Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Janna Kingston (CNS) in Counsellor’s Office - Thus things continue to unfold

Posted by Ensign Viyara Nazeen (Scientist) in Counsellor’s Office - Thus things continue to unfold

Posted by Lieutenant Junior Grade Janna Kingston (CNS) in Counsellor’s Office - Thus things continue to unfold
Posted by… suppressed (6) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

Grass green eyes gazing deeply, Janna was forthright in her contemplation of Viyara. “For what?” she said simply.

~Janna Kingston, CNS

“For laughing. For not believing you,” Viyara replied; only barely meeting Janna’s green eyes with her own heterochromatic ones.

~Ensign Nazeen, Scientist

Janna shrugged. “No rule you have to believe me or anyone else. But let me ask you this and if you don’t have an answer right away, that’s okay. But what would it cost you if you were to go out on a limb and believe me. Believe that there aren’t perfect answers to every question?”

~Janna Kingston, CNS

Viyara nodded thoughtfully. Once again allowing herself time to actually think about that question instead blurting out the first dismissive thing that came to her mind. Finally she said, “I’m not sure. I know that not everything in life is black or white. And yet there are a lot of aspects in my life where things are black or white. Either a hypothesis is true or false. There is a reaction or not when you mix two chemicals. You find a match for a DNA sample or not. You may not always know the answer right away, but it is one or the other nevertheless. I know inter-personal stuff doesn’t work the same way. There is a lot of grey in-between. But sometimes clear either ors make it easier…” She gave a small shrug as she let her voice trail off.

~Ensign Nazeen, Scientist

Kingston nodded slowly. Identifying an issue was really sometimes half the battle. The rest either came on its own or you needed help tackling them. “And what major thing did we establish yesterday on the holodeck?” Janna asked.

~Janna Kingston, CNS

Taking a deep breath, Viyara held it for a moment before she replied, “That I can trust you. Though that was while we were still in my quarters. And that change is uncomfortable.” There was a hint of doubt in her voice and body language, but she didn’t phrase it as a question.

~Ensign Nazeen, Scientist

Kingston smiled warmly. “One of the things we’re going to practice together is embracing that discomfort. It might be easier for thing to be cut and dry, but that doesn’t make them better. Sometimes, the better path forward really is the one that less comfortable. So when you find yourself trying to force a situation to be either or, I want you to pause, take a deep breath and let it be messy. Let it be complicated. It’s a process, Viyara. And uncomfortable one, yes, but I guarantee it won’t be detrimental to you.”

Viyara nodded and then moved her shoulders a little as she tried to ease the tension she felt building in her body.

Janna gestured to the journal. “What about moments either consciously or unconsciously where you caused yourself harm, in any way? How many times and exactly how did it happen? And be honest. I can’t help you if you hide things from me.”

~Janna Kingston, CNS

Looking down at the journal in her lap, Viyara asked, “Since we last talked or in general?”

~Ensign Nazeen, Scientist

Janna shrugged. “How about both?” She would take any and all information Nazeen was willing to share, so if she could get that much, absolutely she’d accept it.

~Janna Kingston, CNS

Viyara nodded and then took another deep breath. Without meeting Janna’s gaze, she said, “I don’t think I did since yesterday. I mean, I probably chewed on my lower lip while journalling or while I was on duty. But I wouldn’t consider that self-harm.” Her voice was soft and at first hesitant, but with each word she said, she seemed to be less hesitant till it was almost like a switch was flicked in her brain and she shared much more than she ever had with anyone before. “As you know I sometimes dig my nails into my skin. After I left the Captain and the Counsellor on the holodeck that day I did so as well. As almost always it was subconscious and I didn’t even notice at first that I broke my skin with my nails. I sometimes bite myself in the fingers. never hard enough to be in any danger of drawing blood, but enough to leave a mark. I sometimes cut myself. And, I wouldn’t classify it as self-harm, but until recently I almost always kept the holodeck safeties off. I can be reckless. I sometimes drink to much and I like it when things get really rough when I’m with someone. All of that either makes me feel alive or draws my focus to something I can control.”

~Ensign Nazeen, Scientist