want to talk. Once she got talking, Rinker was a skilled enough therapist to take her where she needed to be. Jessa could just be stubborn. All the way down here she grumbled and threatened about spending the hour in silence which was the last thing Ian needed. “So maybe ask him about himself. I am pretty sure no one ever asks how his day is. My guess is all they ever want to do is talk about themselves.” He felt a slight pang of guilt knowing Rinker would have to keep redirecting her back to the appropriate topic. Maybe on some level, Ian was just jealous a complete stranger seemed to be getting to know Jessa instead of him. It would change in time but for now, it just annoyed him. Reaching out he palmed the door controls and waited for Rinker to allow them into his office.

Jessa suddenly seemed far more on edge that she was actually going to have to go back into the office. “Look can’t we talk about this. We don’t need him. Fair dinkum mate,” she threw out Chris’ term from last night. The last time she had been isolated with an officer of the ship the results were disastrous. Jessa didn’t have the time or the energy to go through with Rinker what she did with Mardusk.

As much as he was just granted the wish he had been secretly hoping for, it could not happen. “Fair Dinkum,” he responded back as an idea came to his head. “Tell you what,” Ian pulled a comm badge out of his pocket and placed it on her chest. He had planned on giving it to her later but now was as good time as any. “I know you are smart enough to know this is how we communicate with each other. I am sorry about what happened yesterday but if you are wearing this you can contact us no matter where you are on the ship. If you have a problem in there all you have to do is tap this and say “Ian.” As he demonstrated, his badge registered the connection producing the single word Ian out of it. “Go on. Try it.”

Tapping the badge, Jessa produced one sentence. “You know this is an hour of my life I am not going to get back,” echoed through Ian’s badge as she looked up at him with a half annoyed, half resigned look on her face.

Ian Bordeaux and Jessa Novar

The door slid open without a whisper of sound. Ian saw Rinker from his point but didn’t say anything to Jessa. Normally he just yelled enter but for some reason, he met them at the door. There must have been a reason for it and Ian wasn’t going to second guess him. They needed to get inside Jessa’s head and that was what they paid Rinker the big credits for. If Ian had any questions, he was sure Rinker would appraise him on why he did things just like at the end of the last session.

“I want to open with I heard what you said outside. You don’t know how many people say that.” He looked offended.

Jessa was not expecting a third party to the conversation so Rinker’s voice took her completely by surprise. “Holy triffing Elder on the alter,” Jessa yelped jumping about five feet in the air and turning back wide-eyed. “What is it with you all? You are like Chrisven mice,” she let out a small laugh and put a hand to her chest. “Someone needs to issue you all bells or something.”

The levity ended as fast as Jessa saw the expression on Rinker’s face. Jessa felt her tummy knot feeling bad she had basically insulted the man and seeing that Rinker felt bad about her comment. She let the silence hang for a second hoping to get a smile or chuckle from the man indicating he was just teasing her with his comment. Since no one was talking it was obvious to Jessa that Rinker expected a response. “I…I didn’t really mean that,” Jessa looked at Ian for support.

“Mmm, hmmm,” Rinker grumbled, apparently unconvinced.

“I didn’t,” she protested looking back and forth from Ian to Rinker.

Even though he could have easily taken over the situation, Ian resisted. Putting his hands in his pockets he looked down at Jessa indicating she was on her own. Jessa needed to learn who was in charge and when. A rude comment by her didn’t need him to intervene to apologize for her mistake. One day that might happen but right now Jessa was sizing up who was in control and who wasn’t. From Ian’s point of view, Jessa should see everyone but her in control. It was clear by her exaggerated eye-widening, Jessa was hinting for Ian to become involved so a tiny head nod punctuated the unspoken thought between them that she was on her own.

Turning back to Rinker, Jessa fiddled with the sleeves on her shirt pulling it down over the black and blue mark from yesterday and to do something with her hands. No one that wasn’t an Elder ever questioned someone of her status and Jessa was at a loss on how to deal with it. Even if they dared to expect an answer there was always an Elder or Adjudicator nearby to remind that person of their place. Jessa worked to formulate a response but Rinker always seemed to know when she was off balance and when to shift the topic just slightly she had to alter the reply for it to make sense.

“You never get any hours of your life back and frankly how bad was it. We talked, we ate, we drank, and you left. That’s a good hour in most people’s books.” Rinker decided to confront and make her talk right away.

Rinker

“Well yes,” she quickly agreed cocking her head to the side slightly and wore a befuddled expression trying to figure out if she should address his first question of why people said it or his second question of why she said it. “It was but,” her voice trailed off slightly not sure what to say. The problem with Rinker was he never asked a direct question. It was never yes or no with the man but open-ended questions Jessa felt she had to interpret or explain in detail just like the one he said now. Did he want an answer? Was it just a statement? At times Rinker made her head hurt. “Aside from you making me cry it wasn’t terrible. Um, what I mean is,” Jessa felt her mind going blank.

“What did I say the first time. I can’t make you do anything. Your thoughts about what we talked about made you cry. Which by the way isn’t necessarily a bad things. It means you can access your feelings. Normally that’s good.”

“Oh, I am accessing my feelings all right,” Jessa’s tone switched from passive to snarky. “And right now I am not sure it’s exactly good.” Looking at Rinker, Jessa felt her frustration level already being to bubble over. “You just said you can’t make me do anything but the rest of them think they can,” Jessa gave him a sour expression followed by an eye roll. “Like last night,” she cocked an eyebrow at Rinker as she hooked a finger in Ian’s general direction. “He told me to go to bed.” The irritation in Jessa’s voice was clearly evident.

“It was one AM,” Ian pulled his hands out of his pockets and spread them out with an expression encouraging Jessa to press her point. “You were crying your eyes out and I never said go to bed. I said it was time for bed. Big difference. If you want I can show you the difference tonight.”

“Ian, I am not five years old or a citizen,” she shot back imitating Ian’s expression and mannerisms exactly.

“What the hell does that mean,” Ian’s expression changed from daring Jessa to talk to questioning what she just stated. He was trying to play by Rinker’s suggestion to be firm yet not confrontational but at times, like now, it didn’t feel right.

“It means all of you,” she twirled a finger at her security team, Ian and Rinker, “need to understand I am twelve and a Guardian of the Order. I do not need to be told when to go to bed or when to eat or when I can leave my room. We tell you when it’s time to go to bed or eat or walk among the people because you are citizens. Tell them, Heathcliff,” Jessa motioned for the man to speak up on her behalf.

“In this corner of the universe and on this ship a twelve year old isn’t considered an adult.”

Jessa jerked her had back slightly and her eyes widened for a second processing his response wasn’t what she had expected. Rinker had treated her as an equal the last time they spoke so his word choice seemed a bit off. “Yes, but I am not one of your citizens and therefore your cultural expectations do not align with that of the Galactic Union or the Galactic Order.” This response was fast, firm and clearly another canned response she had learned to give almost like a parrot on command. As always though, when Jessa deviated from whatever script she had memorized, her personal thoughts and language reflected someone of her age. “This means I am capable of making of making the choices that suit me the best.” She kept her tone down to overly confident and not arrogant. It wouldn’t help to be sandwiched between two people that disagreed with her. Unfortunately, Jessa could see Rinker gearing up for one of his open-ended questions.

On some level, Ian was enjoying not being the ping pong ball in this conversation. In a different life, he would have used the tried and true paternal response of I said so. That ancient nugget of wisdom however had probably sent half of the juvenile recipients straight to offices like Rinkers. If Rinker had another way to said because I said so, Ian was all ears. Leaning back against the door jamb, Ian got comfortable.

“Never heard of when in Rome… have we.”

“No. Is that another galaxy because again,” she patted her chest, “not a citizen,” she shook her head no as if the gesture would drive the point home.

“The full statement is ‘when in Rome do as the Romans do.’ it really means don’t do things so uncommon as to stick out. But I like to think of it, as if you are in someone else’s home. You follow the rules of the home you’re in. You don’t expect your hosts to follow your rules. It could be considered impolite.”

“Yes but as a Guardian of the Order,” Jessa looked at Rinker and Ian feeling slightly insecure about her next statement, “I make the rules of any house.” Jessa didn’t drop her head but it was clear her own statement made her feel uncomfortable. She said it to produce a response but the response was not one she believed in. The problem was Jessa desperately needed the men around her to see her as an equal.

