Posted by Captain Alexander Cochrane (Commanding Officer) in Deck 4 Garden- Perspectives

Posted by Lieutenant Faye Calloway (Mission Specialist) in Deck 4 Garden- Perspectives

Posted by Captain Alexander Cochrane (Commanding Officer) in Deck 4 Garden- Perspectives
Posted by… suppressed (3) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

She swallowed and inhaled deeply. “We… did sort of talk about them. We shared several meals together and in fact he was pulled away during one of them. And it was during one of those that he brought up his experience.” She frowned. “It’s common practice to brand slaves and he has those plus scars from the times he was forced to fight. And I had made an off-hand comment about, and I quote, ‘he chose not to because he didn’t want to mar my skin.’ Unquote. He understood, Alex, even if we never talked more about it again.” She shook her head. “It’s hard to explain, but there’s a knowing you get after you’ve been a slave. You can recognize it in other people. We see each other.”

~Faye Calloway

“Okay. So what about the other question? How do you think he will react when you tell him you were a slave to an Orion? And had feelings for him? You said his experiences were less… ‘pleasant’… than yours. How do you think he will react to that?”

Cochrane

Her hands rested in her lap and she pulled them around her body protectively. Faye looked down. “Knowing Dag? Probably better than I expect. But that’s not exactly a very high bar,” she said, half lifting her head. She could hear her own loathing. “You have to understand that I wasn’t bought as sex slave. My role was well defined. In that society, in the circumstances we were in, Kodell pursuing a relationship with me was taboo. And one of the other Orions in the house made it very clear where I stood. I could have stopped it at any time and Kodell was a good enough man that he would have respected that. But I didn’t.” She looked up at Alex, barely making eye contact. “He was my first, Alex. I loved him for it. And I hated him for it. When I talk to Daggum, those same feelings are all there. And that’s not fair to him. Hell, it’s not fair to anyone who’s tried to have a relationship with me,” she said with a bitter laugh.

~Faye Calloway

Alex looked at her and gave her a soft smile. “Why do you love and hate him for it, Faye? And is it only him you hate? Or do you feel some kind of responsibility for it? Maybe guilt for not saying ‘no’?”

Cochrane

When she fully lifted her gaze to meet his, tears had pooled at the corners. And even as she went to speak her lips trembled slightly. “I gave a part of me away and it’s still there in that house on Orion and I can’t get it back. There’s a hole there I can’t fill.” A tear escaped down her cheek. “I love him for giving me a small measure of joy in what was a truly horrific time of my life and I hate him for making it transactional. And I hate myself most of all for wanting to stay with him, even as he told me to leave” she whispered.

~Faye Calloway

Alex looked out over the garden and sat in silence for a moment. “Faye… you loved him. You gave away part of yourself to someone you loved… and thats ok. It’s actually a good thing, Faye. We should give part of ourselves to those we cherish.” and he looked at her. “And I think you are smart enough to know that it probably wasn’t transactional… at least not in a way that Orions see it.” and he looked back out over the garden, setting his arm across the back of the bench. “The part of you you left there is the part that loves him. And that part always will. Its not a hole you need to fill, Faye. The hole is already filled with your memory of him and the love you shared with him.” and he went silent for a moment before speaking again.

Memory. That terribly difficult thing she hadn’t let herself have for so long out of necessity. How else would she have managed to carry on, to forge some sort of future for herself.

“I’ve dealt with them, Faye… the Syndicates. If he only wanted your body, he would have taken it. There wouldn’t have been a dress or a nice meal or a long time of stolen moments and soft affections before hand. No… he loved you. The problem is that was the only way he knew how to show you. And he was intelligent enough to know that that way wasn’t what you needed… or deserved. I don’t think he was making a transaction with you or anything, Faye.” and he looked at her directly. “He was telling you he loved you in the only way he knew how to. And the part of you that is still there with him? There is part of him here with you. That’s the hardest part of first loves for most of us…” and his eyes clouded as memories rushed unbidden into his mind.”They rarely end well. But…” and he looked at her, although his eyes held a bit of sadness in them, “… they teach us about love and loss. Lessons we have to learn in order to grow and be able to give part of us to someone else again.”

Cochrane

Faye watched her friend and knew he spoke from experience. She might not always be able to read people well, but she did know Alex. Shifting her position, she nestled herself next to him and rested her head against his shoulder. “I think… I think I’m scared I gave too much away to him and there’s nothing left for someone else. I’ve searched for that same feeling and not yet found it. Daggum might be closest, but for obvious reasons things with him are… complicated. So how do you know if you’ve actually found it?”

~Faye Calloway