Posted by James Sinclair in Faye’s Quarters- Star-Crossed Lovers

Posted by Lieutenant Faye Calloway (Mission Specialist) in Faye’s Quarters- Star-Crossed Lovers

(snip)

The wink didn’t actually make her feel better. In fact, if possible, it made her feel worse. =/\=Well, okay, grab a drink or something and get comfy because there are multiple parts to this story and it’s going to take awhile.=/\=

Downing some more coffee as if it might be hard liquor, Faye began her story. But she started with the bit she had told Alex during their dinner: about life on Tracken, T’Lora and Jaris (her parent’s best friends) and making hasperat and the hard work of their idyllic life. And then came the Treaty and the decision to let the Maquis into their colony. Her mother’s disappearance when she was fifteen. Then she told him something she hadn’t even told Alex, about how her father seemed so desperate to keep her close where he knew where she was that his protectiveness became chafing, but at the same time she was off the colony at times helping him fight with the Maquis. She had no long just been the well -trained child of Maquis parents, she had in fact become a child soldier whose goal was to just stay alive another day to fight for her home. All thoughts of that future that T’Lora had painted and the things she could do with her mind had vanished.

Daggum was listening intently, and he hung on her every word. When she spoke of the home she had, his face changed slightly, as if he felt something that he didn’t quite acknowledge. But when her talk came to the Maquis, his face became concerned.

Then came the Dominion. With Alex she had told much of her stories with a modicum of emotional distance to avoid letting herself get sucked into her memories. But she was in a better place (if only slightly) than before, so she let herself feel all of it, her expression conveying those emotions. She held nothing back from Daggum. As she told the story of the final moments of her colony and the people who had built it with their bare hands, tears streaked down her face. She felt that moment where she became a fundamentally different person because she took her first life directly by killing the Cardassian Gill. Then there was a small moment of safety before her father made her make the promise to leave the life of the Maquis behind, be anything but, to live. And then he walked off to his death.

Daggum’s eyes blurred with tears, but the emeralds burned with fire.

Then they escaped, but only briefly. Attacked by mercenaries, they killed T’Lora and Jaris and her and Cam came face to face with an Orion woman before they were drugged. They woke up in a slave processing centre where they were subsequently sold in a private sale to a wealthy business man of high standing in Orion society who wanted some youthful servants in his household.

His hand gripped the desk’s edge and tears began to well up even more.

Then she took a momentary break to refill her coffee and gather herself.

When she came back and sat, he nodded and just said “It’s ok, Faye. I’m still here… still with you.” softly. It was obvious, though, that tears had fallen from the emerald-like eyes.

Faye took a deep breath, willing his words to be true. He had no idea yet how much they would need to be true very soon.

She told him about life with Kodell and his odd sort of intrigue with her. Cam’s and her fight. Cameron’s escape and her week long bout of dissociation and the foggy existence during that time. Then how things shifted with Kodell’s apology months later in his office slash massive rare books library. Her devouring of any knowledge she could get her hands on and Kodell’s encouragement. The kiss and her fleeing. Avoidance until that fateful night after the dinner where he made her a spy for him without her knowledge. Her turn to kiss him and the understanding that something was happening between them that shouldn’t but she desperately wanted it to. Then came their secret affair where he mentored her, sharing his wealth of knowledge. Third anniversary of the massacre on Tracken and Kodell’s sudden morose mood. His admission of wrongdoing and the sudden declaration that he was setting her free. After she shared his bed just one time. How that night became one of the most beautiful memories and she cherished it, but the next morning, Dez’s violent reaction left her so deeply ashamed. Try as hard as she could, she could never fully grasp that feeling. It was gone, slipped through her fingers. Her safe haven had been taken from her yet again.

Daggum snorted in derision and shook his head as she spoke about Dez.

And then their nearly silent goodbye. The book he gave her that she later had to sell to feed herself. How she left the beautiful gown he gave her behind because it was too impractical but she secretly loved how it made her feel to wear something so lovely.

All these things she told him, but it was the next that mattered, that was the reason he needed to hear that story. =/\=I wanted to stay, Dag. That’s the part that is really hard for me. And though I told this story to Alex and he helped me reframe the whole thing as possibly less… shameful and more beautiful, you and I know what things were like there. That even if Kodell wanted to make me appear equal, his power over me, his simple possession of me, meant that even a yes was coerced. And the part I hate the most about all of this is that I loved the part of him that was so kind and tender and intellectual. And I feel that same connection with you. And it hurts me so much to even have to say to you that you remind me of him. You are so much more than him and you deserve better than that,=/\= she said with a chocked sob. Faye forced herself to look at Dag, despite hating to see what she might see there.

~Faye Calloway

Daggum looked at her… his eyes wide and his mouth hanging open. He looked confused, but not at all angry or hurt. =/\= Faye, I… I… I don’t understand. What connection are you talking about? I mean… I just… Faye, I’m confused. What exactly are you trying to tell me, here? =/\= he asked softly.

Daggum Hammor, Ops Chief, USS Athena

At this, tears slipped down her cheeks and she looked down for a moment. Taking a deep breath, she forced herself to lift her head and meet his gaze. =/\=Because I loved Kodell, Dag. For better or worst. He was my first love. And… earlier I told you about the guy I was sort of casual with. Well, it went badly, just as Alex predicted. He wanted more from me than I could give, more than I stated up front was there to have. I have never had a healthy relationship. It’s not an exaggeration. There was always some unhealthy component to each one. It’s my MO. I either find emotionally unavailable men or they take advantage of me in some way. And I let them. Because I crave that feeling of being loved all the while doubting I can even experience it.=/\= Good Gods woman just spit it out!

=/\=You remind me of Kodell, Dag. But only the best parts of what I had with him. Because… I think I might truly love you, but because of all of this with Kodell, I doubt it all. My feelings especially and I can’t seem to separate it all out. And I’m so sorry for that!=/\= Okay, now she was sobbing. =/\=And I feel terrible for possibly even causing you the remotest amount of pain.=/\= There. It was out.

~Faye Calloway