“Within the borders of your empire. We are outside of that right now. And frankly, do you really think the right thing is for you to tell people what they should do in their own homes? What if the Federation rules were we decided everything everywhere too. How would decision be made aside from us killing each other.”

Jessa looked up at thoroughly frustrated because he was exactly agreeing with her situation. “Yeah but that is exactly what is happening right now. The Federation is deciding everything about my life because of one wrong that actually almost killed someone. I keep trying to fix it but no one will help me.” Jessa didn’t want to belabor a point that didn’t seem like it was going to change in the near future. Instead, she focused on the why of her actions and words. It felt odd having to explain herself. She actually wasn’t sure if she had ever had to do this before in her life. “As to telling people what to do, I don’t have to do that. People just do…things because they seem me not as a kid but an adult. They don’t question my decisions.” Jessa was visibly uncomfortable. She understood exactly what Rinker was stating yet admitting he was right and she was wrong would only decrease her power and authority as a representative of the Galactic Union. Admitting she hated the way Rogan and the other Elders would use people or take their things without asking served no purpose. She could not change the Elders. Telling Rinker she was going to be better than the Elders might be a better way to go. “They don’t question my decisions because I make good ones. Adult ones. For instance,” she started until Rinker cut her off. Jessa was not angry that he did this. She was spinning her wheels fighting a circular argument where even she did not agree with the points she was citing.

“For instance an adult doesn’t need to be told that 1am is too late for them to be up and certainly too late for a 12 year old. So answer me this did you know that 1am was too late to stay up? Or did you chose to ignore that fact to do something else.”

He shoots. He scores and the crowd goes wild. Ahhhhhh, Ian thought keeping his smile at a minimum. Bordeaux had always respected Rinker but until this moment, never appreciated how seamless the man could re-route a conversation back to exactly where he needed it to go.

Oh, trust me I knew exactly what I was doing and it wasn’t a mistake. Chris and I made a choice to have a scientific debate about the celestial labyrinth. It wasn’t my fault it took him a while to catch on to the science and math.” Jessa had a slightly haughty tone bordering on what Rinker might diagnose as a superiority complex. As she pushed some hair out of her face in a very juvenile manner, Jessa looked up to make sure Rinker understood. Instead of wearing a visage of clarity, Rinker seemed to still be pondering something and when Rinker started to have his own ideas, it always tended to confuse Jessa on what she knew and had been taught.

“Well if you knew exactly what you were doing, then you knew exactly what Ian was going to do… so why are you surprised or annoyed. These events should have been as clear as day and the associated responses.”

“Because he,” Jessa pointed a finger at Ian, “is acting like he is my Elder which isn’t fair because....he isn’t.” The use of the term elder, before Jessa Novar arrived on the Atlantis always denoted someone of an older age. Since her arrival, it also took on a second, albeit fuzzy definition, of someone holding power. The use of that term, applied to Ian, showed Jessa was subconsciously admitting the diplomatic officer had some sort of control over her life. Whether this control was due to rank, like in Starfleet, or due to personal connection remained to be seen. Looking between Rinker and Ian, it was clear, Jessa was struggling to find a stance to prove her point. Jessa no longer had the relaxed posture against the wall, moving to standing on both her feet and crossing her arms. In a desperate attempt to correct what she clearly saw as an injustice performed on her, Jessa blurted out, “And and and it isn’t fair....because…he is…he is just....taller…and that…well that is a dumb reason to be able to do something.”

Ian let out a half chuckle and rubbed his jaw knowing no response was needed from him. He also found it comical on some level, she was reverting to stupid kid reasoning and not delving into a speech of curse words and religious rhetoric.

Rinker turned slowly towards Ian at the chuckle. He wasn’t smiling, he just shook his head slightly not helping was his thought and hopefully his expression. “I know it seems unfair, and perhaps it is a little, but Ian is both your host and responsible for you while you are here. Whether you like it or wanted it or not you need a patron while on this ship and he is it. An adult would make the best of the situation and be the best guest they could.”

Patron The word snapped Jessa’s attention to Ian. She opened her mouth to correct him but stopped. Was the use of Patron meant to incite her or point out that Ian had more power? She had used the word in the last session. “No he is an adult and not a Patron. A Patron is someone in the Order and he is definitely not. I also don’t need anyone to be responsible for me. I can take care of myself. I have for a long time.” Jessa closed her eyes and cringed slightly. Yes, Ian was clearly and adult but it felt like she had just admitted he was an adult to her. God I hate you Rinker Jessa thought opening her eyes.

“I guess the words have different meanings,” Rinker used it to start the idea of Ian being a parent or being responsible for her. “I just wanted to express that he is responsible for you on this ship. Adult or not, someone needs to be sure you don’t do anything against our rules.”

I hate you because it wasn’t really a bad thing, Jessa thought to herself as she nodded looking like she was agreeing physically as she secretly was agreeing mentally. He hugged me and I got to pretend for a moment he was someone else and I was somewhere else. Where I was safe and my biggest problem was if it was going to rain tomorrow so I could not go walk in the gardens. I hate that you can somehow see this weakness in me. Elders don’t need hugs or someone to tell them it was just a dream. It’s why I am just a Guardian and not a Patron. I hate that I need this. That I need someone to tell me when I am doing it right or wrong because sometimes I don’t know what I am doing or why I am doing it, she finally said the words, even if it were just to herself.

Jessa needed to get out of this situation. Nothing was going to be the right answer to the only logical choice was to ignore it and start a new conversation. Licking her lips, she spun on her heel and looked at Ian. “See you in an hour then?” After speaking she moved quickly past Rinker and to his couch where she took a seat on the end as she had in her first visit.

“I’ll be out here when you are done,” Ian nodded at Rinker moving from his spot to a chair in the waiting room. It was true that most sessions were an hour, but last time Jessa was in for almost ninety minutes. Whatever time Rinker needed, Ian would give him.

As the door slid shut, Jessa made a decision. If she had to spend the next hour with the man, she would make sure the conversation focused on him and not her. Too much had happened since she had seen him last and too many pins were placed on her imaginary board for future conversational topics. Luckily it seemed these people only had digital written records. Looking at his books, however, Jessa felt a pang of sadness. Re-educating cultures that only used digital histories made the process faster and seamless. Data wipes and magnetic pulses obliterated histories and cultures in a blink of an eye reducing people to oral traditions which were more easily controlled and replaced with the truth of the Order. While Jessa understood the need for this she always hated it. Her eyes fell on the small blinking green dots on Rinker’s wall of books. She could not read their language but somewhere was the book Hoblits Heading Home sitting on the shelf. Suddenly the guilt over her comment at the door faded. Jessa would know how to thank Rinker for all his help so far and give him something to know he could always trust her. She would ask to borrow his book and keep it safe and later when he was on the path give him back a piece of his past.

“I am sorry about that at the door. You weren’t supposed to hear that,” Jessa began to speak mainly so that Rinker could not ask another question. “I said it because…well it was just…it’s that I was up early at the gym with Rand…and I wasn’t expecting to come down here,” she rambled fidgeting slightly even though it was only a frown on Rinker’s face that started it all. “I guess I said it trying to assert some control she thought but ended it with, “to be funny. I’m sorry if it made you feel bad,” she ended the conversation with an apology as she fiddled with the lace of her shoe instead of looking at him when she spoke.

“I wouldn’t worry about it. People say things all the time that they don’t fully mean the way it’s taken. Words are powerful but sometimes they don’t mean what we think they do. Does that make any sense to you?”

Jessa shrugged not looking up at him. She poked at her sneaker with the hard plastic tip of her lace wishing she was back in her old clothes and not wearing the Atlantis PT uniform Rand had given her. Jessa hated the way she felt right now and didn’t really know what Rinker wanted her to say. “Not really. I feel like you talk in riddles sometimes,” she looked at the door she had just entered and then back at her shoe still poking at it with the lace.

“Yeah, people say that about me all the time too. I believe in the Socratic Method, he was a philosopher from my home-world. He believed that knowledge gained from one own thoughts were more powerful than that which was told. Morality and ethically, views that are held intrinsically, inside oneself, are held more closely than those just given.”

“So this philosopher taught the people morals and ethics,” Jessa’s interest was piqued. Glancing up she looked at Rinker for confirmation she understand his statement.

