Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Janna Kingston (CNS) in Holodeck 2- Therapy in Unusual Places Day 1, Part 2

Posted by Ensign Viyara Nazeen (Scientist) in Holodeck 2- Therapy in Unusual Places Day 1, Part 2

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Janna Kingston (CNS) in Holodeck 2- Therapy in Unusual Places Day 1, Part 2
Posted by… suppressed (1) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

Frowning slightly, Viyara pondered for a moment and then said, “I’m feeling confused and worried? You said that the hardest part is done when I told you about my past. But … I feel like … I don’t know. I don’t tell you any details. And I wonder if I shouldn’t have? If it might not be necessary to do that? That thought is scary and makes me doubt that the hardest part is really over.” She sighed and let her head fall backwards; staring at the ceiling.

~Viyara Nazeen

Holding the woman’s shoulders firmly, Janna smiled. “The hardest bit of sharing is done, but there’s still hard work ahead. And it won’t be easy, but it will be less scary, less harmful because you’ve taken this first step. Believe it or not, I don’t need to hear every excruciating detail of what your father, and others, did to you in order to help you find your way forward. But if you want to talk about any of it, absolutely, lay it on me. But like I said earlier, we don’t open any box we’re not certain we can close in our time together. Because that will only do more harm.”

Taking a deep breath, Viyara looked pensively at Janna and then nodded But she didn’t say anything just yet.

Janna released her shoulders and grabbed Viyara’s hand holding it firmly instead to try to make the point she was going for. Shaking her hand slightly, she gave it a reassuring squeeze. “Your brain is taking in the sensations I am producing, classifying it and letting your cognitive process determine how you feel about it. Emotions are created by our brain, Viyara. And then we interpret them. And sometimes we get it wrong. Sometimes the interpretation doesn’t serve us. We lie to ourselves because the old pattern of interpretation is so entrenched in our life.” She let Viyara’s hand go.

“What we are doing here is bit by bit replacing the negative unhelpful thoughts with new ones that trigger different emotions. We’re going to re-train your brain so that its default state isn’t misery. And in time, you will make it become true. It’s a skill and like all skills, it takes time. And I know this is hard, but you need to be patient and gentle with yourself. Those are also skills that require practice. It doesn’t come naturally to everyone.”

~Janna Kingston, CNS

“I have a feeling I’m one of those people it doesn’t come to naturally,” Viyara replied thoughtfully. And before she knew what she was doing, or could think better of it, she leaned slightly forward and wrapped her arms gently around the other woman. “Thank you Janna. I know this is your job and I’m not happy about being locked up, even in a comfortable place like this. But I am grateful for everything you’re doing for me. I want you to know that.”

With a smile Viyara couldn’t see, Janna hugged the scientist, one hand rubbing her back in a soothing gesture. “You’re very welcome,” she said softly. As much as she could sometimes toss in a line of wisdom or something else to get a patient thinking, it was also good to just accept the gratitude when it was given.

Letting go, she took a step backwards and finally poured herself some coffee. Lifting the French press, Viyara asked, “Do you want some as well before you go?”

~Viyara Nazeen

Kingston shook her head. “Go ahead and enjoy it, I’ll make some more when I get back. I’m going to go take care of those errands now. Have something to eat, even if it’s small, and feel free to explore. There back garden is quite expansive and good for wandering. But be sure to rest both your mind and body. We’ve had a big hike already and done a lot of emotional work. Both their mind and body need their rest time.”

“I will. Promise,” Viyara nodded and smiled softly. She had an idea what she wanted to do and while that would involves a short hike, it wasn’t going to be a strenuous one. So she should still be able to get the rest she needed.

With a final smile, Janna moved through the cottage and out the front door, leaving Viyara with some time to herself.

~Janna Kingston, CNS

While taking a few sips off the coffee, Viyara looked some more through the cupboards till she found what she was looking for: A small thermos. After filling the rest of the coffee from the French press into the thermos, she went back to her room and repacked everything into the small backpack and put her shoes back on. She then wrote a short message onto a piece of paper and pinned it to the door, before heading out as well. The message read: I’m at the Carrick-A-Rede rope bridge.

At her pace, it took Viyara about twenty minutes to reach her destination. Once she had crossed the rope bridge onto the tiny island, she found a comfortable spot to sit where she could see the ocean and Sheep Island. A soft smile began to spread across her face and for a few moments she just sat there and took in the vista while nibbling on some apple slices. Since she had eaten very little on their earlier hike, she had simply brought the rest of the food with her.

Opening her notebook to a new page, she wrote the title of both lists on top of one page each. Writing out the self-care one wasn’t terribly difficult and yet it still took her some time to write it out. Especially as she had to add what she needed for those things to be possible. Looking at the (for now) finished list, she smiled happily, feeling even a little proud of herself for having being able to write that list.

The list of things she could control while on the holodeck with Janna … that was a lot more difficult. Sure the beginning was easy as she wrote down what Janna had said. But after that it got really hard. Viyara even started to cry again as she felt like there wasn’t really anything she could control. At least nothing that was really meaningful or would make a difference. It brought a number of painful memories to the forefront of her mind. She felt her focus slipping and so she pushe the journal off her lap, so that it landed open on the grass next to her.

Rising to her feet, she walked down towards the very edge of the island, that was really one big rock covered in grass sticking out of the ocean. She didn’t get close enough that she was in any danger of falling, but there wasn’t terribly much space left either. Flinging her arms wide, tears still running down her cheeks, she yelled as loud as she could, “Why?” And then the silent tears turned into audible sobs that made her whole body shake as she fell onto her hands and knees.

OOC: This is the tiny island she is on, just outside of Ballintoy: https://northernirelandholidays.co.uk/carrick-a-rede/

~Viyara Nazeen