Posted by Lieutenant Commander Faye Calloway (Chief Intelligence Officer) in Holosuite 4- Always on Call

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Janna Kingston (Counsellor) in Holosuite 4- Always on Call

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Faye Calloway (Chief Intelligence Officer) in Holosuite 4- Always on Call
Posted by… suppressed (5) by the Post Ghost! 👻
Beams filtered in through a tall, narrow window, casting sunlight onto the cement floor of the studio. Panelled wood walls were coated in white paint, and the ceiling held swathes of sheer white cloth draped from unpainted wood beams.

She pressed her foot to the pedal and watched the wheel spin. She had already wedged the ball of clay resting in her right hand and she waited till she felt ready. With a fair bit of practice, Janna threw it onto the centre of the wheel. Dipping her sponge into the pail of water beside her, she squeezed the water over the clay, set the sponge into the base, and placed her wet hands on the sides of the clay. Tightening her abdominal muscles and her arms, she locked her upper body in place so she could hold her hands steady as the clay bucked against her palms and resisted the manipulation. But after a few moments, the rocking smoothed out and the clay began to take on a more cylindrical shape. Janna smiled and continued manipulating the clay, pushing her thumbs in at the top to create an opening.

~Janna Kingston, CNS

Faye paced back and forth in her quarters, rubbing her hands back and forth. Dag was on duty (was was often needed at more inopportune hours as CE than as COO), and Tess was all riled out because Faye was. Tess meowed and for a cat that was practically a shout saying ‘woman, sit the hell down!’, and Faye stopped and stared at her support animal. “You’re not helping, you know that, right?”

The trouble was that the fluffy feline wanted Faye to sit down so she could love on her and help calm her person’s nervous system. Faye couldn’t sit. She couldn’t stand. She just wanted to move. There was a moment when she considered yoga, but it was not what she wanted. It would help a lot more if she knew what she did want.

Tess gave up and trotted over to the desk, hopped up, and rubbed her face against the console. Smart cat, she was.

Faye did have options and while she would love to talk to Alex, she knew she couldn’t call him every time she was having a bad day. She absolutely could call Dag and he’d leave to come help her, but whatever was keeping him on shift was important and like Alex, she didn’t want to rely on him constantly when her emotions were hard to deal with. Sometimes she would have no choice but to deal with them on her own, but today she in fact had yet another option. So Faye opened an internal comm line. =/\=Calloway to Kingston.=/\=

~Faye Calloway, CIO

Janna pulled her thumbs outwards, opening up the interior of the clay. “Go for Kingston.”

There was a long pause. =/\=I was wondering if you were free to talk? If not, I can book an appointment. It’s fine. I can wait.I mean it’s really not that big of a deal.=/\=

Janna smiled to herself. “Come on down to Holosuite Four, Faye.”

=/\=Oh, no, I mean I don’t want to bug you on your downtime. That’s not fair-“

“Holosuite Four. See you in ten minutes, Faye,” she interrupted, her voice firm. If Faye was struggling enough to call her outside of her usual appointment time, then Janna was willing to meet her however it made sense. “Kingston, out.”

~Janna Kingston, CNS

Faye stood there and blew out a breath. Janna was really good with boundaries and a part of her knew that the psychologist wouldn’t have said to meet her if she couldn’t. Still, Faye’s instinct to just deal with it on her own warred with the knowledge that she did better with outside input.

So a few minutes later, Faye stepped into the holodeck and took in the serene surroundings. The entry led into an open studio space and Faye paused, gazing at Kingston intensely focused on the clay in her hand. The potters wheel spun at a pretty good speed as Janna continued to manipulate the clay. Faye leaned against a thick wooden support post.

Janna took her hands off the clay and her foot off the pedal. The wheel slowed, coming to a stop. Faye noted the look on the therapist’s face, and it was clear by her silence that Kingston expected Faye to speak first.

“I dissociated again. Or rather whatever that thing is now where I lose time entirely. I mean, I was used to it before, but there were sensations that came along with it. It’s like… I don’t know. I want to say it’s like the mind dumps without the physical sensation but those-” She stopped, not wanting to traipse farther than was necessary.

“We’ve talked about them a lot, but not lately. Have you had one?” Janna asked.

Faye shrugged. “I don’t know. Not like before, that’s for sure. But sometimes I think I experience the shadow of one. I just can’t be sure.”