“Not exactly, I’m sure Socrates, and even myself have ideas what’s right and wrong and which ideas should be held. But in my case I want the person I talk to, to come up with the ideas and truths they hold dear themselves based on what’s right for them as long as it doesn’t harm others.... back to the harm others line I know you remember.”

Jessa paled a bit and instantly squirmed slightly before staring back at her shoe. Continuing to poke at her shoe with her right hand, Jessa rolled her left wrist catching the material of her sweatshirt between the tips of her fingers and her palm. The only reason to do this was to conceal any trace of the bruising on her arm from yesterday. As if this was not enough, Jessa tucked her hand under her thigh while making more pronounced poking motions with the hand she wanted Rinker’s attention on. A long pregnant pause filled the space as Jessa debated a reply. The last session, Rinker told Jessa everything was confidential as long as it did not involve hurting others or herself. The problem was the Elders had given her a bloody nose in the brig. She had broken her own arm to get away from Mardusk and to appease Da Mu’s request for a Ritual of Cleansing. What harm to others was Rinker hinting at? Jessa needed to avoid this conversation at all costs.

“Is there something wrong with your shoe.” Rinker knew of the injury but didn’t put the two behaviors together as of yet. He actually thought she might be secreting an item in her shoe.

“Yeah it’s not my boot,” Jessa grumbled. “I got some blood on my shirt yesterday and Dr. Evrilla said it needed to be cleaned. It has been a few days since I changed my clothes but I have more on my ship. No one wants to let me go get them though so Rand brought me this,” she gestured back at the sweatshirt and sweat pants in the dark blue with gray lettering saying Atlantis. It was the standard PT uniform. “I was going to put my boots back on but Rand said I needed these to run in the gym.”

” I think the sweatshirt is kind of snazzy. I wish I could go without the uniform most of the time.”

“Really,” she looked at her shirt. “I am not sure what snazzy is but if it is the fabric then yes. It is soft and breathable. It feels like pajamas or a soft blanket.” Turning her shirt hem outside in, she held it out to him. “Here feel it.” Closing the space between them she extended a portion of the fabric for him to touch.

“Well, cotton fabric is great. So much better than that Woolap stuff we have to wear for formal events. It is so scratchy and makes me wiggle which always earns me penitence. It’s a vicious circle,” she sighed in a very kid-like way no different than someone admitting not doing homework earned you detention. Taking her seat she looked back at Rinker with a smile. “Your uniform is nice though. First off it is blue, which is a good color for you. It goes nicely with your green eyes. Blue makes people feel calm. Your uniform also is like a beacon so if someone needs help they know exactly who to go to,” she began to rattle off reasons why she liked his clothes too. “I mean if they are hurt they can just look for a blue shirt instead of the red or yellow ones.”

Jessa liked the moments like this with Rinker. When it was just two friends talking about things that made them happy. Unfortunately, these moments were always so fleeting. Jessa was not here to make friends in the true sense of the word. She had a responsibility she could not ignore no matter how much she liked some things about this place.

“I really shouldn’t be wearing this. The Elders would not approve,” Jessa looked at Rinker and went back to poking at her shoe. “I have a uniform like you and Ian. I am going to need it back. How do you think your people would react if they saw you dressing like all those other people I saw on the ship? You wear a uniform to set yourself apart and so I need mine to do that too.”

“I’m certain we can clean your clothes and return them to you so you don’t have to wear dirty or uncomfortable clothing. Actually, uniforms are meant to make you look like everyone else. Hence the term uniform. If you want to stand out, maybe you should wear clothes that express your personality?”

“I had a blue dress once. It was a light blue like the color of the sky and it had little tiny yellow flowers on it. I would love to wear short pants like the citizen girls. They are like pants but…but short,” she wobbled her head realizing Rinker was probably smart enough to figure out what she meant by the way she was making a sawing motion on her thighs above her knees. “They come in so many colors they can make your eyes hurt.” Her smile faltered some and then disappeared completely. “Black, white, and brown are good colors though. They let people know I am there to help them just like your blue shirt does for your people.” Her voice sounded hollow and empty to her own ears.

Listening to her response Jessa felt her tummy flip-flopping. Hoping for things to change did not make it happen. Wishing you had a different life didn’t make it happen either. The Book of Enlightenment talked about how much of a sin it was to not be grateful for what you were given. As much as she enjoyed talking like this, it was just dangerous. Jessa needed to make sure the topic stayed on her learning information than sharing trivial fantasies. “Enough about clothes. Can I ask you an important question about this Socrates?

“Did the people like him or did he need the support of the military to help the masses understand what was right and wrong? I hate when we need to bring in soldiers,” Jessa admitted looking back down at her shoe so she didn’t have to look directly at Rinker. She should not have admitted what she did. Thoughts like that were not productive and tended to make things messier in the end. “You don’t have to answer that,” she said rapidly added not sure if she wanted to know the answer to the question or not.

“Socrates was considered the wisest man in the known world. He debated and argued against men and even against the government coming up with moral beliefs that are held to this day. However there was a cost for speaking truth to power and he was ordered to take his own life. People offered to steal him away, but he refused believing his beliefs would be more respected if he didn’t run. He was 71, pretty old for the time.” Rinker nodded. “It was about 2500 years ago. Times have changed you can speak more freely now than then.”

“No you can’t,” Jessa’s eyes became stormy as she stopped playing with her shoe and moved to both feet on the floor with her back straight. She locked eyes with Rinker. He hadn’t just struck a nerve but an artery and Jessa was about to hemorrhage out. “Speaking against the Galactic Union is treason and trust me you dont just get to take your life like your Socrates. It is bloody and messy and doesn’t just involve you.” Jessa got up and began to pace the small space between the couch and the coffee table. After two passes she stopped and put her hands on the table leaning forward to look at Rinker. “Rebellions stealing people away only creates more death and unrest. Running away is being a coward. The Divine have respect for those going through the Ritual of Cleansing and if you don’t survive....its okay. You go to a better place but people offering you a different path…people offering to help you get away is NOT,” she yelled stabbing the table with a finger, “the answer. Education or re-education saves lives. Trife you Rinker,” Jessa spat out angrily with pure venom in her voice. “Trife Ian and Trife Mardusk. They don’t respect my ideas and beliefs. They want me to see… say,” she swallowed visibly the lump in her throat. “They want me to say the Galactic Union is wrong…and it’s not. I’m not. The doctor told me I’m fine and I don’t have to be here.”

“Wow that’s a lot to unpack and I think I should be offended.” He could figure that out from context.

“Unpack,” Jessa threw up her hands. “Unpack. What are we on a vacation? I don’t see a suitcase so why say unpack. Rinker that word makes me crazy. My teacher in school says it all the time. When we go to meeting they always start with what we are going to talk about....and then say unpack it. We don’t need to unpack it because the list of what we are talking about is right on the screen.” Jessa’s outburst was childish and probably made no sense to Rinker, especially since she was focusing on an adjective instead of him asking about her insulting him. Jessa stopped her tirade about the word unpack and looked at him raising an eyebrow. She hated the man never seemed to be rattled by anything. Maybe using trife would rile him up.

“And yeah I meant to make you angry. That is generally why you use the word trife. Grammar lesson Heathcliff. Trife has a whole lot of meanings. It can be used alone as in Trife or with a pronoun like Trife me to express frustration. It can be used as a verb like Triffing hell or what the trife or trife you to express annoyance, contempt, or impatience.” Jessa was so angry right now she could barely think straight. How could Rinker even verbalize the word rebellion? Didn’t he know what that meant?

“Heathcliff you need to understand right now that Galactic Union is not a bad place. Re-education is not evil. It saves lives. Before we found the path to enlightenment, people murdered each over other ideas and principles. They enslaved people against their will but the Galactic Union ended all that. Why is that so bad?”

“And teaching me that, means you need to insult and offend me?” Rinker paused. “Your words and actions speak to the sort of person you are, not the person I am. You came into my office and I welcomed you, I gave you food, drink, offered you entertainment and conversation. I don’t believe any of those things invited scorn.”

“I judge the Galactic Union by what it has done. From what you and your friends have done to us. From our perspective is the Galactic Union a good or bad place? If you want us to view the Galactic Union as a nice place, maybe it’s representatives can do nice things.”

