Posted by Lieutenant Faye Calloway (Mission Specialist) in Requiem for a Life

(snip)

Sitting at the edge of the lake, Faye contemplated the interplay of shadow and mooncast light. Something had shifted tonight, like the planet had been knocked ever so slightly off its axis. Strange. Still, she contemplated her future and the breadth of possibilities. Somehow she knew Cam wouldn’t go with her and that was okay. He was her best friend. She had known him her entire life but that didn’t mean they were destined to walk the rest of their lives together. Her mind actively calculated the odds of this and that and slipped into daydreams (or evening dreams as it were), and Faye felt her gaze drawn upwards. The stars felt so close she could all but touch them, hold them. They spoke to her in her dreams and it was out there she knew where her destiny lay. Tracken would launch her but it would not be the place for her. And that was okay.

It would not be the last time Faye suddenly ‘came to’, but when the fogginess finally cleared, it was Linella’s voice she heard outside her door. Boy was the Trill woman angry! But who else was there?

“You will not go in there. You’ve done enough damage!”

“You’re pushing your luck too far, Linella.” Dez, the Master of the House- Faye could tell. She shuddered slightly.

“Bite me, Dez. What are you going to do, kill me? There would be people who objected to that and you’d be worse off than you are now. It’s an empty threat and you know it.”

“I’m trying to help her.” It was Kodell. “I’m worried about her.”

Faye pushed herself to a sitting position, drawing the blanket around her. Things were still hazy but she vaguely remembered that Kodell had been there at some point after
Cam had died. Was it him who pulled her away from Cam’s body?

“Help her? You could have stopped them from killing the boy. That’s on you Kodell. Don’t pretend you’re all good intentions all of a sudden. The girl has been through hell. We’ve all heard the rumours about the Dominion. We all knew it would be a disaster when the Cardassians made their little alliance with them. Did you ask her how long those she cared about had been dead before you whisked her away here? Idiots, both of you,” Linella said. She was always so lighthearted that it was strange to hear her so angry, and on Faye’s behalf too!

Silence seemed to follow.

Slipping off her bed, Faye padded to the door, took a breath and opened it. The trio turned to look at her.

“Faye,” Kodell said softly, seemingly relieved to see her.

Linella put her arm out to stop either of the two men from trying to enter. “I’ve got this,” she said firmly.

Faye was so certain there would be some sort of terrible confrontation that she shrank back slightly. But when it didn’t come and Kodell and Dez simply left, she just stared at Linella in disbelief.

With a warm smile, Linella simply rested a hand on her shoulder. “Come on my dear, let’s go do something about that hair, shall we? It’s looking a bit like a nest.”

Given the absurdity of everything that had gone on, Faye surprised herself by abruptly laughing. It was something of a bark of laughter, but it was no less effective than a long drawn out bout. A small moment of respite.

Over the next few months Faye accepted that Cam had made his decision and she had made hers. She missed him and it hurt, but there was nothing she could do but throw herself into her work and carry on. Her promise to her father still echoed in her mind. I’m trying, Dad. I’m trying.

Linella began to have Faye help more and more in the kitchen, though Faye still offered to dust the third floor bookshelves. She couldn’t help but be drawn to the books.

“Faye,” Dez called up the stairs when she was dusting.

She leaned over the rail. “Yes?”

“Kodell wants to see you in his office.”

Faye froze. Not only had she not interacted with him one-on-one in ages, Linella had gone out of her way to keep her away from him. She wasn’t sure why, but at the same time she was grateful for the space. There was an intensity to Kodell’s worry that she hadn’t been able to deal with then. Now it was a bit different. Still, she had never been in that second floor space. It was off-limits. So when she went down there she had to admit she was immensely curious. Faye knocked on the door and heard him say it was open.

Stepping into that room had been like stepping into some sort of holonovel (not that she had ever been on a holodeck before). Two floors high, the office was not just an office- it was a library with nearly floor to ceilings bookcases interrupted with walkways and staircases. Much of it was lit with sweeping windows, selectively positioned. Mouth agape, she forced herself to look for Kodell amongst all the books.

He was hidden in plain sight, the large wooden desk nestled next to a corner bookcase. He grinned at her. “You should see your face.”

Faye forced herself to breathe and focus. “How many books are in here? There must be thousands!”

“Something like that. I’ve lost count.”

That just made her stare harder and she shook her head. “You asked to see me?” Time to remember why she was here.

Kodell nodded as he got up from the desk and gestured for her to follow him. Falling almost in stride but a half step back, Faye didn’t argue. Kodell sighed. “I haven’t been fair to you, and I’m sorry. And I’m sorry about Cameron. Truly.” He stopped and turned back to look at her. Faye could see the remorse deeply etched into his features. He could be lying to her but she found herself believing him. Faye nodded. “I can’t change circumstances or the past. They are what they are, but the thing people miss about Orion society sometimes is that they think we don’t care about those who we are fortunate to have working in our households. That couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, having staff at all is a sign of status, and it’s more important that they are well cared for and enjoy their work. I don’t expect anyone else to understand or even agree, but I hope you can believe that I do want you to be okay.”

“Why?” she blurted out. That was the wrong question. “What is it that you want?” Kodell began to walk up the curved staircase and Faye instinctively followed.

