Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Janna Kingston (CNS) in Counsellor’s Office - Thus things continue to unfold

Posted by Ensign Viyara Nazeen (Scientist) in Counsellor’s Office - Thus things continue to unfold

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Janna Kingston (CNS) in Counsellor’s Office - Thus things continue to unfold
Posted by… suppressed (3) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

At that Viyara pulled her shoulders up and placed the heel of her left foot on the chair as she hugged her leg to to her chest. “I don’t know,” she mumbled at first, but then added, “I guess it felt or sounded like he thought I’m just some ignorant and selfish fool who only things about herself and never about everyone else. That stung. Like .. a lot And at yet I’m wondering if that isn’t true after all. Even if it isn’t what he meant to say. I am not a good person. And it doesn’t make sense that anyone would care about me. Damaged goods. Too messed up.” Her voice was almost flat as she said those things about herself. Her gaze once more unfocused and distant.

~Ensign Nazeen, Scientist

“Viyara…” Janna said. “Tell me about what you’re working on work-wise,” she said, watching intently to see if that would bring the scientist back to the here and now. It might have seemed like a jarring change of conversation, but it had a purpose.

~Janna Kingston, CNS

It took several moments, but eventually Viyara blinked a few times and looked at Janna again. “Not counting feeding Scales, I’m helping with a project where we are analysing the effect of different light sources and elements on this newly discovered micro organism. And I’m allowed to continue a pet project of mine. There is more to it, but I’m basically mixing more or less all the known elements to this newly found one to get a better idea of it’s properties and all. Only in small doses, mind you. I learned very quickly that it doesn’t like nitrogen. But chlorine makes it change it’s colour.” Suddenly a soft laugh bubbled from her chest as she remembered what had happened to the test tube when she had added the liquid nitrogen.

~Ensign Nazeen, Scientist

Janna couldn’t help but laugh lightly too. “Chemistry… not for the unadventurous.”

“But it makes it all the more fun because of it!” Viyara grinned and for the first time that day the mischievous glimmer in her mismatched eyes reappeared.

Leaning forward, Kingston kept her gaze on Viyara. “Just now, before I asked you about work, you went somewhere, in your head. Can you describe it? How it feels?”

~Janna Kingston, CNS

And just as suddenly the smile disappeared again and was replaced by a frown. “I’m not sure. It -” she started and then stopped again as she shook her head. “I don’t really have an image to describe it. It’s not like I see anything. But maybe that is the image. A dark room or Nothing. And I guess I felt sad and … worthless, maybe a little scared. But also … numb?”It was more of a question than an answer, as if she hoped Janna could tell her what she had felt and how to describe it.

~Ensign Nazeen, Scientist

Janna nodded slowly. “It can feel a lot of different ways, and it appears differently for each person, but there’s a name for it. We call it dissociation. It happens when our bodies get so overwhelmed with emotions we’re not able or ready to process in that moment, so the brain does what we can liken to pulling a rip cord on a parachute. It’s an escape and a way of coping in the moment. Our brains want to protect us from big bad scary things, and when we experience trauma, often our own emotions become associated with those big bad scary things. It’s a completely understandable reaction but it’s also one that isn’t helpful to us in the long run, because it separates us from parts of our life that might otherwise be moments of growth for us. Does that makes sense?” she asked, watching Viyara carefully.

~Janna Kingston, CNS

Viyara listened carefully, trying to understand what Janna was saying, while the frown on her face deepened. “I think so,” she replied hesitantly. “But it sounds more like one would feel nothing? But I did feel something, didn’t I?” She was feeling confused. In a way it made sense. Even if she had always tried to pretend it wasn’t there, there had been trauma in her life. A lot actually. So it made sense for her body and brain to try to protect themselves. But why now?

~Ensign Nazeen, Scientist