“You don’t even know what the Galactic Union has done,” she yelled back. “We bring food to people that are hungry. We build schools and hospitals so people that are sick get better. We tell them about enlightenment. We give orphans families and a place to live to be safe. That is what being an Elder is supposed to do for the Union. What they should do for the Galactic Union but not once have you ever asked me or anyone else what we do right except for Rand. Rand doesn’t hate the Union. In fact, he believes in it. He just doesn’t realize it yet,” Jessa felt her body shaking as she spoke. “You want to focus on how we met but maybe you should ask yourself why your government and Ian lied to us the first time we met. Why you tried to deceive us? Ugh trifing pin that. Use two pins and a lock and buckets of synthacrete,” Jessa ran her fingers through her hair. She had to get Rinker and all his questions out of her head but before she stopped, she would address one more point.

“But they are not my friends. They are my Elders. You yourself said I can not control anyone else so how am I supposed to control a bunch of adults that at times are generally not nice people?” She was yelling at Rinker but part of her wanted him to answer her. Pellan was a lot like Rinker only he tended to give her far more concrete answers. “You do not question adults…Elders,” she quickly corrected herself. “You keep telling me to listen and learn but…but,” Jessa felt herself spiraling into dangerous ground. If the Elders knew she had started questioning them or the Order, the Ritual of Cleansing she had performed to appease Da Mu for what he had thought she had done would feel like a scraped knee. “But you talk about your children here being able to make mistakes and you let them learn from the mistakes. So how come when I question any trifing adult here all everyone does is tell me I can’t do that or they lock me in a room, or hold me accountable for someone else’s behavior?” Jessa realized she opened up a huge can of worms with Rinker that probably should remain closed. “Pin that too,” she looked at him like she wanted to punch him in the face. “Not because I don’t want to talk about it but because I know the answer. Rules. I have them and so do you. The Galactic Union has harsh rules but we also peace. What wouldn’t you do for peace? Someone is always going to suffer but if a few are oppressed to make billions happy how is that wrong?”

“I believe you that, that’s how it’s done in the Galactic Union. It was done that way on some countries on Earth and some planets before they joined the Federation. It just isn’t the way we do things anymore. The people are the government, and the government serves the people not the other way around. We have another group called the press who are supposed to report on the people and government so even the powerful get questioned on what they do.”

“There is a reason we are not allowed to live among citizens like you,” she felt her body getting hot and her head was starting to hurt. “You poison us with your short sightedness and inability to know when people are smarter than you. Children are not allowed to question their parents for a reason. Parents only want whats best for them. The Galactic Union is no different so stop talking about questioning the government. You need to get into that habit now. If you need to think about then just think.” Jessa’s tone took on the sing song quality she always used when speaking her rhetoric. “Don’t question things you don’t understand. Questions cause one to be trapped in the prison of their mind. Release yourself from that burden and rely on faith. It is the only path to enlightenment and salvation.” Jessa looked at him with almost pleading desperation. “I am trying to help you Rinker. Why are you so intent on fighting me?”

“I question the premise, how can I learn if I don’t question what I don’t understand? That means you never understand, you just do what you are told. In that case how do you know what you are told isn’t wrong.”

Jessa had to stop talking. She wasn’t even sure what she was saying anymore. Rinker had a way of getting not into her head but those parts of her head she never dared speak of yet somehow Rinker was there prying them out of her before she realized some of them were even there.

“I don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t like your Rome and I am not a Romanite. I am leaving. We are done here.” Jessa felt the urge to hit something. She was mad at Rinker for asking the question but even more mad she answered it.

“You should confront what scares you. Jessa. If you run every time you hear something you don’t like you’ll be running forever and learn nothing except what you already know..”

Jessa moved from the couch and headed to the door but stopped. “You scare me with all your questions and I am not a rebel. I didn’t run away. That is not how I got here. I came for her.” She was breathing heavily and it was clear she was deep in thought. Yes you came for her so stop and do something or you came here for nothing, a voice said sharply in her head.

“Came for who?”

“My mmmm,” she snapped back and physically clapped both hands over her mouth as if to stop her from physically speaking. Jessa’s eyes got wide and she looked physically scared as if Rinker were an executioner and she was on the alter. For a long second, she looked at Rinker just shaking her head with her hands over her mouth.

Jessa decided to make the best of this hour and maybe make it up to Rinker for insulting him and for her outburst by asking him about his day or at least presenting a neutral topic. “Can we start over,” she tucked some hair behind her ear feeling her uneasiness ebbing away. “Also you would like an iced coffee with caramel and whipped cream please and one of those pizzas,” she stated confidently. If Rinker ordered it and they shared it at least Jessa wouldn’t have to find a way to use the resources of the ship. “Then you can tell me about your day?”

Jessa

“We don’t have to start over. Words also can be like the wind. Here for a moment and then gone.” He didn’t like serving patients, it created a weird power dynamic, but in this case giving her a little power might make her more comfortable and given everyone and everything was keeping her off balance he wanted to change things up. He walked over to the replicator and made her order telling the computer to make the coffee decaffeinated. “Aren’t you a little young to be drinking coffee? The caffeine isn’t great for a young person’s metabolism. Just so you know you can have a coffee without the caffeine.”

Jessa let out a low groan and threw her head back several times on the soft cushions of the couch letting out a long breath through pursed lips. “Again, not five, and I love it with caffeine,” Jessa stated confidently albeit she had no idea what this caffeine really was. “It tastes so much…richer?” Jessa had no idea how the addition of caffeine made the drink taste but it was sweet like a dessert so the caffeine had to make it taste better. Ian always seemed to sigh, smile, and thank someone when they brought him a cup so it had to have something in it that made coffee better.

“Besides you were right yesterday. We are too old to be drinking juice. Everyone here seems to drink this coffee thing all the time so I figured I should start. It will make them see me for what I am and not as what they think I am. It will help them see me as their equals.”

“I’m not so sure about that.” He placed the coffee and pizza on the low table in front of her. “So telling me to make your food and trying to control your schedule is that your way of gaining control?” She did mention feeling out of control. It would be very common to try to reassert authority by such minor manipulations. He also basically ignored her question - he would see how tenacious she was in comparison to her other emotional needs.

Jessa wasn’t sure why Rinker made her feel slightly uneasy. He had done nothing mean, rude, or aggressive to her yet this time meeting him felt different some how. The last time they talked he told her to be honest. Pellan always told her that the best lies hugged the truth like a lover. Jessa decided to follow both of their advice.

“No, I asked you to share your meal with me so I don’t owe anyone or use up Federation resources. How did you say it earlier? No one can make you do anything. I didn’t make you get it. You made it for me to be nice,” Jessa picked up a piece of the pizza and took a bite chewing it slowly.

“Fair enough.” He certainly chose to do it for his own reasons. Much like the reverse of the reason why he normally never offers food and drink in his office. He wasn’t a waiter and he wasn’t their friend in this office. They were here to work and he was their supervisor.

“The reason I told Ian to come back in an hour is because the doc in sickbay this morning told me I only get an hour with you,” she picked at the toppings on her pizza popping them into her mouth. “She told me I don’t have to come if I don’t want to because there is nothing wrong with me. So I came because I wanted to.” Brushing the crumbs off her hands over the plate, Jessa let her words sink in as she reached forward to pick up the drink from the table. Taking a long sip of it, she relaxed back into the couch with a smile. “See,” Jessa held it up like a toast, “so much better with that caffeine stuff in it.”

“Flattering. Although, I would let the doctor in sickbay know, I decide who needs to see me and for how long. No one not even the Captain can tell me different.”

Jessa studied him with her eyes glued to him as he spoke. Heathcliff Rinker was still calm, and his volume never increase but the way he spoke clearly indicated Rinker was in charge of something. Maybe he wasn’t just a teacher. Jessa’s interest was again piqued. “So Ian and the doctors work for you? You tell him when to bring me down here?” It was clear this was a new piece of information for her. Taking a minute to gather her thoughts Jessa began to see Rinker in a new light and position of authority. “So that means you can make him do things like get me sleeping quarters with a door or see my…crew.” The longer Jessa observed the people of the star ship , the more she was learning. Back home, referring to an Elder as your friend was considered a status symbol. Everyone wanted to call the Elders their friend. Here though they lobbed the word around to mean something sarcastic to something meaningful. The term crew however denoted respect among these people.

