Zef had the morning off and because of the stress toll of the last few days, she wasn’t moving as quickly as usual. After leaving the Ghelfis the night before, she’d stopped by Alex’s quarters to check on him. He’d been slumped across his bed, still in the clothes he’d warn to the meeting. Knowing her way around the bedroom, Zef had helped him change out of the slacks and shoes and into a pair of pajama pants and a tshirt. After that, she’d tucked him into bed, made him drink an entire glass of water and told him she’d stay until he was asleep. And she did.

Once he was breathing deeply and in slumber land, Zef left and returned to her own rooms. She’d left a note on Alex’s kitchen counter that said she’d be back this morning for coffee at 1000 hours.

Taking care with how she dressed and looked, she pulled on a gown of light turquoise and fastened a wide belt around her waist. Adding delicate touches of silver jewelry and a hint of makeup, Zef twisted her hair to one side and slipped her feet into sandals. After a final check in the mirror, she put a large bag over her shoulder that contained fruit and cheese and the special drink Anasera supplied her with, and set off for Alex’s quarters.

She palmed the chime and hope he would be happy to see her.

—Zef

The door slid open and the room was empty. But there was a coffee and tea set on the hideous coffee table, and Alex’s voice came from the bedroom. “I’ll be out in a minute.”

He came in fastening his uniform top. He looked at Zef and smiled and said “Sorry… working lunch later on. But you look fantastic, Zef. Really.” and he sat down on the couch. He looked at her and said “Thank you, by the way, for last night. I was… not at my best.”

Alex

She was a little hesitant to enter the room because things were still unsettled between them. “Good morning. Are you feeling better?” She walked to the couch and took a seat, setting her bag on the floor next to her feet. Out came the bottle of herbs and essences, which she sat on the table. “I can’t drink coffee this week, but the baby juice is just for me.” She wrinkled her nose as she looked at him. “Trust me, you don’t want any.”

—Zef

Alex gave her a half smile and said “Well, with a name like that, you can absolutely keep it.” and he poured a cup of coffee for himself and put a finger on the bottle slightly. “May I pour?” he asked.

After the drinks were settled, he leaned back and said “So it seems we have some talking to do…”

Alex

Zef took a deep breath, preparing herself for whatever was to come. “Yes, this is a good time for you to ask questions about the Degansa, or about me, or about us.”

She picked up the cup of juice and took a sip. “Alex, I’m sorry I didn’t put it together about your mother before I brought this all up. If I was anywhere near worth my position, I would have remembered and taken a different route to let you know.”

—Zef

“Zef… you have had a lot on your mind. More so than normal. And you put it together before I did, and it was me that was in it. So please… let that go, okay? I’m just… relieved… that you did. And I thank you for it.”

He paused and took a drink. He set the cup aside and said “So in the… events… of the past few days; I think something extremely important was lost. And I would like to ask you before we go further… do you still feel the same? Or did I manage to screw that up, too?” He didn’t want to hear what he feared, but he wanted to know before he wasted any more of her precious time.

Alex

“Are you asking me if I still love you?” That part hadn’t changed. There were obstacles they needed to get past, but the depth of her feelings wasn’t one of them. His anger had hurt her, the accusations had hurt her more, but Zef was hopeful they’d be able to talk those things out.

“Yes, Alex, I love you. But how do you feel about me now?”

—Zef

Alex smiled a self-deprecating kind of smile. “Zef… I sincerely doubt my feelings for you will ever change; except for getting deeper. I think… I think that’s another reason I reacted so… well… miserably.” He reached over and took her hand and said “I don’t know if it was the shock, the timing, the… whatever it may have been… a part of me felt… less. As if I wasn’t important to you. And you are very important to me, Zef. Probably more than you know.”

Alex

She took another drink from the cup on the table. “So, where do we go from here, Alex? We can’t take back the things we said, or the yelling or any part of what’s happened the last couple of days. So what do we do to get past this…this tension?” Her gaze was clear as she asked the question. ” How can I begin to make it better for you? What do you need from me?” They were honest questions that only he could provide the answers to.

—Zef

Alex nodded in agreement and then moved closer to her. “Where we go is towards each other, not away. And no, we can’t change what has happened… but we can use it to teach us where we need to improve our communication. As a couple, I mean. So what we do to get past this, I think, would be to take the time right now to express to each other what we see coming from us being together. Where do we see this going. And laying out some clearly defined boundaries that we both agree on so… ‘miscommunications’… like this never happen again. And as for what you can do to make it better?” He paused and gave the question the serious consideration it deserved and then he said “You can tell me that you still want to be here with me. And promise me that, after this…” and he took a deep breath. “No, that needs to wait till we discuss the first part. So, Zef… do you still want to be here with me?”

