Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Janna Kingston (Counsellor) in Pre-sim: Psych eval for the CTO

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Harrison Callahan (Chief Tactical Officer) in Pre-sim: Psych eval for the CTO

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Janna Kingston (Counsellor) in Pre-sim: Psych eval for the CTO

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She let him vent. Clearly he needed to! Well, good. From her seat, she looked up at him and took a deep breath, sighing it out. “It’s hard, isn’t it? I know all too well what it’s like to go about life living on the edges, not wanting to risk allowing myself into the centre of what was happening around me.” Kingston nodded slowly. “Before I answer your question, I have another for you: are you the same person you were when your mother disappeared, and when your relationship ended?”

~Janna Kingston, CNS

No,” he admitted after a long moment. “I’ve changed. Life has a way of making sure of that. My mother’s leaving was because of duty. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t in her plans to go MIA. That’s a hazard of the career she chose.”

His gaze drifted for a second before returning to Janna.

“But maybe that’s part of the problem. I’ve spent so much time becoming someone who could survive loss. . .I’ve closed myself off to others. I never stopped to ask whether that version of me still knows how to truly live.”

He offered a brief snicker. “Believe it ot not, Janna, this is the most I’ve ever opened up about either of those situations . . . to anyone, ever.”

Lt. Cmdr. Harrison Callahan
CTO-USS Athena

“I believe it,” Janna said with a nod. She leaned forward just a little, her posture still open. “And there are probably many reasons for that, but I think I can hazard a guess as to why. Now, you can correct me if I’m wrong, but my guess is that as much as you’ve told yourself you don’t need to connect with others, deep down you’re not actually happy with that path. At some point it’s stopped working for you. And here I am now pushing you a little, questioning whether the complete focus on duty is enough in your life. You’ve realized it’s not and are now trying to figure out what the next step is. Am I close?” she said, her grass green eyes glittering.

~Janna Kingston, CNS

“Closer than I’d like to admit,” he said quietly. “Duty was simple. It gave me structure, purpose… rules I could follow. People are harder. They can leave, disappoint you, or become something you can’t protect.”

His eyes met hers.

“But I’m starting to think avoiding that risk isn’t the same thing as living. I just don’t know how to lower the walls without feeling like I’m leaving myself exposed. That’s the last thing I want to do–be exposed to that hurt, that pain again. Have you ever had that feeling, Janna? Knowing you’re not enough for the person you loved so completely that you would give your last breath just to see them smile at you one more time?”

Lt. Cmdr. Harrison Callahan
CTO-USS Athena