“Not exactly, but yes I do tell him when you should see me.” Rinker knew his words would get her wheels spinning mostly about how to manipulate him into getting something for her and low and behold she was already testing the reach of Rinker’s powers. “We believe that each person is an expert in their discipline and much like our government structure, there are always checks and balances.”

“Checks and balances,” she looked at him confused. “I don’t understand. All structures have one person in charge for a reason. Without that how does anyone know what to do without someone telling them what to do? That is what you mean by balance right. Like a scale?” While the term was new to her, the concept on some level wasn’t. Jessa always understood power and authority. Her problem was when the person wielding it did not do what she wanted.

“What could stop a king from being a tyrant? Nothing.” Rinker answered his own question. “So we don’t have kings in Star-Fleet. We build everything with a check. The Captain is the highest ranking person on a ship, but the doctors could tell him or her to go to bed or receive medical treatment, the First Officer could tell the Captain that a mission was too dangerous, the Counselor could tell him/her that they needed psychological treatment. We all answer to each other.”

“That is insanity,” she looked completely flabbergasted. “Your doctors can tell your superior to go to bed? Like a bedtime? Like they are a kid…even when they run the ship? The Captain is following orders and you can’t just tell them they have to do something. Have you ever done that,” Jessa leaned in slightly as if not wanting to miss a word Rinker was about to say.

“Actually I have.” He smiled. “We were on a mission and some people had pretended they were our crew and our Captain. They didn’t understand that we have checks and balances. I basically found the Captain unfit for duty and put the next person in chain of command was in charge. Ironically at that time it was me.”

“So you can just usurp power because you don’t like something? How does your government ever get anything accomplished when people can just decided they don’t like something?”

“There are rules around when you can do these things. Also as a questioning people, when something doesn’t feel right we can question that as well. But there is some truth to the the statement how can we get anything accomplished. It can be slow sometimes. And the system isn’t perfect, but its generally better than other forms of government.”

“And you can do this here because,” she let her voice trail off.

“Because we are a ship, not a government we also have a hierarchy. The Captain is the highest-ranked on a ship like ours. The next in authority is the First officer, then by ranks. I’m a Commander so I have a little pull. So sometimes these two systems could cause a little confusion.”

“Wait wait wait,” she shook her hands stopping Rinker from continuing to talk. “A little pull. So can you get them to let me see my crew? A real room? If you can’t what are we doing here?” Jessa suddenly was rethinking why she was allowing this mid-morning meeting every day between her and Rinker. If she was just here for the food, which was amazing, it was not going to further her goals in the mission. “Maybe you should arrange a meeting with me and this First Officer.”

“I probably could do something. Although a lot what limits you are the crimes and the danger you hold. That falls more under security and Mardusk. So I think you might be able to figure out how that’s going to end up.”

“Danger,” Jessa looked at him wide eyed. “All I have been doing is trying to stop anyone else from getting hurt. I have tried to tell you all how to not provoke the Elders but all you seem to do is want to make us mad, incite us, force us to violence.” Jessa watched Rinker move to his desk and felt her pulse quicken. She had just threatened to leave but she couldn’t let Rinker throw her out. “And I know how it ends with Mardusk. I did not want to hurt anyone. I didn’t even know what was going on. You say you are so civilized but where is your adjudicators. We live by the principle that if you are guilty, the adjudicator will not be able to prove different. You are a backward and ruthless people who want to force your views on others. I know I will die for whatever crimes you say I have committed but at least I can live with that price.” Jessa’s voice broke slightly as she watched him. “Dieing for another person is not a sacrifice. It is an honor.”

“It might be, depends on the person. But you won’t die by our hands no matter what the crime you may or may not have committed. We don’t have the death penalty in the Federation. Plus whether you think so or not, you are a minor in the eyes of our law and we don’t punish minors as harshly as adults. so that’s two reasons. So I don’t know why you think you are on Death Row.”

The idea that there was not a death penalty here took Jessa by shock. “You have no death penalty for murder or treason?” This was good news and bad. The Elders were only being nice sitting in their cells for now. Her head swam with the implications.

“We have Judges and Lawyers, if that’s what you mean by Adjudicators. Each person accused of a crime has one Lawyer that tries to prove them innocent and another that tries to find them guilty. For lesser crimes the judge determines guilt or innocence, more significant crimes a jury of the accused person’s peers determine guilt, and the judge both rules on what’s the law and the length of the punishment if the jury finds them guilty. People in the military have slightly different rules, but largely its the same theory.”

“Wait so I won’t go with the Elders to prison? You have separate prisons for kids?” Panic spread across Jessa’s face. If the Elders were sent to prison they would be more than just angry when they escaped. They would not care if there was a death penalty or not. The best thing they would do to her was kill her. The worst they would do was leave her here.

Returning to his desk he spun around it dropping in the faux leather seat that was clearly the best one in the room. He leaned back in his chair - a ball appearing in his hand as he tossed it upward - waiting for it to lose energy and drop back into his hand.

Rinker

“Are you even listening to me,” she moaned. “You need to fix this and soon. I will be gone probably in the next few hours.”

“Going where?”

“To kid jail,” she said exasperatedly. “Rinker, you need to get the judges to see me as an adult. I…I can’t go to kid jail. I have to stay with them. You need to fix this,” she pleaded with him. No… pleading was not the right word. The desperate look in her eyes, the whine to her voice, the sag in her shoulders showed Jessa was begging. “I can’t be without them. Who is going to take care of me? You can’t take them from me. Please…call someone anyone on that badge of yours. Tell them I want to be an adult. If you do I…I will take out a pin from something to show you I will cooperate.” Seeing Rinker take out the ball Jessa felt herself relax some. Rinker was easier to confuse when he was playing ball.

Setting the cup back down, Jessa motioned for Rinker to throw her the ball. She actually did like this ball game of his. It kept her hands busy and gave them something to do in the long moments of silence when Jessa wasn’t sure what she wanted to say.

Rinker actually rolled away from her so the throw was longer. She would have to put more conscious and subconscious energy in making the toss, being accurate and keeping up the pace.

“So I have an idea. How about we go back and forth with the questions? I ask one then you ask one and then back and forth. I will make it easy so don’t worry,” Jessa said quickly following it up with her question. The last thing she wanted was for Rinker to say no. “How has your morning been?” The question was easy enough and should get Rinker talking.

Jessa motioned for Rinker to toss the ball again noticed he moved back farther from her. Why he wasn’t tossing it to her was a mystery? Maybe it was because of the food and drink on the table. Jessa could easily fix that.

Jessa needed to make some adjustments to the environment. Setting the ball on the couch, she picked up the drink and took a long sip before picking up the plate too. Moving from her spot on the couch she walked to the edge of Rinker’s desk and set the food and drink on the corner. Heathcliff’s office was so clean the last thing she wanted to do was miss the ball and knock over the plate or drink. At least this way it was far away from their game. Pausing to stuff half a slice in her mouth, Jessa returned back to the couch with what some people would consider chipmunk cheeks that were stuffed full of the overly large bite of pizza.

Pushing the coffee table to the side slightly Jessa again motioned for the ball now perched on the couch instead of lounging on it. The distance wasn’t that much larger but Jessa was not going to miss the ball or not have the power to throw it back harder if she needed to punctuate a sentence with a little more umpf. “Rinker…ball,” she added waggling her fingers.

Jessa Novar

Rinker caught the ball with the classic two hand style. He had done this a lot and had patients throw with such force as to try to cause injury… but normally the intent was venting of energy or sometimes to cause Rinker to drop the ball and embarrassment. It was a means of control in an environment that they felt they had little.

“Mostly the same as all mornings.” He didn’t agree to the alternating questions, but if she was going to ask non-intrusive, non-disclosure type questions it wouldn’t be an issue. “A few sessions and some emotional hand wringing.” He paused. “Can’t get too much into that, you know confidentiality.”

She felt a flash of anger with the mention of confidentiality. “Oh yeah, you really follow that confidentiality thing when it suits you. Didn’t seem to apply yesterday when they were screaming your name out over the ship’s communication. Ball,” Jessa almost groaned out the word. Why he was not throwing it to her was moving past confusing and toeing annoying.