“Have you had Dr. Grey check it out?”

She paused and dropped her gaze to the floor. “He knows about the mind dumps, but not so much the rest. I did tell Commander Stone though.”

“Do you think it would be a good idea to let him know?”

Faye pressed her big toe down hard into the sole of her shoe, as if the pressure could distract her brain from the myriad of tracks it was already on.

~Faye & Janna

Probably,” Faye said at length.

Janna gazed at Faye for a moment before she dipped her hands into the bucket of water at her side, rinsing off the slurry that had formed from her shaping of the pot. “Ever work with clay?”

Faye shook her head. “Can’t say I have. I was never really the artsy type.”

“Dance counts.”

Faye shrugged. “Sort of. In a different way.”

“I could teach you pottery-or at least what I know- while we chat?” Janna said.

~Faye & Janna

Faye eyed the creation in progress and then Janna herself. They both knew Faye was better off processing things while she kept her hands and body busy. It’s why she liked dancing and yoga. Was pottery really so different?

She moved over to one of the spare wheels and Janna came over and walked her through wedging the clay to get it to the correct condition to work with, and then the basics of using the wheel to shape the clay. Janna didn’t give her a specific outcome, just showed Faye how to manipulate the clay.

Faye wedged a new piece (which required some distinct effort that felt good) and she threw it into the centre of the wheel and started the spin. Squeezing water over the clay, Faye wrapped her hands around the outside, trying to shape it, but it was more difficult than it appeared.

“So… tell me what’s been going on that’s got you so overwhelmed?” Janna said.

Faye worked on her clay in silence for a few moments before she sighed. “I don’t know, a lot of things. There’s the stuff with my mom, the weird lapses that are kind of scary, command training, and…”

“And?” Kingston prompted.

“And… Commander Stone, after I explaining a lot of my difficulties and worries, especially when it comes to social stuff, asked me if I had ever been screened for Autism Spectrum Disorder. I have not, but I’ve done some reading since then I think it might actually fit.”

~~Faye & Janna

“Tell me more,” Janna said, moving back to wedge a new piece of clay.

Faye was quiet for a time and the whir of the wheel filled the room. Janna, as always, waited her out until she was ready to speak. “I had a weird interaction. Without going into details I can’t, I was having this meeting with other people on this ship and we were going to a new location to speak confidentially. They even warned me about where we were going, but once we got there it was like my brain just short circuited. My whole bod felt uncomfortable, my heart was racing ad I felt like I was having a panic attack. My skin actually felt like it hurt and my brain was sinning, going off in more tangents than it normally does. I could barely breath!” Faye fought back tears. “I told them I wanted to go back, and so we did, but once we were back where we started I was suddenly and probably irrationally angry. I told them I needed to leave until I was calm enough to talk and… I never made it back. I haven’t talked to any of them since, but work has been busy.”

Janna listened carefully and nodded. “Sounds to me like you have a sensory overload and it resulted in a meltdown. In some people with Autism, they can’t remember the details of what happens during a meltdown, but other can, and with your memory, it doesn’t surprise me.”

Faye blinked. She hadn’t expected Kingston to just go with Faye’s assumption about the ASD. She thought they’ve have to argue it out or something. “So… what do I do about it? I’m so embarrassed, Janna,” she said more softly, sinking her fingers into the wet clay and causing it to collapse.

“Have you had situations like that before? Maybe not exactly, but that had similar feelings in the end?”

She nodded. “Yeah, but I mean BPD, right?”

“What about when you were a child or teenager. Before the Dominion came,” Janna said.

Faye thought back for a moment and then snorted. “Ohhhh yeah, definitely. though on Tracken no one ever made me feel bad. I was always just the oddly smart kid and people just went with it. But as an adult? I find all the social stuff to be so much harder. I kept to myself so much for reasons that made sense at the time, so its hard to know if I would have made more friends more easily or not.”

Janna moved to her wheel and set it spinning. She took the prepped lump of clay and threw it with precision into the centre. “How do you feel about an assessment for ASD? Is it something you feel would be useful or helpful?”

~Faye & Janna

Faye let the wet clay slip around in her hands. The texture felt kind of soothing but she wasn’t really focused on properly shaping the clay, so she had a rather wonky lump before her. She didn’t mind. “I think so… I mean, at this point I have an awful lot of knowledge about myself, but maybe it’s bene skewed in the wrong direction and the assessment would reshape things into something more clear. Or maybe it’ll just make things more complicated. But I think it’s worth knowing. For me, for Dag, for my interactions with others. I’m not scared of the assessment, if that’s what you’re asking.”

