Posted by Lieutenant Commander Daggum Hammor (Chief Operations Officer) in Holodeck 2- Therapy in Unusual Places Day 2, Part 1

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Janna Kingston (CNS) in Holodeck 2- Therapy in Unusual Places Day 2, Part 1

Posted by Ensign Viyara Nazeen (Scientist) in Holodeck 2- Therapy in Unusual Places Day 2, Part 1
Posted by… suppressed (5) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

“Well let’s start by rephrasing things and looking at them differently. I do in fact have a name for the challenge that you’re struggling with. It’s not wrong, it just is right now, okay?”

“Okay,” Viyara whispered and nodded.

Janna got back up and moved back to the table and smiled wearily at Daggum. It had bene a long twenty-four hours and they weren’t done here yet. But they were making progress and Janna was glad for that. “Are you still okay with Daggum sitting in on this?” Janna asked. “You’re allowed to change your mind.”

~Janna Kingston, CNS

Brushing the tears from her cheeks and using the tree as support, Viyara managed to get to her feet as well and then followed Janna back to the table. Whatever it was she was about to learn from Janna about herself: She didn’t want that physical distance between them. Slipping back onto her chair, she nodded and said, “Yes, I am.” But she added almost immediately, her gaze now fixed on Daggum, “If it’s okay for you Daggum. You don’t have to stay. I understand if it’s too much.”

~Viyara

Daggum smiled and said “I told you… I’m here. Only way I’m leaving is if you tell me to.” and he sat down and smiled at her.

Daggum

It was only when a small portion of the tension in her shoulders disappeared that Viyara noticed that she had been pulling them up a little when she asked Daggum if he would stay. She returned his smile, even if it was only a small one, and said, “Thank you Daggum.” Taking another deep breath, she shifted her focus and looked at Janna instead. “I’m ready,” she said, though it sounded a bit more like a question then a statement of fact.

~Viyara

Janna smiled softly and nodded. “Okay then. I’m going to preface this by saying that Doctor Grey still needs to do a full physical to rule out anything physiological that causes your symptoms and so my diagnosis is my gut feeling and is unconfirmed until that point. And I’m going to share my observations and tell you where that leads us. But you can absolutely reject the diagnosis if you feel it doesn’t fit. That’s your right. And so is seeking a second opinion. But what a diagnosis does is give us a starting point and some ideal ways to proceed. It’s a pathway that we alter to fit you best, okay?”

“Okay,” Viyara replied quietly, nodding a little and reaching once again for the tension ball in her pocket.

She took a minute to gather her thoughts and then began her list, counting each one out on her hand. “An unstable sense of self, meaning your sense of who you are fluctuates constantly. Unstable or changing relationship, whether romantic or not. Fear of abandonment. Impulsive or self-damaging behaviours that can include things like sex with partners you don’t know well or at all and adrenaline seeking activities like being on the holodeck without safeties. Self harm or suicidal behaviour. Varied or random mood swings. Constant feelings of worthlessness. Problems with anger and a frequent loss of temper. Loss of reality, which can include dissociation. All of these I’ve personally witnessed or have occurred in the time since you’ve been on the Athena, or in your previous assignments. And all of this meets the criteria for what we call Borderline Personality Disorder. Now, it can be co-morbid with other issues, like eating disorders and depression, but I haven’t seen any evidence of this. When you first mentioned the childhood abuse, my therapist alarm went off and I was watching for BPD or Complex PTSD. Both of which are common when there is significant trauma in childhood. Now, before we talk about treatment and a way forward, do you have any questions about the symptoms I’ve observed or wish to counter anything I’ve said?”

~Janna Kingston, CNS

For what felt like an eternity to her, Viyara sat there in silence. At first she felt as if her mind had gone completely blank. But slowly individual words of what Janna had said began to truly register with her. Worthlessness. Adrenaline. Abandonment. Unstable. Self harm. Trauma. She wanted to shake her head. Say those observations were false. But she knew they weren’t. A lot of those things she had already been aware of. Though none of them had seemed problematic or even connected to one another. Or maybe she just didn’t want to admit to herself that they were problematic. With her gaze unfocused and her hand clenched as tightly as possible around the tension ball, she tried to process all of the information without drowning in it.

When she finally found her voice again, she asked very quietly, “What does that mean? What do I do now?” There was a glimmer of panic in her heterochromatic eyes and she had to fight the instinct to jump up and just run away. Not that she’d be able to get far though. They were on the Holodeck after all.

~Viyara Nazeen

Janna reached out and rested a hand on hers. She gave Daggum a brief but warm smile. “Now, we help you cope. There are treatments and they are all based on the individual. A mood stabilizer can help a great deal. Most patients who take the right one for them say they feel more level, like a weight has been lifted. But understand that this isn’t a physiological issue that if we correct some imbalance, everything gets better. But, there are proven strategies that involve therapy. One of the most effective is known as Dialectical Behaviour Therapy. It basically has us practice mindfulness towards our own behaviour and feelings and over time we start to see the patterns emerge. What are our triggers for certain behaviours and feelings? What makes those moments better or worse? It’s a lot about self understanding and learning to be objective about ourselves. And also help us stay in reality better. It will be a lot of journalling, like I have already had you do”-Janna winked-“and there is one-on-one therapy and often group therapy is useful. That doesn’t have to happen right away, but I do have a trauma group that meets once a week that I would like to have you eventually sit in on and try.”

Listening carefully, Viyara nodded here and there. She wanted to make sure she understood everything Janna said. And hopefully found something to hold on to.

Removing her hand, Kingston leaned back. “I told you before that this wouldn’t end your career if you didn’t want it to. I’m going to be real with you here, Viyara. This is up to you. It’s a process and a long and hard one. I’m not going to lie. It’s going to take work and sometimes you’ll regress and everything will feel too overwhelming. But we come back to our mindfulness and self-care practices and keep trying. And it will get better. Because you’re here with me and motivated for things to be different. And you have a lovely friend here you can trust to help you along the way,” she said, giving Daggum another warm smile.

~Janna Kingston, CNS

Daggum looked at Viyara and said “And I’ll be right there with you as long as you want. Whatever I can do, I will… okay, V? I’ve got your back here. You aren’t alone. NOt anymore.”

Daggum

“I don’t care what it takes. This can’t end my career. It’s all I have,” Viyara whispered; fear and desperation written all over her face and apparently unaware that what she had just said might hurt the two people who were sitting next to her and told her more than once that she wasn’t alone in this. Instead the same question seemed to repeat itself over and over again in her mind: How was this possible? She never thought she had any sort of disorder or mental health issues. Sure, she had a horrible childhood, but she had believed that she had put all of that behind herself. That she was doing okay. That she was fine, just like everyone else. Or at least that was what she had been telling herself all this time…

~Viyara