“I have confidentiality.. .They don’t. That’s why the rule is I don’t tell them stuff you say in here so there are no secrets for them to keep. Because there are no guarantees they will.”

“But he called you and you,” she felt her chest starting to tighten. She swallowed the knot in her throat and took second to get her emotions under control.
“You know what I did make a mistake yesterday but I understand now. Zala Tsu and the other Elders were right. The only person you can rely on is yourself. The coffee…pizza…hell probably even letting me run in your gym was all just to exploit me for information. I made the mistake of thinking you and Ian and the doctors,” Jessa stopped before using any of the words tumbling around her mind. ” I won’t make the same triffing mistake again. Trust me I will make sure you don’t bear the burden of keeping any of my secrets again.”

“It’s a burden I choose to hold. And I hope you haven’t had the life experiences that make you not trust anyone. That does happen to people and I think its tragic. I like to believe that when given an opportunity most people will be kind and not cruel. But sometimes that isn’t the case. What experiences have you had that taught you not to trust anyone?”

“You,” Jessa’s face searched his eyes looking for a spark of understanding. “You and Ian showed me I am all alone here. The only one that came was Evrilla and that was probably only because I hurt…I got hurt,” Jessa quickly altered her words. “I thought I could trust you?”

“Yesterday after the Ritual of Cleansing I heard Mardusk call you on that chest thing,” she waved a finger at Rinker’s comm badge. “You made me think I could trust you. Ian is always trying to crack a joke or bring me something sweet to eat, to make me like him, trust him,” the hurt and distrust were thick in her voice, “but when I needed someone Ian never picked up the call and you hung up.” Jessa wiped a tear away from her cheek with a flick of her hand. “It’s okay,” she wiped her eyes one last time. “I just didn’t realize I can only trust you in these walls or Ian only when he is hovering next to me. It is just I didn’t understand the rules. I do now though so it’s okay.”

“As for the emotional stuff we are going to have a no crying rule today,” she said in a firm tone as if setting rules for Rinker. The truth however was that Rinker never did anything to actually make her cry as others did in her life. He never raised his voice. He didn’t scream or berate her. Rinker didn’t threaten her to force her to comply. The fact was Rinker just asked questions and Jessa was the one that took it to one emotional level or another. This time however, Jessa was prepared for him. “Crying about something rarely serves a purpose. It shows your weakness and gives people ammunition to know what bothers you. Leaders don’t cry or show emotion because it will make them less powerful in the eyes of those they serve”

“That certainly can be your rule… although I reserve the right to cry if I want to… and I think you shouldn’t feel any shame if you do. I don’t have any plans to exploit you and I don’t think crying is a weakness. It’s what you cry over and to me what you cry over is what you need help with, not a weakness.”

“You know what I need help with,” Jessa’s tone was becoming tenser and bordering on sarcastic, “you tossing me that ball.” It was clear this was frustrating Jessa immensely. “If we aren’t going to play catch why bring out the ball and I think we need to review a few points. Point one is we have a no crying rule. Crying makes me uncomfortable whether I am doing it or someone else. No crying.” Jessa hated seeing people cry and it happened way too often when the Galactic Union required a re-education event. Mothers cried when the children left. Women cried when they had to leave their partners. Children cried all the time and never stopped. “Point two what I need help with is that ball,” she actively pointed to the round object in his hand. “Point three again is that I am not showing any emotion because I am a leader. I need to lead by example so you will see that and believe in me.”

“I think you are mixing things, Leaders don’t show weakness because they want to encourage their people with their bravery. You don’t have to encourage me.”

Jessa opened her mouth to reply but stopped actually listening to Rinker instead of just hearing him. “You think I am brave,” she said in a soft tone pushing a lock of hair behind her ear. For a second Jessa felt at peace and like this world wasn’t so foreign. Only two people in the world ever told her she was brave: her mother and Pellan. The Galactic Union gave flowery, inspirational speeches about bravery but it was not the same as Rinker was doing now. He was not lumping her into a mass but talking about her as an individual.

“Yes, brave… and stubborn. Those two things tend to go together.”

“Whatever I say here is just between me and you right? No one else will know?”

“I’m not brave. I am scared all the time. Like all the time,” she poked at the corner of her eye feeling her sinuses start to tingle and her eyes filling with tears. “Sometimes you just need someone to say you are doing good. You know what I mean?” Jessa stopped poking at the corner of her eye and started rubbing the whole lid. “I try but,” she took a second to pause and rub both her eyes with the thumb and index finger of her right hand, “it’s hard sometimes because I know what I am supposed to do but I am not always able to do it. It’s like they expect me to have all the answers. Ugh,” she moaned flopping back on the couch using the edge of her sweatshirt to wipe her eyes. She had forgotten how dangerous Rinker could be. She almost liked him better when he wasn’t being nice.

“A courageous person is not brave because they fear nothing. They are brave because they are fearful but do what is right anyway. You’ll be fine if you keep thinking and while you are thinking you do what you believe is right.”

“I don’t know what is right anymore,” she yelled at Rinker. “And it is because of you. You keep filling me with ideas and it has to stop. Billions of galactic systems are at stake. It is not what I think is right anymore and I am just one person.”

“A single stone can start an avalanche. And I don’t want to tell you what right or wrong. When you don’t know. I want you to think. You can still be wrong, but at least you know you tried to do right… do you best to the best of your knowledge. That is all we can hope for sometimes.”

Jessa blinked realizing she had over shared again with this man answering the question he posed at the door about crying not necessarily being a bad thing. She quickly spun another response she hoped he would accept. “Crying is okay though for some. My mom used to say that sometimes you just need to cry it out, but that was when I was a little kid.” Jessa wiped her eyes on the back of her sleeve making sure none actually ran down her face. Her forehead wrinkled slightly when she saw Rinker toss the ball off his desk and not to her. Maybe he just didn’t think she was ready. Moving to the edge of the couch, Jessa angled herself the best she could to be more in front of Rinker so he could toss her the ball.

Rinker bounced the ball off the desk she moved closer too. He was going to change things up. “Sounds like a wise woman.”

Jessa looked at Rinker debating what to say. Her mother was the smartest person in the world but Jessa wasn’t ready to admit that yet to him. Instead of a verbal reply, she just nodded.

“I’m just wondering about the need for control and to be seen as an adult. Can you tell me about that?” Rinker certainly didn’t make promises about he questions being easy.

Rinker

Jessa looked at him dumbfounded. Firstly because of his question and secondly because he seemed to not want to give her the ball. “For Triffing Hell Rinker you open with that for your turn,” she let out a laugh shaking her head. “I figured you would go with what did I have for dinner or what is my favorite color.....because you can,” she stated in a slightly exaggerated but happy tone as if encouraging a topic instead of outright demanding it.

“I not sure I care about your favorite color,” he said innocently. “I’m just asking the question about the statement you opened our conversation with so I’m not to blame.”

Jessa looked almost hurt that he didn’t want to know what her favorite color was. She would not admit it though. The longer she was in here, the more clear it became that this meeting was not going to be like yesterday. Rinker did not seem to be interested in banal chit-chat.

“Well I only get one question at a time. I’m sure you’ll tell me your favorite color without using my question.”

“Probably not but that is okay,” she forced a smile.

“Fair dinkum mate,” Jessa said using more of the language of these people. Using people’s customs always made them more relaxed. It also gave the impression you were open to their culture and ideas. The topic on roles and expectations, however, was a solid one. It would give Jessa a chance to explain how things should be and hopefully, Rinker would be able to explain it to the other officers on the ship he commanded.

It irritated her that Rinker was a slow student and needed her to explain what should be the easiest concept in the world. Jessa was used to this. She would just educate him again.

“Wonder no longer,” she said confidently and in an almost happy tone although she continued to watch Rinker play with the ball by himself instead of her. “So the easy answer is if you and Ian start treating me like you treat the other officers on this ship everyone will follow suit.”

“But that is not going to happen,” Jessa squared her shoulders and deepened her voice imitating how she saw Rinker. Whether Rinker would find her imitation of him funny or not Jessa had no idea but her tone and gestures were more playful than angry and hostile.

“So let me explain why,” her tone became firmer, “it will be the course of action from this point forward. Settle back Heathcliff and learn something.”