Janna wobbled her head. “Yes and no. I am trying to gauge your headspace so we can approach this in a way that will be most helpful. But since you’re open to it, I think we should start the process in our next session. How does that sound?”

Faye nodded and blew out a breath. “Okay, let’s do it.”

~Faye Calloway, CIO

“Okay,” Janna said. “Then we’ll go forward with it.”

“What will it entail?” Faye asked.

“So, it’s a multi-step process. Typically, there is an evaluation that takes places in a clinical setting that allows me to assess how a person behaves in social situations, then if I can I will try to gather information about developmental history from those who were there and maybe through records if available. Then there is a series of questionnaires for the patient and usually a person close in their life to complete. And then we do a thorough vocational timeline assessment, which in your case is much easier because of Starfleet records. Then we put it all together and I make a clinical determination. Often there is an intelligence test component, and even though you’ve already done that in the past, that was before some major changes that could make a difference.”

“Like the Tal Shiar mucking with my brain,” Faye said.

Janna nodded. “Exactly. Then we’ll sit down and go over the results and we can talk about what they mean and where you might benefit from extra supports. And it might also mean we need to adjust how we handle your therapy.”

Faye chewed on her lower lip. “Do you think much would change there?”

Se shook her head. “Not really. DBT can actually be really helpful for individuals on the Spectrum, but there might be a few tweaks I can make to ensure it’s neuroaffirming.” Janna smiled. “Though I am pretty sure you would tell me if anything wasn’t working or you didn’t like something.”

A glimmer of amusement touched her stormy grey-green eyes. “I am not one to hold back these days.” Faye frowned. “Though I’ve been second-guessing myself lately, so maybe it is good we’re looking at all these pieces again.”

“I agree,” Kingston said softly as she focused more on finessing the shape of her bowl. “Faye, you know even if we do all the testing and the answer is ‘yes, you are on the Spectrum’, there’s nothing wrong with you, right?”

Calloway arched her brows. “Wrong… no. But I’ve got enough challenges that I’m worried, Janna. Worried that I’m not going to be able to reach my goal.”

“Which goal?”

“Becoming a Captain.” Faye sighed. “I just want it so badly now. I didn’t expect it, but I do. I don’t want this to get in the way.”

Janna nodded. “I can understand the fear, but I think we can reframe it. After all, if the answer is yes, then you’ve always been this way. So it won’t be a barrier because you’ve already made it this far. But let’s go back to your original motivation for getting the assessment. How can you reframe this knowledge?”

Faye worked the clay in silence for a few moment, just the the whir of the wheels filling the space. “It’s simply more knowledge that will help Dag and myself, and those I interact with, adjust. In a work environment I can explain things in a way I might not have been able to before, and maybe even ask for things that might help. Right?” she said, casting her gaze sideways at Janna.

“You already know the answer, but yes, Faye, that’s exactly it. It’s knowledge you can use however it feels best and helps you the most. That isn’t to say you don’t still have challenges or that your frustrations will magically go away, but it’s deeper context and I think for someone as intellectual as you, it will help to have someone like me give you practical applications for this knowledge. It’ll be more pieces to add to the puzzle that is Faye Calloway-Hammor.”

Faye nodded. “You said you needed developmental stuff. Several years ago I wouldn’t have that for you, but fortunately for us, my mom is assigned to the Asimov. She can give you information at least until I was thirteen. Beyond that, and until I joined Starfleet, it’s only my own observations.”

“We’ll make it work.” Faye blew out a breath and seemed to relax. So much so that Janna watched her thumb slide. She was going to warn Faye, but it was too late- the cylinder collapsed beneath the woman’s fingers.

Faye blinked and looked at the mess. And then she laughed and shrugged. “How many times did you do that before you made things successfully?”

“A lot,” Janna admitted. “But I enjoy it. Ceramics has become a relaxing and much needed hobby.”

“I should get you out dancing,” Faye said with a wicked grin.

“I’m not much of a dancer.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it.”

They laughed and continued working with the clay for a few more minutes before Faye left Janna to do her hobby in peace.

~Faye & Janna