Posted by Captain Sara Kiernan (Commanding Officer) in Life in the Captain’s Chair [Closed]

Posted by Captain Sara Kiernan (Commanding Officer) in Life in the Captain’s Chair [Closed]

Posted by Captain Sara Kiernan (Commanding Officer) in Life in the Captain’s Chair [Closed]
Posted by… suppressed (3) by the Post Ghost! 👻
Sara loved her job. She was a proud Starfleet officer, and a proud ship captain. But her job drained her energy just by its very nature. It had been a tired kind of day. She got home to her quarters and traded her uniform for leggings and a Starfleet Academy sweatshirt. She had big plans with a couch and a novel. Instead of that, she heard an incoming transmission. She sat down at her desk, sighed, put her best Diplomatic Captain expression on and accepted the call.

“At ease Captain.” The screen held an image of her family. Her father, mother, and brother were all smiling at her.
“I outrank you, dad.” Sara relaxed and smiled.
“You can pull rank all you want. Parent still wins”
“I wasn’t expecting to hear from you guys today.”
Her mom chimed in. “We haven’t talked to you in almost three months. And since Jared is here on leave, it seemed like a good time.”
Sara straightened up and put on a mock command persona “You’re on leave, Lieutenant Kiernan?”
“Yes ma’am.” He responded, trying to stay completely sincere.
“Giving your family trouble?”
“That’s the plan, Captain.”
“As you were, Lieutenant.” Sara’s face cracked into a smile and her posture relaxed again. Her younger brother had the same smile spreading across his face.
“Good to see you, Sara.”
“You too.”
“Big chair fitting you okay?” Her father asked. Commander Philip Kiernan held a position as an engineering instructor at Starfleet Academy, and had given up on ‘the big chair’ in signing up for that to have a stable, safe life for his family.
“Like I was born for it.”
“You were. Prime officer in the making your whole life.”
Jared acted upset. “What about me?”
“You’ll be a fine Captain someday too.”
“Can you all talk shop some other time?” Sara’s mother, Charlotte, was the only one in the immediate family with no time in Starfleet. She was accomplished in her own field, working for the Federation Council as a senior aide to one of the Council members. Her work was important, but she felt on the outside of her own family. Phillip, Sara, and Jared all apologized with smiles and tried to shift the topic.
“It’s been a while since we all sat down together like this.” Sara said, not knowing the door she had opened.
“Why didn’t you call us, sweetie?”
“What do you mean, mom?” Sara knew what she meant.
“You came back from- we thought something awful had happened. And you came back and…”
“We’ve talked since then.”
“But you haven’t told us anything that happened. You didn’t call when you came back, we called you.”
“I couldn’t tell you anything. I can’t tell you anything. All charges were groundless and dropped from record. The whole crew were presented with Tri-Star Cluster medals for their service. That is the limit of what I can tell anyone.”
“Why couldn’t you call and tell us that then?”
“Because I wouldn’t have had the restraint to keep to that answer. I would’ve spilled my guts. About everything. So it was better for all of us if I kept my mouth shut.”
“How noble.” Jared suddenly spat out.
“Jared-“
“You don’t get to decide what’s best for everyone.”
“In this case, yeah, I do.”
“Why?”
Sara’s eyes went cold and she became her CO self. “There is no information I can give you.”
“Why?” Jared pressed.
“There is no answer I can give.”
“Don’t go all ‘Commanding Officer’ on me- on us.”
“You keep pushing where there’s no information for you. What should matter to you-“ the mask cracked “What should matter to you is that I’m here. I’m alive. I’m the person you thought I was. There’s always going to be a part of my life I can’t talk about. I can’t change that now.”

Everything went silent.

“Sara?” Her dad spoke up after a minute.
“Yeah?”
“We all love you. That’s why we’ve been so worried.”
“I love you guys too.”

