Posted by Lieutenant Commander Zef Rollo (Counselor) in Officers Mess - Dinner with the Captain

Posted by Captain Alexander Cochrane (Commanding Officer) in Officers Mess - Dinner with the Captain
<snip>

He looked at her and said “Well, I suppose half an answer is better than none.” and he smiled slightly. “To me, being a Captain is akin to a marriage… but not in the emotional ‘love’ sense. It’s more akin to being married to a spouse who already had children. You are drawn to this single figure… but that figure isn’t, and never will be, entirely yours. You know going in that you have to share them with people who were there before you… who will be there after you… but who you are still responsible for. It’s like…” and he thought for a moment and then chuckled. “It is like being a step-father. Again, not in the affection and deep parental sense, but in the logistical and support sense. It’s being a step-father to a thousand kids… some like you, some love you, some hate your guts. But no matter what they are still yours to look after. And you can either embrace that responsibility, make it central to you so you know that you are giving them your best and hopefully providing them with the guidance and framework they need to succeed once they leave your house… or you can half-ass it and end up with your step-kids running all over you and treating their mom, the ship, like garbage and becoming miscreants and little jerks that get suspended from school and never amount to anything.” and he smiled and chuckled again.

Cochrane, CO

They weren’t progressing in the conversation. Cochrane was finding different ways to explain the same thing, when she’d understood it the first time—she simply hadn’t agreed with it.

“Captain, I comprehend what you’re saying, I just don’t believe the rationale behind it to be as healthy as it should be. And as far as ‘half an answer’, what did you want to hear? I told you I was mated. That is a life long commitment to a partner on Baj. And I loved him with every atom of my being, but it didn’t last long because he died.”

Zef took another bite of steak, chewed and swallowed before continuing. “Do those additional facts make my answer more acceptable?” She realized the two of them were once again heading into bumpy territory where the evening could take a turn. Moreso, she had to accept that she was the cause of it. In her office, it had been her who pulled back when she perceived she wasn’t freely allowed on the bridge, and now she was having difficulty accepting Cochrane’s belief that the crew was his ‘family’ in such a way that it didn’t allow for personal, romantic relationships which almost every human needed. She took a deep breath, exhaling any tension that had been building inside, and looked at the man across the table. “I’m sorry. I seem to have slipped back into counselling mode without realizing it. This is just a discussion and I shouldn’t be trying to ‘fix’ you. And as far as Broggs, my mate, memories involving him are still painful.”

—Zef

---

Cochrane sighed heavily and shook his head. “No Counselor, the fault is mine.” he replied. “I suppose there are some discussions that just do not make for appropriate dinner conversation. And my comment as to your history was out of line… and I’m sorry. I was referring more to the question about love versus the question about recognized romantic commitments. I am sorry the mention of your mate brought that pain to our dinner.” and he looked across the table at her. “All of us deserve a break from the pressures this life and career bring. I had hoped that tonight might have proven so for us both…” and he chuckled as he took a drink, “… but even a Ship’s Captain can be wrong from time to time.” and he set the glass down and began cutting into his dinner.

Cochrane, CO

“Okay, clean slate. Although, I must comment that ‘this’ is how people get to know each other. Just to explain a bit–Brogg is a touchy subject because I was very wrong about him and he was not the kindest male for a partner. There are bad memories there and some guilt on my part for not seeing him as he truly was. I made a mistake and it galls me every time I really think about it.” She helped herself to another bite, followed by a long drink of wine. “Everyone has a past though, don’t they? Even those of us who should know better.”

Zef set the wine down and reached over the table to touch Cochrane’s arm. “I’m going to let my barriers completely down with you. It will be the first thing I do when I see you around the ship…and tonight, of course. I truly want to get to know you but I’m a bit rusty at letting anyone close. If you’ll be patient with me, I promise to really work on it.” She gave him a genuine smile that lit up her features. It was a sight not many on the Manhattan had seen.

—Zef

Cochrane stopped eating and set his fork down. He set his hand on hers and looked at her. “Zef… I would really like to get to know you, too. But I can’t promise you anything more than…” and he smiled at her, “… a safe harbor. At least for now. A safe harbor to let down your barriers without fear of judgement or criticism where someone else can get to know the real you… not just the Counselor part. And a place where we can practice how we talk to each other with ending up butting heads. How does that sound to you? Can we start there?”

Cochrane, CO