Posted by Lieutenant Commander Serena Stone (Executive Officer) in Arboretum 3- A BIt of Honesty

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Faye Calloway (Chief Intelligence Officer) in Arboretum 3- A BIt of Honesty

(snip)

“Trust is earned,” she said, her tone blunt but gentle. “But it’s also given. There’s give and take. Establishing yourself as credible, steady, and reliable goes a long way to it. Even creative or unique command officers will have that going for them. If you make it that far, you’ve earned it. Even if good ol’ imposter syndrome might say otherwise. As far as falling apart into a mess, you get around that by having a good XO, and a good counselor.” She broke into a bright smile. “The former can cover for you while the other one helps get you back on your feet.” Serena gave Faye a gentle nudge with her shoulder. “And we all know the XO actually runs the ship day to day . WE do most of the work, so the C.O. and do high-brow things like deal with Command and the Admiralty, and show up when something important is going on to look good,” she grinned.

Was that undermining authority? A tiny bit. But was it untrue? Not really. The XO handled almost all daily operations, except when things were getting very interesting, and even then it was only slightly less her boat. Captain and First Officer were partners, a pair working together.

“You can always build a safety net, especially if you can build good rapport with your seniors and department heads. We’ll figure it out along the way. All we can do really, and trust that we will. You’re smart, resilient, capable, tough, resourceful. Trust that. And that we’ve got your back. I’ve got your back.”

Lt. Cmdr. Serena Stone
Executive Officer, USS Athena

The fear was sitting there under the surface, the words almost formed, but a part of Faye was biting down on them, to not let them out. She looked down, trying to get a hold of her emotions, but it was no use. The tears blurred her vision and she shook her head. “I’ve never wanted anything as much as I’ve want to be a captain one day. When Alex… Captain Cochrane, first suggested it, I was floored. But then I could imagine Captain Faye Calloway. I could see how she might operate, how she might encourage a crew to do things they didn’t know they could, because she had faced that over and over again. And it is terrifying to want something so much for myself. Not since I first gave up roaming the galaxy under aliases and finally committed to joining Starfleet have I really wanted anything like this. Not even after I escaped the Tal Shiar. At that point I was just amazed to be alive and trying to put my life back together. But it feels so damn fragile. And I can’t be a captain without being a first officer first. As you just laid out, it’s a lot. I’m so scared I won’t be up to it, that it’ll be too much for me, to many expectations, too much weight.” Faye could spill her life story unexpectedly to some very random people, but it was never to people she didn’t feel some sort of connection to. This was no different. She felt safe in telling Stone this, because the XO had hinted at least some understanding.

Lt. Cmdr. Faye Calloway, Chief Intelligence Officer

Bump

Serena listened, fighting the urge to take Faye’s hand in hers. She was unsure of her officer’s touch sensitivity and personal boundaries. It was hard to override that human instinct for connection and support, even as much as she wanted to offer it. “Your concerns are valid. It’s a lot, for anyone, to shoulder that weight.” A brief, understanding smile played across her face. “But that’s what Selection for training is for - to see who can hack it. And the actual training gives the foundational skills to take you there.” Then she nudged the dark-haired intel officer with her shoulder gently. “So you’re already halfway there. The rest of the training and mentorship will go a long way.”

Faye gave a lopsided, if small, smile before she nodded.

“And believe me, I worry about screwing it up a lot. About all the things that can go wrong. The grim and grave side of what we do is a lot.” She slowly shook her head. “But we’re not alone. We lean on our peers, friends, family. And when we need, folks like Miss Kingston. — It sounds kind of rough to say “that’s her job.” But it is. That doesn’t diminish what she does. Her service is valuable and even vital. She’s helped me with transitioning to the Athena in so many ways. — Point is, you’re not going it alone. Even if some day you’ll be at the top.” She shrugged. “The decisions will be yours, but with a good team you trust, they’ll help make the right ones.”

The corners of her lips pulled back into a wry smile. “And they’ll help get you out of a jam if you do screw up. We’re going to make mistakes, of course. But it’s what we do after that makes the difference.”

“You’re sounding a lot like Alex. Not a bad thing, mind you. He’s great at the pep talks,” Faye said with a gleam in her eyes. Speaking of Cochrane always brought lightness to her and she missed her dear friend, the man who was her brother.

“What else is rattling around in there,” she asked with gentle concern, but without judgement.

Lt. Cmdr. Stone, XO

Calloway snorted. “Seriously not the question you want to ask,” she said, her grey-green eyes gleaming. “That’s like asking a computer what all its processing at the moment. But…”

Faye took her time trying to pick away at the one line of thinking that might be the one that needed to come forth. “All this energy into becoming Captain and I can’t help but fear, or maybe even understand, that it will be pointless. That there are those that have the ability to keep me from reaching the centre seat because they fear what I might be, that I can’t be controlled the way they would make them feel safer. It’s one thing to be a former rebel, but it’s another to be a mystery, an known,” she said, gazing straight ahead. There was no waver in her voice, no sadness. Just a resigned certainty even in the face of a galaxy worth of possibilities.

~Faye Calloway, CIO