Posted by Lieutenant Faye Calloway (Mission Specialist) in Holodeck 3- A Long Way Down (and Up)

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Zef Rollo (Counselor) in Holodeck 3- A Long Way Down (and Up)

Posted by Shara Calloway (Intel Liason) in Holodeck 3- A Long Way Down (and Up)
Posted by… suppressed (1) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

Faye’s lips went to move, but the words struggled to form. All the while her mouth had gone dry. The facts of the situation were easy but it was the subsequent analysis she feared. What was the preferable result? Was it better to have a clear cut ‘he did a terrible thing’ situation to point to and work to heal that, or was a more complex answer that absolved him to a degree better? Faye didn’t know. But facts- those she could do, so she stuck to them since facts had no feelings after all.

“It was just the once. I left Orion soon after and I never saw him again. And it was… he never hurt me. I agreed to it.” But… but. There was a but, wasn’t there? Her heart was pounding louder and it was making it hard to think. “There was a point here I started to questions what I was doing. I think I would have slept with him eventually quite willingly. But he suggested it and… I think if I had said no he would have respected that. But he added on that he was letting me go. I don’t think he intended it to be an ultimatum, or a condition, but it… felt like one I guess. I think I said yes because I felt there wasn’t really an option to say no.” Faye’s gaze dipped to the picnic blanket.

~Faye Calloway

“Okay, I’m just thinking out loud here, trying to understand your perspective. At one time, you belonged to a man named Kodell who never mistreated you and who showed you occasional kindnesses of a private nature with gifts and personal interest. He developed a true desire for you and asked you to be with him for just one night, because he was going to free you the next day. Am I on track so far?”

Faye simply nodded. That was a very simplified overview but it was still correct.

After Faye’s response, Zef continued. “Now you are becoming emotionally involved with another Orion male who reminds you of Kodell in many ways, and you wonder if his memory is overshadowing what you think you feel for Hammor?”

—Zef

“Yeah,” Faye said quietly. “I hurt Luke and I feel terrible about it, and I know a part of me was trying access feelings I’ve been having that could attach myself to. And I think I used him to try and do it and it wasn’t fair to either of us. I desperately want to understand what is happening between Daggum and myself, but I’m so terrified I’m just using him to… to find that feeling that Kodell inspired in me. “

Her feet sank into the sand as she wandered over towards the cliff. A part of her wanted to march right back to their freestanding wall and throw as many bottles at it as she could. And that would make her feel better for the moment, and she might indeed still do something like that soon, but right now she knew it would put Faye more on edge and that wouldn’t help the situation.

Her mind was screaming at her though and Shara understood that it come from a desire to scream at the Universe. For all the injustice. For all the pain. But the Universe just existed. It just was and had no intention or will. That was what she had always told herself. But she let herself drift to that moment after Faye was given her award, to that beautiful hug of reunion. In it there was so much unsaid that maybe never could be. And maybe that was okay.

And yet, as Faye had weaved her emotionless story, Shara felt it all for her and that was the problem. Being disconnected herself would not help, but she knew she needed to put some boundary between herself and her daughter’s pain or else she couldn’t be there for her the Faye so clearly needed her to be.

And yet… she could imagine the life her daughter had led. The choices Faye had had to make in order to keep going. Hadn’t she made her own impossible ones? She understood. Their experiences were different but she understood.

The imaginary knife in her stomach twisted deeper and while her instinct was to run from that pain, Shara came to stop and stood there, letting herself feel that pain. Acknowledging it just as she had been taught and practiced on a regular practice. *We’ll find our way Baby Girl. I don’t how, but we will.”

With a deep breath of resolve, Shara turned back and made her way slowly back to where Zef and her daughter still sat on the picnic blanket.

~Shara Calloway

Faye watched her mother approach and when Shara gestured with her fingers for Faye to get up, she didn’t hesitate, though her movements were slow. Tired.

Shara wrapped her arms around her daughter tightly, squeezing her eyes shut. “I can’t make it better. I can’t do a damn thing about what all went down but I promise you this, my girl. I am here now and I will be here the best that I can, even if I am physically elsewhere.” She felt Faye almost sag against her and she held her daughter more securely for a moment before she pulled back enough to look into Faye’s eyes. “But…”

There was always a but, this Faye knew, but she somehow didn’t fear whatever condition her mother had.

Shara continued. “I’m wading through my own murky waters and it means that there are times when I have to step back. I can’t hear all the details. I… I don’t think…” Momentarily frustrated by her lack of words, Shara closed her eyes ever so briefly and took a deep breath. “If I get into it too deeply with you, I’m not sure I can surface and support you the way you need. And that’s why I’m glad you have people like Zef, and friends like Captain Cochrane as well. But the rest? Oh Baby Girl, I am all in, in every way. And we’ll figure this out together, okay?”

Tears in her eyes, Faye nodded. “Okay.”

Shara cupped her daughter’s face for a moment and leaned in to place a tender kiss on her forehead. As strong and resilient as Faye truly was, there was a part of her that Shara recognized as being a little girl who needed some parenting. She might have been ripped apart from her family at the worst possible time in Faye’s life, but they could perhaps heal some of that pain together.

Sitting and gesturing for Faye to join her, she took in Zef with a grateful smile. “I’m so glad she has you,” she said sincerely. “And I’m going to let you continue here as you two need to but there was something I wanted to bring up.”

Zef’s smile encompassed the two women. They were making wonderful progress and doing it together.

“What’s that?” Faye asked, her head tilted in curiosity.

“I have a friend who breeds animals for therapy work. I reached out to pick her brain on your situation and she said that you might benefit greatly from having a cat or a dog as an emotional support animal. There are numerous studies that show the mental health benefits of having a pet, and since your position on the ship is seemingly stable, I thought it was an idea worth exploring. I did bring it up with the captain, since he’d have to sign off on it and I didn’t want to get your hopes up if he rejected the idea. But he’s on board with a cat. I think you’d have to convince him more if it were a dog, but knowing you a cat would make sense.” Shara focused on Zef. “If Faye liked the idea, Cochrane wants you to sign off on the idea so that the animal could be given official therapy status and then he doesn’t have to worry about the optics. I’ve done a fair bit of research so I can walk you two through the pros and cons.”

~Faye & Shara Calloway

She took a moment to think about it, but research had shown time and time again how much animals helped humanoids with everything from physical ailments to dispelling loneliness. Since Faye was already working with BPD, Zef saw no reason to deny her the companionship of an animal. “Actually, I’m fine with it if its what Faye wants.”

—Rollo, CNS