Alex

How could he even ask her that? Of course she wanted to be with him! Zef leaned into Alex, taking up the familiar position of molding her body to his, head on his shoulder, body pressed to his side and arm wrapped around the front of his waist. “I’ll always want to be with you, Alex. This doesn’t change anything about that. But I have to be honest—I still feel hurt that you could think so little of me, and not try to at least find out what happened to explain the change you thought was happening.”

Zef maintained the hug, eyes closed and filled with the hope this wasn’t the last time.

—Zef

Alex leaned into the contact and closed his eyes as well. “I’m sorry. I was hurt as well. It felt as if I didnt matter… as if I was inconsequential to you, a second thought. And that hurt overrode everything else. And for that I am sincerely sorry.” He paused for a moment and just let them sit in silence. Then he said “So do we talk about the future? Or do we delve deeper into the recent past? Whatever it takes to move us forward, I am willing to do.”

Alex

“I want you to be as comfortable as possible about the Degansa, since that is where our problems started. I know what’s going to happen but you must have questions about a contract like that, don’t you?” She pulled back far enough to look into his light eyes. “If I were in your place, I know I would.”

“I think we need to deal with this before we move forward, Alex. I don’t want you to be surprised by anything else that might compromise us again.”

—Zef

Alex nodded and then took a breath. “If I am being honest… I think had we discussed the Degansa under different circumstances, then my reaction may not have been quite so… visceral. I’m am still angry about the timing of you telling me, but the ritual itself I think I can come to terms with.” He shifted so he could look fully at her.

“So my understanding is that when a Bajeen woman, or is it couples only?, wants children but cannot have them, your people have in place a system that allows for surrogacy. In the case of individuals such as Brom, this also allows for a legally recognized heir. As the couple seeking the child, that party has the ability to contract with one of their choosing to act as surrogate. In exchange, the surrogate is provided whatever is agreed upon in the contract. Now in this specific instance, Brom is providing you and your family with care, compensation, and ‘protection’ for two generations. This is also seen by your people to be a great honor to be asked… and for Brom and Anasera it is even more so because of how you, specifically, are viewed in Bajeen society. The ritual, traditionally, is completed by the man…” and he took a breath and steadied himself, “… and the surrogate having sex and then making sure the woman is fertilized; but Brom has taken the untraditional but still legal approach of using artificial insemination for this ritual, but will be present and touching you skin to skin as that is the legal requirement for the ritual to be done, is that correct? The surrogate carries the child to term, and then she gives the child to the contracted parent or parents and then has no more obligation to the child. Is that a good beginner’s grasp of Bajeen surrogacy? I will say… the Federation database had a few pieces of information on it, but was wholly lacking otherwise.”

Alex

She was surprised. “Actually, you have a good understanding of the events that have and will take place. You realize that the baby will be half me and half Brom? Anasera is completely barren—she has no ovum to fertilize. For that reason, we must always talk about it as if it was already theirs. I can’t allow myself to bond with the infant or it will be impossible to hand it over to someone else. Normally, Brom and Anasera would be present for the birth, but since we’re in the Delta quadrant for the foreseeable future, that might not be possible. If it turns out that’s the case, someone else will need to take the baby and care for it until we can give it to its parents.”

—Zef

Alex nodded and listened intently. “So by your reasoning, we will from this moment on talk about Brom and Anasera’s baby. As for the birth and need for care? I’m sure we can anticipate the birth date and try to make things as convenient for everyone as we can, all right?” and he patted her hand. He looked at her for a moment and then took a breath.

“Zef… I want to know something about your people’s physiology. I ask this because I have met species where something like this can have… permanent… repercussions. So what I am asking is… will you be able to bear other children after this? If you wanted to, that is?”

Alex

That was an interesting question to her. “Yes, there isn’t any reason I can’t have as many children as I’d like. I should warn you though that I think one or two would be enough. Any more than that would require some conversation.” She gave him a small smile. “I’ve never been a surrogate before, Alex, but there’s a chance there will be some depression when its time to hand over their baby.”

She squeezed his hand. “I’m just trying to warn you…and myself.”

—Zef

Alex nodded. “Understandable. The process is sure to create some kind of attachment… that’s how the majority of mammalian species work, anyway. If that does come to pass, I want you to be honest with me about it, okay? We’ll make sure you have whatever resources you need to help.”

He poured another cup of coffee and looked to see if she wanted another of hers.

Zef shook her head at the silent offer.

“So… what about the future, then? After all this… after the Degansa is complete… where do you see you and I at? We both have careers that we are heavily invested in. What happens if one of us gets orders elsewhere? I’m not trying to put you on the spot or anything… I just want to hear what you think our possibilities are.”

