Posted by Commander Shara Calloway (Executive Officer) in Deck 6 - Captain’s Dining Room

Posted by Captain Sara Kiernan (Commanding Officer) in Deck 6 - Captain’s Dining Room

Posted by Commander Shara Calloway (Executive Officer) in Deck 6 - Captain’s Dining Room
Posted by… suppressed (2) by the Post Ghost! 👻

(snip)

“Maybe you did,” Shara said gently. “But so what? We all make mistakes, make choices that in the long run turn out to be crappy. It’s part of life and growing, Sara. Maybe, instead of worrying about what you missed back then, focus on what you’ve learned, what you’ve gained. Because at the end of the day, we are all a product of our experiences. If you hadn’t had that experience with Nessa, would you be here the captain of the Asimov now? Maybe, but also maybe not.”

~Shara Calloway, XO

“When she got arrested, I became very career-oriented.” She shrugged. “I probably wouldn’t have made it this far if I hadn’t disregarded my life off-duty. But now I’ve been in command for a few years, having an actual life doesn’t sound bad. Just not sure where to start.”

-CO

Shara smiled and let out a soft chuckle. “I swear I said the exact same words not all that long ago. I can’t say what is the right path from you, but from my experience, start small. You tried to let someone in and it didn’t work out. That’s hard, but it’s also okay. It takes time for people like us to find out footing when we’re embarking on an adjusted path. Start small. Maybe get to know more of the crew. You’ll figure it out.” Shara grinned. “And in the meantime, I’m happy to have more meals and conversations like this. Anytime, Sara. I mean that.” And she did. Shara wasn’t the best at being a friend, but she was trying and learning.

~Shara Calloway, XO

“Thank you, Shara.” Sara smiled to her XO. “I appreciate your help.” She resumed her seat. She knew she had turned to the right person. Shara was the best possible person to help her figure this out. Then she sat with Shara and started eating her meal again.

-CO

Shara ate a couple bites more, allowing the silence to be comfortable. “You know, for all my years, I still feel like I’m stumbling along. Sure, I had the career part down, but everything else?” She blew out a breath that was half a snort. “And when Faye and I had our reunion, I had all my flaws laid bare. As did she. I feel like I’ve gone through something of a multiple stage reckoning. And I think our last mission wasn’t even the worst one, if that’s even possible. It was just the reminder that I’m not who I was before and I can’t just shrug stuff off the way I used to. Because I didn’t really shrug it off, I just buried it deep and so much of it has been yanked to eh surface in recent years. Mostly against my will. The rest? I think I’ve had to surrender and let it happen. I think it’s still happening too, it’s just… smaller.”

~Shara Calloway, XO

Sara stared down into her dinner. “Yeah. I took it all in intellectually, but… why examine anything or try to heal the wounds of the past?” Her eyes flitted back up to the XO. “Well, I guess you know where that goes.”

-CO

Shara snorted. “Oh, I do. I suppose I had the issue forced, in part, because of my Intelligence training. The mental training is rigorous and you absolutely have to go through therapy in some form in order to be aware of your triggers so that you can effectively turn them off. Especially for the covert mission training, you can’t risk having accessible buttons to push.”

“But on the other hand I got real good at keeping everything tucked away, including the things I had never shared before.” Shara folded her arms on the table, breathing deeply into her torso. “That mission where I had to get Faye out tore open everything, and I’ve never been able to put everything back. That’s a good thing in many ways, but I sometimes miss being able to truly compartmentalize.”

~Shara Calloway, XO

“Doesn’t it always come back for you though? When you compartmentalize?” Sara couldn’t help but chuckle at herself, pretending as though she knew anything about these things. “Doesn’t it come spilling out one way or another no matter what?”

-CO