Posted by Lieutenant Julien Smith (Doctor) in Flashback- Earth, Starfleet Medical (2386)

Posted by Fleet Captain Ghubari Koraia (Captain) in Flashback- Earth, Starfleet Medical (2386)

(snip)

Ghubari let his words finish echoing in her ears and she closed her eyes, breaking the contact. When she opened them, she was more composed but no less intense. “There’s a moment in my career where I made a decision and took an action that I regret. Or rather I regret not questioning the order behind it. I did something that even now feels unjustifiable and it makes it hard to live with. Sometimes when I remember that moment I can remember afterwards having looked in the mirror and loathing the person gazing back at me. I didn’t recognize them anymore. I don’t know for sure, but as you finished speaking, something about your emotions told me that you’ve had a similar moment.”

~Commander Koraia, XO on Leave

He ran his hand through his short black curls, almost pulling at them while nodding, while looking at his glass, not able to hold her glance.

“Yes, that’s spot on.” he said and his deep voice became rough. “I was following orders too, fighting the Klingon renegates, leading my squat team, libarating the hostages. My team knew what they had signed up for. But there was one among them… he was the son of friend of my mother. I think he joined the squat team because of me, he looked up to me.”
He closed his eyes briefly, pinching the bridge of his nose, as if that would chase away the unwanted images in his head. “I could have saved him, but we were so close, so close to gaining access to their base and the prison.” he subsided and forced himself to look into her eyes again.

Even if he hadn’t looked at her, she could feel the gut churning emotions and knew that in this one thing they were one in the same.

“Self loathing and regret sounds about right.” he said. Then his brow wrinkled.
“That sounds like a very strange order. May I ask the circumstances? You know from one XO-on-leave security level to another. I shouldn’t have told you that many details about my covert mission either, but since we have the same security clearing .... ah BS, it just feels good talking to you. You… you get it.” he added.

• Julien

“I do,” Ghubari said. She slid her empty glass over to him. “But that story requires a refill, if you don’t mind.” There was almost a tony smirk that tried to pull at the corner of her mouth, but it didn’t quite fully develop.

While the conversation was difficult, it was made easier by their easy rapport and shared pain. But such was the point of drowning ones sorrows in a bar like this. The funny thought was that under most circumstances, had anyone tried to bother her in such a place, they’d have been quickly convinced that they were better off leaving her alone. Now, she could still defend herself, but it was a much more laborious and dramatic undertaking. Mulling over that casually, Ghubari figured her and Julien together would make quick work of anyone who dared to cause a scene and that actually did make her smirk.

~Commander Koraia, XO on Leave