Posted by Lieutenant Faye Calloway (Mission Specialist) in Holodeck 3- A Long Way Down (and Up)

Posted by Lieutenant Commander Zef Rollo (Counselor) in Holodeck 3- A Long Way Down (and Up)

(snip)

Faye gazed out towards the water, watching the waves roll in and out. “I know,” she said softly. “I didn’t then, or for many years, but it was like once I finally spoke the truth, admitted I had been Maquis, that piece of my story began to fall into place. But it wasn’t until after I escaped the Romulans that I truly allowed everything else associated with that time of my life to actually… exist.”

Shara nodded. The pain of losing Edward had long eased and a part of her had wondered if hearing the details would make it fresh again. But no, it was okay. After all this time it was okay. “So… Jaris and T’Lora got you and Cam to safety?” There were still missing pieces of the puzzle. Questions that needed answers. Faye slowly shook her head and it was like a small shudder swept through her daughter. “When you’re ready,” she said quietly.

A couple minutes passed before Faye spoke again. “We got out of orbit and to warp but we didn’t get all that far. Maybe an hour. But if you knew people were fleeing, you could monitor escape routes. We were attacked by mercenaries and boarded. They killed T’Lora and Jaris. T’Lora had told us to hide in the back.” Faye swallowed. “They were Orions and the next thing Cam and I knew were were at a slave processing centre where we were quickly sold in a private sale to a wealthy Orion business man who wanted a couple servants for his household.” She didn’t dare look at her mother. If she did, she wouldn’t be able to finish the story. “Cam lasted a little while but he tried to escape and they killed him during the attempt. I knew better than to try and… I just did the best I could. It was okay, actually. He was kind to me and though for the first year or so I was doing cleaning or menial labour, it wasn’t so different than our life on Tracken. We all pitched in and did what we had to and so I could at least think of it like that. He never hurt me and much to my surprise seemed to like it when I spoke my mind.”

Shara’s stomach churned and she wanted desperately to flee. But if it was hard for her to listen to the story she could only imagine how it had been for Faye to live through it. A slave! Her whip-smart daughter had been purchased like property! “How did you get away?” she asked. It was the next logical question.

Faye swallowed. “After three years there, he trusted me. We… connected. It’s hard to explain. We understood each other. It would have been easy to simply see him as a monster, but he was trapped within his life just I was. I asked to leave and he let me go.” Of course it wasn’t as simple as that. “We made a bargain and after that I was free to go and live whatever life I wanted to.”

“A bargain?” Shara said incredulously, forcing herself to reign in her anger.

She nodded, but Faye dipped her gazed to the sand. It was one thing to know it in your mind, but it was quite another to have to say the words aloud. “I had just turned nineteen, but because of everything that had happened, I had never been… intimate with anyone before. He was my first.”

Shara’s couldn’t help it. Mouth agape, she stared at Faye. She wanted to hide the horror in her expression but they were here for the truth, not well concealed lies. This was not the time to deny her feelings. And at the same time finally it all made sense. Her daughter’s mental health challenges, the years of pushing back against authority, her constant troubled relationships and terrible choice in partners. It all made so much f***ing sense. And it made her want to scream. She pushed herself to her feet. “I’ll be right back. I just need to take a walk and digest this,” she said as she squeezed Faye’s shoulder. With an abrupt exhale, Shara walked off towards the cliff.

Faye looked over to Zef and raised her eyebrows. “And people think I’m the dramatic one…” It was a flippant comment but there was understanding etched into her features. She and her mother were too much alike for their own good sometimes.

~Faye & Shara Calloway

“Your mother is an extremely capable women, but hearing the things you went through are difficult for her. With you she isn’t a Cmdr—she’s a woman who raised a child the best she could until circumstances pulled you apart. She carries guilt for not being there to protect you from the unspeakable things you went through. You might want to keep that in mind during your future revelations. Even though she had no choice in being apart from you, she still feels culpable for not going against orders to keep you safe.” Zef picked up a stick and began drawing shapes in the sand near her feet.

“I know,” Faye said quietly.

“I think part of you wants to shock her, to make the point that you have endured really difficult situations, but you can be kind about it. Remember, she has also lived through a kind of hell without you.”

—Zef

Faye squeezed her eyes tight. “I’m not trying to hurt her,” she said. When she opened her eyes, Faye looked at Zef seemingly at a loss. “I’ve told a couple people in the loosest terms that I had been…”-even after all this time the words were hard to utter, but not in a emotionally painful way. It was like she couldn’t fundamentally attach the words to her personhood-“a slave. But not the whole story. Not about T’Lora and Jaris being killed trying to get us to safety. Not about Cam trying to escape and being killed. Not about… Kodell and the strange relationship we had.” Faye adjusted her position so she was facing Rollo. “Zef, even as I’m talking to you about this, I can’t feel anything about it. Surface emotions, sure. It’s a bit like when I dissociate, I can’t attach myself to my feelings. But the night I drank and showed up at your door… remember how I told you someone called me? His name is Daggum and he’s our former Chief of Operations, and we connected instantinly on a fundamental level I’ve never experienced before. He’s Orion, Zef. And just like Kodell he’s kind and insightful and gets me. And though they are very different people, there are enough similarities that I think that night for the first time in a very long time I felt something towards those years with Kodell and it was too much to handle. The alcohol was a way to cope but it allowed me to feel something. And Daggum and I are still talking, still exchanging messages and calls. And I don’t know what to think. I don’t know how to trust my own feelings.” As she was talking, her own voice sounded hollow, disconnected. A part of her understood that being separated from the feelings meant she could speak the words of this missing story. But at what cost? Where did she go from here?”

~Faye Calloway

The counselor stopped drawing in the sand when Faye turned to her. “I think I need to more about the relationship you had with Kodell before I can be any help with what’s going on between you and Daggum. You’ve said he was kind and thoughtful in his own way. Did he ever abuse you? When you were intimate, did he force himself on you or was it an agreed upon thing—and did it go on or was it only once?”

It might be easier for Faye to reveal the answers while her mother was far enough away not to hear her answerd.

—Zef