“I respect you Faye, strange as that may seem. When you questioned me so boldly at the processing centre, I was admittedly intrigued, but ever since you’ve been here I think I am understanding something about you that makes that intrigue make sense.” He looked over his shoulder, the light gleaming slightly off his bald green head as he smiled at her.

Faye stepped up to be on the same stair as him. Once again she mused at how short he was compared to most Orions. She was nearly as tall as he was and she was almost seventeen! Though as she had gleaned so far, he was about nine or ten years older than her. “Oh, please, enlighten me,” she said dryly. It was strange to feel on the same level as this man, and seemingly she was. Faye no longer feared reprisal for speaking her mind, so instead, she let down her guard just a little and let herself be… her.

“We’re in the same dilemma. We both are stuck in lives that were forced on us. We are capable of so much else, so much more and yet it is how it is and there’s very little we could do about it.”

Though his voice was quiet, it was so emotive! Faye took him in keenly. She had been able to see the layer of pain in his eyes. He didn’t want this life? What did that mean? Exactly what part? It looked pretty good for him from her perspective. But that assumed a lot. “Well, from where I’m standing it seems like you have a lot of power in this situation. It seems to me you could use it… differently, if you chose to.”

It was almost as if he was saddened. “Mine is a very prominent family. There are certain expectations I must uphold. I could abandon them all to pursue my own desires but that would be a rather selfish way to go about life. Don’t you think?”

Faye couldn’t entirely disagree. If there was one thing deeply ingrained in her it was a sense of responsibility to one’s community. For better or worse, this household was just that. “Yeah.”

Kodell continued up the stairs. “You’re capable of many things. We both know that. I’ve seen it and Linella also has spoken of it on more than one occasion. So… if you like, I’d like to test some of your aptitudes and see that you are learning in different areas. You’re still young and I assume you were previously doing schooling. You can continue some of that. I don’t like having ignorant people working in my house.” He tossed her a mischievous look over his shoulder. “Makes for poor conversation.”

Oh that look! It seemed to hold multiple layers but Faye had never been particularly adept at reading between the lines too far. A little, yes, but sometimes she struggled to gather the meaning in the nuance people tossed her. Kodell, however, seemed far more open even as he was clearly very private. What a strange man. He was something of a puzzle and it was hard to distract her mind from wanting to figure him out. “A terrible waste,” she agreed as she reached the top of the stairs with him. “But sure, I’m not opposed to some aptitude testing. I think you’ll find I’ll surprise you more than you’re expecting.”

Kodell turned to gaze at her again, smiling deeply. “I highly suspect you’re correct, Faye.” For a moment they just looked at each other and it was Kodell who turned away and gestured to the expanse of books on the upper mezzanine level. “Once a week you’ll be allowed to visit the library. You may pick one or two books to be borrowed with great discretion and care. Some of these are first editions of books that were printed on their worlds hundreds of years ago. The most valuable of course are in climate controlled areas and are off limits.”

“You keep the temp and humidity in here perfect, and though there are large windows it’s on the shady side of the house and none of them allow sunbeams directly on the books due to a clever reflection system you have going. Keeps the large room comfortable to be in rather than like a large dungeon,” she said. “You also use bookends and store them upright snugly but not cramped to protect the spines.”

Kodell chuckled as he beamed at her. “You have great powers of observation, and as I suspected earlier, memory too.”

“Drives people nuts sometimes.”

“I bet,” Kodell said softly.

Faye frowned as she took him in, one part of the puzzle not making full sense. “Why?”

Kodell seemed surprised by the question. Perhaps it was because he was thrown by it, but as Faye watched him it was that he actually did understand what she was asking why about and it bothered him. Regardless, he closed the space between and gazed into her stormy grey-green eyes. “I don’t want you to feel the need to… leave,” he said quietly. “Maybe I’m a fool, and I certainly have no special powers of prescience, Faye, but from what I do know, you’ve had a rough time this last year. Perhaps longer. I likely made a mistake in bringing you here, but look me in the eyes and tell me you think you’d be better off elsewhere? Ardella would have sold you off to someone. I’ve known her for a long time and she understands me quite well. I think she saw something in you and Cameron that I could appreciate and empathize with. She was correct. I… messed it all up with Cameron. I don’t want to make that same mistake with you.”

The words sat on her lips. And if I wanted to go? But somehow Faye knew he’d say something akin to letting her free if she truly wished to. And for that exact reason, because she somehow knew he would, she couldn’t ask. Which was madness! But Faye understood even in that bizarre moment that right now she was still reeling from the massacre of her home, the loss of so many people. Ever since her mother had gone missing the year before she had felt like her life was a ticking time bomb. It went off the day the Dominion arrived and had been going off in small explosions ever since. Right now, she needed to metaphorically hunker down and regroup. And for the moment, as strange as it seemed, life with Kodell was safe. She had food and a roof over her head. Protection. And now, as it appeared, purpose and a chance for exploration. She was sixteen, nearly seventeen. Yes, she could take care of herself if she needed to, but Faye knew damn well that she didn’t want to. Not just yet. How there was comfort to be found in what Cameron had so aptly called their gilded prison Faye didn’t fully understand. She only knew there was some here, and right now that was what she needed most. Gazing at Kodell, she nodded. “I believe you.”

Tick.
Tick.
Boom.

{To be continued…}

~Faye Calloway