Posted by Captain Alexander Cochrane (Commanding Officer) in Auxiliary Bridge- Late Night Tinkering

Posted by Lieutenant Faye Calloway (Mission Specialist) in Auxiliary Bridge- Late Night Tinkering

Posted by Captain Alexander Cochrane (Commanding Officer) in Auxiliary Bridge- Late Night Tinkering
Posted by… suppressed (1) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

Chewing on the inside of her lip, Faye considered the question as she looked around the smaller bridge, still rather comfortable sitting on the deck. Tapping the tips of her index finger and thumb together, she looked back at him and shrugged slightly. “It generally goes better for people if I do more work on my own. But had you asked me that question earlier in my career, it would have been an emphatic yes to being on my own. All the time.”

At that point, the ease in her voice shifted and Faye began to choose her words very carefully. “You mentioned reading my file, so you know the whole Maquis family history stuff, or at least know enough that this won’t be a surprise to you, but… I spent the first years of my career terrified that someone would find out. When I got sponsorship for the Academy, it was only a few years after the War ended. And while some people were willing to forgive the Maquis for their transgressions, others still saw them as traitors. Saw me as a traitor. An idle conversation here and there would tell me where they stood and I quickly realized that keeping that part of my life a secret was vital. But it separated me from everyone. I couldn’t let them get too close, because they might find out and after the Dominion massacres of the Maquis, the Federation had a variable policy on the survivors. Some were arrested and sent to prison. I…” Faye paused and looked down slightly. “I was lucky to have survived but the immediate years after were not… good. Prison would have destroyed me more than I already felt I had been, and I mean, I had been a minor, not legally of age during the border wars. It was pointed out to me as exactly that when all this came out. That they wouldn’t have charged me for anything I might have done as a teenager, especially since it was all over at that point and my parents were not in the picture. But I couldn’t convince myself that revealing that truth was a risk worth taking. And that was before we fully realized the craziness that is going on in here,” she said gesturing to her head, and referencing her personality disorder.

~Faye Calloway, Data Specialist

Cochrane tilted his head to the side as she spoke and listened. When she finished, he nodded his head slightly and took a seat in the chair next to the console she sat on the floor before. He leaned forward a bit so he wasn’t looking straight down at her, but still at an angle. he clasped his hands on his lap.

“Yes. I read your file. And I am aware of your history. But you need to realize this, Lieutenant… I don’t care.” an he paused and looked at the deck for a moment. Looking up, he had an expression of strong consideration on his face.

She gave him a half puzzled expression.

“Where we come from shapes who we were. That, in turn, influences who we become. They are links in a chain. Some links are strong, some aren’t. It is simply a matter of linear progression from one point in time to another. So I try not to judge people I serve with based on their timeline. I cannot change how they came to be with me. What matters to me is how they are now. And how they strive to forge that next link in their chain. If I can help make that chain stronger, I will. But at the end of the day, we are simply who we are. How we got to be that way is for relationships that involve much stronger emotions than that of ship mates.” and he leaned back and looked at her for a few moments.

Faye’s demeanour shifted slightly and the slight wall she had let down went back up. Whether it was a subtle chastisement or not, the effect was the same and she heard the message loud and clear.

“What is going on up there isn’t ‘craziness’, Lieutenant. It is a combination of genetics, biology, and trauma. Same as the rest of us, but more complicated for you. The next time I hear you refer to yourself as crazy I will take offense, understood? You aren’t crazy. Your just built a bit different. And that difference is part of you. And quite frankly, I wouldn’t be speaking to the person I am speaking with without it.”

Cochrane, CO

She went to speak but then realized her thoughts were a bit jumbled. So she took an extra second before reply. “I don’t say it as a derogatory reference to myself. Really. It’s sort of my way of accepting how things are. And I told you the stuff about the Maquis because you asked me what if I preferred solo or teamwork. The truth is that it’s still a bit mixed. I’ve lived both but I choose to work solo for a long time. It’s a habit, and at times it’s served me well. Other times not so much.”

Shifting her position, she got to her feet. “Well, it is getting late and I should probably at least make this space useable for the morning, just in case.”

~Faye Calloway, Data Specialist

Cochrane shook his head. “Nope. I am not getting wires crossed with you again. Take a seat, Lieutenant.” he said in a voice that indicated ‘No’ wasn’t really an option and he inclined his head to the next chair down.

Her eyes widened slightly and their storm y grey-green depths considered him acutely for a moment. But she grabbed a chair and rolled it over, turned it around and sat facing him. Her arms rested on the back and she considered him at length. “Okay,” she said uncertainly.

“I read your file. And what I gleaned from that was that you are an absolutely remarkable individual, Lieutenant. To come from where you did, to accomplish what you have, is a testament. Not just to your intelligence, which is considerable, but to your strength of will. You have taken the burden of your past and shouldered it with a strength most people can’t fathom. You have flaws, yes. We all do. For instance, I apparently cannot compliment you without coming across as a berating jerk.” he said flatly but there was a bit or mirth behind his eyes.

Her expression shifted into a slightly sheepish smile, if a tiny one. She would likely replay this conversation later and try to figure out nuance she had missed, but what was it about her interactions with him that made her so defensive? Besides him being her commanding officer of course. It was more than that though. She just didn’t yet know what.

“You have made a name for yourself, and a name that you should be proud of. Just don’t let your past override what your future can be. Don’t let it overshadow your accomplishments now. I guess, in short, what I’m saying is don’t let your past color your present. Especially in your own mind. And don’t think that your past is an issue with me. I have no reason to distrust you, no matter what politics you come from, because you haven’t anything to warrant that. You are my crew. That means I trust you. I rely on you. And I want you to know you can rely on me.” and he paused for second.

” Am I clear now? Or still a condescending jerk?” and he smiled slightly.

Cochrane, CO

Calloway looked slightly amused. “Well, I think for the time being I can forgo muttering dha’rudh when I’m in your presence. The crew might get the wrong message.”

She glanced over at the blank viewscreen, imagining it held one of the amazing vistas she had seen over the course of her very bumpy career. “It was actually better,” Faye said quietly. “I actually had managed to let the past be the past, and I was doing really well at the whole living for the present thing. And I’m not going to tell you this as an excuse or anything, but I basically was re-set. I have to do the whole terrifyingly difficult work all over again, because the Tal Shiar ruthlessly ripped it all apart.” She had to will her voice to be above a whisper as she returned her gaze to him. “You read my file, but there are parts your don’t know or don’t have the full picture on. That’s fine and probably just as well. But I am going to make a crucial point by telling you that I spent nine months either out of my head in drugged-up hallucinations or cognizant and wishing they would just kill me already and be done with it. Because that would have been better. But they didn’t, and I somehow escaped that hell.” She had to fight the emotions in her gut that were threatening to take over. Thank goodness the one perk to that time was her ability to still herself entirely. Faye took a calm breath. “And I’m here now, and I will do my best. But it’s going to be bumpy at times. For me, for you, for everyone. And when it is, just remember that for me it’s like standing in a small space with shattered glass all over the floor. And in order to piece my life truly back together, I have to pick up the glass and make something with it. No matter how careful I am, no matter what I do, at some point, I’m going to get cut. And anyone around me risks the same.”

~Faye Calloway, Data Specialist