Posted by Lieutenant Commander Faye Calloway (Chief Intelligence Officer) in Arboretum 3- A BIt of Honesty

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Serena Stone (Executive Officer) in Arboretum 3- A BIt of Honesty

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Faye Calloway (Chief Intelligence Officer) in Arboretum 3- A BIt of Honesty
Posted by… suppressed (5) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

Serena nodded, letting Faye speak as she wished, a small smile resting across her face. It wasn’t pleased, but supportive. “I know what you mean,” she murmured, her words meant for Faye’s ears only. She’d had her own moments long ago when she’d checked out. “Tell me what you need.” Her first instinct was to offer Faye some shore leave, or suggest she go see Miss Kingston, or find a way to temporarily decrease her workload. Sure, those things might help, but Faye was an adult and had been dealing with her issues for some time. She trusted the other woman’s judgement, especially as a Starfleet Officer. This wasn’t an official command visit either. Of course, being in the arboretum and talking about her old one lead to certain conclusions, but so too did she wish to avoid making assumptions. The ball was in Faye’s court.

Stone, XO

Faye shook her had. “I’m not sure. I will talk to Dr. Kingston, who is my therapist now, but other than that I don’t know if it’s just something that needs more time for me to adjust, or if this will get worse before it gets better.” Her stomach tightened. “I have had crises before, but this doesn’t feel like one of those times, and I’m in a very different place in my life now.” She looked at Stone. “I just wanted to be transparent given the fact that I’m a member of the senior staff now, and not just going about the ship doing my own thing.” She also didn’t know quite how to find her place here on the Athena. It was a challenge that was proving awkward at best.

~Faye Calloway, CIO

“I know what it’s like. Feeling out of place. I’ve honestly been feeling it too. Being a department head is one thing. This change was pretty sudden. But i understand the reasons, and the day-to-day operations are going fine. It’s an adjustment.” She paused, looking around at the arboretum, then turned her attention back to Faye. “Do you think it would be helpful to reconstruct your old arboretum here? Or maybe make a new version with any tweaks you might have wanted with the old?” She was willing to bet this was where the discussion was heading anyway. Not that she was planning on outright giving blanket permission for that. There was at least a protocol to follow for this. But first, the idea merited testing.

Stone, XO

Faye shook her head. “No. All three are well established and intentional places. Mine was a blank space that was allotted for storage or crew green space. I got permission to take that blank slate and make something of it. Besides, that would be going backwards.” She looked at Serena. “I didn’t realize until after when my mom pointed it out that the feel of the garden I created was a tribute to the growing spaces we had on my home colony before the Dominion destroyed it. To try to do that here would mean I’ve regressed, and that’s not what’s happening.” What did she want? Faye wasn’t sure. “I mean, I wouldn’t say no to working in these spaces, but I’m not science staff anymore and it’s not my realm. People are phobic enough with Intelligence as it is without feeling like I’m coming in and stepping on their toes.”

“I’m trying to move forward, and the one thing that I was doing actively on the Manhattan was doing my distance training for the Command Training Program. Captain Cochrane is still my mentor, but he’s not here to run simulations with me. I’ve been doing the study modules and with my memory they are frankly boring and and easy, but it’s the practical parts I need to work on and figure out how to adapt my brains’ rather interesting way of doing things with something Command will say ‘yeah, that approach is acceptable’.”

~Faye Calloway, CIO

Serena listened and nodded with a small smile. “Well first, reclaiming something we lost that was important to us both when we were younger, and in more recent times isn’t really a regression. A lot of arboretums are maintained by our civilians aboard, so not being part of the science team doesn’t really matter. If you want to volunteer down here, you can. Working in here could be rather beneficial. And not just for your mental health but your overall performance. Stuff like this is grounding, but also can allow space for the conscious mind be occupied, let the subconscious process. And also clear out stress chemicals and reset your brain for high performance and productivity. It sounds stupid but working in these kinds of spaces can actually be healing and healthy. Like meditation. There’s a bunch of things that you can leverage. That I can leverage.”

She paused for a moment. “My dad was an engineer, my mom a scientist, and also musician. She loved going out and studying the local flora on our colony. She kept a garden too, and we all worked in it. In some ways, this also reminds me of home, before the Dominion. Whatever you wanna do or not do as far as all this goes, I understand. We’re all different, but don’t be so quick to write it off.”

“Oh, I know the benefits of working in soil on all aspects of health. It’s been an important outlet in conjunction with my yoga. My concern was in trying to not recreate what I had on the Manhattan as an escape from whatever my reality is here,” Faye said. “I have a tendency to lose myself in other things to avoid whatever I’m feeling. Stress relief is one thing, ignoring my emotional needs is quite another. I just…” It was hard to explain how uneasy she felt trying to assert herself on this ship where she could tell everything was well in order. The Manhattan had been like that but she didn’t have the same reason to insert herself into the mix of things.

