Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Janna Kingston (CNS) in Stark’s Quarters

Posted by Commander Stark Nightstalker (Chief Intelligence Officer) in Stark’s Quarters

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Janna Kingston (CNS) in Stark’s Quarters
Posted by… suppressed (7) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

Stark stopped cold at that statement. Sitting up and leaning forward his eyes were heavy. “I could use a friend,” he said preternaturally still, “but I fear that I need to inform you that friends of Stark Nightstalker court danger. I care about your future and I don’t want you to take a step like that without knowing the attention it may bring you from those who want me dead”.

Stark Nightstalker CIO

Kingston considered him intently. “Please, when the Exploratory Fleet was attached and we sustained all that damage, I was pinned to the floor of my office with a serious head would. S’raal had to cauterize that wound right there and then, while I was conscious. And yet I’m still here.” Here. It had many connotations within her remark and she meant all of them

“And if I may… it’s easy to give people reasons to walk away, Stark. Perhaps your next challenge is to give them reasons to stay,” Janna said softly, a tiny smile present on her lips.

~Janna Kingston, CNS

“Busted” he said unable to maintain eye contact. He cautiously found her eyes again covering his discomfiture. “S’Raal told me about that, he was impressed with your fortitude. It hurt him more than you know to have to do that to you, necessary or not.”

Stark Nightstalker CIO

“I know,” Janna said softly. “I accepted the risk staying in Starfleet, but I think it reminded me how thin the line could be between courage and stupidity. I have to make a conscious choice to stay here each day. If ever it starts to feel wrong, I’ve given myself the freedom to go. I had to for my own sanity, otherwise I’d be here for the wrong reasons.”

~Janna Kingston, CNS

Stark stayed silent for a moment as he drank in her words. “I can’t begin to understand what it must be like living with that hanging over you. So when you say the “wrong reasons”, what do you mean?”

Stark Nightstalker CIO

The answers came easily to Janna. “Obligation, feeling like I was letting people down. Don’t get me wrong, a sense of duty is important, and that means going where Starfleet believes you are best off and can contribute the best. But I’m more than my role here. Unlike some, I’m not defined by my uniform. And the reality is that I could be a therapist anywhere and it is just as dangerous sitting on some idyllic planet as it is living in space. The nature of my condition means that all is suddenly weighed more evenly. Sure, I’m not joining the Marine corp anytime soon, but I can be Doctor Kingston anywhere. And the reasons I joined Starfleet haven’t changed. I still have the yearning to be out here, to explore. So I stay. And I try to help those around me be the best they can be. I’m content with that. “

Stark nodded his comprehension.

“But I’m not going to lie, Stark, some days when my alarm goes off it takes a little longer to get me going, especially lately. I think a part of me hasn’t quite wrapped my mind around everything that’s happened to me lately. Of our missions, of that damn incident with Kivon. It’s just… a lot.” Kingston shrugged, giving a lopsided, if weary, smile.

~Janna Kingston, CNS

Stark pursed his lips, “Yes, it feel like we spend all of our time reacting rather than getting a choice in what comes next. I’m not one to believe that we are powerless, in fact recent events have proved that we have a lot more power than is comfortable. However I sometimes don’t even want to sleep for fear of what might happen if I wasn’t watching the universe 24/7. It’s exhausting.”

Stark Nightstalker CIO

A half snort sounded from her lips, much more a laugh in commiseration than anything. “So then, we have to take small moments and ground ourselves in the here and now. In our friends and the life we’ve built here. Let’s not lose the reason why we’re here. At the end of the day we’re Starfleet officers. Yes our oath has us battle forces of the universe when needed, but at the end of the day we are just individual officers and crew. Our jobs are actually a lot smaller tha we’ve been led to believe. So maybe we just need to give ourselves permission to stand down from red alert. Try yellow for a change,” Janna said with a grin.

~Janna Kingston, CNS

Stark laughed out loud at that, “You’re going to have to teach me how Janna, I never got the Yellow Alert thing. To me, that’s just life, be ready for anything because anything is just around the corner. As to giving myself permission to stand down. I try to do that, but then minutes later I’m on amber again”.

Stark Nightstalker CIO

She shrugged a little. “What can I say, it takes practice. Don’t think I don’t know what you’re talking about either. I mean, it’s taken me a long time not to look at every next moment and calculate how I might get hurt. To just go with it and accept that simply walking down the corridor and living my life has risk.” She leaned towards Stark. “There was a point after the accident that caused my condition where I couldn’t accept the risk. It was too much to ask. And I mentally decided that I couldn’t do it and I wasn’t sure I wanted to even try anymore. And while no one could force me try more treatments, to accept my situation and their help, sometimes other people have to step in and just do what is necessary, for our own good. So if you need me to do that for you, let me know.”

~Janna Kingston, CNS

“Thank you,” he said simply and then his brow furrowed in concentration, “I’m trying to get my head around what life is like for you Janna. I mean for me I don’t fear death but I do fear dying slowly and horribly. How do you live with the thought that walking down a corridor could potentially put your life at risk? Do you have some sort of thought process for it?”

Stark Nightstalker CIO