Posted by Lieutenant Faye Calloway (Mission Specialist) in Side Sim: Friends and good food -what else does one need?

Posted by Lieutenant Kiama Naim (Chief Science Officer) in Side Sim: Friends and good food -what else does one need?

Posted by Lieutenant Faye Calloway (Mission Specialist) in Side Sim: Friends and good food -what else does one need?
Posted by… suppressed (4) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

“That was my thought,” Faye said. “I mean I am terrible with relationships so I figured I’d try something a little different,” she added with a shrug.

With her eyebrows pulled slightly together, Kiama looked closely at Faye and asked, “Why do you think that?”

Faye shook her head and laughed a little. “Oh… I don’t know that you want to go down that rabbit hole, but lets just say that I don’t have good relationships. Like… ever.” She tapped her head with a couple fingers. “I have Borderline Personality Disorder and it can make relationships of all kinds more tricky and complicated for me to navigate. I mean, it’s a lot better now but it’s still a struggle. And that includes friendships, so fair warning,” she said with a smirk.

“I can handle complicated,” Kiama replied sincerely and with a tender smile playing across her face. “Thank you you for the warning though. And please know that no matter what, my door is always open for you.”

“So this bad at following advice. Is this a past tense or present tense issue?” Faye asked curiously.

~Faye Calloway

“Both,” Kiama laughed humourlessly. “Definitely both.” She shook her head and sighed ever so softly before drinking a generous mouthful of the rosé.

~Lt. Naim, CSO

Faye took a sip of her synth wine and peered at Kiama. “Okay, now you really have to explain that.”

~Faye Calloway

“Where do I even begin?” Kiama asked with a laugh and sigh. She drank another sip of the synth wine and pondered silently. Putting the glass back down she said, “Growing up everything always needed to be perfect and in proper order in our house. And everyone had to behave they way it was expected of them. I often didn’t and yet here I am 32 years old and still doing what is expected of me almost all the time. Even when nobody sees me. There are a number of things that are a big no-no for my mother. Being with someone just to have some fun, no strings attached and not thinking that they might be the one to marry, is pretty much on the top of that list for her.” Shaking her head, Kiama took a deep breath, uncertain whether she wanted to laugh or to cry right now. “Since moving out I’ve dated a few people and sometimes it actually went further than a first date, but for the life of me Ican’t get my mother’s voice out of my head. And who wants to be with someone who feels … uncomfortable in a relationship? And it’s not only like that with relationships. Doing something just for one’s own enjoyment … she doesn’t like that either. Maybe that’s in part why I never stuck with any of the things I tried to do in my spare time? Either way trying to just be … feels almost impossible.” With her elbow resting on the table. Kiama placed her hand over her eyes and laughed wearily.

~Lt. Naim, CSO

Faye gave her friend a sympathetic smile. “I know. It’s like a battle you feel you’re fighting but you don’t even know how to fight. And outside of therapy, which I’m a big fan of, I can give you a tip based on my experience of having to work through really complicated stuff in my life?” She was leaving it an an open invitation. She didn’t want to tell Kiama what she should do, but Faye had had more than a few years of doing the hard personal work and was happy to share things that might work.

~Faye Calloway

“I know therapy is helpful and I will consider it. At the same time I’m open for any tip you have,” Kiama said softly, feeling suddenly very exhausted. Taking a sip of water, she toyed a little with her fork in her food; lost in her own mind. “I know I can’t let her always get to me like that and let her still dictate how I live my life,” she added in an even softer whisper.

~Lt. Naim, CSO

Faye nodded slowly. “I hear you. I have people whose voices are too strong and I wish they weren’t in my head too. Which is why I really actually enjoy the journalling portion of my therapy. I learned years ago when I spent time at a treatment centre when things got really bad and it was when I was first diagnosed,” Faye said openly, the shame of that time mostly since faded. “And one of the things they get you to do is to just write pages. Just sit and write, on actual paper, though you can use your personal log for this too, but you just start with prompts of things you know you need to deal with. So it could be something like ‘My mother makes me feel’, or ‘I hate it when people dot dot dot’, or ‘I’m feeling’, ‘I’m scared of’. And they don’t have to be negative either. You can prompt about things you’re proud of, things you love about yourself. But the point is that you start with the prompt and try not to filter what you write and you just let it all go until you feel done for the time being. And I promise you if you read over it, you’ll learn so much about yourself and it also helps to take the… sting… out of these harder things.” She shrugged. “Well, sometimes. But admission is the first step in anything, right?”

~Faye Calloway

Kiama listened carefully, nodding here and there. Journalling definitely sounded like something that she might enjoy as well and that might do her some good. “I like the idea for writing on actual paper with a a real pen,” she said with smile and soft laugh. “One question though: What do you do with the things you wrote down? Just leave it like that in the notebook? Do you analyse it? Talk with someone about what you wrote down?” The food in front of her forgotten for the moment, Kiama leaned forward, arms crossed on the table. Her expression full of curiosity and … was there a shimmer of hope in her black eyes?

~Lt. Naim, CSO