Posted by Lieutenant Commander Serena Stone (Executive Officer) in Arboretum 3- A BIt of Honesty

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Faye Calloway (Chief Intelligence Officer) in Arboretum 3- A BIt of Honesty

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Serena Stone (Executive Officer) in Arboretum 3- A BIt of Honesty

(snip)

Serena nodded. “There’s an old Earth saying. It goes something like ‘Aim for the stars. Even if you miss, you’ll land on the moon.’ Meaning that setting your aspirations high is great. Even if you miss, you can still achieve something great and inspirit.” She shrugged one shoulder. “And no, it’s not too judgy. We’re all flawed and imperfect.” She lapsed into silence for a moment. “A long time ago, the Japanese people… When they broke a piece of pottery, they didn’t throw it away.” She glanced back up to Faye. “They put it back together and bonded the pieces with molten gold. They found value, not only in repairing broken things, but turned them into works of art. A thing isn’t always great because it’s perfect. And a thing isn’t always beautiful because it lasts.”

“Kintsugi,” Faye said.

The redhead rubbed her hands together a little in thought. “What we do out here tests our mettle. The knight in shining armor hasn’t been tested. Isn’t proven. Hasn’t seen battle, and war and suffering. Has little experience. I’d rather have the one with dents and dings, scratches, and burns on their armor. They’ve weathered much and are still surviving. Much of what we are is defined by what we’ve survived. You’ve been through a lot. And you’re still here. Difficult as it is. I think that speaks volumes.”

Lt. Cmdr. Stone, Executive Officer

She turned a soft smile on Serena. “I agree. As I try to explain to people, I could have walked away from Starfleet many times. And boy was I tempted here and there. But there was always this part of me that wanted to be a part of something. By the time I settled on Starfleet I had been through so much hell that I resented people’s efforts to dissuade me from staying. Now it’s like a game. I know I can handle more than most and so the stuff that gets tossed at me is never worse than wht I toss at myself.”

“What about you? What keeps you in Starfleet?”

~Faye Calloway, CIO

It took a few moments to find the words. “It’s kind of the same. Wanting to be part of something bigger. But it’s more. A lot of things. My dad was a Starfleet officer and engineer. Mom’s a scientist. I remember the stories my dad used to tell about far away places and some of his adventures. But there’s also the Dominion War. I wouldn’t be here without Starfleet. As you can imagine, that left a big impression on me.”

“Helping rebuild my home town after a disaster left me with a sense of community. And then when raiders showed up to take our people …” She shivered. “My dad always told me that if I had the ability to respond, to do something about a situation, I should. You could say it’s the very definition of responsibility. The ability to respond.” Serena picked at a little dirt under a nail for a moment. “I decided that I was tired of the things happening to my home. I didn’t want it happening to other people either. Starfleet seemed like the ideal way to do that. Which took me down the tactical route.” She smiled then. “I guess you could say I was lookin’ for a fight.”

“It’s more like being a sheepdog, though, keeping the wolves at bay,” she clarified. “I always have doubts, but when things go sideways.” She gave Faye a wry, knowing smile. “I’m still here because I love standing in the gap. Protecting others. Chasing the bad guy. Or alternatively, helping people. Usually it’s the worst moment of their lives.”

She sighed. “Maybe that says something about a hero complex. But really it’s more, in those moments I know I’ve done something good. Something useful. The gratitude doesn’t hurt either. But it goes a long way to my self worth, I guess.” She shrugged one shoulder. “It’s so many things bound up all at once. I feel like I’d doing a terrible job of explaining.”

Lt. Cmdr. Stone, Executive Officer

Faye shook her head. “No, I get it. We both want our lives, waht we’ve been through to mean something, to be more than just the crappy hands we got dealt at any given time.”

She drew in a breath that got stuck and she blew it between her lips, even as her eyes welled. “I was so messed up from Tracken, after watching people get massacred. People I cared about, that I loved. In the aftermath, after the Orions killed my mentor and her husband, and my best friend, and stole my last bit of safety, I shut down. I know now that that was my first bit of dissociation, that is was the beginning of my BPD, but for years after I finally had freedom from Orion, from the man that bought me as a servant, I struggled to find any meaning in any of it. Even now, I don’t see it as honing my purpose, but instead I guess I see it all as honing my own will to survive, to not give in and give up. I lost that battle once, but ever since then I’ve just wanted to be useful, to know that who I am and the skills I have help in someway.” It wasn’t so different than Serena’s answer, really.

~Faye Calloway, CIO