They talked a while longer, but the air is never clear right after the fight. It wasn’t quite comfortable, it wasn’t what she wanted time with her family to be. They all signed off and she saluted her father and brother, as had become customary. They saluted back and the screen went dark. She moved back toward the couch but the novel she had made her plans with seemed deeply unappealing. She slipped on some running shoes and went down to 6 forward.

-To Be Continued-

-Sara

Sara made her presence as small as possible going into the lounge. She avoided the gazes of officers she knew would recognize her and sat at the bar. The bartender walked over. “Don’t see you often.” He quipped.
Sara offered a weak smile. “I don’t want to dampen the crew’s off time.” Someone sat down next to Sara.
“What can I get you while you’re here then, mysterious stranger?” The bartender protected Sara a little.
“Earth classic. A Negroni.”
“You have good taste.” The woman next to her remarked.
“Thank you.” Sara turned and met the deep, brown eyes of her companion. She saw the young woman’s features flood with fear as she recognized the ship’s Captain.
“I apologize for speaking out of turn, ma’am.”
Sara laughed. “We’re off-duty. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Thank you ma’am.”
“You want to know something funny about being Captain of your own ship?” The young woman nodded she did. “You don’t get to be a member of the crew anymore.”
“What do you mean?”
“People look to you for what to do when things go wrong. The crew needs you to be ready with answers, with a plan, with steadiness. You don’t really get to be the woman who’s just having a bad day.”
“Is that why you’re here ma’am?”
“Save the ma’am for when we’re in uniform.”
“Yes ma’am.”
“I think I remember seeing you during a walkthrough of Engineering.”
“Yes ma’am. Petty Officer Maria Vargas.” She looked terrified to introduce herself.
“Good to meet you.”
“You too, Captain.” Maria started to leave, but stopped. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Shoot.”
“What’s the officer track side of the Academy like?”

-2383-
An Admiral surveyed the new class of cadets. He paced back and forth, looking over and appraising all of them. “Welcome to Starfleet Academy, Cadets. This is a place where you will be challenged to meet the highest standard to be the next class of officers in Starfleet. If you cannot meet that standard, you will not graduate. But if you can, you will leave here already accomplished and holding a rank with no limit to how high you can rise.” Someone went through the class, pinning rank pips to them that marked them as first year cadets. The Admiral concluded. “Welcome to the hardest thing you have ever done. You wouldn’t be here if we didn’t believe you’re up for the challenge.”

Deep in her second semester, Sara was buried in her studies. She had set her mind to doing well enough to get a good assignment. She didn’t understand that how she did on her calculus II midterm had almost no bearing on that. Her roommate was staring at technical manuals for fighter pilots. Kara was focused. She knew where her passion was and she was chasing it. She didn’t want to sit at the helm of a giant ship, she wanted to fly small craft. Their interests couldn’t have been more different, but they bonded over their passion for what they did and how deeply they wanted to do it well.

-2400-
“The Academy is brutal. They don’t let up for a second, academically or on readiness training. But that keeps you close with the other Cadets. I’m still friends with some of the people I graduated with.”
“Enlisted training is a lot shorter but it’s intense.”
“Being in Starfleet is intense.”
“Yes ma’am.”
“Why do you want to know about the Academy?”
Maria looked embarrassed. “I did well on the other parts of the exam but I don’t do sit-down knowledge tests well. So they said I wasn’t academically ready. I settled for enlisting.”
“Enlisted personnel are the backbone of everything we do.”
Maria rolled her eyes like she’d heard that a thousand times. “And officers treat us like shit. Like shit they just stepped in.”
“Who?” Sara was ready to end someone’s career.
“Ma’am-“ she was suddenly afraid.
“I won’t tolerate mistreatment of any member of my crew.”
“Captain please. Don’t do anything. I don’t want to be the one who went whining to the Captain. It won’t solve anything. I’ll just be a snitch nobody trusts.”
Sara hated it. But she nodded her agreement. “If I hear anything from the Chief Engineer or another staff member-“
“Then you can handle anything any way you want. You are the Captain.” Maria tried to laugh it off. Sara didn’t laugh. Maria shifted gears. “I thought for sure you’d bring up field promotions when I talked about enlisting.”
“No. About ten years ago, I was assigned as Chief Science Officer on the USS Dunkirk. The best scientist on my team? Senior Chief Petty Officer Oresav Th’thaarran. He had 15 years experience on me and we both knew it. He’d never gone through the officer training even though his performance well merited it. He was doing the hard work. And he was good at it. He was crucial to running my department. And I learned very quickly to never take my enlisted staff for granted.”
They were quiet for a while.
“I guess your bad day hasn’t gotten much better.”
“Eh, you brought back some fond memories. I appreciate it.”
“You’ve really been in long enough your first Department Head job was ten years ago?”
“Thanks for pointing that out.” Sara laughed. “I signed up as soon as I could.”
“Me too.”
“How long?”
“A year and a half.” Maria suddenly looked shy.
“God you’re young.”
“Sorry ma’am.”

