Posted by Civilian Sair Songz (Counselor) in Find the Grace (Tag Sair)

Posted by Civilian Revna Freya McKenzie (Diplomatic Attache) in Find the Grace (Tag Sair)

Posted by Civilian Sair Songz (Counselor) in Find the Grace (Tag Sair)

(snip)

Revna blew out a breath and adjusted how she was sitting. “To find something that is wholly mine, career wise. To use my skills and what I am good at to make a name for myself, as it were, even if I am the only one who knows my name. Or at least that is why I retired from Star Fleet and joined the diplomatic corp. I was assigned to Ambassador S’Tek, and then Manhattan. It wasn’t my choice, but I also didn’t have a specific assignment in mind either.”

Revna McKenzie

“Does it bother you that you didn’t get a choice?” Sair asked lightly, one arm braced on the arm of the chair, her gaze watchful.

~Sair Songz, CNS

“No. I’ve been following orders for the last 17 years. I guess that seems odd, having retired from Star Fleet for the opportunity to make my own choices, but I wanted something different. I just wasn’t sure what different looked like. There are days, I wish I was posted somewhere closer to home. The potential in this position in exciting and challenging and I’m looking forward to it.” Sipping again at the cider Revna contemplated…”I do wonder if I traded Star Fleet service for the exact same thing with just a different name.”

Revna McKenzie

“And what would that mean if you had?” Sair asked, her warm eyes gazing keenly.

~Sair Songz, CNS

Revna grinned slightly. “Oh so many options there. Possibilities would be that I’m not letting go, that I’m afraid to leave what is a comfort zone, that I didn’t really want to leave Star Fleet, that I’m afraid to go home because maybe the memories will hurt too much, or that I took the first opportunity that presented because I don’t know what to do with myself.”

Revna McKenzie

Mirroring Revna’s grin, Sair nodded. “And what do you think the real answer is?”

~Sair Songz, CNS

Revna knew what she wanted it to be, she also knew it wouldn’t help her to give that answer unless she knew it was true. “Honestly, I’m not sure I want to know which it is. And that’s part of the problem I’m sure. I don’t want to think on it too hard, but I need to, it’s necessary to deal with all those things to get better. The reality is probably that it’s a mixture of all of those things in differing amounts.”

Revna McKenzie

Songz nodded thoughtfully, mulling over that very honest answer. “So, with that there, let’s talk about what you want to get out of this. You came to me with the realization that you needed additional support and feedback. If you can think forward, what is it that you think you want to accomplish by delving into this all. What outcome are you hoping for?”

~Sair Songz, CNS

“Ideally not to have these night terrors anymore. To be able to identify what might be causing them so I can deal with consciously rather than in my sleep. Identify and admit what other underlying issues are at play, that I am, for some reason, not admitting to myself. I have very recently gotten married, Sair, and I don’t want whatever this is,” and Revna made a circular motion with her hand to indicate her current mental state, “to hang like a shadowy specter over my marriage.”

Revna McKenzie

Songz tilted her head ever so slightly. “Tell me about your partner. What have you shared about your experiences and how have they handled that?” A basic enough question, but a necessary one.

~Sair Songz, CNS

Revna smiled, or maybe she grinned, and blushed and glowed. She was still very much in the blushing bride/honeymoon stage when it came to Mike. “Mike is…well I’m certain there’s no one else quite like him, anywhere. Most people, when they first meet him, only see a big burly bar tender who doesn’t put up with crap. And he is, but he’s also insightful and compassionate in a way few people are. He’s an absolute savant when it comes to music, he has a flair for performance and holoprogramming, has a wicked sense of humor that gets me into trouble, and knows how to pick a drink that’s worth drinking.” The last statement made Revna grin - remembering. “I have no secrets from Mike, nothing that I’m afraid to tell him, afraid might hurt him. If I haven’t told him something, it’s simply because it hasn’t occurred to me.” Revna took a long pull of the cider and set the mug down.

“I met Mike two weeks before I left for my lung replacement surgery. At first I think he was flumuxed by it all, by the circumstances, by…” she grinned again, “by Fate. Now we are simply thankful for it, though sometimes the best we can do is laugh rather than be overwhelmed by it. When he first found out about my injury he was angry, frustrated even, because the doctors hadn’t given me new lungs. That it had taken a year to get my surgery, but it wasn’t the doctors’ fault. I had refused. When I told him that he was angry, furious with me. He takes absolutely no crap from me about my health. No hedging, not vague-alities, no excuses, even over subspace. After my surgery we talked every week, well it stated that way, then it was almost every day. He knows about the recording Shauwn left for me. He helped me decide what I wanted to do after. Then…then we stopped talking for awhile, we had a disagreement.” That memory made her sad, but then she smiled wiggling her ring finger, “But it all worked out. Mike, is the best bet I’ve taken and lost, and I’d do it all again.”

Revna McKenzie