Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Janna Kingston (Counsellor) in Holodeck- Therapeutic Putt-Putt

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Liam Madison (Chief Science Officer) in Holodeck- Therapeutic Putt-Putt

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Janna Kingston (Counsellor) in Holodeck- Therapeutic Putt-Putt
Posted by… suppressed (14) by the Post Ghost! 👻
(snip)
She popped a fry in her mouth and chewed while she pondered. “So, from a cognitive behaviour therapy point-of-view, which is a bit more limited than I usually like to work from, there is what we call the Cognitive Triangle.” She lifted a finger for each item she listed. “Thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. All three are linked and they cause a cycle. More often than not, when a situation triggers us in some way, we have a thought about it, which then in triggers emotions and sometimes physical manifestations of them as well, and then we act or don’t act depending on the scenario. Sometimes emotions can begin the cycle, in which cause they cause thoughts and that leads to behaviours. No matter how you get into the cycle, out of the three, the most easy to control is our thoughts. We can rain ourselves to not react with emotions to a specific trigger, but thoughts are a much easier place to begin.”

Janna took a sip of her iced tea. “So, I want you to think about the most clear examples of your anger showing up. What prompted the anger? And can you remember what thoughts came to mind?”

~Janna Kingston, CNS

Liam bit down on the corn dog and chewed while thinking. Swallowing it down, he picked out the latest incident. It was the clearest example in his mind at the moment.

“There was a recent experiment in the labs. We were testing a few lab specimens and their reaction in different types of gravity. Something went wrong and the gravity started to crush them.” He inhaled and pushed to distance himself from that memory.

“I felt helpless as we tried to open the containment unit. Nothing worked. When my hands heated up, I shoved them on the container and melted it. We got the animals out, but the equipment was ruined.”

Janna nodded, working through what he had offered and how that matched what they knew so far.

He licked his lips then continued on.

“As much as I am not the biggest fan of animals, they don’t deserve to suffer.”

-CSO, Liam J. Madison, Sci.

“No, they don’t.” Janna sipped on her iced tea and then gazed at him. “But I’m curious about something. You said you felt helpless, but also that anger is the predominant manifestation trigger for your hands. Is the helplessness an exception, or was there an evolution in your emotions that brought you to that anger?”

~Janna Kingston, CNS

Liam took a moment to think. “I’m not sure.”

He twisted the corn dog stick a bit between his fingers, reflecting on the times he felt helpless.

“To be honest, I’ve felt it a few times. A few missions on the Utah, Aristotle, and the Starbase. All missions I had lost officers I knew and cared for. I also felt it very strongly when LB was forced on me.”

Liam sighed then looked to Janna with a questioning look.

“That one shouldn’t count, should it?”

-CSO, Liam J. Madison, Sci.

Janna shrugged. “Everything is data. Whether we choose to include it or not, is something we have to decide. But, since you bring it up, tell me about that event. About what comes up for you now when it comes to mind.”

~Janna Kingston, CNS

“It’s been a long time.” Liam took a breath. He tried to dig up what he could about that unfortunate day. Like with people that suffered trauma, he preferred to let it slip into the dark abyss of his mind and fade away. Most of it felt like an aged dream now. However, the emotions still remained much to his disappointment.

“I don’t remember much, but the short version is I got separated from the away team. Found myself in some lab and had a creature pushed down my throat. That’s how LB and me became… inseparable.”

Liam felt the images of being strapped down flickered across his thoughts. The anger and fear swirled in his chest while the two individuals beside him talked. His grip tightened on his corn dog stick before he took a deep breath and moved on quickly.

“It was so long ago that it shouldn’t make me feel so angry.”

-CSO, Liam J. Madison, Sci.

“Why not?” It was a simple question, but an obvious one. Beyond that, Janna was intuiting something and wanted to see if her hunch was correct.

~Janna Kingston, CNS

“Cause it doesn’t change anything. “Liam’s anger sparked in his chest causing him to snap. He sighed then paused, cooling it with a breath.

