Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Janna Kingston (CNS) in Holodeck 2- Therapy in Unusual Places Day 1, Part 2

Posted by Ensign Viyara Nazeen (Scientist) in Holodeck 2- Therapy in Unusual Places Day 1, Part 2

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Janna Kingston (CNS) in Holodeck 2- Therapy in Unusual Places Day 1, Part 2

(snips)

“I didn’t,” Janna said simply. “Life forced me down a different path, and one I’m grateful for every day not.” Her eyes looked at the edges of their rocky spot and she shook her head. “Irony of all ironies that you keep bringing me to places like this. I’m not afraid of heights but, the landing, well… I have a form of haemophilia, Viyara. It’s not life threatening most of the time. A small bruise or a scrap won’t kill me, but something more serious?” She snapped her fingers. “Medical intervention has to be that fast, or I won’t make it.” Extricating her hand from Nazeen’s, she rubbed her palms together for a moment before continuing. “My health condition isn’t a secret, but I don’t talk about the how very much and I never talk about that period of time immediately after. But I’m going to tell you because I think it would be helpful. And though it’s a little long, I think the scientist in you will appreciate the details.”

Listening closely, Viyara shifted her position subconsciously; moving her legs into a cross-legged position and leaning slightly forward with her elbows resting on her thighs. She didn’t say anything though and instead let Janna talk.

“I was on my cadet cruise on the Hypatia and we were on this planet. The locals told us about this sentient-ish vine and us biologists were intrigued. We were warned that it could be dangerous, so we took precautions. As we were walking along this path near where the locals had had encounters, I heard this noise and I was startled. I stopped to try and get a better listen and without realizing it, I took a half step forward. But what I couldn’t see because of all the brush was that the ground had warn away there. I slipped a bit and boom, down I went, tumbling down this partial embankment. I came to a stop near this cave and had we known this ahead of time we would have chose a different route and gone there right away, but apparently this vine grows near burrows and caves where it’s likely to find prey. My shipmates scrambled down to get to me, but by the time they did, the vine had already attached itself to my torso, and the spines injected me with a substance that paralyzed me. they had me beamed to the ship but it was too late, one of the spines had pierced my liver and it was attacking my immune system. It then caused a severe fever that caused brain bleeds and in trying to heal my injuries as well as the bleeds that were popping up, they began to notice that not only was I bleeding too much but my own immune system began to attack itself.” She paused there knowing that this was only the lead-up and not even the point of her story.

~Janna Kingston, CNS

As she listened to Janna’s story, Viyara began to feel a slight tightness in her chest. She didn’t feel pity, but she felt sorry for what had happened to her. And suddenly something Janna had said earlier that day made much more sense and she asked softly, “That’s why you told me not to throw things at you, right? Because if I hurt you physically it would be really bad and I could accidentally kill you.” the last part wasn’t a question but a statement of fact. One that made goose bumps rise on her skin and a shiver run down her spine. Not knowing that there was more to come, she continued, “Thank you for sharing your story with me.”

~Viyara Nazeen

Janna smiled. “Well, to be honest, my warning you about not throwing stuff at me is a boundary I as a therapist have. I don’t tolerate aggressiveness to myself or my staff. It’s a matter of respect, even though I do realize that there are situations where it might not be helped.”

Returning Janna’s smile, Viyara nodded. “That makes sense and is a good boundary to have,” she replied and then added with a lopsided smile, “For the record, I’ve yelled and snapped at people, but I have never thrown things at anyone or hurt anyone physically. Well, that’s not entirely true. I never did so out of anger. It was always consensual and in good fun.” She winked and laughed softly.

Inhaling slowly, Janna closed her eyes and felt her ribs expanding. She focused on that sensation until she could still the anxiety building and opened her eyes to gaze at Viyara. “I have to calm my breathing because I can feel the old anxiety sitting there,” she said openly. “Because It’s been a long time since I’ve spoken openly about this experience with others. Not because it’s too difficult, but because, well, it rarely comes up. And so sometimes I forget how intense it can still be, even after all this time has passed. And so I breathe, and in a moment when I feel centred and grounded myself, theres more to share.”

“You still feel anxious about it?” Viyara asked softly. And while she knew that she wasn’t by far the only one who had ever experienced trauma and was afraid, hearing Janna tell her that she too still struggled with it at times felt oddly comforting.

Gazing out over the ocean, Janna could imagine herself floating on it. “A lot of the stuff immediately after the vine attached itself to me is a blur. My memories are hazy. In fact they had to induce a medical coma to preserve my brain function while they figured out how to treat me. I nearly died, Viyara, but I wasn’t aware of any of that. But a few days later I woke up and they explained what had happened, but they didn’t know how to fix-it. I couldn’t leave Sickbay because even the lightest bruise was life threatening and we all knew that if I was released to my quarters, that the time it would take to get my to Sickbay if something happened was too long. And all medical personnel know that a patient facing life-threatening illness can act unpredictably. I lost it Viyara. I became so afraid of even getting off the biobed that I felt trapped in my own life. I couldn’t imagine a future outside of Sickbay, let alone one where I romped about planets learning about the flora and fauna. It was all too dangerous. And a few days into this excruciating experience, I just snapped. I decided I didn’t want to do this. I had no interest in living in a bubble. Starfleet couldn’t keep me and then what? What did I do then? Live inside a hospital for the rest of my life? Inside a house somewhere where I had to have a nurse on hand all day everyday? No thanks, not for me. That was not a life of dignity. If I couldn’t live my life, I didn’t want that life at all. And while the staff in Sickbay were prepared for me to have a reaction, they were not prepared for me to be the one throwing things in anger,” she said, actually laughing. More ironies. “It took a nurse sneaking up on me from behind and sedating me to prevent me from hurting myself, or others. And the next week was full of sedatives and therapy and them trying to find a solution to my sudden medical problem. Spoiler, they did,” she said with a wink.

~Janna Kingston, CNS

“I’m glad,” Viyara replied sincerely and rather emphatically. “And not only for selfish reasons. You are a great person. It would have been a big loss if you weren’t here anymore.” A warm smile spread across her face and for a moment Viyara just looked at Janna. When she spoke again, she asked, “How did you manage to move on and accept what had happened to you?”

~Viyara Nazeen