“Oh and toss me that. I am ready,” Jessa moved to leaning on the arm of the couch instead of sitting on it. Glancing at the food and drink, Jessa debated about causally moving over to it as a way to get in front of the ball instead of next to it.

Rinker nodded. Competitive too. He had kids who wouldn’t even try to play catch, and then there were different games. He was thankful she responded to a physical game. When they played the more mental one’s that took up valuable thinking space.

“The Galactic Union is divided between citizens and the Order. Citizens are anyone that is not me,” she put her hand to her chest. “They are just your average person…like you.” Jessa tossed the ball back and forth in a relaxed manner. Her tone was neutral even if her word choice could be interpreted as condescending.

“Citizens have families and jobs just like here, just like you. They are healers, builders, merchants, custodians, dentists, farmers, pyromen, bakers,” Jessa held out her fingers counting off professions in almost a stream of consciousness. “Basically everyone that does the jobs that need to be done.” She was finally sharing things about the Galactic Union but not in the concise, precise manner of an adult. It was more a haphazard, child’s version one might hear in any classroom on the ship when kids talked about community helpers.

Snapping out of her partial daydream, Jessa looked back at Rinker. “The Order is different from being a citizen. The Order has jobs like adjudicators, watchman, protectorates, soldiers, and of course the teachers of all things educational and spiritual. This is the reason why you are confused right now. You see me based on my chronological age but that isn’t important for those in the Order.”

Jessa paused for a second hyper focusing on getting the ball instead of talking. Letting out a sigh she gathered her thoughts to make sure Rinker was paying attention and that she was explaining it correctly.

“Because when you are born, the protectorates run tests on all the babies. If you show a pre inclination to the Divine, they take you from your parents so you can be educated to help guide those that don’t have a pre-inclination to the Divine. That,” she stressed the word elongating it out and increasing her volume so Rinker would understand something important was about to follow, “is why I am not some kid but a leader in society and leaders have different sets of rules. You even said that yourself.”

“Genetic selection.” Rinker shrugged. “Most Federation races don’t do that. They allow the individual to choose their life, not have it selected for them. People call it freedom.”

“Oh anyone that does not show pre-inclination is allowed to live any life they want as long as they stay on the path to enlightenment. Only those of us that are touched by the Divine…and it’s not a bad thing,” she squirmed slightly in her chair. “Actually it is an honor.” Somehow trying to convince Rinker to see this made Jessa feel weird. “It’s something you should…do,” Jessa rapidly changed the verb. “It is something you do want, not should want but do want more than anything else in the universe.”

“I’m sure it is.”

“It is,” she stated however the tone of it sounded more like Jessa was trying to convince herself of it than agree with Rinker. “Why are you making me try to feel like its a bad thing,” she looked at Rinker questioningly.

“I don’t think its a bad thing. I just question things you get without having to earn it. Touched by the divine seems so random. What of the pious man who works his whole life… and they aren’t touched wouldn’t they be more deserving? Seems unfair.”

“Take up the weapon of faith and fear not to use it. No struggle is worth taking unless you feel the pain of your sacrifice. Is anything earned without sacrifice really earned? Show those weak the cleansing power of sacrifice. Be the force that helps them see enlightenment. Being touched by the Divine isn’t a blessing. It is more a curse,” she muttered under her breath. “It doesn’t take work. Just an unlucky birth.” She had thought Rinker would understand this but in time everyone began to see the power of an Elder.

“Okay my turn,” Jessa tossed the ball back to Rinker adjusting on the couch to that she keep up with his pace and speed during the game of catch. “What are your parents names?” The more Jessa understood these people, the easier it would be to relate to them.

Jessa

Rinker paused for a moment. He normally wouldn’t’ answer that question, but anyone with even basic computer skills could find that out with ease. The was much to gain with that… he decided to go deep. “Michel and Astrid. My father was a priest and government official. My mother was a doctor. They are divorced, both are mostly retired now and live on Earth.”

“Astrid,” Jessa said his mom’s name with a smile. “That is a pretty name. I have never heard it before but then again no one has ever heard of Kari before. They always tease me and say oh what are you gonna carry ..Kari.” Rinker could tell the teasing didn’t really bother her but was something just slightly annoying kids did to each other. “Astrid sounds like a flower.” Getting up Jessa moved to the desk picking up a piece of pizza and trying to put herself into a position to play ball. Picking a topping off she looked at Rinker. “So, you believe in God and religion. Tell me more.” While the first half of this meeting was stressful, now Jessa would be able to get into some interesting conversations and start correcting Rinker about his blasphemous views.

“That’s more than one question, but I’ll play along. My father was religious. My mother was less so. I’m pretty much non-religious. There too many worlds with too many Gods for anyone vision to be right. So there may be a God, or Gods, but Im too ignorant to really understand.”

“It’s not ignorance. It’s just a lack of faith and faith is hard.” Jessa wasn’t condescending or angry. Her tone was gentle and sincere. “I don’t know everything so I do try to learn and what I have learned so far is there are too many things I don’t know and really really smart people can’t give me the answers either. Like why are snowflakes so pretty. Sure the science says they freeze that way but they could just freeze like an ice cube. And flowers,” Jessa smiled and got comfortable. “There is a universe of flowers and not one is the same. Someone had to do that.”

“That is a good argument.”

“And then there is life,” Jessa relaxed some as she talked. She did not spout scriptures or thow verses at him but seemed to be just talking to him. “I mean you pray and then you get a baby. How is that not a gift from God?” If Jessa were older the statement might have sounded niave yet due to her age and obvious religious education, it wouldn’t be all that surprising the birds and the bees might not have come up in the curriculum. “Maybe you just need to look around when you wonder about God. The universe is such an amazing place with such beautiful things. Don’t you ever wonder why that is? I think it is his promise to us to say believe in me because I can show you things that are wonderful if you just take the time to trust and believe in me.”

“If God is all around us, then how would you explain all the evil in the universe.” Rinker didn’t like discussing religion but he had done it many times in his youth. “If God is all powerful then why does he need you to carry out missions for him. If God kind why does (s)he allow suffering to continue. If God is not all around us, all powerful or kind, then why should we follow.”

Jessa thought long and hard about Rinker’s question. It was a common one asked so many times but she needed to make sure she gave him an answer he could understand. “Well, there is free will. You can choose to live a life that is not on the path but then you can’t cry when you wink out and end at your death. You can choose to do good deeds and not evil ones. When you do evil things that is where our laws and adjudicators come into play. God can’t control you but you can control yourself. Live in the light and things will be right,” she tried to use some of the low-brow language she use with less educated people. This covered his first question.

The second question was far harder. “God needs us because someone has to tell you about his glory. He shows this by touching us with the Divine so we can help you when you need help.” The answer was super simplistic like the ones she gave small children. “If I wasn’t here to teach you then how can you ever know what is right? Learning begins the second you draw your first breath and continue until the flames consume your body. So don’t learn as if this is your last hour. Learn so that your last hour is filled with understanding. That is why I will not impart the truth to you. You will just forget without having struggled and sacrificed for that knowledge.” She mixed some scripture with her explanation because Rinker was not a child. He was smart enough to understand what she was saying.

The last question she had asked herself all the time but she was being a teacher right now. She could not fill her student with doubt. “Without hope and heroes, life is spent in malaise. To defeat malaise identify the keys to life. Life is sacrifice so offer it. Life is trust so give it wisely. Life is a struggle so conquer it. Be the force of change in the galaxy no matter the cost. This is one of my favorite passages,” she confided in him. “Life is a struggle and sometimes bad things happen to good people but God can’t intervene because how would you learn from any mistake? He allows suffering so that we can learn to be better, do better. Kinda like the whole earn something to appreciate it.” It was easy to see what was rhetoric and what was Jessa’s own words or how she interpreted them.

“Any more questions,” she asked happily.

“So I’ll ask you the same question. Who are your parents, what do they do and where are they now?” He remembered one of her dozen pins and her mother was a huge one. Plus he could figure out who she thought her dad was. Interesting news for Ian if he could figure out a way to tell him. He probably would just ask Jessa. She probably wouldn’t care about information on her dad. It would be the mom she’d fight.

Rinker

As fast as her demeanor had changed when they were talking about Socrates, Rinker could actually see the change in her emotional state shift before his eyes. “No you won’t. I am done and for real this time.” Instead of walking to the door, however, Jessa tapped her chest. =/\=Ian I am done here. You can come in=/\= she said locking eyes with Rinker in a challenging manner.

