Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Janna Kingston (CNS) in Holosuite 3 - Therapy In Unusual Places

Posted by Ensign Viyara Nazeen (Scientist) in Holosuite 3 - Therapy In Unusual Places

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Janna Kingston (CNS) in Holosuite 3 - Therapy In Unusual Places
Posted by… suppressed (3) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

For a few minutes Viyara walked in silence next to Janna. Not so much because she didn’t know the answers to her question, but rather because she was reluctant to actively face the truth of those answers herself. When she finally spoke, her voice and expression were almost void of emotions as she was actively and consciously pushing those emotions to her back of her mind. “When I started to get attached to someone, develop feelings for them I would leave. Same if they showed or told me that they were starting to have feelings for me. But usually I would move on long before that point. I don’t do relationships and I’ve always been clear about that. I don’t want to hurt anyone or play with them after all.” Turning her head she looked at Janna. “If you had asked me those questions a week or two ago, I would told it’s still like that. But … I realised that I care for Daggum a lot and for the first time I don’t want to walk away. Though there were times when I subconsciously tried to push him away, I think.”

~Viyara Nazeen

Janna stopped and gestured for Viyara to as well.

Stopping as well, Viyara looked uncertainly at Janna, wondering why she had wanted her to stop walking.

Facing Nazeen, Kingston gazed deeply. “I want you to think about Daggum and how you feel about him, and tell me two scenarios. One, what the fantasy part of your brain tells you you want. If everything were ideal, what sort of relationship would you have with him? And two, what do you have with him right now that you know to be true. And really think about it. Let yourself touch those emotions. There’s no right or wrong answer here and I’m here to ground you as much as you can do that yourself.”

~Janna Kingston, CNS

Fingering the tension ball in her pocket, Viyara replied, “If that was possible I’d want to be with him. Have a real romantic relationship. Happily ever after and all that.” She cringed slightly and rolled her eyes at herself. “I’ve never been that kinda girl who wants those things. I don’t understand why I suddenly do. As for how things really are,” She gave small shrug and tried to be nonchalant. “We are friends. Good friends, I think. We also had sex more than once, but he loves someone else. So we are just friends now. No benefits or such.” There was a slight catch in her voice and she closed her eyes tightly for a moment, fighting the tears she felt coming. “It’s probably for the best,” she continued and opened her eyes again. “I’m too broken, too messed up. And I don’t even know how to be someone friend, let a lone how to be in a relationship. I’m not worthy of either. Damaged goods.” Try as she might, she could no longer keep the tears away. So instead she turned away from Janna and wrapped her arms around herslef once again.

~Viyara Nazeen

Janna let her have the moments she needed. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is being honest with yourself with where you were at, and Janna knew that the more Viyara could do that, the more she’d be ready to start to change the narrative of her own thinking. But that was not right now, and possibly not even today. “It’s hurts to love someone who isn’t able to love you back the way you want them to, for whatever reason. Some people have hearts that allow them to have romantic love with more than one person. Others feel very strongly about monogamy. But others still feel very strongly that friendship is a very important form of love for them. It’s not the same as a romantic relationship, but it’s just… different.” Janna reached out and simply tapped the hand of Viyara’s that held the tension ball. A simple reminder.

Viyara didn’t say anything, but she did tighten her grip on the tension ball. She knew Janna was right and at the same time it all confused her. What Janna had said, her own emotions. Everything.

“Tell me about the kind of person you have found Daggum to be,” Janna said softly.

~Janna Kingston, CNS

Wiping her nose on her sleeve, Viyara whispered, “He is kind and gentle and caring. He is also smart and funny. He is strong, and not only in a physical way. Though he definitely is that as well. He understands me and I feel seen. That scares me, but it also feels good. He is persuasive, but in a good way. He is also a great kisser and amazing lover. He can get angry. Really angry. But he doesn’t lash out and hurt you.” Turning her head, she looked sadly at Janna and gave a small shrug.

~Viyara Nazeen

Janna smiled warmly. “Sounds like a pretty wonderful person to have in your life. And knowing him as you do, if you were to turn off that voice inside your head that tells you you’re not good enough, not worth anything… if you turned that off for just a moment, could you concede that someone like Daggum might know something about you that you don’t?”

~Janna Kingston, CNS

Still looking at Janna, Viyara tried to if not turn of that voice inside her head, at least ignore it for a moment to try and see herself as Daggum might see her. But she couldn’t . All she saw was an unlovable person. With tears still running down her cheeks, she asked softly, “How could anyone like me? And how could he or anyone else know something about myself that I don’t? What would they know?” There was both defiance and desperation in her voice as she asked those questions.

~Viyara Nazeen