They laughed and chatted the evening away.

-To Be Continued-

-Sara

Sara sat at home in her quarters, and a wash of nostalgia overcame her. In her oversized Starfleet Academy sweatshirt, she sat with her old photos. She saw her friends and family at her graduation. She saw Nessa.

-2386-
First day of fourth year. Sara had been up all night, looking over her class assignments and roommate profile. Kara had gone to stay in a dorm with other pilots from her flight team. Sara was proud of her friend as much as she missed her. Her roommate arrived early, just like she did.
“Hi! Are you in 2112?”
“Yeah.” The door yielded for them.
“Hi! I’m Nessa.”
“I’m Sara.” They chatted casually as they hauled their things in.
As the last box was tucked away, Nessa said “Welcome to senior year!”
There was a party that night and they went together. It was a sea of twenty-somethings enjoying one night of complete freedom.

In mid-November, Nessa came home waving a PaDD overhead. “It’s out!”
Sara looked up from her desk. “What’s out?”
“The Cadet Cruise assignments.”
“What’d you get?” Sara took the PaDD and searched her own name.
“USS Endeavour. Same as you.” Nessa had a coy smile on her face. The duo went out to celebrate. More and more Cadets filled into the bar and more ad more glasses of synthehol champagne were consumed. Fraternization regulations be damned, Sara and Nessa started dating.

-2387-
Making an entry level family petition for shared assignment was easier if the officers were married or engaged. Sara proposed out of love, but it helped them stay together. They kept the relationship going, happily.

-2389-
Sara was sitting in the counselor’s office. “I’m terribly sorry to hear about this.”
“I- I thought Starfleet vetted applicants.”
“We do.”
“So how does someone lie to administration at the Academy and Fleet level for six years?”
“She put together-“
“How does she do that to me?”
“I don’t have a good answer for you.”
“Nobody does.”

-2400-
She sat in her quarters, looking at old photos, and regretting it.

-To Be Continued-

-Sara

“Are you sure?” The security officer asked.
“I’m sure.” Sara nodded. “Bring her in.”
“Yes ma’am.”

Sara sat in a blank room, across from an empty chair. The door opened and Sara’s past was led in. She was secured into the chair across from Sara. They sat, perfect strangers who had almost been married. They sat in silence. They sat and examined each other, looking for any part of the person they had once shared a life with.
“It’s been a long time.” Nessa cut through the tense air. “I was a little surprised you didn’t come to my trial.”
“I didn’t want to hear it all again. And the prosecutor thought he could put you away without my testimony.”
“You were going to testify?”
“If I needed to.”
“It might have helped me out.”
“Then I’m glad I didn’t.”
“So why are you here now?”
“I made a mistake.”
“What’s that?” Nessa smiled like she had some upper hand.
“I remembered the you that I thought you were. Looked at the old pictures.”
“And you miss me now?”
“Not you, no. And I guess that’s why I’m here. A reminder.”
“It’s been eleven years and you’re still hung up.”
“I’ve never understood it to begin with.” Sara pinched the bridge of her nose. “There are always spies,” she looked at the familiar stranger across from her. “You’re something else entirely though.”
“Is that so?”
“On my last assignment I worked with an Intelligence Operative. No connections, no life, it took a couple months for me to even learn his name. You came to the Academy to infiltrate Starfleet and gather information. Why build a life?”
“It helps to not really feel connection like that. Makes the cover more credible. If you’ll recall, I was up for Chief of Security. I had pretty solid code clearance. It was working.”
“And then you got stupid. Got yourself caught.”
“Now that’s just mean-spirited. I had to avoid the prying eyes of my fiancée.”
“So you used an official terminal.”
“And Starfleet is still decrypting my transmission.”
“You got sloppy. And you got caught.”
“I see you’re a Captain now. Do you have your own ship?”
“I do. And a life to live.”
“So you’re here to make sure you’re over me now that you’re Ms Bigshot.”
Sara stood up. “Goodbye Nessa.” She started for the door.
“Wh-Why are you here?”
“To say goodbye.”

