Posted by James Sinclair in Event Horizon Station- Promises

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Faye Calloway (Counter-Intelligence Officer) in Event Horizon Station- Promises

Posted by James Sinclair in Event Horizon Station- Promises

(snip)

Daggum reached out and took her hand in his. “Do you miss him sometimes, Faye? Kodell, I mean? I’m not trying to analyze you or anything… I’m just curious.”

Daggum

Faye gazed ahead at the streaking stars, her eyes unfixed. “I dunno. Maybe sometimes. Even after telling people who care about me about Kodell, I struggle to… figure it all out in my head. Do I hate him? Does a part of me still love him, what he did for me? Maybe a bit of both. But… especially after things would go badly between me and someone, I would think back to him and miss that part where he took care of me. I mean, it was such a terrible time in my life and there I was not having to worry about too much. I can take care of myself and I have most of my life, but… it’s nice to be taken care of now and again.” She turned her head to gaze at Dag. “I’m grateful, as much as I can be, for that. It could have been a whole lot worse and maybe I should have understood at the processing centre as I spoke to him and watched him be intrigued that there was something different about him, but… I know myself Dag. Now, after all this time, I really don’t hate him., though maybe there was a brief moment after I confessed what happened to me after Tracken. Alex waxes poetic about how he showed me love in the only way he was able, but here with you now? I know what it is to be a partner, to be an equal in a relationship. He had power over me that made that relationship tainted from the very beginning. I was a slave, and he was my master. We shared something special but there will always be space and distance between us. Even if I had stayed and we had somehow normalized things, you and I both know it would have only led to a terrible outcome for me, for both of us.” It was sad, and even in her introspection, Faye could feel that thread of pain. It was lessening, but it had flared anew after her revelation and only time and acceptance would let it fade away.

~Faye

Daggum nodded and then turned and faced away, looking at the streaking stars. “I was given to a Syndicate boss’s daughter once. She was… well… a lot like Kodell, I suppose. Born to a place they really didn’t want to be, but was trying to make the best of a crap situation. She treated me… better. And there was a fleeting moment when I know both of us were thinking ‘What if?’.” and he shrugged. “But that scared her and she sent me back to the Pits… I think she got killed by bomb or something meant for her dad.” He paused and thought. “But she treated me better… and that will always give me some kind of confusion, I guess. So I kind of see where you are coming from.”

Daggum

Faye squeezed his hand and nodded. “I’m sorry, for both of us. I don’t think there is a right or wrong way to think about it all and while I appreciate the thoughts others have offered me about it all, they haven’t experienced that and I think it’s easy to either vilify or romanticize parts or all of it. And the reality of those situations makes my BPD go nuts most of the time.”

She turned in her seat more, facing him. “But confession, there was a moment the night after I confessed the whole story when I went back to my quarters and it was like he was there with me, Dag. I went to go get ready for bed and I could feel the way he would brush his fingers against my neck or touch my shoulder. And for a moment I wanted it to be real, and then a second later I got angry and shouted to the mirror that he wasn’t welcome anymore. And it hasn’t happened since,” she said, a strange sense of loss sweeping through her.

~Faye