Posted by Lieutenant Luke Wyatt (Chief of Security) in Deck 4 Garden- Sowing Seeds

Posted by Lieutenant Faye Calloway (Mission Specialist) in Deck 4 Garden- Sowing Seeds

Posted by Lieutenant Luke Wyatt (Chief of Security) in Deck 4 Garden- Sowing Seeds

(snip)

He paused whipping a bead of sweat from his eyebrow before resting on the shovels handle, “Afraid? I wasn’t until you asked me that question.” He smiled trying to lighten the mood but soon realised she was serious, “I was never afraid of you, intimidated maybe but that’s only because you’re so strong and capable. I’m not anymore and im certainly not afraid of you. What I am afraid of though is saying the wrong thing, I’m constantly thinking about how to say something because I care more than I probably should do about what you think of me. Sometimes it would be easier if I knew what you were thinking.” Luke figured now was not the time for being dishonest and reinforcing false images.

• Luke Wyatt

“Maybe not,” she said, her expression lightening for a brief moment. “I know what’s in my head and it’s certainly not easier for me.”

Faye gazed at him for a long moment. “I’m afraid of you,” she said quietly. “I’m afraid that you’re just a another pattern I’m repeating but I can’t see it. I’m afraid that I’ve just survived something amazing and I for the first time I’m letting myself feel things but that the feelings are all so much and it might swallow me whole. I’m afraid to let this life I’m living now on the Manhattan be all it can because I’m waiting for the other show to drop and something else bad to happen, because it always does.” Her words were speeding up and she could feel tears in her eyes. “I’m afraid because I think you’re dangerous to me and I can’t decide if that has to do with what happened when I was on the run, or just that you can provoke such a mix of feelings from me. I’m afraid I’m just going to use you and hurt you.” Faye paused only briefly to shake her head. “Dammit Luke, you’ve been married and had a kid. I’ve never had one single healthy relationship in my entire life. I don’t know what it looks like. I only have the memories of my parents together before everything went to hell. And my fear of you is not a small one. And I don’t know what to do about it.”

~Faye Calloway

Her words stung, he thought he’d been doing so well but it turns out he hadn’t. It was his turn to look away anywhere but at her face, the shovel the wall, his feet. “Please don’t be afraid of the things I done, I was not being myself and I’m doing everything never to be that person again. He’s ugly and dangerous and I’m not him if I was I wouldn’t want you anywhere near me.” Luke himself was feeling a mix of emotions now, hurt, sorrow, anger and pain. Was it because he had been married that she didn’t want the commitment or was he just so terribly broken no one could or would want to give him a chance.

“I’m a grown man and I can see when people are using me or not, and if that’s what this ends up being, fine. I’d rather have fake moments of happiness than a lifetime of sorrow, I lost everything when my wife died and I cut myself off from the world. I made mistakes and our relationship wasn’t easy, no relationship should be easy that’s the reality of it. I can’t and won’t make a decision for you but I know how I feel about what’s happening here.”

Her heart was thudding in her chest and echoed in her ears. He stopped talking but she wanted to understand what he thought was happening here.

He sighed groaning in frustration and let the shovel fall to the floor. “This was bad idea coming here doing this. I knew I had feelings for you. You said you wanted casual, I should have respected that.” He looked for an exit. “Maybe you’re right, maybe you should be afraid of me.” He turned away, maybe this is what she wanted rom the start, for him to be the one to walk away from whatever was starting between them. ” I’m sorry that it’s me you’re afraid of” he knew he didn’t want to walk away, he wanted to scoop her up and promise her everything would be amazing but he’d be lying and the last thing he’d want to do is lie to her, making promises he couldn’t keep. He wished she’d just see that but why should he fight for something that would likely not be reciprocated.

• Luke Wyatt

She sighed. “Luke, wait.”

Faye shook her head. “Fear isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It’s keeps us alive. It’s kept me alive, more times than I can count. That I can articulate these things to you is huge. Do you even see that? I never would have bothered before. I would have considered it a waste of time. But I stayed here and spoke to you. Same as that night on The Hill. I could have just kept going and never given it a chance, but I didn’t. So many things have changed for me. I’ve changed. And I’m just starting to figure that out. And it’s damn scary. I feel like I’m on the precipice of good things but it could go either way. But… I have a lot of good people looking out for me. More than I ever thought was possible. I’m not saying I’m afraid of you to push you away! I’m just voicing the things that get muddled in my head so they can’t hurt me. Hurt us. They can’t hold the same kind of power spoken aloud.”

~Faye Calloway