-Sara

Sara found herself back in the lounge on her ship, staring down into a drink. A voice spoke from beside her. “You should try coming here on a good day.”
Sara couldn’t help but laugh. “Maybe you’re right.”
Maria Vargas, whom she’d met not long before, was standing there. She pointed to the chair next to Sara. “This seat taken?”
“No, by all means, take it.”
“Thanks.” Maria said as she sat down. “Can I ask you something, Captain?”
“Sure.”
“What actually makes your days bad?”
“By the time you have a job like mine, you have a past. And parts of it are terrible.”
“Why does that matter more than what’s happening now?”
“The past is hard to let go of.”
“I guess.”
“You still wonder about the Officer track of the Academy.”
“Fair enough.” She hesitated. “Sara, why don’t you…”
“Make friends with the senior officers? Spend time with them?”
“Yeah.”
“I do. Our current XO is our current XO because I know her as well as I do. But sometimes it’s hard to explain the things that go on in your mind.”
“You could always try.”
“You don’t think that’s a bit… inappropriate?”
“One friend telling another why she’s not feeling well? Seems harmless to me.”
Sara almost didn’t. She almost walked out. But she sat with her drink. “When I was young, I met my first- what I thought was my first great love.”
“What happened?”
“She was a spy. She was using me as part of her ruse. But she was prepared to marry me if it meant seeming like a normal person.”
“Well, that’s not your fault.”
“I know. But it’s a whole chapter of my life that as much as it happened, it wasn’t real.”
“I’m sorry, Sara.”
If Sara had a latinum strip for every time she’d been apologized to by everyone but the one who had done it.
Maria put her hand on Sara’s. “You’ve made a real career for yourself in spite of it.”
“I did.” Sara smiled a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “Thank you, Maria.”

When she got back to her quarters, there was a message waiting on her personal terminal.

You deserve better. Holodeck 1. Tomorrow night. 8pm. Dress nice.
-Maria

-To Be Continued-
-Sara

Sara was surprised when she found herself wearing a nice blue blouse and black slacks, standing in front of the mirror in her quarters. Her hair, almost always up in a ponytail, was loose and cascading across her shoulders. She hadn’t had a date… or whatever this was in all the time she’d been a commanding officer. Her heart was fluttering in her chest and she tried to breathe and stay calm. It’s just a little holodeck outing. She looked herself over and decided it was as good as it was getting.

Maria was waiting outside holodeck 1. “I was worried you weren’t coming.”
“I was nervous. Still am.”
“We don’t have to-“
“I want to.” Sara stepped closer. “I’m just not used to roaming the decks without the armor of my uniform and rank devices.” Maria smiled at that and held out her hand. Sara took it. Oh god this is really happening. Maria led her in and the holodeck was… magnificent. A picnic was laid out under the stars in a park with a view of the Golden Gate Bridge. Maria said “I hope this is okay.”
“It’s beautiful. Thank you.” They sat down together on the blanket and stargazed for a minute. “It’s funny how beautiful the stars are even when you fly through space for 13 years.”
“Yeah…”
“Is this spot special to you?”
“Some friends and I found it. Close enough for a view of the city but far enough the light pollution fades.”

