Posted by Ensign Viyara Nazeen (Scientist) in Holodeck 2- Therapy in Unusual Places Day 2, Part 1

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Janna Kingston (Counsellor) in Holodeck 2- Therapy in Unusual Places Day 2, Part 1

Posted by Ensign Viyara Nazeen (Scientist) in Holodeck 2- Therapy in Unusual Places Day 2, Part 1
Posted by… suppressed (4) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

Daggum poured the cup and slid it over. His face was passive, but there was concern in his emerald eyes. “She’s in there.” and he jerked his head towards V’s room. “I’m gonna take myself onto the porch as I am kinda in the doghouse. Might help her relax a bit.” and he moved out the door and sat down.

Daggum

Janna smiled at his retreating form, glad he had called her but understanding that it cost him something to do so. But that was what intervention was all about. She picked up her mug and moved out of the kitchen. “I’ve got coffee and will wait for you in the living room, Viyara,” she said simply, but firmly. It wasn’t a request.

~Janna Kingston, CNS

Still sitting on the floor in her room, her back resting against against the door, Viyara had heard part of the conversation between Janna and Daggum. Of course she knew that he just wanted to help her and that he had done the right thing. And yet she felt so angry and rather overwhelmed by that anger. And if, in that moment, she had been able to register more than that anger, she would have noticed that, beneath the surface, she was feeling afraid and ashamed.

It took her several more minutes, but eventually Viyara rose to her feet and joined Janna in the living room. She wasn’t crying, but tear tracks were glistening on her face and on both her bare forearms were crescent shaped marks from her fingernails. After walking just a few steps into the room, she stopped and said softly, “I’m sorry. I … I should be able to be okay on my own … I shouldn’t need someone to hold my hand.” Her voice was trembling slightly. Her head bowed. Her brows knitted tightly together. And every muscle in her body seemed to be tense.

~Viyara Nazeen

“Should, should, should,” Janna said simply before sipping from her mug for her place on the couch. “Perhaps we can start replacing that word with better ways of seeing things. “

Lifting her gaze slightly, Viyara brushed the tears of her cheeks and sort of looked at Janna. But without saying anything just then.

“We can ‘should* ourselves all the way into a spiral because we hold expectations of ourself that are unreasonable given the circumstances or our skillset.” Kingston patted the sofa space next to her, drawing on foot up and planting it on the couch, turning her body so she could face Viyara. “We have gone over an incredible amount of stuff in the last two days. More than we would even attempt in a typical session in my office. Why do you expect yourself to be perfect at all the things we’re practicing when you’ve just learnt them?”

~Janna Kingston, CNS

Viyara nodded slightly and took a deep breath as she sat carefully down on the couch; positioning herself in such a way that she was facing Janna as well. For a few moments she thought about her question in silence and when she finally spoke her voice was soft and yet there was also a certain fierceness and determination that seemed to get stronger with each word she spoke “I have to. I … I have always been able to learn things fairly quickly. And … and …” She sighed softly. “If I don’t, how can I stay on duty, do my job. I need to be able to work. So I need to get a handle on everything going on inside me again. ASAP.” Locking her gaze with Janna’s, her expression full of seemingly contradictory emotions she finished, “Being good, and I mean very good at what I am doing is the only reason I’m still here.

~Viyara Nazeen

“Bullshit,” Janna said flatly. She let the word hang between them, taking a slow, deliberate breath.

Viyara flinched slightly, her jaw clenched, as she stared silently at Janna.

“You are here because of dedication over a period of time. Yes, skill matters, but being a Starfleet officer is not about grades. This isn’t the Academy, Viyara. No one is going to grade you and make a determination. Sure, there are evaluations, but they help you see where you can grow, so that you can contribute in the way that you are meant to. We benefit from you being the best version of yourself you can be. I don’t want to work with perfect people, and I’m pretty sure others would say the same thing. We want to work with people who are competent, yes, but are people we connect with and enjoy working with. How do you think this crew had endured so much? Can you name the qualities of these people?”

~Janna Kingston, CNS

Her eyebrows knitted together, her lips tightly pursed, Viyara thought about those questions. Her gaze slightly averted from Janna. She wasn’t sure how to answer any of them. Least of all because she still barely knew this crew. Finally she asked, “Because they are able to work together?”

~Viyara Nazeen

Janna nodded. “Yes, that’s the outcome. But the qualities and behaviours that lead to people being able to work together are, namely, trust, respect, openness. This isn’t true of everyone, of course, but for the most part, people on this ship are open to the unexpected, whether it be from events or other people themselves. We get swept up in sometimes overwhelming situations, but because we trust the person next to us to have our back in times of trouble, we feel connected to them. Those who can’t have even a modicum of trust? They end up on the outskirts, hovering, waiting.” Kingston leaned forward. “You trusted me to do right by you in this process of discovery we’re engaged in. So guess what, Viyara, that automatically means you’re no longer on the outskirts. You’re inside, you’re a part of this crew, whether you like it or not. You do have a choice about whether you want to be here or not, but you and I both know you already made that choice, and you’ll keep making it each day you get up and put on your uniform.”

~Janna Kingston, CNS