Serena nodded. “I came from the Valkyrie, and while we were a cruiser, we had been outfitted as a tactical variant, operating more like a battlecruiser. She was a good warhorse and could still do the other jobs just fine. I miss that ship. I miss my team, they were a good bunch.” She rubbed her hands together in thought, trying to warm them up. “Getting reassigned to the Athena was rather sudden. Promoted into a new position with a bunch of folks I don’t know. No idea how I really fit into the puzzle, at least outside of official roles. And not sure if anybody would actually follow if I led. At first I felt completely out of my depth. I tried not to show it much, but I was kind of a mess.” She shrugged. “Still not perfect, but things are settling. With some help.”

Faye nodded. She was getting help too.

“As for Command training, Captain Legen can probably help with that, but I’d be happy to oversee that as well, if you want. And only if you’re up for it. We can add a few other measures as a safety net if you want, as it can be rather rough,” she said gently. Of course, she expected all the senior staff to be mentally resilient, and she knew Faye had been through some extremely traumatic stuff. She was still here, still kicking, which was a testament to her character. But Command training could bring out all kinds of things, and there would be times where it would be almost impossible to remember that the situations they would be in were only simulations, and not real. A little extra care would probably be a good thing. Though in the real world there would be no time-outs.

Stone, XO

Calloway nodded and looked over the garden, her eyes tracing the lines of the leaves on a bush nearby. “I had a dissociative panic attack once in a training simulation with Marines that was randomized. Long story short it involved being in a ground battle with Cardassians and one in particular that had been a terror to the Maquis showed up. Between him and all the violence, I… fell apart.” She turned her gaze to Stone. “But that was years ago and I’ve been through a lot since then. Somethings even worse, but also I’ve had a lot of good in my life. Captain Cochrane is one of the dearest friends I’ve ever had. He’s my chosen brother, Commander. He gets how my brain works and though somedays I know he wants to punt me out an airlock he loves me as a good friend should. I think being here and some of the conflict I’ve encountered already reminds me how much I needed his help to find my own unique way of doing things and be okay with that. I don’t need people to like me, but I will never be the captain I want to someday be if people can’t trust me and understand how I operate. Can your safety net measures help with that?” she said, a tiny and lopsided smirk appearing on her face.

~Faye Calloway, CIO

“Trust is earned,” she said, her tone blunt but gentle. “But it’s also given. There’s give and take. Establishing yourself as credible, steady, and reliable goes a long way to it. Even creative or unique command officers will have that going for them. If you make it that far, you’ve earned it. Even if good ol’ imposter syndrome might say otherwise. As far as falling apart into a mess, you get around that by having a good XO, and a good counselor.” She broke into a bright smile. “The former can cover for you while the other one helps get you back on your feet.” Serena gave Faye a gentle nudge with her shoulder. “And we all know the XO actually runs the ship day to day . WE do most of the work, so the C.O. and do high-brow things like deal with Command and the Admiralty, and show up when something important is going on to look good,” she grinned.

Was that undermining authority? A tiny bit. But was it untrue? Not really. The XO handled almost all daily operations, except when things were getting very interesting, and even then it was only slightly less her boat. Captain and First Officer were partners, a pair working together.

“You can always build a safety net, especially if you can build good rapport with your seniors and department heads. We’ll figure it out along the way. All we can do really, and trust that we will. You’re smart, resilient, capable, tough, resourceful. Trust that. And that we’ve got your back. I’ve got your back.”

Lt. Cmdr. Serena Stone
Executive Officer, USS Athena

The fear was sitting there under the surface, the words almost formed, but a part of Faye was biting down on them, to not let them out. She looked down, trying to get a hold of her emotions, but it was no use. The tears blurred her vision and she shook her head. “I’ve never wanted anything as much as I’ve want to be a captain one day. When Alex… Captain Cochrane, first suggested it, I was floored. But then I could imagine Captain Faye Calloway. I could see how she might operate, how she might encourage a crew to do things they didn’t know they could, because she had faced that over and over again. And it is terrifying to want something so much for myself. Not since I first gave up roaming the galaxy under aliases and finally committed to joining Starfleet have I really wanted anything like this. Not even after I escaped the Tal Shiar. At that point I was just amazed to be alive and trying to put my life back together. But it feels so damn fragile. And I can’t be a captain without being a first officer first. As you just laid out, it’s a lot. I’m so scared I won’t be up to it, that it’ll be too much for me, to many expectations, too much weight.” Faye could spill her life story unexpectedly to some very random people, but it was never to people she didn’t feel some sort of connection to. This was no different. She felt safe in telling Stone this, because the XO had hinted at least some understanding.

Lt. Cmdr. Faye Calloway, Chief Intelligence Officer

Bump