Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Janna Kingston (Counsellor) in Business As Usual - Redux

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Serena Stone (Executive Officer) in Business As Usual - Redux

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Janna Kingston (Counsellor) in Business As Usual - Redux
Posted by… suppressed (7) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

“That sounds pretty hectic,” she admitted. “And familiar, I suppose.” The redhead lapsed into silence, her gaze turning far away, looking inward. “I know. I hear you. ‘Give it time’ and all that. ‘Get comfortable.’” The XO shook her head. “But that’s the problem. Getting comfortable. Getting complacent. Losing the edge. Getting weak and soft. All of those things allow mistakes to creep in. Mistakes that get people hurt or killed. That goes not just for me, but for everybody on this ship. We all depend on each other to do our jobs, do it right, the first time.”

She shook her head. “As much as we’d all like to pretend that help is just a call away, the reality is that .. when seconds matter, help is hours away. It’s still the wild west out here. Only the best and brightest, and maybe the luckiest, make it out here. We don’t get to sleep in. We don’t get to say ‘I’ll do it tomorrow.’ Or ‘It’s not that big of a deal.’” She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “There are no second chances out here. Space is an unforgiving place, and that’s without taking into account all the recent attacks along the borders, bad actors, disasters, and unexplained stuff exploration ships run into.”

“Yes, I know everyone is well trained. I know everybody is doing their jobs. And they do it well. But 99% turns into 95%, turns into 80% .. and then something slips through teh cracks. Transporter mishap. Shuttle accident. Lab explosion. Shield failure. Reactor overload. All because people got comfortable. Got complacent.”

“That concern hasn’t gone away.”

Stone, XO

Janna listened carefully and nodded here and there. After Serena finished, she gazed at the other woman with kindness. “What if, just maybe, being settled here isn’t about doing less? What if it means feeling connected to others enough that you want to do more for them, and they for you? If you died tomorrow, would you want it to matter to someone here?”

~Janna Kingston, CNS

Serena listened, but as Janna asked her question her focus turned inward. She turned the query over in her head, examining it from every angle she could think of,. Confusion grew on her face, as there seemed to be no relation to … anything she’d spoken on. It was almost a complete change of topic. Trust the process. Finally, she took a deep breath. “I’m not sure .. what you’re getting at. Are you talking professionally or … privately? Or both? And what’s that got to do with anything? And sure, it would be nice. But that’s not realistic.”

Falling back into silence, she sipped at her tea in thought some more. “I’m not sure it’s ever mattered if something happens to me. I’m just a cog in the machine. I train my people to anticipate rather than wait around for orders. For me to do their thinking for them. At least that was how I ran my team back on the Valkyrie. They still checked in, got approvals, but after a while, they were all capable of operating on their own initiative, within reason. Eventually they were all capable of running, leading, their own teams with as much skill.”

Stone

Stilling everything inside of her, Janna breathed deeply, letting her newfound senses confirm a train of thought. It was this strange blend of practical experience and an intuition she could scarcely explain. “And that’s commendable and a sign you know what you are doing. But you are a still a person, Serena. Your presence here matters. People are looking to you as the XO to show them the way forward, to help them be the best they can be. And you can do that best by leading by example. But you are more than your job. You are so much more than a cog. I know Starfleet doesn’t always do a great job of demonstrating that to its personnel, but here on the Athena each person has value beyond what they bring when they are on duty. And we want to get to know that Serena Stone too.”

~Janna Kingston, CNS

Bump

Serena listened, but with wariness and skepticism flowing off of her. “I’m not really sure there is anything but the job at this point. It’s not like the civilian sector where you clock out at the end of the day and go home to the wife and kids. You’re either on duty or you’re on call, all day, every day. Even when I sleep, it’s always on my mind. Like constant humming background noise.” She shrugged. “There’s no real room for… say a significant other, a white picket fence, two point five kids, and a dog. Not for me anyway. That’s a luxury for.. others. The rest of the crew. They come first. And that’s perfectly fine.”