“Apologies. I didn’t mean to snap.” He placed the rest of the corndog into the container than tossed it into the nearby waste basket.

“It’s okay. You’re allowed to be angry, Liam,” Janna said, her gaze soft and empathetic.

“I should’ve been more aware of my surroundings and I keep dwelling on the fact I should’ve done something. Anything to stop it.”

-CSO, Liam J. Madison, Sci.

“It can be hard to feel so helpless. We can blame ourselves for an outcome that in the end we had no control over. We’re so often told that we have control over our lives, that we have free choice and will, that when it is taken away or suppressed by forces outside ourselves, well it must then be our fault,” she said, taking a sip of her iced tea.

~Janna Kingston, CNS

“Any tips on how to make this easier? Cause right now, it feels like very little has gotten better. At this point, the nightmares come and go. The only positive thing is my Junior staff has noticed I’m not nearly as moody.” He sighed, glancing at the counselor.

-CSO, Liam J. Madison, Sci.

“Well, let’s establish what you’ve tried first. You say things aren’t getting better. What actions have you taken to try to make things better and can you guess why they haven’t helped?” Janna’s philosophy was that each patient had their own journey. She was willing to give suggestions, but it was generally better for people to not rely on her to ‘fix’ their problems. That wasn’t her job.

~Janna Kingston, CNS

“It’s been small things so far. I’ve focused on meditation and taking lunches outside my office.” Liam stated as he consider how often he did either.

“Come to think of it, I’ve been dealing with larger projects. Some of the late nights have been cutting into my meditation time and that might be a factor.”

-CSO, Liam J. Madison, Sci.

“Okay. What else?” Janna said. Establishing the tools currently in his toolbox would give them a place from which to begin.

~Janna Kingston, CNS

In the back of his mind, Liam wondered if he was doing enough. He’d been taking it step by step to see what works, thus weeding out the pointless routines. The science chief took a deep breath inhale then gave his confession.

“I’ve only been able to do those two things. This isn’t my area of expertise and keeping the routine is difficult when I have a lot to do. He fought not to flinch because he knew it sounded like an excuse. “I will admit, I could allot a few more responsibilities toward the senior staff.”

He hand moved back to rub the back of his neck. He wasn’t fond of that idea, but it was an option he hadn’t tried.

-CSO, Liam J. Madison, Sci.

“Delegating can take the pressure off of you for work matters, but I don’t think that’s where the focus should be, Liam. We’re talking about an internal set of variables, so while external actions can alleviate some of the effects, the root is within.” Janna took a final sip of iced tea and set it to the side. “If you truly want things to change, to improve, then I believe I can help guide that process, but you are going to have to allow yourself to exist in discomfort at times. Processing trauma is hard, not because of the time and energy, which can be a lot at times, but because of what it demands of you as a person. You can do sessions with me and we can do all this work, but it’s pointless if you have no stake in it, no true desire to see something change. And the thing about change is that usually the most compelling changes happen from an uncomfortable place. We have to admit things to ourselves that maybe we’ve tried to push away. We have to face things we might not want to. And to be clear, I’m very much about taking things at the pace you are willing to go at. This is your journey. But for this process to be effective, I might have to challenge you, push you a little. Otherwise you won’t know you can actually take that next step. Tackle that next challenge. So the question becomes, are you willing Liam? Are you willing to take back your life in whatever way that might look? Are you willing to be uncomfortable, but for a purpose?”

~Janna Kingston, CNS

Liam reflected inward, feeling the unintentional sting of the counselor’s words. It left him feeling helpless and unsure. His subtle tenancies to recoil at drastic, long term changes were no secret among the crew.

“Frankly, I want the nightmares and these feelings to stop. Every time I think I have them under control, they worsen.” He inhaled then looked at her.

“If it means pushing past my discomfort, then I shall. So my answer is yes.”

-CSO, Liam J. Madison, Sci.