Dinner was a wonderful seafood medley. They ate and chatted peacefully about the minor details of life. Then Maria asked “Less nervous now?”
“Yeah, you made it easy.”
“Sara, you’re interested in women, right?”
Sara nodded. “I just don’t have a lot of spare time.”
“Can we do this again?”
“You’ve been amazing tonight, and as interested as I am-“ Maria cut her off starting to get up. “Wait. Hear me out. You’re my subordinate and I have a crazy job.”
“I stayed on this ship when we were doing spy shit. I’m committed.”
“I believe that. But Maria… if we get too invested then it could get complicated.”
“So enlisted staff are equal until we’re not.”
“I’d say the same thing of anyone serving under my command.”
“What if I don’t care? What if I think connection is worth the risk?”

-A Week Later-
Sara woke up with a beautiful face beside her. Maria was still asleep and Sara wasn’t going to disturb her. She waited as long as possible before getting up, showering, and putting on her uniform.
“You look good in uniform.” Maria was waking up.
“Thanks. I’m sorry I have to go. I didn’t want to wake you up.”
“You owe me a goodbye kiss.” It was a hard statement to argue with, and Maria got what she wanted.

-Three Weeks Later-
Sara hovered over the call button for an extra second, and then she hit it and called her mom.
“Sara, what a surprise.”
“Hi mom. I need your advice.”
“I am here to help you. What’s happening?”
“I’ve been seeing someone.”
“That’s wonderful!”
“Well…”
“What’s wrong.”
“She’s a subordinate on my ship.”
“Oh.”
“She’s really nice, I like her a lot. But I’m afraid to get in depth with her.”
“Because she doesn’t have the clearance for it?”
“I just don’t want her to get in trouble for knowing things that are classified.”
Maria’s voice cut in. “And you can’t talk to me about that?” Sara quickly hung up the call.
“I just wanted an outside opinion.”
“Maybe we should take a break while you figure it out.”
“Maria-“
“No, just don’t. You don’t trust me. And unless you can, this is just a physical relationship. And that’s not what I want.”
“That’s not what I want either.”
“You either trust me or you don’t. Let me know when you decide.”

-One Week Later-
It was over. And it sucked. Maria put in for a transfer. Things could have been different but Sara had fumbled the bag and it was all ruined. She returned all of her focus to her job, thinking it better to be dedicated to her post than split her attentions.

-to be continued-

-CO

It was the night shift but Sara couldn’t sleep. She got up, put on her uniform, and headed for the bridge. The Lieutenant who was watch commander that night called jumped out of the command chair and called loudly “Captain on deck!” Everyone’s eyes darted to Sara. She smiled “As you were.” People relaxed and went back to work. Sara walked down to where her chair was still unoccupied by a visibly tense Watch Commander. “What’s the latest?”
“Ma’am, there’s a Starfleet distress signal. I ordered a stop to investigate but we haven’t identified any starfleet craft.”
“Must be a small craft.”
“That’s our conclusion as well, Captain.”
“Where’s the signal’s point of origin?”
“It’s distorted, but it seems to come from near that gas giant.” They pointed it out on the viewscreen.
“Take us closer and do a metallurgic analysis of the planet and its rings.” Sara took her seat. There was a chorus of “aye Captain” from around the bridge.

A few minutes passed. “Captain, there is a solid refined metal structure in the middle ring. I can’t get a clear enough picture to say for sure if it’s a Starfleet ship or something else entirely.”
“Engage the tractor beam, pull it into the shuttle bay.”
“Yes ma’am.” Everyone watched intently as a small fighter was pulled free and into the Asimov.
“I’m going to go meet our guest.” Sara stood up. The watch commander blocked her path. They whispered “ma’am, how did you know it’d be in the rings?”
“I didn’t. But I knew a Starfleet vessel would stand out on a metallurgic analysis. You have the conn.”
“Yes ma’am.”

-to be continued-

-CO