Alex

She’d thought about that exact same thing over the last month, many times. “Well, I’m in love with you, so I see us together in my future. With the promotion I just got, the next one for me would be Captain and I’m not anywhere near ready to take that on—I like what I do for a living. It’s very possible that Star Fleet will leave us alone and let us stay here on the Manhattan since we are higher ranking, isn’t it? As long as we don’t rock the boat?”

—Zef

Alex laughed, the first honest one he had had in the past few days. “Oh my love… I gave up years ago trying to anticipate what Command does. So I have no idea. But… as long as we are producing solid results and making headway in our mission… we at least have some say in what happens. And the Manhattan is slated to be on station here for ten years. And we’ve been here less than two. So… I think we at least have some time to figure you and I out.”

Alex

It was good to hear they had a lot of time still. Life was unpredictable and you could only plan it up to a certain point. Then fate stepped in and showed you who was boss, but there wasn’t any way to predict when that might happen. “So, where do YOU see us after the baby comes?” She wasn’t even pregnant yet, but it was still an important question—besides, he’d asked her the same thing.

—Zef

Alex sipped his coffee, a thoughtful expression on his face, and then set the cup aside. He took her hand and set it in his lap, then looked directly at her.

“Zef… I have never been one to give my heart quickly or without thought. I thought about you and I a great deal before I told you how I feel. And during that time, I tried to picture what a future with you would like like. Would we stay together if one of us transferred? Would we ever marry? Have children one day, perhaps? Maybe that’s yet another reason I reacted as I did to the Degansa… perhaps a larger part of me than I thought saw a child from you being half… me. I don’t know…” and he shrugged and looked away a moment and cleared his throat. He squeezed her hand and took a drink of coffee. Looking back, he smiled at her. “Regardless… I do see a future for us… together. But I think we need to really work on our communication going forward. No more Bajeen only Human only matters. If it affects one of us… it effects both of us. If we are going to share a meal, a touch, a look, a room, a bed; then I want to share the entirety of the life that goes with it. I don’t care how small or trivial you think it is… I want to share it with you. And I promise to do the same. How does that sound to you?”

Alex

Zef was nodding. “It sounds good, Alex—its what I wanted to hear.” She let the words he’d spoken sink in to her core. He had thought of having children with her…that one thought did more to comfort her emotionally than anything else he’d said in their many conversations. “I would love to carry your child—our child, in the future. In fact, I believe that thought will help me get through the next eight months more easily than if you hadn’t said anything about it.

He pulled her close and said “Well… practice makes perfect, as they say.” and he chuckled softly.

She cuddled in next to him again and drew a special comfort and strength from the contact. “Oh, Fyk’iri, I was so unhappy when I thought you didn’t want to be with me anymore.”

—Zef

“Zef… I never didn’t want to be with you. I was just very confused and hurt. I’m sorry if I made you think that. No, my love… I really do think that you are stuck with me for the duration.” he leaned his head over and kissed her, and then smiled.

“Damn shame about your purifying, though…” and he smiled.

Alex

She chuckled. “Yes…yes it is. We only have about another ten or eleven days to get through, though. Just think how much we’ll appreciate it by then!” She sat up and leaned forward to get her cup. “I can’t tell you how happy I will be to have this behind me.” And she hoisted the drink to show him what she was referring to. “It is a mixture that encourages fertility in Bajeen women, so it is the main source of nutrition for a week prior to the ritual. “Last night I dreamed about a cup of coffee.”

“A good dream…” he said and took a sip of his, grinning at her.

Zef gave him a lopsided grin. “You wouldn’t think dreaming about coffee could be so satisfying, would you? But it was!”

Returning to her place at his side, she looked up into his eyes. “So…now that your mother and sister hate me…what will you do?”

—Zef

Alex looked at her and said “Yeah… What the hell was that about? My mother talked to you? What did she say? And I really had no idea she was doing that Zef. I promise. And she’s Vulcan… they don’t hate. My sister, on the other hand…” and he laughed.

“I’ll talk to them both, Zef. I promise. Probably much like me, they were reacting to a situation where they didn’t have all the details. So I tell you what… how about you, me, my mother, and my sister all sit down for a dinner? Tomorrow night. Tell me what you can eat and we’ll get that sorted… then we’ll sort out mom and sister. I mean, it could be worse… could be the Admiral.”

Alex

She took in a deep breath and exhaled so her cheeks puffed out. “Hmmm…can’t say I’m going to look forward to that, but I guess its necessary. Would you do me a favor and seat your sister across the table from me. I’d rather endure her dirty looks than a steak knife in my chest.” Her look said I’m just kidding—NOT.

“As far as what I can eat and drink, water, raw fruits and vegetables and hard cheese. Would it be easier if I just brought my own dinner? You can set a place for me and I’ll just fill the plate? Anasera brought enough of the foods from home to feed me for a couple of weeks, so its no problem.”

—Zef