“You brought up parents. If you remember 20 seconds ago.” Rinker just stared at her without a change in facial expression. Well, that was a very defensive response. Even more so than the first time she had brought her mother up.”

“Yes but you can’t turn the question around on me like that.” Jessa’s knuckles were white as she gripped the edge of the desk clearly showing she was in distress over the question. “I brought up your parents. You have no business knowing anything about mine. Our hour is up.”

“That seems unfair.”

“Whatever was going on in that office was turning hostile on Jessa’s part. Ian was not going to open the door and save her if Rinker was still in control of the session. =/\=Um are you saying that or is Rinker=/\= Ian’s voice came back immediately. The statement more for Rinker than Jessa.

=/\=Does it matter=/\= Jessa broke her gaze from Rinker very uncomfortable Ian didn’t immediately bow to her command.

=/\=Yeah it kinda does kiddo=/\= Ian might be telling everyone on the ship he had no emotional attachment to the kid but something in his voice spoke otherwise.

=/\=But it’s not fair. I met your friend but he doesn’t want to talk. He just keeps asking me things and I don’t want to answer him. It’s not fair,=/\= she had an almost pleading quality to her voice. =/\=Please let me out=/\=

“I’ve done far more talking with you than I have with any other patient. So I don’t feel that is a fair description of the exchange.”

OOC: OOPpps

OCC: Fixed it :)

“Wait patient,” Jessa snapped looking at Rinker with a murderous expression. “Why are you calling me a patient?” Her response was one of confusion demonstrated by her wrinkling brow and scrunched up nose. “I don’t understand. Ian what is he talking about?”

Ian was not an expert in psychiatry at all but knew firsthand what happened when Jessa felt helpless and trapped. He also know this wasn’t going to be easy and Jessa was not going to come out of Rinker’s office happy and skipping. =/\=Patience, Jessa. You are a bit much to handle sometimes so he said has talked and been patient.=/\=
Luckily the words sounded almost identical and easily swapped out. She was obviously wound up and there was a good chance she would buy what Ian told her especially if he changed the subject. =/\However you’re right. It’s not fair but sometimes life isn’t fair. What if we make a deal. You push through and talk to Rinker and I will make sure we do something fun when you are done. =/\=

Jessa looked at Rinker and then at the door. =/\=I want to see the person that was hurt=/\= Jessa said quietly but firmly.

=/\=Okay,=/\= Ian’s voice dragged out. He would talk to Rinker about this later. It would be easy enough to just say the person didn’t want to see her although Ian was more than interested in why that was Jessa’s intended designation. =/\=but the deal is off if Rinker says you didn’t hold up your end of the bargain. I will ask him but if he says you did the work…I will try to arrange it. They might not want to see you.=/\= Ian had no idea if Rinker was going to kill him but he said to set boundaries and expectations. Ian clicked off the badge and settled back in his seat glancing at the clock. His response was a promise but there were enough variables to bluff around. Hell Ian wasn’t sure if he wanted to put Jessa in the same room as his wife.

Jessa looked at Rinker and pulled her arms closer to her body. She could not answer that question. Pushing off the desk Jessa took a seat on the couch. Tucking her feet up under her, Jessa began to fiddle with the hem of her shirt. She had to sell the lie she was about to tell. Looking up, Jessa stared at Rinker’s nose to avoid looking him in the eyes however to most people, this trick would not be noticed. They would think someone was looking them in the eye which was always hard to do and lie. “I was taken by the protectorates as I said when I was born. My family is my quad. I do not know who they were or what they do. My only life is to enlightenment.” Her actions, tone of voice, and demeanor would fool the average person but Rinker was far from an average person. Rinker was also very adept at spotting lies and the small things people did when lying.

Jessa

“Don’t do that.” His voice was annoyed. “That is dogma, its is propaganda, it is what you were trained to say. It isn’t what is specifically true for you. I don’t lie in this room and neither should you. You’ve been allowed to put pins in anything you have chosen, I haven’t once stopped you. The only condition was that you used a pin so you’d didn’t have to lie about something you didn’t or couldn’t tell me. Don’t break your own rule now. Use a pin and tell me what you are comfortable with.”

Rinker

“It’s not propaganda! It is the truth. They did come for me.” Jessa had no idea how Rinker was always able to see through every lie or half truth. It was like he had all the answers she locked deep away and wanted to expose her. “I wasn’t a baby but they still came for me. The protectorates saved me that night. They…they gave,” she felt like she was about to explode. She had to make Rinker stop. He was so close to her personal truth just as he mentioned. Her eyes fell on the small ball still in his hands. “Give me that Trifing ball! Give it to me! I need it now.” Her body was shaking and Jessa looked to be on the verge of a nervous breakdown. It was too much. There were many balls in the air that she was trying to juggle. Between Mardusk, Ian, her new secret friends, and Rinker, Jessa just needed one person she could control. One of these people had to submit to her authority so she focused all her energy on Rinker.

Rinker tossed the ball to her, “They gave?”

“They gave me a home,” she blurted out loud catching the ball. A wave of stressed washed off her body. “I was all alone and they came for me. They saved me that night. I was five. Everyone was dead. I had nowhere to go. Proctor Elgina was dead. The school was gone. I had two choices. I could go with them or walk into a building and died like the rest,” Jessa threw the ball back at him. “Guess I made the wrong choice again.”

His tone snapped Jessa’s eyes off the ball and to the side so she was not looking at Rinker at all as she thought about what he said. “Why,” she yelled back at him. “Everything I say you hate. No answer I give you want. I am going to rot in some jail whether it is here or back home so you were right it doesn’t matter what my favorite color.”

“I’ve never said I hate anything you said… I’ve never said you are going to rot in jail… and I can’t say what might happen to you when and if you go back. I don’t know your people like that.”

“Yes, you do. My people are in the brig and you don’t seem to particularly like them,” she let a sarcastic tone fill her voice. “You are a smart man. How do you think my draconian Galactic Union will react? I can tell you. They will make an example of me. They will point out how I saved myself and lived among you while my three of my quad languished and suffered. They will accuse me of rebellious thoughts and actions. You might not have the death penalty but we do and I have no doubt in my mind I will go back because I have to go back.” There was nothing but conviction in Jessa’s voice. She believed everything she was saying. “It doesn’t matter what I do or how long it takes to complete the mission. I will be tried and found guilty.”

A long pause filled the room as Jessa looked everywhere but at Rinker. “Are you a judge because if you are I have one request. Please start calling me Jane Doe again,” Jessa felt her eyes start to burn.

“Then no one will know who I am. I don’t think I am going to be able to help her the way I wanted so at least no one can blame her for anything else. She was just scared and when people are scared they do dumb things.” Jessa didn’t care if she cried anymore. None of it mattered. She wiped a tear from her cheek. “I have always cost her everything. Maybe this will be a way to pay her back because I have always tried my best but as Rogan says my best has never been good enough.” Jessa refused to look anywhere near Rinker. Instead she focused on one of his pieces of art talking to that instead of him. Wiping her nose with the back of her hand, Jessa sniffed loudly. Reaching into her shirt, Jessa pulled out the necklace she had tucked in there and held it tightly in her fist.

Jessa

“I’m not going to call you that, because that isn’t your name, but if you don’t want me to call you Jessa I’ll do that, young miss.” He said calmly enough. In fact it seemed he was talking even more quietly than ever.

She didn’t respond to his sentence giving him a preference of what she wanted to be called. Jessa stared at the wall and continued to look through the picture letting her vision get blurry.

“Help who? Your mother? or is that a different her?”

Rinker

Jessa looked at him and wished for a second Rinker was anyone but the person he was. She wished he was a stranger she had never met before that helped her up after she fell and scraped her knee. She wished he was the Protectorate that carried her off the burning planet when she was five. She wished he was Pellan who secretly wiped her tears away and gave her secret messages in the garden. She wished he was Proctor Trina who would sneak in late and night and pull the covers up around her shoulders and whisper everything was okay when she had a nightmare. Unfortunately, Heathcliff Rinker was none of these people.

Jessa finally nodded in answer to his question. “Wouldn’t you help your mom if she was in trouble and needed your help and you were the only person in the world that could help her?”

Jessa Novar.