Stone

“Why not you?” Janna said. “What makes you so different than others on the ship, or in Starfleet? I know Starfleet captains and first officers who are married or in relationships, or have hobbies. We make time for the things we value, Serena, and that is true of everyone. Is work all you value? Is there nothing outside of it at all, however small?”

~Janna Kingston, CNS

Serena fixed her with an expression that almost screamed You’re joking, right? She took a sip of her drink allowing her to gather her thoughts. “I’m now directly responsible for about a thousand people, including the civilians aboard. Not just for their nine to five jobs, or making sure things are ‘ok’ at home. But literally making sure that every person is alive, in one piece, that all their needs are met, including personal and professional development. It’s not an afterthought. And yeah, a lot of it is delegated, but at the end of the day, I’m responsible for everything that happens below me in the chain of command.”

“A Captain might have that luxury, as they sit at the top and focus on the big decisions. But the XO? Their whole job is being the tip of the spear, the point of contact between ‘The Old Man’ and the rest of the crew. Seeing to it the Captain’s orders and wishes are carried out. And running the truly important things up the pole to the Captain, but overall, handling all the day-to-day operations. When is there time off? Time for anything else? And it’s not a matter of ‘time management’. Not doing it the way it’s supposed to be done, at a very high and involved level. At least that I’ve ever seen.”

“And yeah, maybe I’m missing something. Maybe I’m not.” She shook her head, a tiny tight little shake. “I really don’t see how they actually do the job at the level it should be and also split their attention to those pursuits. Would it be nice? Sure.” She shook her head again, tiny little shake, lips and jaw tight too. “But it would be damn selfish to be distracted, to … on some level found that I missed something that got people killed. I know people will, and I’ll probably have to send people, crew… people I like and care about into the jaws of death. That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about negligence explained away as ‘accidents’ and given a pass with excuses.”

“Do I expect perfection? No. But I expect people to be able to look into the mirror, and swear to their very soul, on whatever they believe in, that they did their absolute best. That their judgement wasn’t clouded. That their attention wasn’t split. That they didn’t miss something because they only had two hours of sleep because their partner or child was sick the night before. That their head wasn’t in the clouds because they finally got that date.” She shook her head. “Not anyone in my position anyway.”

She shrugged. “It’s not that I don’t want more. It’s just a price that I can’t afford and am not willing to pay. Not at the expense of others. Not if I expect to pass The Mirror Test with absolute certainty. I don’t want a doubt in my mind at the end of the day. Do you? Can you live with that doubt?” She paused. “In a word - Duty. Duty above all.”

Stone

Leaning forward, Janna listened intently to Serena’s words, but more than that was the tone of her voice, her body language, the energy radiating from her. There were different ways of taking this, but for the moment, Janna would keep on this path. “Everyone has off days, no matter how good you are at your job, no matter how much you have prepared. So maybe you’re not in a place where you want a romantic relationship or your someone who doesn’t want one. That’s fine. There’s no rule saying you have to. But does that mean you can’t have friends? You can’t enjoy a hobby? I just start pottery just to try something new. Are you telling me that the ship will fall apart or you’ll make a devastating mistake if you sculpt clay for an hour once a week or so? Or enjoy a drink with friends in the Lounge?”

~Janna Kingston, CNS

Serena shook her head. “No. But wouldn’t that time be better spent, as far as the ship and crew goes overall, doing something more… useful? Sure, an hour or two here and there probably won’t make much difference. And yeah, we need breaks. There’s only so much focus we can give before we’re wiped out and burnt out. Even for those that have the ability to hyper-focus. Biological systems break down. People break down. Downtime is, of course, necessary. Perhaps mandatory. I just… I suppose always being present and ready is unsustainable. I just don’t … really know any other way of being.” A tired sigh escaped the XO and her head dropped, followed by her shoulders, deflated, and perhaps a little defeated… staring into her empty mug.

“So what do I do?”

Serena